[Daveman]

When I was in Kindergarten, my teacher recommended that I be put in a special education class, because I wasn’t acting “right” around the other children. I imitated my invalid mother, and I was off in La La Land too much. It confused me. On some level, as young as I was, my intuition was already strong enough to tell me that this meant I wasn’t “normal”.

I was in the class for about a year until the principal, (Thank God), told my family that after talking to me she believed that there was nothing wrong with me. Later on, my family took me to get a CAT scan. A few years after that, when I was about 12 or so, I found the results of the CAT scan and read them. I remember reading the words “in a world of play”. This worried me. I questioned my sanity for about 13 more years.

When I was 25, I found out what the word “introvert” meant. I was angry with people for misunderstanding me. I thought of them as ignorant. I wanted to spread the word about its true meaning so that this would never happen to anyone again. I was isolated from the world. I was lonely, but I thought I was independent because I was an introvert.

It was much much more liberating to find out that I was an INFJ. Everything that I have read about INFJs applies to me. So apparently I’m on the extreme end of the spectrum- to the point where it does not seem like a theory but a fact. I have often wondered about how much of it applies to other people on this forum.

It is very hard for me not to defend myself when I am attacked, but this what I am going to try my best to do. I am going to start turning the other cheek unless there seems to be an important reason to stand up for myself or others.

 

[Collossus]

It is very hard for me not to defend myself when I am attacked, but this what I am going to try my best to do. I am going to start turning the other cheek unless there seems to be an important reason to stand up for myself or others.

And why didn't you do that before? Just because you didn't know what 'introvert' meant?

I never found myself in your situation. I never stood up for myself because it never related to what I was wanting, and I would rather choose the other one's choice instead of making one myself, because I often cannot find enough reasons to make one choice better than the other.
Still, I look to the others like I have powerful will and even a big ego, but actually my will is to make the others react and make a choice for both of us.
Beware, even if you turn the other cheek, you may not be hit where you expect to.

 

[Daveman]

And why didn't you do that before? Just because you didn't know what 'introvert' meant?

I never found myself in your situation. I never stood up for myself because it never related to what I was wanting, and I would rather choose the other one's choice instead of making one myself, because I often cannot find enough reasons to make one choice better than the other.
Still, I look to the others like I have powerful will and even a big ego, but actually my will is to make the others react and make a choice for both of us.
Beware, even if you turn the other cheek, you may not be hit where you expect to.

There isn't really a rational reason for why I didn't do it.

In my mind, I was just immature.

I'm trying to overcome it.

 

[kateykinz]

See, this is the bad side of Fe. You want to fit in and feel frustrated if you don't. You care greatly about what others think about you even if your Ni tells you you shouldn't. Turning the other cheek is a good strategy but it takes a lot of practice when it doesn't come naturally. You'll need to develop your Ti. My advice, if you want it, is to try and approach each interaction with the attitude that however a person reacts to you says more about their ego than yours. Instead of reacting back, think about what their reaction tells you about them and add it to your framework of understanding.

If you become adept enough, you will find that even if you still feel a bit hurt by attack or criticism you won't dwell on it for nearly as long. You will instead make use of it to understand yourself and others better, which will greatly help your crusade in the long run.

 

[nikkii]

I was treated somewhat as "special needs" as well, My mom didn't care about my education as a child so I didn't start worrying about learning anything, the teachers just passed me along. anyway, I didn't start caring until I was 13, my grades high rocketed but I still have a harder time learning then a lot of my peers. I tend to standout as a model student naturally I'm just respectful, ect.

I believe every INFJ feels like a freak in their younger years.

 

[vel]

I can relate to what you say about not feeling quite normal. When I was little I felt that somehow I was different from other kids. The other kids to me seemed more similar to each other and I realized that I wasn't quite like them. Most of them didn't share my interests, which were weird in comparison, neither my weird phobias like fear of talking on the phone. Academically I was consistently over-performing, but my teacher had to have a talk with my parents several times concerning my behavior. In teens this realization intensified. My family moved around several times at this point, I have made some friends here and there, but always felt that my perceptions and behavior were mis-aligned with those displayed by majority of my peers. At some point I came to realize that I am extremely self-aware, and as result overly sensitive, and other people for some reasons are lacking this awareness hence why they are so insensitive to themselves and to each other.

That I wasn't in a la la land for too much I would have to attribute to the care of my mother and grandmother, both of whom are SJs and have very solid grasp of reality. It is very unfortunate that you didn't have your mother to guide you and take better care of you in this age. Things would have been easier for you, but we are born we cannot dictate such circumstances. We can only try to make out the best of them.

 

[curious0610]

I've had a similar, but different experience.

Academically, i relate with vel - i was constantly over-performing and all throughout elementary school, my teachers wanted to move me up to the next few grades. my parents didn't approve, so then my teachers started just giving me books 2 or 3 grades up to work on. I'd say my parents were my biggest critics.

