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I'm a somewhat social INTP male who just ended a 6-month relationship and in true INTP fashion I am trying to figure out the whole experience and what went wrong so I don't make the same mistakes twice. The first thing that attracted me to my ex-girlfriend (aside from her Grace Kelly looks) was her fun-loving and free spirited nature. She is the type that says hello to everyone she knows when she enters a room. We met during a trivia league at a local sports bar and I was told by her best friend that she thought I was very funny and that she loved my sense of humor and intelligence. After going on a few dates, she started texting me like crazy, which I found a little annoying but exciting and new. That first month, I confided in her best friend that I didn't know if I had the energy to keep up with her -- happy hours with her friends turned into staying out until 3am on the weekends. As it turns out, the social craziness indeed slowed down towards the beginning of the school year (she had kids), which I thought was going to make things easier. Well, little things crept up: she would nonchalantly inquire while I was being quiet when we were watching sporting events together; she kept harping on the fact that I didn't complement her on her new haircut; and she felt like I was smothering her and that she "never lived up to my expectations" when I used "an inappropriate tone" to emphasize that I needed more one-on-one / date-night time. Finally, she claimed she needed "a teeny bit of space" because she "wasn't 100%" because of her busy schedule and not feeling well. I gave her the space for about a month and even sent her a card letting know I was there for her. The space thing made me extremely anxious (I have very little experience with stuff like that) but I tried to respect her wishes and limited my contact with text messages. I finally broke up with her because she accused me of one-upping her with my texts (telling her where I was going for the evening, etc) and that I never invited her to do anything for a month. How illogical! She is the one who wanted space! I've concluded that she is very sensitive / I'm not; she likes socializing in groups / I want more one-on-one time; and she resents me trying to steer her into deeper waters so to speak. I just don't think we "get" each other but I must admit I'm totally drawn to her personality type and wish I knew how to relate to someone like her -- an ESFP I think -- should I date her type again in the future.
 

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One of my best friends is an ESFP, and yes, I get the feeling she could be very frustrating to date/be friends if she wasn't so mature... Instead, our little nerdy clique is made up of us, two INTJ's, an ENTJ, and an ENTP. That is not a normal group for an ESFP to hang out with, let alone prefer to be with, but we all enjoy her presence.

They can be just as good as anyone else, though you'll need to find a mature one, if you're an INTP.
 

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Ugh I know the frustration but honestly I see that person as a likely unhealthy ESFP if that's her case. I just had my own issues with someone similar but I was in your position. Sometimes personalities clash, wheras I tend to gravitate towards INTPs or any NTs really, myself and I don't question those kinds of things I guess. That would likely be why I think she's unhealthy plus the resemblance to the person I'm talking about who is likely ESxP. I am doubting the F because since I've been in a crisis I'd got nothing from him and believe me, I'm not one to talk about my feelings unless I absolutely need to and to feel like I couldn't was really irritating. This one was NOT mature either. He acted like a child when I pointed out that he was being a lousy friend in a matter of fact way, I admit it was a bit cold, but since he was being so cold I didn't think it would be a bit deal but he resorted to insults :frustrating: so as they say "that was the end of that".
 

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ESFPs can be strange. My dad is an ESFP. I've dated an ESFP. I wanted to date two more ESFPs.

Here is the break-down:

1. Brittany – This ESFP was the first, and I guess technically, she was my first girlfriend (April to May of 2010). She broke up with me to go back to her ex. A few months later we started talking (around November, I would suppose) and I know she thinks we're together now. I will note that she wanted me and then broke up with me for the guy she dated before me. She also broke up with him and came back to me. Whilst I agreed to date her a second time – at first*– I didn't really intend to go anywhere with it. Now she operates under the assumption that we're together, always telling me how much she loves me and all this jive shit.

I must note that the reason we didn't work out (on my end) during the supposed second run (which she sees as on-going, and I do not) is the lack of extensive communication. Sure, we have similar tastes in music, we bond over the same types of music, and we have a totally random communication style, but I could never get her to talk about anything deep. It's very strange that she would want me in the first place, considering who and how she is. We're talking about a socialite who goes everywhere and does everything, doesn't like talking deep, doesn't like nerdy shit, etc. etc. etc.

