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Discussion Starter #1
Hi,

I was hoping I could get some advice. I have some presuppositions that my boyfriend is with me out of loyalty rather than romantic love. It sounds very far fetched, extreme & silly but it's very probable in my situation as I have been very kind to him & offered him opportunities that have changed his life for ever.

The problem is that we've had a romantically unfullfilling relationship for quite a long time now & I'm still waiting for it to move into the next relationship phase (it's taken a really long time, years).

What I want to know is do type 6's equate loyalty with love? He claims he chose to be with me (he's told me it was out of appreciation) so it means he loves me yet he has no issue admitting he wasn't in love with me when we got together. He says he was so grateful for everything I did for him & so he began to love me. I still don't equate this with being in love. Am I being silly?

As for the difficult part, when we did get together he was most certainly still in love with his ex who tried to cheat on him with his best friend. Once again the 6 in him decided that he couldn't be with her no matter how much he loved her. In fact, the 6 in him hated her as much as his heart was hers.

But what part does it seem I play in his heart regardless of his loyalty to me?
 

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You're not being silly at all. All emotions are valid.

Perhaps he's a little co-dependant? Do you know his MBTI type? From the short description, I'm going to guess IxFx, at least? Some people feel like they have no way to "give back" except by entering into a relationship with the person who helped them. Especially if that person was already romantically attracted to them. It sounds like that's what happened here? If that was the case, then loyality may well be the reason he's still with you.

I'm not going to guess how he feels, especially since I have very little information, but one of three things may be happening:

1) He's with you out of loyalty and still doesn't love you romantically.
2) He entered into the relationship out of loyalty and fell in love with you over time.
3) He did like you a fair bit (though not quite in love) when you guys got together and now he really does love you.

No, loyalty doesn't equate to love. It would be the other way around, that Sixes are incredibly loyal to those we care about, feel appreciation for, and/or respect. But, of course, that means we'd be loyal to family, friends, co-workers, bosses, as well as significant others. It would be hard for me to break off a relationship with someone I've been with for a while because we would've gone through a lot together... Some of that is just that we feel safe around certain people, almost sort of content to the point where we don't want things to change. Sometimes it takes a huge catalyst to get me to do something I know I should do but really don't want to, and I think that may be at least one of his problems, too, if it ends up that he's not in love with you.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hi,

Thankyou for your reply. I was a little worried i wasn't going to get a response their for a while. I liked the options you proposed. The guy is an entp funnily enough, I guess the Ti in conjunction with a well developed Fe & type 6 loyalty led him to a relationship of 7 years with me.

I probably am going to presume that option 2 is the most likely situation in relation to my circumstances. But there are various factors which worry me & make me think he never fell 'in love' with me but began 'to love' me. It seems we've both been hanging on to eachother out of loyalty & it seems that we can't let go out if loyalty. I suppose this isn't healthy which explains some of the reasons we have both been unhappy for so long & why when I tell a selected few friends about it, they often suggest we won't work out.

It is most definitely the case that we are both waiting around for some chemistry to be born. There have been that many times that he has wanted to leave me & rationally claimed that we weren't right for each other as lovers, and we'd make better friends. My response has always been that we are already best friends & that we would be more with time & that I was sorry I couldn't live up to his expectations of me. Each time he stayed, based in the loyalty, and on the hope that our feelings of love & loyalty for each other would evolve from platony to romanitism. What are your thoughts on the possibility of a romantically fulfilling relationship between two loyal friends who have wanted to be lovers amongst all the baggage they
both carried? And who have lived under the title of boyfriend & girlfriend for so long, despite a lack af natually desired intimacy.
 
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