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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Okay so I have been wondering whether or not a friend of mine may or may not have feelings for me (need some input here!). This is a bit of a lengthy post so thank you in advance to those of you who decide to read it all and especially to those who respond

Some background information: I met my friend (I'll call him Guy B [EXFJ, leaning towards ENFJ but possibly ENFP]) about a year ago at my cousin's graduation party. We live about 2 and a half hours away from one another (a few aunts and uncles, therefore also cousins, live in the area he lives in however). For a few months I was dating a guy (I'll call him Guy A [EXFP?]) who became incarcerated for something that occurred a few years back (long story on this one that I don't feel like delving into here to keep this post somewhat short). Guy A was incarcerated for a majority of our relationship; we had met in one of my classes beforehand so no I didn't magically meet him while he was behind bars ha ha. Anyways, I decided to give Guy A a chance because his crime was nothing too serious and didn't pertain to violence towards women or anything of the sort. I wrote letters to him, visited him a few times, etc. One day I did a countdown facebook status for how many days he'll be out of jail; Guy B messaged me about it and asked me what the deal is with this countdown. The guy is pretty cool and open-minded (also not very judgmental), so I had decided to fill him in on the situation. He was pretty cool about the whole thing and was pretty supportive of me in giving Guy A a shot. Of course, about a week and a half ago I called it off with Guy A because things were not working out as he had abruptly stopped communicating to me (and ignored my attempts in doing such) for several days, which was just absolutely ridiculous to me and I feel I deserve much better than that!

The Things I Have Noticed about Guy B: Anyways, I have noticed some interesting things about my friend that I recently thought about and have been actually wondering if he has been developing feelings or at least interest in me for at least a couple months now if not longer

* We have spoken on Facebook and/or texted almost every day (about a lot of different things) for the last few months. He doesn't always message me first but whenever I do message him I notice that he logs onto Facebook not very long after. He responds right away a lot of the times but sometimes not (does always respond however). If he doesn't respond for even a few hours he always apologizes and explains why he was unable to respond earlier (that or will warn me beforehand he's going to be busy for a while). We also go back and forth a lot either for a couple hours at a time or keep the conversation going here and there throughout the day.
-- he has also mentioned on several occasions how he wishes he had a girlfriend. At one point he was trying to ask this girl out from one of his summer classes (which didn't turn out well but I was there to tell him how awesome of a guy he is and such). He admits that it's been hard for him because he faces rejection 90% of the time (in his words). In that, he admits he tends to either come off rather bluntly which can make others uncomfortable or says nothing at all and kicks himself for it (can be rather shy about talking about whether or not he likes someone to them). On several occasions he said to me "My friend is wondering if you have any single friends". I may be reading too much into this but he has sometimes said this a couple days in a row; could this be his way of hinting to me in an anonymous way if I would be interested in him but is using "my friend" as code for him and "single friends" as code for me? I don't know, there's a chance I'm probably over-analyzing ha ha.

* Over the course of the last few months, there have been a few times where he randomly would ask me (out of context) when I will be in town next. One time he said to me "I wish you lived closer : / why do you have to live so far away?" He also in this conversation said that my company is "well-appreciated". On another occasion he asked me "Why aren't you here?" which was just a few nights ago.
-- I went to visit a couple days (would be now last weekend) after I broke up with Guy A. I went to stay with a cousin of mine; I also decided to hang out with him both days I was in town. Before we hung out the first time, he cancelled plans he had that night (said that "it was more of a family event anyways" when I asked him why they were cancelled). We ended up hanging out at his place for about 5-6 hours just talking about different things and such, including my recently ended relationship and his poor behaviors beforehand (and how things were complicated). The second time we hung out together, he initially told me that he had to leave to do some errands around 4pm. However, a little bit after I got to his place he told me that "realistically speaking I don't have to leave here until 5:45 or 6ish. Him doing that makes me think that he was trying to hang out with me for as long as possible??
--- Also, right after I told him I left to go home, he asked me when I will be coming back. He has also asked me this on a couple other occasions randomly when I will be coming back with me telling him the same thing each time (probably around Labor Day weekend). He also told me that whenever I feel stressed out with my parents or just want to visit, I can stay with him for as long as I want but to just give him a heads up (he is also in school and lives in an apartment near his school with a few roommates). I have quite a few relatives I can stay with which he realizes but when I came into town last, he tried getting me to stay with him and to spend a lot of my time with him (which I did).
He also admitted that he told a friend of his about me and how "he had a great weekend with this one girl [being me]" and says "him and I talk since we're good friends you know?"