2. Sunshine – Admittedly, I wanted Sunshine. She wanted me too, briefly. It was strange beyond strange how our relations went. Mind you, this was prior to Brittany. We seemed to be into each other a fair bit, and she said she couldn't talk as much due to school and what not. Normally, I would be skeptical and think the worst, that I was unwanted or what have you, but in this case it was true. As a performer (note the 'P'), she did her job well. School, work, modeling, musical lessons, giving musical lessons, learning how to cook gourmet food, et cetera. I suggested if it was going to be a while, she could at least give me the benefit of an 'It's complicated' on Facebook.

This, it seems, was a mistake. She flipped the ever loving fuck out. "I told you that you could trust me! I'm fucking busy, not running away, you miserable shit!", "You know I'm fucking scared of commitment, why would you ask me for that?!", "I fucking hate you, don't try to be logical with me, never fucking talk to me again!"

So I did the logically fueled thing to do and blocked her. Again, a mistake. Despite her claims of hatred and wanting me to never talk to her again, she messaged me elsewhere just to hate on me for blocking her as she was going to me. We weaved in and out of these moments for a good bit of time before we stopped talking all together.

I started talking to her again later, but couldn't stand to hear her talk about other guys. It was like nails on a chalkboard. I got really depressive (as when we met), and she said that I'm a great friend but she didn't want to hear about my problems anymore. I cut contact, then. Oddly enough, despite the "great friend" remark, she still considered me a romantic interest. :mellow: After all that shit happened, she was going to go out of her way to talk to me again when she stopped being busy. :confused:

3. Krista – This one is the worst. I knew this girl through college friends for about 8 months prior to actually meeting in person. We talked to no end, and things were good. In the beginning of October, I moved to her building on campus (at her suggestion) and did some hanging with her and her friends. She had accepted my offer for a date as she was about to break up with her (at that time) boyfriend. As soon as I moved in, however, she continued to be with him and never addressed our prospective date. I stopped talking to her for a few days thereafter, and she went apeshit.

I had used her toothpaste two days in a row prior to cutting communication. She apparently went around telling people that I came in her room and tried to have sex with her against her will. :mellow: I'm not sure what else she said, but it was also implied that she told people I'd stolen (something) from her.

Following this, all of our chats were standard, if not enjoyable. Yet, at the same time, she hated me and made such clear at various points. :mellow:

Considering she's friends with a guy who threatened to cut her vagina and uterus out, I have absolutely no idea why in the fuck she would hate me, considering I never did anything to her other than not talking to her for a few days.


ESFPs are a strange, irrational, illogical, seemingly violent bunch. I seem to be drawn to them, for some reason. I really do enjoy a lot of their characteristics – I know they're active and speedy, but I can keep up. I know they're hyper-social, and I can respect, or even promote such.

All in all, it's probably best to ignore their strange behaviors. There's not much you can do. You can't argue with them, you can't be emotional with them. You can't get anywhere with them. Their minds are usually made up, and they'll go to whatever lengths they feel necessary to prove absurd points.

That being said, I'm sure I've just dealt with massively unhealthy ones. I know my dad is an ESFP, and we have arguably the best relationship out of the whole family. :tongue: There's still some sort of disconnect between us – he's from Earth, I'm from space – but balanced and healthy ESFPs can be amazing people. :tongue:
 

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I can relate to this completely! I also ended a relationship of about a year with an ESFP.

Like said before she was just too illogical for me! Everything she did just didn't make sense. One day it was like this, another day like that without any reason. What became very frustrating also is she didn't even care about her behavior this way, she never went through introspection. So I had the same problem and the same discussion over and over again mainly about honesty but she just didn't get it. I always wanted to know why she behaved this way but they just can't give you a reasonable answer, it's just how they feel at the time. We were just on a completely other level. Everything I said was honest and truthfull because I think honesty is really important in a relationship. But everything I said she just wouldn't believe, she just followed her illogical feelings. I also found out that they're extremely jealous.

I was attracted to her like you said because she was so spontaneous, entertaining and charming. Still I've made up my mind and never date an ESFP again, it just can't work out imo. Nothing against an ESFP, they could be still good friend to have a fun time with though but I'm just missing something to engage with this type in a relationship, as well as ESFP's probably miss something with me.
 
