Personality Cafe banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi there ,

Fellow ENFJS, im elizabeth , a fellow INFJ here. I decided i really need to confide in someone . Lets start off by saying . Im being bullied in school . Have been bullied for 1.5 years in college . And left another 1.5 years with such assholes . But i have been officially buliied . MY WHOLE LIFE :sad:
My parents are ISFJ and ESFJ(my mum)- this lady drives me crazy . She picks on everything that i wear , that i do and judges me like crazy and huge temperamental control freak ( sadly she is unhealthy :frustrating:) so i have tried to tell her i was bullied in school but she told me to deal with it as it is as "its life " yes i already know that . She would rather me mix with those fake ass nerd friends who were never there for me when i needed them then mix with my kind of friends which comes off as weird or arrogant to her .
Im currently 18 turning 19 , in college and got thrown into engineering . I absolutely hate studying this shit and i tried to change school(she doesnt allow ) and go overseas and study (too expensive) but it didnt work and im putting on a facade when i go to school , come back home and i feel like the most fake person on this planet . My best friend is in the process of ditching me because im not "good enough" for her - long story . Im at this point in my life where i am very depressed , ready to commit suicide, trapped in a hole, digging my grave , trying to pretend everything is ok (when its not) and i have one ENFJ friend that lives on the other side of the earth .- he obviously scolded me for saying sucidal things but he knows he cant really help me because he is too far away .

So here i am , officially a loner in life . I have no friends , a family that drives me nuts, lost in college, wanting to die in life . I know people will say when you commit suicide everyone will be sad . But lets get this straight . What is the point of living when everyday is a day of misery . I have tried soo hard to keep myself happy but its come to a point where all these stuff has reached my mental and emotional limit and i cant take it anymore. This classmates bitch about me and tell others not to friend me and tell them not to include me in projects . I have lost myself completely with this people . I cant smile ... im just so tired . Sometimes i wonder why can everyone be so happy with their lives but when it comes to me , the world just wants to fuck me up . My brain . Has officially exploded. Im just so done with this .:sad:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,262 Posts
Hey... slow down, breathe, try to love yourself, okay? Can you remember a time you felt love for someone else? And then, can you try to feel that for yourself, too? Everything starts from there. If you remember one thing, remember to love yourself. Listen, the way people are treating you is them trying to displace their own problems onto you. Don't give their opinions and their treatment any validity because they don't deserve it and you don't deserve your circumstances. I promise you there are things you will find that are worth living for but it does take time. In the meantime, all you can do is learn to be your own ally. Tell yourself all the things that you would tell someone else in your position and know that you are worth it.

Obviously there's only so much I can say but I hope that helps a little bit. Hang in there...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
190 Posts
Hi,

Many times in life we may end up in situations where everything can seem dark, bleak and without any path out. I've been there myself. The loneliness makes all of the despair seem even worse.

In your case (as in every other case) there is a path out. For a second try to FORGET about everything which you feel you OWE to other people around you. Start by cutting off ANY people who make you feel bad. You owe them NOTHING. Your "best" friend isnt really your friend if she treats you like that. Avoid your mother and plain out ignore her if she doesnt start LISTENING to you and trying to understand you.

The above should start to calm you down a bit. Once that happens and you can breathe for a bit... ASK yourself -> What makes or would make you happy ? Then try and pursue those things, slowly and step by step (for example: if it would make you happy to study Literature, then you can start by writing down some steps on how you'd accomplish that).

Hope that helps a bit, if you need someone to talk to, write me a private message.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hi,

Many times in life we may end up in situations where everything can seem dark, bleak and without any path out. I've been there myself. The loneliness makes all of the despair seem even worse.

In your case (as in every other case) there is a path out. For a second try to FORGET about everything which you feel you OWE to other people around you. Start by cutting off ANY people who make you feel bad. You owe them NOTHING. Your "best" friend isnt really your friend if she treats you like that. Avoid your mother and plain out ignore her if she doesnt start LISTENING to you and trying to understand you.

The above should start to calm you down a bit. Once that happens and you can breathe for a bit... ASK yourself -> What makes or would make you happy ? Then try and pursue those things, slowly and step by step (for example: if it would make you happy to study Literature, then you can start by writing down some steps on how you'd accomplish that).

