[5tarrynight]

I am the type of girl that is brave enough to make the first move, ask a guy out, etc. In fact, I am the one to usually approach them and make the first move. I present myself well and am personable and fun, according to the people that know me. People have said that I am quite attractive and one of the nicest people they've ever met. But every time I like a guy, they never end up liking me and if I sit around and do nothing, no guys will ever approach me. I'm the kind of person to go for something I want. I've given a few guys my number, and confessed to a few other guys, but I keep on continuously getting rejected and it's making me sad Am I just inherently unlovable?

When I do attract guys, they're either complete losers, jerks, or simply guys I am not attracted to. I've wanted a relationship with someone for a very long time, and I have been trying for years to achieve this goal. I want more experience in this area of my life and I am quite insecure about it.

What should I do? Do I come off too strong and intimidate men? The last thing I want to do is just sit there and wait. I am not so much into overly dominant men either, since I am a fairly dominant women. I am a bit of an impatient person. I have trouble with accepting other people's help, do you think this could be part of the problem? I am usually surrounded by groups of friends, and I am rarely alone.

Thank you for listening! I sincerely appreciate it!

 

[Sensational]

I am sorry no you do not come off strong and intimidating that would not be my initial thought no

Maybe aggressive

 

[chad86tsi]

It might be the type you approach, sometimes people are attracted to the wrong type. Sometimes this leads to a long pattern of disastrous failed relationships, sometimes it end with people being single for a very long time because the type they pursue don't feel the same attraction.

I like a take charge woman that knows what she wants, so long as it's not at my expense. If you give off mom/boss vibes, that will turn away good the healthy men you want to be with, and will attract all the various creeps.

I'm a passive person low key person by nature, so having a take charge wive helps keep us in balance, but we are full equals where it counts. Both our families thought she would run over me, but as it turns out we work well and I'm probably the only person she has failed to conquer. Part of it is she respects me, and part is I see right through her and she knows it. I'm also higher energy than her and get more done, so while she seems to run things to outsiders, she knows it's a 2 person team.

it might be that you are coming on to types of men that don't want a woman of your type, and them turning you down is saving you both a lot of time and effort.

What "type" are you trying this approach on anyway?

 

[RyuukoGo]

Any examples of the messages you are sending and what age group?

My guess 25-35 and if so they might want to be "in charge" and look at you as a threat to that....so just avoid those types and keep on grinding out messages.In my opinion there is nothing wrong with an aggressive or purpose driven woman.

 

[SgtPepper]

i commend you on giving the first approach a try.

be cool about it, don't appear desperate. be casual and don't push compatibility

 

[pwowq]

I am the type of girl that is brave enough to make the first move, ask a guy out, etc. In fact, I am the one to usually approach them and make the first move. I present myself well and am personable and fun, according to the people that know me. People have said that I am quite attractive and one of the nicest people they've ever met.

Keep it up.

But don't fall into the trap 'according to people that know me'. Fyi it's about how you come off to people that don't know you.

Could be you focus too much attention to yourself?

 

[Tamehagane]

What should I do? Do I come off too strong and intimidate men? The last thing I want to do is just sit there and wait. I am not so much into overly dominant men either, since I am a fairly dominant women. I am a bit of an impatient person. I have trouble with accepting other people's help, do you think this could be part of the problem? I am usually surrounded by groups of friends, and I am rarely alone.

Romantic feelings are deeply connected to instincts.
Like it or not, most males are attracted to vulnerability in women.

"Inherently unlovable" doesn't even make sense. This is about presentation.

There are plenty of other factors to consider. What did you say when you confessed? Do you have a reputation of any sort?
Also, I sure hope you didn't bring your friend group with you to ask the guys out?!

 

[Wellsy]

I think it can feel very sudden for a lot of people to be so direct unfortunately and I imagine a lot more people are comfortable in establishing friendly rapport before perhaps quickly escalating it to a more romantic level.
So I wonder how quickly you're making things, because even a beautiful woman coming out of nowhere offering a date might be a bit too much too fast for someone without having at least established some interest in the person and getting a sense that might enjoy a night with them. Because I imagine some are unmotivated to pursue that which is simply unknown to them, and I guess a date may be considered as getting to know a person that you don't know so well.
But perhaps even in that stage one wants a little something to know that taking a night out for someone may be worth it.

I just tend to think that a lot of people are afraid to dive into things so you have to go with their comfort level, to tease it out of them by making them feel things so that when it comes to thinking certain things it resonates. But of course, trying to navigate a person's comfort zone and interests is variable to the individual.

