[YouCoyote]

My mom is an ISFJ, and I am an INTP.

I find that, more often than not, she thinks with her feelings, and jumps to conlusions.
She will never listen to reason, and thinks that my impersonal observations are intended as insults.
We have been drifting farther and farther apart, despite my attempts to understand her.
I think she has a few problems up stairs in the common sense department, and she refuses to even consider that she may be nuts.
I really do care about her, but its like caring about a brick wall with explosive tendencies.
Does anyone know of any way I can fix this?

 

[Socrates]

It could be much worse. She could be an ESFJ. That'd be worse.

Welcome to my world. I find ISFJs tolerable as compared to my ESFJ mom. :frustrating:

 

[Mendelevium]

I think my mother is an ISFJ, too. I understand.

Just pay her more compliments, act caring, try to develop your Fe, and you might just get to know her.

 

[Dupree]

I think my mother is an ISFJ, too. I understand.

Just pay her more compliments, act caring, try to develop your Fe, and you might just get to know her.

My mother's ISFJ too. You can do that but she'll still never care to understand your point of view, or in the rare case she does, she'll completely misinterpret it. In all of my interactions with ISFJ's I tend to read them like a kindergarten kid while they struggle to grasp anything about me. Don't get me wrong, they're probably the most reliable type and take extremely good care of the people they love, but in turn have the intellect of a Saturday morning cartoon.

 

[Mendelevium]

My mother's ISFJ too. You can do that but she'll still never care to understand your point of view, or in the rare case she does, she'll completely misinterpret it. In all of my interactions with ISFJ's I tend to read them like a kindergarten kid while they struggle to grasp anything about me. Don't get me wrong, they're probably the most reliable type and take extremely good care of the people they love, but in turn have the intellect of a Saturday morning cartoon.

Is it a case of coexistence?

 

[skycloud86]

It could be much worse. She could be an ESFJ. That'd be worse.

Welcome to my world. I find ISFJs tolerable as compared to my ESFJ mom. :frustrating:

I actually like my ESFJ sister far more than I like my ISFJ stepmother, although I'm obviously biased in favour of my sister anyway (but I still would like her much more even if she wasn't my sister). My sister isn't a very extreme ESFJ, though.

 

[Gonzo Life]

... she refuses to even consider that she may be nuts. ...

I'd start by avoiding implying your Ma may be crazy! That way lies more of the same. :tongue:


Beyond that, I think that relationships with the parents (esp. if you have very different values or ways of thinking) is one that only really changes with time - the differences usually stop feeling as important and become less of a reason to argue. Leastways, that's what I found. Me & my Mum just kinda look at each other a bit strangely when our glaring differences are exposed - but we no longer feel the need to try to 'fix' each other. roud:

Wow. That's probably supremely unhelpful Good luck though, man.

 

[3053]

It could be much worse. She could be an ESFJ. That'd be worse.

Welcome to my world. I find ISFJs tolerable as compared to my ESFJ mom. :frustrating:

I love my ESFJ Mam
Not my ESTJ father, though

 

[username]

I'd say accept your mother for who she is and don't point out her flaws. That's not your job. Concentrate on changing your own conduct. Try to understand her and slowly work on building a solid relationship with her. Don't expect it to happen overnight. Don't expect her to understand you and accept that she may never. Be patient and forgiving. When she sees that you are seriously committed to improving your relationship you may see a change.

 

[CrazyGlitch]

Hey! I have the same problem with my mother! Let's be pals! XD

Um, I guess you could try to agree with her more, or something. D: I don't know, man.

 

[j3321]

My mom is ISTJ. I just don't talk to her. Works out pretty good.

 

[YouCoyote]

Thank you for all your suggestions, but, I think I was unclear on one point: she is certifiably insane.
The local law enforcement won't commit her against her will, though, unless shes a physical threat to herself or others, wich, so far, is not the case. I can't move out on my own due to the lack of jobs/housing in our area. (and a lack of transportation, all I have is my feet.) Does anyone have tips on living peacefully with a crazy person?

