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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
After several years I finally felt what Introversion feels like again

I tried being social with the people chilling out in my dorm hallway and I just couldn't get myself to be expressive or talkative like I can be with my friends. Its like all of my charisma, energy and passion just disappeared. I couldn't even talk about any of my ideas, or get myself to. It was the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. My voice became flat and monotonous and my voice also became a lot more stern and deeper than usual (granted I do have a naturally deep voice).

Its been like 2 years since I have tried socializing and I realized why I prefer talking 1 on 1 with people.

Its like I lose all energy or passion when I talk in a group. Doesn't matter if they are strangers so long as its like a 1 on 1.
 

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I also haven't had a real conversation with people in a long while either. But yeah i get what ya mean its a weird uncomfortable feeling.......not that i have any charisma or passion in the first place but whatever.
 

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I'm like this too, which is why I rarely approach others unless I'm absolutely sure the person is worth talking to. Unfortunately while I'm busy thinking of a clever way to break the ice, the opportunity usually alludes me before I can act upon it.
 

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Yeah I agree entirely. I hate group chit chat. There's too much 'bouncing' - people just mirror each other and chatter about whatever is conversationally 'flowing' at the time. It's so arbitrary. I hate joining in. Whatever I say is just pointless, what the hell is the use of such banal interactions?!

It's terrible. I fully agree that one-on-one conversation is the only way. That way you have the person's undivided attention and can properly gauge their feelings and reactions, and they can do the same for you.

I think for me, the main thing it really boils down to is that everyday chit-chat is so pointless. Any time someone speaks, I might as well just reply with, "Yeah but what the fuck is the end goal of what you're saying. Get to the point and let me fuck off. Oh, you have no point. You're just blabbering on about absolutely nothing."

That pretty much sums up my take on typical human interaction. Or at least the interaction that people do when they have time to waste.

Meh, I dunno. Talking is so fucking pointless, littered with unnecessary baggage.
 

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Groups are hard to deal with. I think it's trying to keep track of every conversation (to not make some social mistake). In my friend group, I usually split off with one person at a time to talk to them properly. I've found recently (since my social anxiety has started going off) I've managed to be friendly towards people I don't know so well one-to-one, but it groups I just smile and nod (it was awful when I was placed with two guys I didn't know in a sushi bar earlier...).
 

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A dorm hallway is not the best environment for finding people who may have something to connect with you, besides being students. You might check for clubs/groups that interest you, or talk to people in similar majors. When I was an biochem major, I felt comfortable with other science majors. Also, most of my friends have been people who I took the same classes with, both in my department and outside.
 

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What a coincidence, I had a similar experience just today and I can say that I am the same. This happens because I tend to get washed out and ignored in groups(probably because I talk a little slower and softer than other people).
 

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I think for me, the main thing it really boils down to is that everyday chit-chat is so pointless. Any time someone speaks, I might as well just reply with, "Yeah but what the fuck is the end goal of what you're saying. Get to the point and let me fuck off. Oh, you have no point. You're just blabbering on about absolutely nothing."

That pretty much sums up my take on typical human interaction. Or at least the interaction that people do when they have time to waste.
I laughed pretty hard at this. You seem to be quite the ray of sunshine.

I agree with the overall sentiment of what you said though. I myself skip the small talk with people I know well (I never ask stuff like ''how is it going?'' for instance). Unfortunately, some people can easily take it wrongly if you don't say ''hello'' or ''bye'' every single time you see them. Pretty silly.
 

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When you are in a group of people, don't feel weird when you aren't saying anything. People will not think you are weird if you are quiet. The pressure is not on you to hold up the entire conversation. Also, you are not performing for them so don't worry about having to be perfect with everything you say. And don't feel like everybody else is judging you.

Just relax and have fun. Not everybody will be interesting, but some will. Those people can be fun to talk to and could become friends in the future.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
When you are in a group of people, don't feel weird when you aren't saying anything. People will not think you are weird if you are quiet. The pressure is not on you to hold up the entire conversation. Also, you are not performing for them so don't worry about having to be perfect with everything you say. And don't feel like everybody else is judging you.

Just relax and have fun. Not everybody will be interesting, but some will. Those people can be fun to talk to and could become friends in the future.
Why waste my time with random small talk though when I can make friends on an individual basis with actual discussion?
 