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*sigh* More typism...big shock.

You want logic, you've got it.

Since when were all people of a type the exact same? It'd be like me saying all NT's are too dorky with their pocket protectors and thick glasses and bad haircuts, obsessed with stupid things such as Warcraft and free online porn and other dorky pursuits and who have no manners of feelings whatsoever, would rather play video games than have sex and when to do they they only last 15 seconds because they absolutely suck at it being the dorks they are, and are so not worth my time.

I know that's not true of course but it really does get annoying when all people think of ESFPs is the behaviour of the unhealthy or just plain stupid ones is what the rest of us are and would rather avoid us like the plague. This is the kind of stereotyping that makes me want to hide my type again...I'm tired of the generalities and the people who come in here to solely rant about us and have nothing positive to offer. I don't go into other people's threads just to shit all over them and I'm sure the rest of us would appreciate the same.

Some asswipe had the nerve to question my being female on here because I love extreme meta and that if I was indeed female I should quit listening. I don't hate all INTJs or all stupid males because it though.

Socrates: your chicks just sounded plain nuts, all types can lose their minds, not just us. Especially when challenged and yes I have been the first to kick those in the nuts when I could with a huge smile on my face as I did it and later with no regrets. Nothing worse than blind ignorance especially from people who think they are better than others based on stupid things like personality type and gender. At least YOU have made the connection with the difference between healthy and unhealthy people.

Regards, SuPERNaUT :happy:
(Sorry for stealing your thing, Digger :tongue:)
 
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*sigh* More typism...big shock.

You want logic, you've got it.

Since when were all people of a type the exact same? It'd be like me saying all NT's are too dorky with their pocket protectors and thick glasses and bad haircuts, obsessed with stupid things such as Warcraft and free online porn and other dorky pursuits and who have no manners of feelings whatsoever, would rather play video games than have sex and when to do they they only last 15 seconds because they absolutely suck at it being the dorks they are, and are so not worth my time.

I know that's not true of course but it really does get annoying when all people think of ESFPs is the behaviour of the unhealthy or just plain stupid ones is what the rest of us are and would rather avoid us like the plague. This is the kind of stereotyping that makes me want to hide my type again...I'm tired of the generalities and the people who come in here to solely rant about us and have nothing positive to offer. I don't go into other people's threads just to shit all over them and I'm sure the rest of us would appreciate the same.

Some asswipe had the nerve to question my being female on here because I love extreme meta and that if I was indeed female I should quit listening. I don't hate all INTJs or all stupid males because it though.

Socrates: your chicks just sounded plain nuts, all types can lose their minds, not just us. Especially when challenged and yes I have been the first to kick those in the nuts when I could with a huge smile on my face as I did it and later with no regrets. Nothing worse than blind ignorance especially from people who think they are better than others based on stupid things like personality type and gender. At least YOU have made the connection with the difference between healthy and unhealthy people.

Regards, SuPERNaUT :happy:
(Sorry for stealing your thing, Digger :tongue:)
I don't know if this is an answer to my post, sorry if not, but I'll give you my response.

I'm not into stereotyping at all. I accept the fact that everyone's different and I love everyone for who they are. I'm just saying, in a deeper, intensified relationship I've had experiences with an ESFP that weren't too positive. I'm not saying I hate you all I even specifically stated I enjoy your company, but more on a friendship level because of the negative experiences I had in my past relationship.

Now I understand my post can come off like this, but if you read what's there you should realize I have nothing against ESFP's, don't avoid them or whatever, stated positive tings about them and especially don't think I'm better. I'm just saying it's a match that didn't work out for me.

Actually this type of discussion is an exact example of what I was mentioning before :bored:
 
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The INTP stereotype that we're all sci-fi junkies and stiff robots is so not true (see Tiger Woods). I pretty much test INTP (occasionally ENTP and once INFP) on 80% of the tests I've taken yet people would probably say that I'm very social, love sports, and I look like a typical frat boy preppie whenever I leave the house.

