[ForsakenMe]

Okay, so all I've been were smiles and sunshine since I've first signed up to this wonderful forum... And while there were times where I was genuinely happy corresponding with other members on here, I also feel like I need to get this out of my chest... A curse that all of us INFPs know and loathe is our ability to become overly emotional. I hate it... I haven't developed my T at all, and with a very strong working F in my personality, I am often struck with powerful feelings that I usually keep boiling deep inside me... It hurts me to the point where it physically feels bad. My chest will tighten, my back will create knots, and I would feel sick to my stomach before I start to cry. :sad:

I just wish I wasn't so overly emotional sometimes. It has gotten me in a lot of trouble in the past and I'm sick of having thin skin... I don't care what strangers have to think about me (unless they're very harsh), but when remembering all the stinging words that loved ones have told me, I just start to cry and then hate myself more for it. I just wish I was stronger... Nobody, ever, doesn't like it when I show my emotional side. Ever.

I just wished I knew what to do. How do you deal with such powerful emotions?

 

[gloosle]

I know how you feel.

Thankgoodness for pillows.

 

[AllorNuthin]

How do I deal with it? Well, I get embarrassed a lot, and I look for friends who are real and authentic, who don't mind me acting the way I'm feeling. I take every opportunity I get to talk to people who allow me to vent to them, and I sincerely try to let it out and look for a way to come to terms with it all (instead of just complaining.) I don't know if this has to do with being emotional, but I have found that the only way for me to live a sane life is to have no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives. I am very honest and straightforward, that way if things get difficult I doubt myself less and don't get down on myself. I do my best to have good intentions, and to make them clear. When I get emotional, I know I have a good reason for it, it's just that most people will never know or want to learn about these reasons, they don't want to share the burden or feel as vulnerable as I do. Yes I am very vulnerable, and that makes life in a dog-eat-dog world pretty tough. In the long run, however, it makes life much more meaningful. I am unable to treat people like crap and ignore the horrors of this world. I take on every injustice and unfair tragedy as my own, and I am very compassionate towards others who are hurting. Feeling rough has made me appreciate the good there is in life, and I value things that are healthy and happy. I take pride in doing things like going for a walk, or making someone a good-tasting healthy dinner. Someone who doesn't feel doesn't learn about this stuff, and though the first half of my life has been hell, the next half is going to be full of love and good will towards my fellow suffering humans. You want to be strong, most think it's about avoiding real emotions. I am very emotional and also very strong. I don't hate my enemies because I know where that leaves me. Being a jerk is not being strong. Being a forgiving, loving, learning person is very strong. Think about what makes a good mother and father. It is almost never what we typically think of as powerfull and strong, it often involves humility and forgiveness, not a hardening of one's heart. Really, I don't know how to feel better about stuff except to slowly make myself into someone I like who gets the love he deserves. In all honesty, just being a good person will not get you a good life. You have to avoid mean people and evil deeds and gravitate towards good people and healthy, loving motives. Don't think you're weak just because you're suffering. Strong people suffer, and contiue on without blaming or taking it out on the next unlucky shmuck. I hope you don't hate yourself forever just because you're not the way MTV thinks you should be. One thing that has helped me immensely is that I had always tried hard to be like everyone else, but I couldn't. I know I don't have a choice, so why should I feel guilty about being this way. I can only do the best I can while being vulnerable, sensitive, emotional, self-doubting, ect. Be good to yourself, it's not selfish, it's the first step to being strong.

 

[Rusalka]

You cry and let it all out when you're alone. Seclude yourself and isolate yourself and indulge in your emotions and such; it's such a treat, at least to me. I feel the most honest and pure when start I crying or just purely sobbing and crying and screaming out of pain alone, just to feel and to feel genuine and honest to myself. Just to feel those endorphins kicking in after a good crying session and going to sleep, it's great. (I swear I'm not emo! That sounds so incredibly stereotypical but it's the sad truth).

These things don't necessarily mean you are weak, just that you feel more acutely than others. Objectively, so what? To be honest, it's a good thing to have a heightened sense of feeling: you will reach heights no one other person has soared to. It's an experience. You just have to manage it better. That's really it.