Hope that helps a bit, if you need someone to talk to, write me a private message.
Thank you so much for replying me a message . You gave me some comfort while i read your message . Due to my best friend she would tell me that "this " person and "that" person is full of motives so maybe he or she wants to come in between our friendship . Due to her i have cut a lot of people out of my life and i know i have tried to ignore my mum ( sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt . ) and these people make me feel so insecure about my self, it is the final year project now and nobody wants to group with me since they spread so much rumors about me and my mum thinks that im having the best time of my life in school ( im so sick to hear that ) and thinks that i have a lot of friends . I hope this depression would just be out my life because it is a cage and a prison in my head .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,120 Posts
Hi there ,

Fellow ENFJS, im elizabeth , a fellow INFJ here. I decided i really need to confide in someone . Lets start off by saying . Im being bullied in school . Have been bullied for 1.5 years in college . And left another 1.5 years with such assholes . ....

....

Im currently 18 turning 19 , in college and got thrown into engineering . I absolutely hate studying this shit and i tried to change school(she doesnt allow ) and go overseas and study (too expensive) but it didnt work and im putting on a facade when i go to school , come back home and i feel like the most fake person on this planet .

....
So, Elizabeth, are you any good at engineering? If you are, it's something you can make a nice living at. Otherwise-- or if you just hate it-- maybe you should change majors. There's also the option of an education minor which can get you into teaching soon after graduation. (You have lots of options. Nice plus in being INFJ is you have first rate built-in problem solving abilities.)

Suggest doing your best to cut mom some slack. Doesn't hurt if she thinks you're having a merry old time at college. Could even help improve her attitude.

Bullies? Cool it. You are INFJ, not some sweet little thing. You can read each one and shape his/her perception of you. Almost certainly have psy, too. Use your talents to pick off a few from the 'herd' as friends. Consider it a fun project assignment.


Welcome to the forums, Elizabeth!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
So, Elizabeth, are you any good at engineering? If you are, it's something you can make a nice living at. Otherwise-- or if you just hate it-- maybe you should change majors. There's also the option of an education minor which can get you into teaching soon after graduation. (You have lots of options. Nice plus in being INFJ is you have first rate built-in problem solving abilities.)

Suggest doing your best to cut mom some slack. Doesn't hurt if she thinks you're having a merry old time at college. Could even help improve her attitude.

Bullies? Cool it. You are INFJ, not some sweet little thing. You can read each one and shape his/her perception of you. Almost certainly have psy, too. Use your talents to pick off a few from the 'herd' as friends. Consider it a fun project assignment.


Welcome to the forums, Elizabeth!
Thanks :) it soo nice to meet another INFJ here . I would love to change majors . However when you do you will need parental consent because my mum pays the school fees and unfortunately she does not want me to change . So obviously i do not feel well about it . I have tried telling my mum about my entire situation . She says she wants me to take the safe route . So i cant change anything . What she said hurt me alot . She said that i was overdressing when i wore certain things to school so people thought im bitchy and dont want to friend me . She said i deserve it . :(

As for those bullies ... its a whole class thing . They spread rumors about me through my entire engineering course which is 40 people and i have a lot of haters because people exclude me all the time ....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Hola Elizabeth! :)

I just read through your forum post and whoa, you’re a really good writer! If you had a blog, I’d totally read it. ( ^ - ^)b

I’m 18 (19 in under two weeks) and was going to college for engineering per my parents wishes… they told me to go for something I wanted to do, but then went on about how much an engineer would make and how it’s the only good major out there. Well, I recently switched my major to Psychology with a business minor. :p. Not to spite anyone, just because I think they are the only subjects I enjoy learning about. Like you, I was really unhappy with my major before and felt like I wasn’t ever… at peace, idk how else to explain it.

I’m saying this because I REALLY want you to go for something you genuinely enjoy doing. If you know that you would like to work as an engineer, then awesome, but if you think you would be miserable… it’s time to look into other things you’re interested in! :)

Sorry for writing so much! >.<
Anyways, ttyl! :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,120 Posts
....

She says she wants me to take the safe route . So i cant change anything . What she said hurt me alot . She said that i was overdressing when i wore certain things to school so people thought im bitchy and dont want to friend me . She said i deserve it . :(
Hmph. Seems like certain persons you know could benefit from counseling.

Was wondering how you are doing in engineering? Do you expect to graduate with decent grades?

As for those bullies ... its a whole class thing . They spread rumors about me through my entire engineering course which is 40 people and i have a lot of haters because people exclude me all the time ....
That many people couldn't possibly hate you. So, it's more like a clique-driven thing where you are "hated on" mostly by people who do even dislike you.

I believe you could do well picking up friends, especially among those with few friends. Like be helpful when there's an opportunity and be sure to ask for help about this or that, too. (Finding a way for someone to help you can work wonders.) Compliment new outfits, shoes, and hair styles every so often, too. When you get the chance to say some nice thing about someone to someone else, do it.