I'm certainly not trying to stereotype all ESFPs but I will admit that all of the comments are right on the spot regarding some my ex-girlfriend's strange behavior (I doubt she is an immature ESFP by the way because she is 36 and divorced with children). She was sooo sensitive and would bring up every small disagreement or slight I ever made like she was keeping score in a card game. What made things so difficult for me to figure out was her extreme push / pull mentality. She would be in constant contact with me saying how much she missed me, how she wished I was with her, being two days apart seemed like an eternity, and then when I did something that she projected was me not being interested in her (e.g. not liking her haircut, being "grumpy" because I didn't exhibit the right body language or pay enough attention to her) she would go in the opposite direction. It was like having a ray of sunshine one moment and then a cloud the next. What bothered me the most, however, was how quickly she started having me over for Sunday dinners with her family and even invited me to spend time with her kids at the beach for 4th of July and convinced me to meet up with her family while they were on vacation in Chicago -- this was after dating less than a month! Each time she invited me to do this stuff, I proceeded with caution and even asked if she was sure it was okay and if her kids would mind. So it confused me greatly when a few months later she goes distant, wants space and then resents me for not inviting her to do anything for a month. In other words, she did a real number on me because I just can't figure her out!

The irony is that I'm supposed to be the one who enjoys not being tethered to a schedule; the one who seeks spontaneity; the one who wants his independence and his space. She was sooo unpredictible though as far as being able to plan anything that I had to turn into the woman so to speak asking for one date night a week in order to feel secure and invested in the relationship. She considered that "smothering" but how else am I supposed to plan a nice dinner on a patio I just cleaned when she abruptly decides to go to a local pub late in the afternoon to drink with a galpal she had just hung out with the night before. Ugh!!
 

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I don't know if it's surprising or not, but most people tend to think I'm an ESFP. :mellow:

It's totally weird to me, because my mind seems to work in nearly the exact opposite way as most ESFPs I've come across. Of course I could project as an ESFP, at the very least. I'm unusually sociable for an introvert, I tend to love "newness" (though mostly in abstract ideas and theoretical musings, it also extends to music, games, et cetera), I very much enjoy the idea of getting up and going, I can have one hell of a mean temper, and I can be the feeling type around others.

I suppose I'm an INTP in mind and an ESFP in projection. I might even go so far as to say that I have fairly balanced functions. I've tested as ENTP, but I have a very well pronounced sensing side, and a moderately expressed feeling side.

It's an intriguing possibility. When I'm on antidepressants and allowed to be me around people, I could just come off as an unusually deep ESFP. :mellow:
 

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I'm just saying, in a deeper, intensified relationship I've had experiences with an ESFP that weren't too positive. I'm not saying I hate you all I even specifically stated I enjoy your company, but more on a friendship level because of the negative experiences I had in my past relationship.
If I'm correct at having typed others myself there are those I would guess as ESxPs that irritate the hell out of me too, but I think it's more due to their massive immaturity or them just being unhealthy or even both. I have been in past relationships with NT's and I haven't given up on them, I get along quite well for some reason, probably interest related. I'm not the typical ESFP as far as interests since I love sciences and fantasy type stuff. What I HAVE given up on is relationships in general though because of bad experiences so I kind of feel you there it's just not a type related thing because I just even got into this stuff and it's been years since my last one so it can't be personality related, just individual related, which led to general dissatisfaction.

Now I understand my post can come off like this, but if you read what's there you should realize I have nothing against ESFP's, don't avoid them or whatever, stated positive things about them and especially don't think I'm better. I'm just saying it's a match that didn't work out for me.

Actually this type of discussion is an exact example of what I was mentioning before :bored:
Thank you for clarifying, I have given myself crap before for answering when I'm half asleep and this is one reason why, I don't get through everything and miss stuff people wrote. :laughing: Sift through here and see how many people complain without offering anything and you'll see it's a lot and most people aren't even sure those people are ESFPs so, yeah I'm gonna get defensive, it's what I do :happy:
 
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The INTP stereotype that we're all sci-fi junkies and stiff robots is so not true (see Tiger Woods). I pretty much test INTP (occasionally ENTP and once INFP) on 80% of the tests I've taken yet people would probably say that I'm very social, love sports, and I look like a typical frat boy preppie whenever I leave the house.