Behavior-wise, i felt like teachers had a lot to complain about to my parents. It was either 1) she doesn't talk enough... or 2) she has problems with peers. I didn't see them as problems... one time, i started a club with my friends who really liked flower princesses (long story), it was about 2 or 3 other girls. My teacher said this was exclusive and she forbid any of us meeting in more than groups of 2 at a time. This was third grade... really, wtf? In my life, I've met VERY exclusive people and groups, even in elementary school club there were cliques. This was just us meeting during our free-time in class. We would always talk together and draw pictures/write stories about these things, so we thought it would be fun to have clubs, "dues" (snacks), roll-call and things of that sort. ARoudn this time, i remember a lot of novel series where kids met up and formed clubs based on their interests. After the teacher called our parents, those girls didn't want to be my friends an ymore. I guess their parents told them not to. :crying: Like vel, i moved around a lot, too, and it was the first time i felt like i belonged in a group. I still feel it would have been better for me to jump a few grades. At least, i would have had books/challenging schoolwork to have solace.

My parents treated me like i had a lot of issues... my heavy introvertedness was the problem. And they treated me like there was something wrong with me, when I couldn't fit in or whatever. So even now to this day, when I get criticism... I get discouraged from doing what I was doing and I start feeling that people see me as inadequate or something wrong with me.

 

[Daveman]

I had mostly mediocre grades throughout all of school except for Literature.

I think I could have done better, but I pretty much thought I was worthless and stupid. I've been damaged pretty hard by life. Not long ago, I was contemplating suicide.

I don't think some people on this forum realize that expressing my thoughts on the subject is a matter of life or death for me. I know some people think I'm full of myself, and I know why they think that, but I am very sincer about what I say- sometimes almost to the point of tears.

 

[curious0610]

I had mostly mediocre grades throughout all of school except for Literature.

I think I could have done better, but I pretty much thought I was worthless and stupid. I've been damaged pretty hard by life. Not long ago, I was contemplating suicide.

I don't think some people on this forum realize that expressing my thoughts on the subject is a matter of life or death for me. I know some people think I'm full of myself, and I know why they think that, but I am very sincer about what I say- sometimes almost to the point of tears.

I don't think you are full of yourself. And your posts have been helpful and encouraging to me, and I'm sure many of the INFJs on this forum.

And yes.... i've had similar moments where expressing my thoughts on something on here was my way of keeping my emotional stability. I am honestly thankful for this forum, because it gave me a safe place to spout these thoughts, and kept me from going over during my most stressful times.

And remember: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." Hope you are having a good day!

 

[myjazz]

Only when I was really young I could say that I had self doubting issues, which didn't last long. I taught myself early on to push myself as far as I could and that it didn't matter what others thought. People's criticism and unbelief in me was only fuel to the fire. I learned to strengthen my Intuition as well as my other functions. Did I know I was different of course I did neither did I care. I did what I felt like I needed to do, I wasn't really bothered much in the sense of people trying to change me or make me "better" or "normal". The down fall was nobody gave a fuk which turned out to be something else I had to be self taught in. I am not saying that I was bullet proof I had more than my share fare of negative side effects. As far as school I was in LD all the way through school by the time the school realized, or I showed them, that I was far from having a learning disability it was to late, I enjoyed LD class I refused to get out of LD. There are many things that I was and could be angry at but I realized the only thing anger was hurting was myself. I had no choice but to let go of all of the anger and hostility that was built up in me. I don't mean just ignoring it or trying to control it but getting rid of it completely.

 

[Filigeedreamer]

I actually do have special needs...but I can still sort of relate.

A lot of my personality traits that people found odd got attributed to that, or negative experiences resulting from it. Obviously this has shaped who I am, but it doesn't define me. I am not my disability. It obviously frustrating to have people attribute everything you are to that.

It's awful to be seen as disabled because of who you are, even when you do actually have a disability. (Dyslexia)

My mum has always tried to help keep me grounded and true to myself. I once got referred to a doctor by a school nurse for being "dreamy" you've no idea how much that annoyed her. She told me she has spent the better part of her life trying to show there is nothing wrong with me, I am just different.

My mum always said “There is nothing wrong with being different or not doing exactly what other people do, we need people who are different, because they are the ones who change the world.”

Unfortunatly I went through an arrogant period where I believed I was better because I was different, because I was told by everyone else it made me inferior...so I picked a side. As I got older I started to work out the bitterness from being treated like that as a child. I actually started to achieve academically, and as a result I became less full of myself. There was no need to over compensate anymore. The arogance was a sign I was not comfortable with myself.

My mum was right, it is good to have people who are different in the world, but we are all slightly different anyway and you can be different in bad ways, being yourself and being accepting of differences in others is far more important...

 

[vel]

I think I could have done better, but I pretty much thought I was worthless and stupid. I've been damaged pretty hard by life. Not long ago, I was contemplating suicide.

I don't think some people on this forum realize that expressing my thoughts on the subject is a matter of life or death for me. I know some people think I'm full of myself, and I know why they think that, but I am very sincer about what I say- sometimes almost to the point of tears.

It is part of INFJ nature to perceive that people are critical of us when they really aren't. To get rid of this perception you have to ask if yourself - do you have any hard evidence for it? Or is it only an assumption, an illusion that your mind has built up without any evidence? In most cases you will find your mind is only assuming things, attempting to read other people's minds without anything to really prove it. This assumption is a cognitive error, a mistake your mind makes that misrepresents the reality. The things you believe you should always have to bounce against your observations of reality to check if they are really true. And if there exists no evidence then you cannot believe it to be so.

