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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Tricky situation. ENTJ in question and my ENFJ SO have just started a new business together. As it happens, I have mostly provided the set-up costs. I've been quite excited by it and had far, far too many ideas and suggestions to make.

Less than a week into trading and it's clear a) that it is going to be a big success, and b) that my being around it is a source of annoyance.

I think I was quite annoying just before it opened, actually, and I'm happy to pull in my horns. But I also detect a desire to shift things around in terms of just who gets to run things around here, a kind of laying down of a mark.

My concerns are obviously that I might have caused offense, which I feel genuinely sorry for, and would like to put right if I can, but also that my SO is very keen for me to be actively involved and is unaware of this undercurrent, and I am not sure how to play it. I am slightly concerned for him also, if this laying down of a mark means he will be forced into a subordinate role. On paper they are equal partners.

I'm really not going to have time to be very actively involved myself anyhow so I don't mind backing off, as long as I can do so without my SO feeling I am not being supportive. I don't think that an open attempt to clear the air would be met with anything other than bland denial. I have the uncomfortable feeling that I have been Judged, and that's it folks.

Am I right? Is there a useful way that I can make amends, other than being totally correct and formal and pretend-friendly so it looks like we get on?
 

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But I also detect a desire to shift things around in terms of just who gets to run things around here, a kind of laying down of a mark.?
The ENTJ's desire to lay down his mark you mean?
He might feel threatened to be honest. I mean on paper it's only two partners and then you come along, whatever a SO means[?]. It's like, if there's going to be an argument, his stance won't be supported because you'll be 2 vs 1 because he clearly thinks you will be biased (it's human nature).

If that's not the case, then just give it some time. ENTJs take time to warm up to people, it was only a week :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
No, we've known each other for some years. My SO is my significant other, or husband if you will. His wife is working full time for the business. I'm not, I have a job elsewhere. We've all been talking about it for months and I've been involved in a lot of the setting up.
 

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@yesiknowbut So your husband and the ENTJ and the ENTJ's wife started a business and you've been helping out, but feel like you're being annoying? Why do you feel that way?
 

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IMO SO should discuss your business involvement with his partner to set things straight and avoid future misunderstandings ... or just bite your tongue until they come begging for your expertise.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Indeed. That's the current plan.

Why do I think I've been annoying? I have had too many ideas, and had too many suggestions to make. I also tend to take the mickey a lot and have probably been far too free with my wise-cracks. I am a little slow on the uptake with hints, so this dawned on me after a while of looks and silences, and I realised with considerable shame that I had probably been irritating the guy severely for a couple of days. Since then I have been to the premises a couple of times and met with "what are you doing here" inferences.

*sigh* I have moved on a bit, couple of things in my own professional sphere in the last couple of days have made this seem like very small beer indeed. Guess it will pass.

Thanks for your input.
 

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The wariness of losing independence, stealing and traiterous moves in business is real to me (a beginner).

You seem to have experience, any noteworthy insight?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Not really, no. My sphere of work is totally different. Maybe it's that it probably is a dream that this guy has had for years, he's spent lots of time thinking about how it could be, and there isn't really any room for someone who comes along and wants to fiddle with the dream.

I have also discovered in myself that i can be quite critical: perhaps because I am used to being a leader and having people listen to what I say. I am having to bite my tongue when I am around the place, as there is a lot of inexperience there. Not on the part of the ENTJ, who is probably the only one in the new business who really does know what he is doing. But I wouldn't lead a team his way.

Is Ok. I have told myself sternly that it ain't my business. Which it isn't. I dare say we'll rub along. Meantime I am treading the careful divide between someone who telegraphs clearly he doesn't want me around while his business partner, my man, phones me and says they are really busy and he needs support, can I come and help? Gah.
 
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