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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I get the uncomfortable feeling that I annoy my friends. I sometimes have the impression that they get tired of me--moreso lately.

I'm just...very intense and enthusiastic about my specific areas of interest, and I love discussions. I tend to operate around one or two subjects I bounce around in my head and explore thouroughly.

Unfortunately, One Does Not Simply Make Friends, at least not when one is an INTP. I just can't suddenly obtain a new group of equally-fixated friends every time I latch onto a new passion--especially not close friends. Wouldn't you know it--I also happen to function best with a handful of close friends who are basically like family.

I try not to overload people, but truth be told, I've got very little going on in my life beyond school, which is a mundane topic of conversation, and whatever passion I'm wrapped up in at the moment.

I just...It's a problem, because I feel guilty for not being a good friend, but I also feel really lonely sometimes.

I don't know. Does anyone relate to this experience?

Edit:

tl;dnr

 

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"One Does Not Simply Make Friends"

Needs to have a LOTR reference image behind it to make it sound more effective. =)
 

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Don't think you annoy people, Know you annoy people! That way you know you need to shut up about whatever it is you know annoys them. Get into more things that your friends may be into so that you can at least talk about those things with them. My friends are probably sick and tired of hearing me talk about Myers Briggs by now. But they know that it'll pass just like many other phases I've had. I'm not going to completely not talk about what I like because it would kill me but I do know I have to keep it to a minimum because they don't want to hear it any more than I want to hear about their car or basketball game.

There are many things that interest me that not one of my friends is interested on. So I have to find ways to let all that out. For example, I love Dogs, but I can't bore my friends with dog talk. I can however usually bore a random person at the dog park or other dog people at work. I love taking pictures, but my friends don't want to look at pictures, so I put them on my cube at work, I have a wall just for my pictures and people come and look at them and say which ones they like. I've had some people ask me for some of my pictures and then I'll go by their cubes and see my picture as their wallpaper, I like that.

So basically find the right thing to use in different situations, that's a great thing about being INTP, we know so much about so many things that it's easy for us to blend into different groups.
 

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Well, I'm pretty sure that I annoy a lot of people.
Intelligence points? 100/100 (I would say more, but then I would annoy you guys :tongue:)
Charisma points? -1,000,000/100 :dry:

And a lot of people annoy me.
So I don't really like people.
 

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I get the uncomfortable feeling that I annoy my friends. I sometimes have the impression that they get tired of me--moreso lately.

I'm just...very intense and enthusiastic about my specific areas of interest, and I love discussions. I tend to operate around one or two subjects I bounce around in my head and explore thouroughly.

Unfortunately, One Does Not Simply Make Friends, at least not when one is an INTP. I just can't suddenly obtain a new group of equally-fixated friends every time I latch onto a new passion--especially not close friends. Wouldn't you know it--I also happen to function best with a handful of close friends who are basically like family.

I try not to overload people, but truth be told, I've got very little going on in my life beyond school, which is a mundane topic of conversation, and whatever passion I'm wrapped up in at the moment.

I just...It's a problem, because I feel guilty for not being a good friend, but I also feel really lonely sometimes.

I don't know. Does anyone relate to this experience?
One does not simply walk into mordor either.

Don't take things too seriously.
 

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I don't know if a good thing, but I'm seriously starting to give up trying to get people like me. It is ultimately pointless, because my brain just won't let me do: at one point I'm extremely concentrated over something and need time alone, at the other I'm talking about dreams and possibilities and nobody understands. People just won't realise these two basic needs (and really my only needs).

As a consequence, people are admired by my "intelligence" -- as the wonderful @BUtheBabyUnicorn pointed out -- and at the same time weirded out. Which makes me uncomfortable, because in all honesty, I'm not that intelligent.

Perhaps it comes with the package of being an INTP. It is what drives me so distant and independent from people. I have nothing but myself. Don't know if a good thing.

I wonder if a spoon of impractical idealism would do... it is the ultimate question, right? I want so deeply to connect with someone, but I'm just myself. To what extent can I disconnect from myself? At what point am I improving and at what am I just alienating?

Probably the right person -- or the right bunch of persons -- will come. I'm waiting, and when they'll come, I'll shoot them in the face for being so late. Then we will annoy each other for eternity and be extremely happy for it. Annoyance can be a positive thing after all.
So every time I come to really dislike the human race, and myself within it, for annoyance, I think that more awesome things are about to come. Still really weird, still really annoying, still just the same, but awesome.

