I think the INFJ needs to mature as a person to be happy and useful. Some advice.

I know I’ve touched on some of this before, but I would like to expound on it, because I think that it is extremely important.

Ni + Fe is a bizarre combination. I think it confuses us into believing that we are more introverted than we are. The more isolated that I became from the rest of the world the more I over stimulated my Ni, and my Fe felt neglected. I became more and more “book smart” and more and more lonely at the same time.

Now, I’m going to be blunt to those of you who are unhappy. (Sorry, but I think it’s for your own good.) The way that many of you think has nothing to do with your personality or who you are as a person. You are immature and unbalanced. I’m telling you this as a person who recently got out of this stage, and I want to help you get out of it.

Let me put it this way: Fe > Ni.

Your emotional well-being is more important than concepts and ideas. You are an EXTROVERTED feeler. You NEED to let lose and have fun with people. You should also be there for them when they are in need. This is extremely important for your health and happiness. I have nothing against Ni at all. If you want to use it to write a novel in your spare time, knock yourself out. BUT when you are around people who value common sense more than book smarts, you need to learn to use common sense and quit demonizing these types of people.

I know what you’re thinking, “Why should I be nice to these people when they are so mean to me?” Well, I’ll tell you….

Most of them are mean to you because they think you are “weird”. The way that extroverts, especially Se’s, communicate is not a “game”, and it is not “superficial” to them. It is a way of life. It is a very big and important part of their lives. They NEED to talk as much as you NEED to think. You have to communicate with them on a level that they can understand. It should not make you feel like a “sell-out”. You should think of it kind of like you are speaking a different language.

Consider this scenario:

Let’s say Snoop Dogg needs to communicate with my grandmother. If he said, “Fo rizzle, my nizzle.”- my grandmother would not understand what he means. There is no reason for Snoop Dogg to feel like a sell-out to old white people just because he is speaking in a language that they can understand.

This is also true for Ni’s communicating with Se’s. We are outnumbered. In their mind, the way they communicate is “normal”. If you show off how “deep” and book smart you are in front of people who are not book smart or deep, you will have two possible reactions:

1. They will be impressed with how smart you are, and they won’t know what you’re talking about.
2. They will think you are pretentious.

So, I think it is important for us to play by their rules. We need to watch our body language too, because that is how they read people. I ALSO think it is important to learn to enjoy communicating this way. We can be “deep” on our own time or with like-minded individuals. And finally, about the S/N difference…

Don’t use MBTI as an excuse for not doing or learning to do things that need to be done. If you ignore too many “little things”, it will turn into a “big thing”. I’m telling you this as an overweight person who spent too much time trying to save the world in his head instead of exercising. Nowadays, I exercise everyday, and my thinking has become less global. I concentrate more on individuals now, and I feel happier. My inner monologue whispers encouragement to me now that I feel like I have a realistic purpose. I feel like everything is going to be ok after all.

I hope this helps. Have a great day. I will see you next week.