It's good to get noticed in classes. Teachers love to answer questions. If there's anything you do not grasp in a class, always ask! (Sometimes ask even if you do grasp it pretty well but others in the class may not.) Being known by teachers is a great grade booster and a nice sort of protection, as well.

All the while, Elizabeth, be the best student you can be. (Is all of this stuff making sense to you? Feel free to ask.
)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Hmph. Seems like certain persons you know could benefit from counseling.

Was wondering how you are doing in engineering? Do you expect to graduate with decent grades?



That many people couldn't possibly hate you. So, it's more like a clique-driven thing where you are "hated on" mostly by people who do even dislike you.

I believe you could do well picking up friends, especially among those with few friends. Like be helpful when there's an opportunity and be sure to ask for help about this or that, too. (Finding a way for someone to help you can work wonders.) Compliment new outfits, shoes, and hair styles every so often, too. When you get the chance to say some nice thing about someone to someone else, do it.

It's good to get noticed in classes. Teachers love to answer questions. If there's anything you do not grasp in a class, always ask! (Sometimes ask even if you do grasp it pretty well but others in the class may not.) Being known by teachers is a great grade booster and a nice sort of protection, as well.

All the while, Elizabeth, be the best student you can be. (Is all of this stuff making sense to you? Feel free to ask.
Oh dear in my school is not easy to switch courses like that . Currently im having a horrid grade point average of 2.2/4.0 whereas to change course you must have 3 and above out of 4.0. Definitely not going to graduate with decent grades at all :(

Yes although its a clique driven thing . It has spread to the whole class and other course mates. Also sadly to say . Because of this bullying i never turned up for many days of school so i could see why people didnt want to group with me for the final year project . Its just that the school environment makes me mentally and emotionally sick .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,120 Posts
Oh dear in my school is not easy to switch courses like that . Currently im having a horrid grade point average of 2.2/4.0 whereas to change course you must have 3 and above out of 4.0. Definitely not going to graduate with decent grades at all :(

Yes although its a clique driven thing . It has spread to the whole class and other course mates. Also sadly to say . Because of this bullying i never turned up for many days of school so i could see why people didnt want to group with me for the final year project . Its just that the school environment makes me mentally and emotionally sick .
Well, that's no good. Missing so many days of classes couldn't help your grades, either.

What sort of bullying is going on?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Well, that's no good. Missing so many days of classes couldn't help your grades, either.

What sort of bullying is going on?
Well , i have a bunch of classmate that i started out with in the start of the year but as time progressed they didnt like the idea that i was dressing up so much so they started to gossip about me and mock me on purpose about my eyes and other features and stuff . So this girl within the group made things even worse by mocking me on purpose in every lesson and rolling her eyes at me . Also the other guy in class he started to spread rumors that i have no friends . People started to believe their gossip . It sucks honestly , Going to school is a shit hole of a place . My mum thinks that i should deal with it because its "life" . If she were a good parent, she wouldnt be trying to put all the blame on me for getting bullied .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,120 Posts
Well , i have a bunch of classmate that i started out with in the start of the year but as time progressed they didnt like the idea that i was dressing up so much so they started to gossip about me and mock me on purpose about my eyes and other features and stuff.

....
So, Elizabeth, you attend college dressed to the nines and wearing makeup, including eye shadow. Great for a date; bad idea for school.

Don't know what the other girls are wearing; but, I'm guessing you're making them look rather plain and, even, childish. Not the way to make friends. You are, up front, refusing to play by the rules; same as the guy who attends classes wearing a business suit complete with vest.

Easiest way to snuff the hassling is to dress like the other girls. If they mostly wear jeans, a top, comfortable shoes, and minimal makeup, then, that's what you wear. If you're still the most beautiful thing around, that's just too bad because you're playing fair.

And, no more missing classes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,885 Posts
So, Elizabeth, you attend college dressed to the nines and wearing makeup, including eye shadow. Great for a date; bad idea for school.

Don't know what the other girls are wearing; but, I'm guessing you're making them look rather plain and, even, childish. Not the way to make friends. You are, up front, refusing to play by the rules; same as the guy who attends classes wearing a business suit complete with vest.

Easiest way to snuff the hassling is to dress like the other girls. If they mostly wear jeans, a top, comfortable shoes, and minimal makeup, then, that's what you wear. If you're still the most beautiful thing around, that's just too bad because you're playing fair.

And, no more missing classes.
I don't understand this at all. lol why would any one person want to dress like anyone else? They should be free to do whatever they want with their own clothes - they bought it. They wear it. Not anyone else.