And I really need to end this post now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Here's a secret: People will think you're interesting if you spend 90% of your time asking about them and talking about their interests and 10% talking about you and your interests.
Yup, I use that strategy, and I'm happy to do it to make people feel comfortable (I'm not a completely selfish person who refuses to talk about others! At least, I hope!)

...but it's not stimulating at all. :/

stuff said:
So basically find the right thing to use in different situations, that's a great thing about being INTP, we know so much about so many things that it's easy for us to blend into different groups.
Hmm...I think reading all these replies (especially yours) has lead me to the conclusion that I can, of course, find common interests to discuss with my friends (it's why we're friends, after all), but the real problem is not being able to find a friend or two who share my all-consuming passions. Because then I end up going on about them too much to my non-interested friends, feeling lonely all the while because I haven't got a kindred spirit. There's nothing wrong with the people I have; I'm just lacking a little something.

I'm not the best with cognitive functions...but could this, perhaps, be my Ne showing its face? I long for validation and mutal exploration of my theories and my work...it's not the most important thing; the most important thing is the private, internal process of crafting something that gives me pleasure--but I can't help seeing the exchange of ideas as an important second step.

GnothiSeauton said:
I wonder if a spoon of impractical idealism would do... it is the ultimate question, right? I want so deeply to connect with someone, but I'm just myself. To what extent can I disconnect from myself? At what point am I improving and at what am I just alienating?
...Are you me? This. All of this.

qingdom said:
"One Does Not Simply Make Friends"

Needs to have a LOTR reference image behind it to make it sound more effective. =)


Here you go, everyone. ;-) Yeah, I was spending hours checking out memes when avoiding my term paper.
 

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I am really burning to annoy someone right now and ask him if he owns a bunch of cheesy swords he bought from the mall or flea market.. a bunch of faded out black jeans.. shirts with tribal art dragons down both sides. And then I would be like uhm, I bet you talk shit about how you have been in martial arts for ten years, have books you never read on military history, think you're really internet tough, hung out on only the fringes of the nerd herd in high school because you were more of a dweeb and a loser than an actual intellectual. But I can't say any of that to this person so I will say it in this thread about annoying people instead -- because I am rather certain that it would annoy him. Good n' proper.
 

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Here's a secret: People will think you're interesting if you spend 90% of your time asking about them and talking about their interests and 10% talking about you and your interests.
I always try to divert attention from myself, but when you meet someone with the same communicative style, you become locked in a battle of humility and neither person actually enjoys the experience. @minavanhelsing may also get a taste of her own medicine if she goes this route, having someone endlessly blab about a topic of no interest to her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I always try to divert attention from myself, but when you meet someone with the same communicative style, you become locked in a battle of humility and neither person actually enjoys the experience. @minavanhelsing may also get a taste of her own medicine if she goes this route, having someone endlessly blab about a topic of no interest to her.
Oh, I've been there before. It's called living with a parent who can literally spend five hours complaining about her job without letting me finish half a sentence while still demanding that I listen. Not. Even. Kidding. No, you think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. xD

...Actually, I don't mind too much when a friend goes on about something that doesn't interest me too much, as long as it's something that makes them light up, because I can understand the feeling.
 

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Oh, I've been there before. It's called living with a parent who can literally spend five hours complaining about her job without letting me finish half a sentence while still demanding that I listen. Not. Even. Kidding. No, you think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. xD

...Actually, I don't mind too much when a friend goes on about something that doesn't interest me too much, as long as it's something that makes them light up, because I can understand the feeling.
I also enjoy listening to people rant because it usually makes very clear the kinds of people they are. They just can't expect me to care about what they're saying. I think balance is key to good conversation, but it takes effort from both sides. If you think you're annoying friends, ask them.
 

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Here's a secret: People will think you're interesting if you spend 90% of your time asking about them and talking about their interests and 10% talking about you and your interests.
Ha ha! This is one of my favorite quotes! I spew it liberally. It works for me! :laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I also enjoy listening to people rant because it usually makes very clear the kinds of people they are. They just can't expect me to care about what they're saying. I think balance is key to good conversation, but it takes effort from both sides. If you think you're annoying friends, ask them.
...but feeler-y friends who will politely say no but then passive-aggressively ignore me.

(If I say someone hasn't bothered me, I feel that I've given up my right to be bothered and try my hardest to expel any such feelings. ><)
 
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