I'm certainly not trying to stereotype all ESFPs but I will admit that all of the comments are right on the spot regarding some my ex-girlfriend's strange behavior (I doubt she is an immature ESFP by the way because she is 36 and divorced with children). She was sooo sensitive and would bring up every small disagreement or slight I ever made like she was keeping score in a card game. What made things so difficult for me to figure out was her extreme push / pull mentality. She would be in constant contact with me saying how much she missed me, how she wished I was with her, being two days apart seemed like an eternity, and then when I did something that she projected was me not being interested in her (e.g. not liking her haircut, being "grumpy" because I didn't exhibit the right body language or pay enough attention to her) she would go in the opposite direction. It was like having a ray of sunshine one moment and then a cloud the next. What bothered me the most, however, was how quickly she started having me over for Sunday dinners with her family and even invited me to spend time with her kids at the beach for 4th of July and convinced me to meet up with her family while they were on vacation in Chicago -- this was after dating less than a month! Each time she invited me to do this stuff, I proceeded with caution and even asked if she was sure it was okay and if her kids would mind. So it confused me greatly when a few months later she goes distant, wants space and then resents me for not inviting her to do anything for a month. In other words, she did a real number on me because I just can't figure her out!

The irony is that I'm supposed to be the one who enjoys not being tethered to a schedule; the one who seeks spontaneity; the one who wants his independence and his space. She was sooo unpredictible though as far as being able to plan anything that I had to turn into the woman so to speak asking for one date night a week in order to feel secure and invested in the relationship. She considered that "smothering" but how else am I supposed to plan a nice dinner on a patio I just cleaned when she abruptly decides to go to a local pub late in the afternoon to drink with a galpal she had just hung out with the night before. Ugh!!
I'm not exactly easily fit into my type box as I am into sciences, psychology and self-analysis, fantasy novels and RPGs, anime, etc.

No offence to you, I still think she sounds insane. Ok...unhealthy lol.
 

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I don't know if it's surprising or not, but most people tend to think I'm an ESFP. :mellow:

It's totally weird to me, because my mind seems to work in nearly the exact opposite way as most ESFPs I've come across. Of course I could project as an ESFP, at the very least. I'm unusually sociable for an introvert, I tend to love "newness" (though mostly in abstract ideas and theoretical musings, it also extends to music, games, et cetera), I very much enjoy the idea of getting up and going, I can have one hell of a mean temper, and I can be the feeling type around others.

I suppose I'm an INTP in mind and an ESFP in projection. I might even go so far as to say that I have fairly balanced functions. I've tested as ENTP, but I have a very well pronounced sensing side, and a moderately expressed feeling side.

It's an intriguing possibility. When I'm on antidepressants and allowed to be me around people, I could just come off as an unusually deep ESFP. :mellow:
Don't worry, introverts are just as capable of being social as anyone. I'm a shy extravert, myself.

You're not alone I typed as INTP for a good long while at first because I was under stress. The people I've known who have only seen the unhealthy me sure don't believe I could be ESFP but people who do know the other, real me deep down without just talking about ill health, depression, etc. don't question it at all. It was really really hard to accept I wasn't INTP at first, but I'm over it now lol. Newness I wonder if it can't be just an Se thing, I can't imagine everyone without it in their type isn't capable of enjoying or desiring new experiences. This is why stereotyping is a problem. I'm talking in another thread about if all drummers in bands are Se doms or aux, but if you take Neil Peart as an example a couple of us have dubbed him an NT who just probably has managed to develop Se. Oh I like using imagery and metaphors to communicate some of my ideas because I have trouble sometimes and other people seem to understand better when I do sometimes. Not exactly a stereotype for ESFPs or Sensors in general lol, but I do it.

A lot. I've been told that people can just be well rounded versions of their type as well, maybe we both are just that :happy: I have no problem with that kind of idea, but being stereotyped really pisses me off since there usually negative when someone throws them at you like in here a lot. I find the functions theory quite a lot superior than the dichotomies since they don't stereotype and there's nothing negative in the descriptions except for the obviously unhealthy manifestations at least which they are telling you this is the unhealthy way one manifests.

As far as the ones I've come across there are quite a lot of differences. One in particular who I'm now wondering if they're a ESxP right now was really really impossible to deal with because he is so immature and selfish, reminiscent quite a lot of the unhealthiest descriptions I've ever read about ESFPs and Type 7 enneagrams. I've never gotten to that unhealthy stage, just average. I wouldn't want to either.