* After I told him the situation with Guy A who I was dating at the time, he ended up telling me about how I am a really special girl (in his words, "you're fuckin special"), that guy sees it (although Idk if he was just being nice in saying this or what), and how I should never forget this "fact" (in his words, "never forget this fact". To clarify I asked him which one as he talked about a few good traits in me and he said "about you being special : / "). He told me it takes a lot of inner strength to be with a guy who is incarcerated and that it is really awesome of me to give him a chance despite what my parents thought and being forgiving enough to see past well Guy A's past. On an interesting note, he often asked me how things are going with this guy including after I had broken up with Guy A (and has asked about my "status" with him).

* Whenever I share with him philosophical thoughts that have come across my mind or shared with him an analogy I have come up with to put some things into perspective, he always has some in-depth response to what I have to say or at the very least tells me about how well-thought out my ideas are (and often agrees with them). Of course, we do have a lot of interesting discussions if time allows or if someone brings up an idea to talk about.

* I have talked to him about some problems and such I have had (feeling blue about Guy A being in jail and not being able to see him outside of a computer screen, issues with my parents, etc.). Not once did he "invalidate" my feelings or go against me yet brings in other perspectives and is a downright excellent listener. On a few occasions he actually decided to talk to me on the phone instead of texting on facebook or whatever. I of course reciprocate the favor for him and he does open up to me about a lot of things as well (his past, his feelings on some things and about some people, etc. to name a couple things).
-- I have talked about some of my personal flaws and insecurities. Whenever I have mentioned these things, he would tell me something like "there's nothing wrong with that" and doesn't fail to throw a compliment in the mix somehow.
(goes with the above) we have spoken on the phone a few times, once or twice being because he was driving or something and wanted to talk to me on the phone because he couldn't respond via text. Each time we have spoken on the phone, the conversations have lasted for a minimum of 30 min and have lasted up to 1-1.5 hours each time (he has initiated a few phone conversations and me a couple).

-- There was a conversation we had once where he told me about some of the wrongdoings he had done in the past. He felt frustrated because a lot of people look down upon him for what he had done and was worried about finding someone compatible for him that would accept him for who he is. I told him about how it matters who we are today and what we make of what we have done (in other words, did you learn from your mistakes?). I said to him that he will find someone who accepts him for him or something along those lines. He said to me "idk I'm pretty happy you do :) "

* We sometimes tease each other and even have a couple inside jokes. Whenever I make a joke with him, he often will laugh even at the bad ones (has teased me about the bad ones but still laughed). I don't think I met someone who's ever laughed at so many of my jokes in my entire life (and I dated a guy for 2.5 years previously).

* I recently brought up a friend of mine with him who I think may be "in the closet" and told him why. He said to me "if you (and of course her) want, you can bring her out here. I am pretty good at reading people". Is he just being polite and offering to help me "confirm" my suspicions or is this his way of asking me or getting me to go back out to see him again?