Being overly self-critical marks the beginning of development of introverted logic Ti. Over years this function will become better developed and as a result give you more self-confidence and higher self-esteem, not just self-critical ability but sense of higher value in yourself. You will have to work to help it along of course - think better of yourself, believe that you are worthy of things, stand up for yourself when it matters. Ultimately as the saying goes "what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger".

 

[Anahata]

You have no idea how this resonates with me! If I was a youth in this day and age I would probably have been diagnosed with a form of Asberger's Disease! My teachers in elementary hated me. Well, I'm sure that's an over-statement, but I know that thought I got A's I was extremely unpopular, very undervalued by all but my music teacher, and generally thought of as a lonely misfit kid. All of that changed in Jr. High. My teachers automatically valued the "excellent" student in me because so many kids were shutting down now that they were teenagers, and because of my teachers' confidence in me I started to blossom. Then, too, I belonged for a group for girls called Job's Daughters. That was life altering because of the experiences I gained and the friendships I built: REAL friendships! I'm healthy now, but I have LONG wondered what would have happened to me if my Jr. High teachers had been as filled with antipathy towards me as my elementary teachers were.

You hang in there, and also remember that half of the responsibility for resolving all interpersonal issues ALWAYS rests with the other person. You can sit alone at the table forever and never solve anything. Keep your chin up, and keep posting as you need!

 

[lauradee]

that sucks, sorry Dave.*
In primary, I was a popular goody-good...
In intermediate I was an over-confident little beep
In high school I wagged school all the time and lost my work ethic.
But this was due to circumstances outside my personality.
I think because INFJs are so complex other people don't really know how to help them. As a close friend once said to me 'You have to realize that most of the time you are your best counsellor.' Which sucks cause it made me feel even more lonely, but it's true. We are good at processing our feelings; turning the light on so we can take on the monster in the room.

Good luck dealing with yours.



*and by 'that' I mean what you have to deal with... just thought I'd clear that up, I re-read it and realized it sounded like an insult x)

 

[MoonLight]

I was a good student in school and didn't have much comments from my teachers except maybe being too quiet and reserved. Yet, this was a bigger issue in my family who are mostly extroverts. I was never engaging enough and still to this very date. To make things worse they always excuse my behavior to guests and others as: she is shy, as if that explains everything. Though it is getting better across the years.

I can also relate to many of the things others said especially not being able to connect to people my age. I didn't have the same interests and couldn't enjoy what they did (I usually found in meaningless).

I noticed as we tend to grow older we have more understanding of who we are and it translates itself into self-confidence and acceptance.

 

[Unicorntopia]

I was a shy kid with an overbearing ENTP sibling. I thought because everyone smiled and talked to her all the time that meant she was better than me so all my little school papers from elemantary school that ask you what you want to be when you grow up and who you look up to had answers that were actually what the ENTP sibling would have answered. She breezed through school with little effort making mostly As and was a very accepting, nice, popular person - even nice enough to bring me along with her freinds when I did not have any. That is realy hard to live up to.

I made Cs in everything exept for science, math, art, shop, & music until I was 16. My Mom said she suspected I had a learning disability when I was young but did not want me to be singled out and put in special classes. She said she had confidence that I would figure it out on my own, which I did. Now I have an accounting degree and have realized I can do whatever it is I want to do as long as I don't give up. I struggle going back and forth between depression, anger, cockiness, and content.

When I first get into a class or job, people think I am stupid. But give me some time and unless they are arrogent assholes I end up being very respected and valued by my bosses and peers. By six months I usually get so fast at it with so few errors that I end up with loads of exta time. The goal is to not have to do any Te ever, so basically come up with systems I put on auto pilot and use Ni/Ti whenever there is a problem all while using Fe rules as the parimeter. Then I have all the time in the world to get cocky, bored, and angry. :blushed:

 

[Linus]

In my case, I thought I was chronically ill :crazy:

I was constantly tired and I didn't know what it was.
I actually learned about introversion/HSP only a year ago. It's a bit sad thinking about it.
I remember asking my mother if I could get a doctor's appointment to see if I was anemic :frustrating:

I had learned to cope based on other things... I got this illness few years after high school and I've become more sensitive to things or maybe better to say, I have become aware how sensitive my body is to things (due to the illness).
I had also moved away alone to the city for college and was going through a plethora of new experiences. Friendships, work levels, diet, ...refining my values constantly. All the stress pushing me to fill in the holes of learning who I really was.

Now it's all over and it's just quiet now. I've been able to spend more time learning about introversion and HSP. All my experiences thus far have taught me about what I don't like and what I prefer, and this is the time I'm learning about how to heal. I've also grown sensitive to intuition now that I know what it is...

 

[Resolution]

According to my transcript... I have a "non-verbal learning disability". Most teachers treated me like I was "special" for the first week of class (Before they realized that there wasn't anything wrong with me)

Guess we all do things our own way. Some of our ways are different xD