 

[Crimson Ash]

What you are describing depends on quite a lot of factors. Age range is vitally important in my view. Most people in their late teens early 20's rarely actually know what they want from relationships.

Also you say a relationship is your goal and experience related to it. Perhaps you are more focused on the goal itself and less on the individual in question? Not to diminish on the goal itself. They are important in all things. But sometimes we get lost in the fantasy of achieving the goal and lose our steps in actually carrying out the journey and knowing what could be done and putting it into action to help us achieve that goal in a better way.

 

[dizzycactus]

It's your font, it's turning guys off.

But actually it seems pretty simple. You say you attract guys you don't like, and are attracted to guys who don't like you. So wouldn't the guys who are attracted to you be in the same position as you are, relative to guys you ask out?

Other than that, how can we give more without knowing much about you? Maybe you're too picky and going for guys out of your league. Maybe you're attracted to a personality type that isn't attracted to yours. Maybe it's bad luck. How many guys have you tried anyway? It's not uncommon for an average guy to have to try a few dozen girls before he gets lucky.

 

[Holli]

Who told you that you're attractive? Men who were attracted to you or your friends? If it was your friends, don't believe them. As for your question, it's not going to really be possible for someone to tell you why you're not attracting guys that you find attractive. You could come across as clingy/desperate/pushy, you could come across as immature, or maybe you just aren't physically attractive to them (body type, face, style, etc...). I mean, you could have an annoying voice or something else that's immediately off-putting. I'd probably need to see you "in action" to give a good analysis. Do you have any videos uploaded of you talking?

 

[Amauriel]

I totally relate to this! :shocked: It's the same that happens to me! I don't know the reason... I thought I could be intimidating or that men didn't like to be approached and would enjoy being the ones to do the chase.

 

[dizzycactus]

I totally relate to this! :shocked: It's the same that happens to me! I don't know the reason... I thought I could be intimidating or that men didn't like to be approached and would enjoy being the ones to do the chase.

To all the girls out there with the "intimidating woman" myth floating in their heads, please be notified that being asked out is not intimidating. Power coupled with aggression is intimidating - someone physically more powerful than you acting threatening, or someone with societal power e.g. your boss being overtly assertive or demanding etc. Unless you're asking him out with a gun against his head, he is unlikely to feel particularly intimidated.

Also, most guys do not have some kind of fixation on male sexual roles and having to be the one to initiate. This is also a myth. This is the first survey I found on the issue, and it suggests 22 times as many men are ok with being asked out vs explicitly not being ok with it:

https://www.tellwut.com/surveys/lifestyle/love-relationships/73584-women-asking-men-out.html

 

[Tactical Poet]

It might be the case that you are so beautiful that most guys think you're far beyond their league. Most guys probably don't have enough experience with that so they don't know what to do.

"Why does this beautiful girl like me?" Is the question the guy needs to have an answer to.

Maybe you might need to give a compliment to them that is unique to them. Or maybe you both share an interest that's isn't mainstream/popular.

 

[5tarrynight]

It might be the type you approach, sometimes people are attracted to the wrong type. Sometimes this leads to a long pattern of disastrous failed relationships, sometimes it end with people being single for a very long time because the type they pursue don't feel the same attraction.

I like a take charge woman that knows what she wants, so long as it's not at my expense. If you give off mom/boss vibes, that will turn away good the healthy men you want to be with, and will attract all the various creeps.

I'm a passive person low key person by nature, so having a take charge wive helps keep us in balance, but we are full equals where it counts. Both our families thought she would run over me, but as it turns out we work well and I'm probably the only person she has failed to conquer. Part of it is she respects me, and part is I see right through her and she knows it. I'm also higher energy than her and get more done, so while she seems to run things to outsiders, she knows it's a 2 person team.

it might be that you are coming on to types of men that don't want a woman of your type, and them turning you down is saving you both a lot of time and effort.

What "type" are you trying this approach on anyway?

I tend to approach mostly "chill" guys who are less emotional. Some of them have been part of the "cool" crowd.I'm a very optimistic, energetic person. They have had the same or similarhair color, so a physical type is in the equation as well.

And for some reason, I find guys who are nice to me offputting. I feel their energy is fake and they're just trying to charm me in order to use me.

Should I try a different type?

What you are describing depends on quite a lot of factors. Age range is vitally important in my view. Most people in their late teens early 20's rarely actually know what they want from relationships.

Also you say a relationship is your goal and experience related to it. Perhaps you are more focused on the goal itself and less on the individual in question? Not to diminish on the goal itself. They are important in all things. But sometimes we get lost in the fantasy of achieving the goal and lose our steps in actually carrying out the journey and knowing what could be done and putting it into action to help us achieve that goal in a better way.