 

[CrazyGlitch]

Avoid her at all costs. If she tries to talk to you, agree with everything she says and compliment her for being smart and gorgeous. Nod and smile. Pretend you think she's the most sanest, down-to-earth person ever. If she starts screaming incomprehensible things, slap her a few times and scream back vehemently.

Okay, so not that last one.

 

[YouCoyote]

Avoid her at all costs. If she tries to talk to you, agree with everything she says and compliment her for being smart and gorgeous. Nod and smile. Pretend you think she's the most sanest, down-to-earth person ever. If she starts screaming incomprehensible things, slap her a few times and scream back vehemently.

Okay, so not that last one.

XD Thanks, only, I don't think feeding her dilusions is such a good idea, it would probably only encourage her insanity.

 

[Nomenclature]

My mom's a paranoid ISFJ and my dad's an INTP. Between my ENFJ brother and me, you can probably guess who gets along with whom better in the family.

Get a stress ball. Or a laptop or iPod Touch if you have wi-fi and then stay in your room.

 

[YouCoyote]

My mom's a paranoid ISFJ and my dad's an INTP. Between my ENFJ brother and me, you can probably guess who gets along with whom better in the family.

Get a stress ball. Or a laptop or iPod Touch if you have wi-fi and then stay in your room.

I have a laptop, but no room. D: (I failed to keep it pristine to meet my mom and step dads expectations x_x)

 

[username]

Thank you for all your suggestions, but, I think I was unclear on one point: she is certifiably insane.
The local law enforcement won't commit her against her will, though, unless shes a physical threat to herself or others, wich, so far, is not the case. I can't move out on my own due to the lack of jobs/housing in our area. (and a lack of transportation, all I have is my feet.) Does anyone have tips on living peacefully with a crazy person?

Calling a person with mental illness crazy is highly insulting. Most people do it because there is a general lack of compassion for the mentally ill.

I would say the best thing you can do for your mother is to not leave her and make sure she's safe since she's unwilling to get the medical help she needs. Contrary to stereoptype most people with mental illness are not a threat to others. I guess try your best to encourage her to see a doctor or get admitted to a hospital. When people are severely mentally ill they refuse to believe they need help - it's part of the illness, so a lot of the time getting people the help they need is really difficult. I say keep trying. Perhaps think of some creative ways to get her to the hospital....

 

[dagnytaggart]

It could be much worse. She could be an ESFJ. That'd be worse.

Welcome to my world. I find ISFJs tolerable as compared to my ESFJ mom. :frustrating:

This. ESFJs have the exact same allergens as ISFJs, except they're loud and obnoxious about it. I'm referring mostly to my mother. Oh! And they're CLINGIER if you can fathom it. (I'm generalizing, but this is my experience.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

Oh my gosh! My mom is an ISFJ too and I'm a ENTJ. So needless to say we, bump heads.

 

[dagnytaggart]

Calling a person with mental illness crazy is highly insulting. Most people do it because there is a general lack of compassion for the mentally ill.

I would say the best thing you can do for your mother is to not leave her and make sure she's safe since she's unwilling to get the medical help she needs. Contrary to stereoptype most people with mental illness are not a threat to others. I guess try your best to encourage her to see a doctor or get admitted to a hospital. When people are severely mentally ill they refuse to believe they need help - it's part of the illness, so a lot of the time getting people the help they need is really difficult. I say keep trying. Perhaps think of some creative ways to get her to the hospital....

I don't think the OP intended to insult her by using the word "crazy." It's just calling her what she is. Fact, not a slur. Sometimes the hardship of living with unhealthy people outweighs the obligatory compassion. Hence her vent, & IMHO, her right to not deal with HER problem. It's not her fault. She's got to look after her OWN sanity, ya know.

I cut ties with my own mother at 18 for this reason. ESFJ or not, I'm sure she had histrionic personality disorder. She just denied any problem, so I threw my hands up and said forget it. I've got my own life to live.