Thank you guys in advance for reading and responding to this. I know this is a lengthy post but I am really wondering if this guy has feelings for me or if he is just being a nice guy. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Yeah, he likes you. So is this good or bad news? lol!
I would consider it great news ♥

The best indication of whether or not a man wants you is to look yourself in the mirror. If you score above a 6, the answer is "yes." If you score below a 6, the answer is "probably." Nothing else matters. Sorry that the beautiful wall of multi-colored pink text has to go to waste. It has great feng shui.
1. It's a wall of multi-colored purple, blue, AND pink text to be most precise :tongue:
2. He ended up admitting to me while I was with him that he thinks I am pretty cute, so I would probably have to say that yeah he thinks I'm above a 6 :crazy:

 

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"you're fuckin special"

yeah he likes you, I mean I'd never say something as cheesy as that and mean it unless I really liked somebody and maybe not even then
 

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Discussion Starter #9
On another note, when I was with him the second time at one point I said to him about how I've been having some bad luck with relationships for the last year and a half (flings not working out, relationships ending, finding out my ex of 2.5 years cheated on me, etc.). He ended up telling me that I really have nothing to worry about and that I will find someone sooner or later. The first time I left his place to go be with my cousin (when I was in town last time) he had an awkward hug saying goodbye [basically a bear hug ha ha]; however the second time I left to again return to my cousin's he held me close and ended up kissing me on the cheek. Also while we were walking together to my car he ended up randomly putting on a nice button up shirt as he was going out later that night with some friends, although he wasn't to be leaving until a little bit later (kind of weird he didn't just put it on after he returned to his apartment or even before we left).

Also in the past whenever he'd mention my coming to town, he would offer me to stay at his place. When I was with my ex, I told him I didn't think it'd be appropriate given he is a guy friend and such; however, he said to me that he wouldn't do anything and that it is entirely up to me if I want to stay with him or not (didn't press the issue however). Whenever I talk to him about coming into town to visit my cousin's, he always offers me to stay there and even tried having me stay at his place the last time I went there. Also, when he first asked me when I'll be returning he told me as I said before that he is always willing to have me stay the night whenever my parents upset me or something. Idk it just seems like he really wants me to stay with him as opposed to my staying with one of my cousins XD

I have been talking of plans to come to town for Labor Day weekend Thursday after I get out of class; he is currently worried that he will have too much homework to have me over (and again had a sad face when he shared this concern with me). He knows that I can just go be with any of my cousins and that it's perfectly okay if we just get together for even a couple hours. It feels like he is more concerned about not being able to have me sleep over with him truthfully. I have been noticing that since I went to go visit him, he has been taking more time to respond to my messages sometimes for a couple days at a time; however when he does respond he always continues the conversation where we left off previously (which tells me he's been thinking about me and our conversation). He does read my messages on facebook and such pretty quickly for the most part still however; is it possible he is trying to spread out his responses so he doesn't come off desperate or is afraid of spilling the beans or what?

Is he afraid of telling me how he feels about me due to fears of rejection, not wanting to ruin the friendship....?
 

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duh.

he likes you. a LOT. I'd guess ESFJ btw. Is he worried about your safety? The word "safety" comes up a lot with ESFJ's i've been around. He's not ENFP.
he's being very patient. probably shy. probably not dated a lot of women seriously. One of you better get busy and try the old kiss thing and see if it is going to work.
 
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duh.

he likes you. a LOT. I'd guess ESFJ btw. Is he worried about your safety? The word "safety" comes up a lot with ESFJ's i've been around. He's not ENFP.
he's being very patient. probably shy. probably not dated a lot of women seriously. One of you better get busy and try the old kiss thing and see if it is going to work.
Yes! He gets very worried about my safety. When I left his place last time he said to drive safely and to inform him once I make it to my cousin's house, which is only like 20 minutes from his place ha ha. I remember telling him about something bad that happened one night when I had been drinking (something worse almost happening), he told me that I really need to just avoid alcohol and such for at least a few weeks and work on recovering from said incident (we spoke on the phone for almost 2 hours one morning because I was troubled by this incident). Because him and I share stories back and forth, he informed me that the person who tells him the craziest stories come from me. He apparently worries about my sanity because of the people I have come across in my life XD

Point is, he worries about my safety a lot. I am going to have to do something about his being shy, now won't I doctor?
:wink:
 

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I lived with an ESFJ lady for 2 years, dated her 3 years total. Absolutely wonderful woman. Totally giving, totally concerned about her loved ones, smart lady, ever so observant.
She had a huge drive to see those she cared for were safe. She was pretty active in the real world - she had a lot of friends.