Even if I don't want to necessarily, should I just give up on the whole thing? I just don't feel 100% fulfilled in my life despite having a great support system and friends. I feel like if I achieve this milestone, I can fit in and won't feel so insecure and left out about it anymore.

 

[Amauriel]

To all the girls out there with the "intimidating woman" myth floating in their heads, please be notified that being asked out is not intimidating. Power coupled with aggression is intimidating - someone physically more powerful than you acting threatening, or someone with societal power e.g. your boss being overtly assertive or demanding etc. Unless you're asking him out with a gun against his head, he is unlikely to feel particularly intimidated.

Also, most guys do not have some kind of fixation on male sexual roles and having to be the one to initiate. This is also a myth. This is the first survey I found on the issue, and it suggests 22 times as many men are ok with being asked out vs explicitly not being ok with it:

https://www.tellwut.com/surveys/lifestyle/love-relationships/73584-women-asking-men-out.html

In fact I said "I thought" :tongue: I made a lot of suppositions (including "I must be boring as hell") but then ended up dismissing them anyway. It's not like I will change my attitude or stop trying to get those I'm interested in just for these assumptions. xD

 

[dizzycactus]

I tend to approach mostly "chill" guys who are less emotional. Some of them have been part of the "cool" crowd.I'm a very optimistic, energetic person. They have had the same or similarhair color, so a physical type is in the equation as well.

And for some reason, I find guys who are nice to me offputting. I feel their energy is fake and they're just trying to charm me in order to use me.

Should I try a different type?

Maybe they find your optimism fake and you're just trying to seem like an upbeat person in order to charm guys and use them. Maybe they only go for girls who are nasty to them, since the nice ones clearly are just nasty under the surface. Or something.

 

[dizzycactus]

In fact I said "I thought" :tongue: I made a lot of suppositions (including "I must be boring as hell") but then ended up dismissing them anyway. It's not like I will change my attitude or stop trying to get those I'm interested in just for these assumptions. xD

Yeah, I'm just addressing it as a general subject rather than you specifically. It's a bit irritating to see those attitudes, mostly because girls have a tendency to only utilise them as a way to belittle men in some way.

 

[Schizoid]

I am the type of girl that is brave enough to make the first move, ask a guy out, etc. In fact, I am the one to usually approach them and make the first move. I present myself well and am personable and fun, according to the people that know me. People have said that I am quite attractive and one of the nicest people they've ever met. But every time I like a guy, they never end up liking me and if I sit around and do nothing, no guys will ever approach me. I'm the kind of person to go for something I want. I've given a few guys my number, and confessed to a few other guys, but I keep on continuously getting rejected and it's making me sad Am I just inherently unlovable?

When I do attract guys, they're either complete losers, jerks, or simply guys I am not attracted to. I've wanted a relationship with someone for a very long time, and I have been trying for years to achieve this goal. I want more experience in this area of my life and I am quite insecure about it.

What should I do? Do I come off too strong and intimidate men? The last thing I want to do is just sit there and wait. I am not so much into overly dominant men either, since I am a fairly dominant women. I am a bit of an impatient person. I have trouble with accepting other people's help, do you think this could be part of the problem? I am usually surrounded by groups of friends, and I am rarely alone.

Thank you for listening! I sincerely appreciate it!

Imo, the best way to find love is to stop looking for it.

And love is an awesome thing. You can actually love someone without possessing them, because contrary to how society views love, love isn't about having a relationship title with someone, but love is actually a state of being, and love already exist within you, so as long as the person you love is doing well in their life, you will be happy for them too. Agape love is a beautiful thing.

Some people are lucky enough to be loved back by the person whom they love, and both of them end up forming a relationship together, but there are some people who aren't lucky enough to be loved back by the person they love, and they end up remaining single.

But the true beauty of love isn't being loved, but it's doing the loving. When you love someone, you are actually loving them from the very depth of your soul. Unreciprocated love often involves agape love. Not everyone has the ability to love so selflessly, so if you managed to love someone so selflessly, it's time to give yourself an applause.

 

[Toru Okada]

I've never heard any guy say he's "intimidated" by a woman approaching him. If he's attracted to her, he should be relieved.

Can't tell you why they are not that into you. Could be you're actually not very attractive, or you're pushy, annoying, drone on and on about nothing interesting, don't give enough space, or something else guys typically don't want around. You say all you can fish out are losers and jerks and unattractive people. Usually there is something to that. Increase your sexual marketability or figure out what red flag or whatever is not serving you.