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Why waste my time with random small talk though when I can make friends on an individual basis with actual discussion?
I don't understand why you're asking him this question. Your post seemed to be asking for help on social interactions or indicating that you wanted to interact with this group but were unable to. Tangled Up In Blue was offering his thoughts on ways that might help you to do this. He can't answer the question you posed to him, only you can answer it.
 

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I laughed pretty hard at this. You seem to be quite the ray of sunshine.

I agree with the overall sentiment of what you said though. I myself skip the small talk with people I know well (I never ask stuff like ''how is it going?'' for instance). Unfortunately, some people can easily take it wrongly if you don't say ''hello'' or ''bye'' every single time you see them. Pretty silly.
Haha, yeah my girlfriend is an ENTP and she's the same. She finds mundane chit-chat so boring. Often we have awkward moments where we don't know what to say to each other because we know we should be more social and talk about pointless shite, but we can't. Then suddenly one of us will have a little 'lightbulb' moment and will start talking about an apparently interesting topic, endlessly, even if the other doesn't actually care at all.

We only seem to be able to talk in the form of information and inside jokes.
 

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Why waste my time with random small talk though when I can make friends on an individual basis with actual discussion?
I don't understand why you're asking him this question. Your post seemed to be asking for help on social interactions or indicating that you wanted to interact with this group but were unable to. Tangled Up In Blue was offering his thoughts on ways that might help you to do this. He can't answer the question you posed to him, only you can answer it.
Looks like a rhetorical question to me.
 

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I agree with the overall sentiment of what you said though. I myself skip the small talk with people I know well (I never ask stuff like ''how is it going?'' for instance). Unfortunately, some people can easily take it wrongly if you don't say ''hello'' or ''bye'' every single time you see them. Pretty silly
Tell me about it. Since I'm a student most of my time is used running around like a chicken with my head cut off and it annoys me to no end when people try to interrupt what I'm doing for the sake of having a "stop-n-chat". I never really understood the point in asking "how's it going" since most people lie and say "fine" it defeats the purpose of the entire question and trivializes the conversation as whole since it's only based on formalities not authenticity.
 

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Tell me about it. Since I'm a student most of my time is used running around like a chicken with my head cut off and it annoys me to no end when people try to interrupt what I'm doing for the sake of having a "stop-n-chat". I never really understood the point in asking "how's it going" since most people lie and say "fine" it defeats the purpose of the entire question and trivializes the conversation as whole since it's only based on formalities not authenticity.
I ask how it's going. I'm offering an opening to say something entertaining. If they don't have anything entertaining to say, they may respond with "fine" or if they're an INFP, they might divulge more than I wanted to know about them. When someone asks how I am doing, if possible I share something humorous from my day or a funny recent event or a joke or something from the news that I'm thinking about or if I'm feeling like crap I'll just say fine. "Fine" because I have no interest in sharing anything personal and if I said I was feeling like crap, inevitably they'll ask what's wrong. I'm not going to tell them what's wrong.


Groups are an opportunity to receive lots of attention (if you enjoy it) and to bounce ideas off of multiple people at once. A group has more resources than a single person. One person might be able to get you tickets to a sold out hockey game. A group of people are more likely to have someone that can you get you box seats at the game. Plus, they're entertaining. Jokes move faster in a group. People start story topping (some are obviously bullshit but I don't care if they're a good story teller). Conversations move faster. My brain works harder and I enjoy it. It's no different from working a crossword puzzle. Figure out the group dynamics. Figure out their common interests. It's hard to explain.

If you aren't enjoying it, don't waste your time on it. I've found jobs, financial backing for projects and business connections through group conversations. Group discussion is so much more time efficient and productive and fun all rolled up in one as compared with one on one conversations. Yes, one on one is valuable and enjoyable. But in terms of fulfilling social needs, groups come with more benefits. If you can entertain a group, it's a given you'll get invites to other places that will have more people, more social opportunities to enjoy myself etc...

I'm not trying to convince anyone of their need to socialize in groups. I just think you're too readily dismissing it when it has paid off so well for me.
 

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Maybe it's because I work retail, or maybe it's because I've chameleoned my entire life, that talking isn't a big deal to me.

I mean I don't particularly care for group conversations, but I don't hate them.

Just chat for a minute, ask how they're doing, turn the conversation around to them because people love to talk about themselves, and then after a minute, pretend you're getting a call and walk away.

Turn your autopilot mode on.
 
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