There seems to be a connection to ESFPs and INTPs where depression is concerned. Maybe we both when treated properly become our real selves. I know INTJ is my opposite and their unhealthy manifestation is very clear in my past, so much I relate to a lot of INTPs personality wise or experience wise, I think anyway. Who knows you may actually BE an ESFP like I ended up being. This is not to scare you of course :wink:
 

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I wouldn't mind being an ESFP at all. I just believe it entirely more likely that I'm an INTP. Being a healthy ESFP, one could presumably pass for INTP, I suppose. As could be the case with well developed shadow functions. I might even enjoy being ESFP... who knows?

I don't think so, but you never know.
 

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If I'm correct at having typed others myself there are those I would guess as ESxPs that irritate the hell out of me too, but I think it's more due to their massive immaturity or them just being unhealthy or even both. I have been in past relationships with NT's and I haven't given up on them, I get along quite well for some reason, probably interest related. I'm not the typical ESFP as far as interests since I love sciences and fantasy type stuff. What I HAVE given up on is relationships in general though because of bad experiences so I kind of feel you there it's just not a type related thing because I just even got into this stuff and it's been years since my last one so it can't be personality related, just individual related, which led to general dissatisfaction.


Thank you for clarifying, I have given myself crap before for answering when I'm half asleep and this is one reason why, I don't get through everything and miss stuff people wrote. :laughing: Sift through here and see how many people complain without offering anything and you'll see it's a lot and most people aren't even sure those people are ESFPs so, yeah I'm gonna get defensive, it's what I do :happy:
Wow you sounds like a very mature ESFP :laughing:

The ESFP I dated (again, not to generalize all ESFP's) just kept beeing stuck in defensive mode even though I'm a 100% sure she knows she was wrong and was being illogical. It was more like a battle and she wanted to win it, or she just wasn't being selfcritical enough. I'm just the other way around, I love it when I'm not right all the time and can learn from other people when I was wrong. That doesn't happen a lot though haha :crazy:
 
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Wow you sounds like a very mature ESFP :laughing:

The ESFP I dated (again, not to generalize all ESFP's) just kept beeing stuck in defensive mode even though I'm a 100% sure she knows she was wrong and was being illogical. It was more like a battle and she wanted to win it, or she just wasn't being selfcritical enough. I'm just the other way around, I love it when I'm not right all the time and can learn from other people when I was wrong. That doesn't happen a lot though haha :crazy:
You're right, I'd hardly call myself mature, nor would many people. BUT I can admit when I am wrong and quite self-critical. I need others to tell me where I went wrong. How am I supposed to correct my behaviour or reflect if no one says anything?

Yours sounds like the one I just had to deal with, try to reason with them and you're wasting your time, seriously. If they aren't willing to admit they're wrong or worse can't see it, both even if they've been pointed out (especially if they've been pointed out!) really there isn't any point. I gave up on this one. But I'd say major unhealthy version, just trying to escape all things negative and very unsupportive of others' needs. That's why I questioned the ESFP guess I had made but then I realized if you're immature you can act quite illogically and selfishly and I can't tolerate that. Sounds like a stubborn, combative ESFP then, watch out lol. That SP rage is a killer :tongue: I believe we should learn from each other too, unfortunately there are people completely unwilling or unable to do so even if it's for their own benefit.
 

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I wouldn't mind being an ESFP at all. I just believe it entirely more likely that I'm an INTP. Being a healthy ESFP, one could presumably pass for INTP, I suppose. As could be the case with well developed shadow functions. I might even enjoy being ESFP... who knows?

I don't think so, but you never know.
Oh I don't know...being INTP is a good thing, embrace it :happy:

I see a lot of the talk around here about other types is mostly the negative traits in others that they guess the type of and most of the time those people were obviously unhealthy judging by their behaviour and how it affected others, which obviously it had. I just wish people wouldn't base it entirely on "well that person must have been an xxxx" rather than, "that person was rather unhealthy and need help as they were very difficult to deal with." You know what I mean?
 