Well , i have a bunch of classmate that i started out with in the start of the year but as time progressed they didnt like the idea that i was dressing up so much so they started to gossip about me and mock me on purpose about my eyes and other features and stuff . So this girl within the group made things even worse by mocking me on purpose in every lesson and rolling her eyes at me . Also the other guy in class he started to spread rumors that i have no friends . People started to believe their gossip . It sucks honestly , Going to school is a shit hole of a place . My mum thinks that i should deal with it because its "life" . If she were a good parent, she wouldnt be trying to put all the blame on me for getting bullied .
You should have put this in the advice section. There are more people who are willing to help there.

Also, this is horrid, what you are describing. I go to university in Australia and I know friends who go to foreign universities and they don't face this level of abuse. Where do you go to university?

I mean, bullying in high school is one thing that is totally unacceptable. Bullying in a university is a total systematic screw up by a government who no longer cares about its people. (Mainly because universities are where mature adults go to get experience for work in the future).

This is a form of abuse that these people are putting on you, and they will always be in denial of it. Either the bullying or the neglectful parents. So get help from others, not these people. Teachers, counselors or anyone else whom you can place confidence in will do the right thing.

Also, I would suggest applying to as much universities as you can (even with a 2.2 GPA). Maybe even getting a job, and moving out of this hell hole with your parents and becoming more self sufficient. If your parents and these negative people, can't see your potential, find people who can. Eventually, living and cooking by yourself (which you can all get accustomed to), will be worth the peace of mind and your grades may even get better.
(in other words, it's possibly your parents negative attitudes that are making you get a low GPA, be around people who are more supportive of you)

Eventually, you will be more successful than your parents and these fake "friends". It is almost a law of nature, that people who are abused to such a degree will be able to rise above in the ranks.

These people who are negative generally are too focused on building negativity in their environment, that they ain't got shit to show for themselves 'achievement' wise in the end.

Also, feel free to PM me. I also will not type everything here. I believe you can do whatever you want with your life, and you will need to be able to go out there and take what is rightfully yours - in this case, it is positive support for your studies and education. (these abusive people are not helping that cause)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,120 Posts
[Originally Posted by SiFan
....

Easiest way to snuff the hassling is to dress like the other girls. If they mostly wear jeans, a top, comfortable shoes, and minimal makeup, then, that's what you wear. If you're still the most beautiful thing around, that's just too bad because you're playing fair.]


I don't understand this at all. lol why would any one person want to dress like anyone else? They should be free to do whatever they want with their own clothes - they bought it. They wear it. Not anyone else.

....
True. That's exactly what Elizabeth has been thinking and doing; and, as she observes, ...

Well , i have a bunch of classmate that i started out with in the start of the year but as time progressed they didnt like the idea that i was dressing up so much so they started to gossip about me and mock me on purpose about my eyes and other features and stuff.

So, she's been banging her head against the wall for 1-1/2 years and getting headaches. My advice is: "Stop it." (That will be $1500 for the consultation. th_happy.gif )

Once Elizabeth stops dressing like a Microsoft executive assistant and starts dressing at the same level as the other college students, the excuse for shunning her will be gone. She will be able to fit in fine and have a much more enjoyable college experience.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
True. That's exactly what Elizabeth has been thinking and doing; and, as she observes, ...

Well , i have a bunch of classmate that i started out with in the start of the year but as time progressed they didnt like the idea that i was dressing up so much so they started to gossip about me and mock me on purpose about my eyes and other features and stuff.

So, she's been banging her head against the wall for 1-1/2 years and getting headaches. My advice is: "Stop it." (That will be $1500 for the consultation. View attachment 387609 )

Once Elizabeth stops dressing like a Microsoft executive assistant and starts dressing at the same level as the other college students, the excuse for shunning her will be gone. She will be able to fit in fine and have a much more enjoyable college experience.
Well . You can say . I have stopped wearing excessive makeup and of course I have toned down a lot in terms of my outfit and stuff but I think when it comes to people who don't like you . It doesn't matter to them whether you choose to suddenly fit in . They will always see it as their enemy . However getting comfortable in my own skin with or without makeuo is something I have achieved and I'm really proud of it .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,120 Posts
Well . You can say . I have stopped wearing excessive makeup and of course I have toned down a lot in terms of my outfit and stuff but I think when it comes to people who don't like you . It doesn't matter to them whether you choose to suddenly fit in . They will always see it as their enemy . However getting comfortable in my own skin with or without makeuo is something I have achieved and I'm really proud of it .
Good going, Elizabeth! That's quite an achievement.

Yes; some of last year's pests would try to continue where they left off. But, more and more they will look like the rude, silly pests they are to everyone else. Main thing now is getting to class, asking questions, and doing good work. Have fun this fall!
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top