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Discussion Starter #1
So having taken until age 23 to find a girl I'm interested in I think it's over after 18 months of confusion.

I never held her hand, gave her a hug or told her to her face how much she meant to me and pretty much my parting act was to accidentally insult her. This is due to not having a clue what to do or what I was really feeling - she did so much to fix my life I was never sure if I wanted to reward her with everything I could for saving me or if I was selfishly hanging on so she'd be around for my next downer or if it really was pure love and I just wanted her for no particular reason. It was often months between seeing her and very rare that I "disturbed" her with my pointless daily life, yet she was always on my mind.

Today I awoke and she was not the first thing on my mind, something just feels different. Is it over? Now what? I guess I go back to being truly "single" and reconsider what I want from life, I'm a new person after an interesting week of therapy (which wasn't but would need a long essay to explain - it completely changed my outlook) yet still don't know what love is or what my purpose in this existence should be :sad:
 

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Whew, the tough stuff is out the way.

Back in School I used to be into a girl, and for a while she kinda liked me too, But we never actually had any physical contact. One time she put a random thing in my hand, that was the only 'contact' I've really had with her in about 6 years, left a tingly sensation. Now I'm over it I can hug her and everything, strange how stuff works.
 
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it sucks this happened late for you. just spend some time figure out who you want to be and become that person, spend a bit of time of you.
 

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Like everyone else said, you really should spend some time getting to know yourself without the pressure of having to worry about another person. I realized this after my first break-up. I wish I could have realized it before... maybe the break-up wouldn't have happened if I knew myself better. It's a constantly renewing cycle, especially as you change as a person.

Don't feel like you need to rebound into another crush or relationship. Spend at least 6 months discovering yourself outside this crush. (And yes, I've had situations like you explain. No physical contact, and the other person is absolutely oblivious. It's an interesting situation.)

Sometimes finding the purpose of your existence takes a long time. I believe that even if you don't pinpoint it, you'll know what it is at some point. :laughing:
 

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Like everyone else said, you really should spend some time getting to know yourself without the pressure of having to worry about another person. I realized this after my first break-up. I wish I could have realized it before... maybe the break-up wouldn't have happened if I knew myself better. It's a constantly renewing cycle, especially as you change as a person.

Don't feel like you need to rebound into another crush or relationship. Spend at least 6 months discovering yourself outside this crush. (And yes, I've had situations like you explain. No physical contact, and the other person is absolutely oblivious. It's an interesting situation.)

Sometimes finding the purpose of your existence takes a long time. I believe that even if you don't pinpoint it, you'll know what it is at some point. :laughing:
Cannot agree with you more! It bugs me how many people just jump from relationship to relationship without ever taking the time out to get to know themselves. I was "traded up" about a year ago and have been single and focusing on myself ever since. So much has changed for me in that time and I'm starting to feel like it is time to explore other people/relationships again. It was incredibly tough to get over that initial feeling of requiring some sort of rebound though.

@OP, you will get there! It just takes a lot of patience. Sometimes it is too easy to get caught up with the idea that relationships (or idea of) are the only thing that give you meaning.

Now I'll stop before my thoughts get even more incoherent! :tongue:
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks for all the replies :happy: I feel somewhat better yet am still confused.

There is one problem I see with this situation - my first drawing sucked and my first attempt at music sucked yet I did both and improved. My first relationship never happened, which means the second will suck. I have learnt nothing from this experience and that scares me. I found out far more about me last week than in my whole life before, but this wont help me romantically as all I discovered is that I have reasons for being retarded when it comes to expressing emotions :sad: (this isn't me beating on myself but the truth - amnesia plus distant parents is not a good combination)

Rogue Eagle said:
One time she put a random thing in my hand, that was the only 'contact' I've really had with her in about 6 years, left a tingly sensation
How true. Once she had to write on my hand to show I'd paid at a small gig, such a small act yet it's deeply engraved in my memory.

cbelle said:
and the other person is absolutely oblivious
I wish! She knows more about me than anyone else, including knowing how I don't know how I really I feel about her - e-mail is a wonderful thing to hide behind. She has never reciprocated my feelings but I don't care. It's the truth, she's involved, so she has the right to know.

Gyant said:
It bugs me how many people just jump from relationship to relationship without ever taking the time out to get to know themselves
Well at least you're one person I'm not going to annoy :crazy:
 

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to the op asmit127

you need to view crushes or infatuations as learning experiences - I seriously think its your sub conscious preparing you for the real thing. It's also a lesson that you MUST let any girl you are strongly attracted to KNOW how you feel. Yes I know it's hard but in the long term it's far more beneficial.

Regarding finding out what love is - it's simple ... it's what people do for each other when there is NO sex involved. I'm certainly not dismissing sex, I actually think it's far more important than love.

Also regarding having a purpose in life - this is a very big INFP thing...most of the time I feel quite meaningless...BUT life doesn't need a purpose - most things simply exist because someone thought they were a good idea. Treat life as a meandering journey and enjoy the experience

I disagree with giving yourself 6 months before 'dating' to sort yourself out. Trust me you learn more through dating than anything else -INFPs are too inward for our own good
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