She was ever so organized, but not exactly an outgoing leader - she wanted me to take charge. Different dynamics I know, but I'd try the anti shy thing if you are interested.
 
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Have a really good think as to whether you do want to date him or not. But obviously, end your ties with Guy A first. Fair is fair. Then, think about a situation where you guys can get on a date of sorts.

This is a cliche... but... go and see a horror movie or something. ;) I mean, only if horror movies is your kind of thing.
 

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I guess for me the problem is determining if he's just been acting nice to me this whole time or if he really does care for me but is just afraid to come out with it. Something that makes this complicated is that he may be moving to another country within the year, so that might have something to do with it?? I don't really know.
 

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A short update: things did not turn out the way I had hoped. I really thought that all the signs were there but something kept telling me "may be he is just being nice". As it turns out, he ended up telling me we are "better off as friends". Sigh, I hate that nagging feeling something is out of place... and then being correct. This is the part where I say I should've followed my intuition. I think that this whole excitement about the prospect of him liking me and such also was very much rebound from Guy A to be entirely honest :sad:

It's also entirely possible as a friend of mine has said that may be he does have feelings for me but is not ready to be in a more emotionally involved relationship or something? Who knows, people can be quite weird at times I guess ha ha.
 

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A short update: things did not turn out the way I had hoped. I really thought that all the signs were there but something kept telling me "may be he is just being nice". As it turns out, he ended up telling me we are "better off as friends". Sigh, I hate that nagging feeling something is out of place... and then being correct. This is the part where I say I should've followed my intuition. I think that this whole excitement about the prospect of him liking me and such also was very much rebound from Guy A to be entirely honest :sad:

It's also entirely possible as a friend of mine has said that may be he does have feelings for me but is not ready to be in a more emotionally involved relationship or something? Who knows, people can be quite weird at times I guess ha ha.
That's too bad! I definitely thought he liked you. From everything you stated I would be inclined to guess that he does like you but something on his end is holding him back. Like what your friend said? But it doesn't really matter because he rejected you. So all you can do is move on. Mad props though for taking the courage to put yourself out there!
 

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I have only read part of this thread, and therefore at risk of repeating what someone else has written..... i think he likes you, but might be making sure your head and heart are in the right place before he makes a move....

But it also sounds like you like him a lot... As to how you should play things out, i wouldn't know, but just do what comes naturally to you, if it works out, that's fine, if it doesn't..... that's fine too, there is no real downside in the longran in my opinion. That's my experience.
 

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That's too bad! I definitely thought he liked you. From everything you stated I would be inclined to guess that he does like you but something on his end is holding him back. Like what your friend said? But it doesn't really matter because he rejected you. So all you can do is move on. Mad props though for taking the courage to put yourself out there!
Yeah, I thought so too. It's just weird because his behavior changed drastically over the course of a few days and then this happened. He claims he is actually moving to another country within the year, so that could be a contributing factor. Yeah oh well, at least I tried :happy:
 

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A short update: things did not turn out the way I had hoped. I really thought that all the signs were there but something kept telling me "may be he is just being nice". As it turns out, he ended up telling me we are "better off as friends". Sigh, I hate that nagging feeling something is out of place... and then being correct. This is the part where I say I should've followed my intuition. I think that this whole excitement about the prospect of him liking me and such also was very much rebound from Guy A to be entirely honest :sad:

It's also entirely possible as a friend of mine has said that may be he does have feelings for me but is not ready to be in a more emotionally involved relationship or something? Who knows, people can be quite weird at times I guess ha ha.
He could be gay, right?
 
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