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Is she really an ESFP?

fun-loving and free spirited nature. She is the type that says hello to everyone she knows when she enters a room. We met during a trivia league at a local sports bar and I was told by her best friend that she thought I was very funny and that she loved my sense of humor and intelligence. After going on a few dates, she started texting me like crazy, which I found a little annoying but exciting and new. That first month, I confided in her best friend that I didn't know if I had the energy to keep up with her -- happy hours with her friends turned into staying out until 3am on the weekends. As it turns out, the social craziness indeed slowed down towards the beginning of the school year (she had kids), which I thought was going to make things easier. Well, little things crept up: she would nonchalantly inquire while I was being quiet when we were watching sporting events together; she kept harping on the fact that I didn't complement her on her new haircut; and she felt like I was smothering her and that she "never lived up to my expectations" when I used "an inappropriate tone" to emphasize that I needed more one-on-one / date-night time. Finally, she claimed she needed "a teeny bit of space" because she "wasn't 100%" because of her busy schedule and not feeling well. I gave her the space for about a month and even sent her a card letting know I was there for her. The space thing made me extremely anxious (I have very little experience with stuff like that) but I tried to respect her wishes and limited my contact with text messages. I finally broke up with her because she accused me of one-upping her with my texts (telling her where I was going for the evening, etc) and that I never invited her to do anything for a month. How illogical! She is the one who wanted space! I've concluded that she is very sensitive / I'm not; she likes socializing in groups / I want more one-on-one time; and she resents me trying to steer her into deeper waters so to speak. I just don't think we "get" each other but I must admit I'm totally drawn to her personality type and wish I knew how to relate to someone like her -- an ESFP I think -- should I date her type again in the future.
I was trying to decide if I think she was ESFP from your description. Texting like crazy would fit, greeting everybody in the sports bar would fit. Did she talk to strangers comfortably?

The bit about having kids and staying out until 3 a.m. even on a weekend is irresponsible (personal opinion), you said Happy Hour, too, so liquor in bars was in the picture (expensive liquor habit).

As for your "inappropriate tone", I get that from my wife a lot. Her tone can be quite angry, and I have learned to just let it roll off. It is who she is. If it is coming out of you, however, you should listen to your tone, especially when she mentions it, and ask, "Just what am I angry about? Is this coming from way back in my past? Is this anger really because of her?" You would do well to discuss this with a psychologist. There may be something there that might give you more trouble in the future.
Don't judge all ESFPs based on experience you had with one (who you think is ESFP). Oh yeah, did you pay $5.00 for the card, or did you make the card? If you want to do well with a woman, make the card by hand.
Good Luck,
Digger
 

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Wow you sounds like a very mature ESFP :laughing:
Since I am still trying to get some sleep I thought I'd attempt to clarify my position on relationships and why I feel the way I do. Today or should I say yesterday was way too busy for me at home and away I didn't have real time to say anything really relevant I think. So here it is.

It's not that I have animosity towards them, in fact it's more of a likely Fe/Fi thing where I am just trying to protect others from myself (I have lots of serious things I need to deal with which I am) while I am unhealthy for one, and two because I have goals and ambitions that are eating away at me now and for the earlier parts of my life. Every time I got into a relationship I sacrificed everything just to be with them. I also ended up quite distracted by having someone that close to me I guess that I can't see past "us" any more, if that makes any sense (I am a 7w6c-p sx-sp) and I am prone to relationship addiction.

The next time I do, if that ever happens, (if it does fine, if it doesn't fine, I don't care either way at this point in time) they will have to be into doing the same things I am such as being socially active and interested in helping to improve things for other people like I am and not just be talkers about it but doers. I need that kind of person to feed off of and hopefully to inspire them as well and work together in that way. I want to do something meaningful with my life and for me that's helping others as well as doing something else that matters to me and that's get into music in a serious way.

So I guess to summarize, you could say, it's best for everyone that I keep on the way I have been and at the same time not let any obstacles get in my way of having a meaningful and life with at least something worth doing that I love. If some day there happens to be someone like that I bump into on my path, then maybe it will be that time, who knows? I am a genuine Se dom that would prefer not to think too much into the future and forget about the past and just live day to day and not worry so much about things that don't matter and put all my energy and time into things that do.
 

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Relationships are never static, they are always changing.
Relationships are built upon communication. When the communication stops, the relationship begins to die.
Digger
 
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