I try to avoid situations where I might get emotional, at least in front of others. I try to bottle it up by keeping busy and avoiding going into depth with those feelings, but really I have never found a way to control that urge to cry when something awful is happening and I can't get away. I would like to "save" those feelings for later, where I can find a more appropriate time and venue to deal with them in my own way, but it never works out and the dam just bursts, unfortunately. I don't let it bother me much, though; I go back to my "it's a gift" point. I know that I will always understand things with a depth of feeling and kind of abstract humane wisdom that my ISFJ mom and INTP dad never will (and I've started taking a lot of what they say with a grain of salt).

Sorry, I would write more but I'm really tired and should be finishing my lab report instead of browsing here :crying:.

 

[Lad]

Like a pendulum, passion can swing both ways. We often feel extreme forms of self-loathing, but are also capable of the most intense feelings of love. To live touching both warmth and cold can certainly confuse the senses. Yet, those who are capable of enduring both extremes will learn how to both inspire people and corrupt them. This is how we learn to change reality, this is how we make dreams come true. It's through endurance, it's through patience, it's through pushing yourself to the absolute extremes and then bouncing back with a greater scope of who you are.

There is no miracle answer because it all varies amongst us. Some people could tell you that "those guys aren't worth it, they're assholes, fuck them," but that's just shifting your emotions rather than dealing with them. Other people may say, "wait till you find a guy that appreciates you and loves you for who you are," but that could be years from now.

So what do you do about -right now?-

The first step is acknowledgement. By sharing your thoughts already, you have already taken an enormous step. I honestly thank you for sharing a glimpse of yourself, and in all likelihood, similar feelings that many other people may share.

Second, is just realizing that people who don't know you are actually concerned about you. Everyone here wants you to be happy, everyone here would give you a hug in real life, everyone here would listen to you 1:1 if you ever needed it. It's the honest truth.

Third, lean on us. When you're down and out, take the hand that gets extended to you. Draw strength from the people that care and use that to calm your nerves a little.

Fourth, while painful, share a bit more about yourself and the things that happened. If you wish, do it to select people you trust on here in private. Come forward with things and share some of the weight on your shoulders with everyone else. People -want- to help.

Fifth, from there, we'll make a plan as to what we can do next.

Keep us posted, girl. I admire your courage.

 

[Sukami]

I understand how difficult it is not to take things personally. I've been through many of the same things you're describing with family and friends. I wish I could help you grow a thicker skin. You have to love yourself and accept that your emotion when stirred is a sprinting Goliath, that bugger takes a while to slow down!

It has taken me a long time to come to grips with the power of my emotion. It still overwhelms me at times, but I have found that channeling your emotions can help a great deal. I have several ways I deal with my energies. I write, play music, exercise, meditate, and try to talk it out if possible. Sometimes it just isn't possible to put into words what you are feeling. That's where exercise really helps me. All of that energy has to go somewhere or I go through an emotional overload. It's not always possible to stay on an even keel because we all have our hot button triggers, but if you can find something to pour yourself into on a daily basis it can really help you to feel more balanced.

 

[faeriegal713]

The "easy" and short answer is that you can choose not to. I've done so many times before and it has enabled me to push them away and further away until the inevitable happens - I break. All the emotions, the depression, the hopelessness, the hysteria, anxiety, loathing, anger... all of the negative emotions at least, find their way back to me. The positive ones... well, much like Pandora's box, they are always the last to make any move for an exit, and by the time I'm even aware that they exist and it is still possible for me to feel them, I've been through hell and back and there's no way in this world I would be able to trust them until I had tested them. Again.

That's not the only answer though. It's so very important to express what it is that you're feeling, whether it's in your head (not really recommended, but better than bottling everything up inside) on paper, on canvas, in a song, through running, swimming, hiking, or screaming, pushing yourself to do something is the important thing. As long as you're doing something, you're giving your mind a chance to process through everything you're feeling, which can take something from "OMG! Overwhelming!" to "Okay, this sucks, but.... here goes." The idea is that you're taking an action, using energy from the emotions, to bring yourself closer to some sort of balance.

You're going to feel extreme ranges of emotions, much greater than what just about most others could ever experience, and to them, that is scary. It's intimidating. You're capable of something so much more vast and almost primal in intensity than they can imagine. There is always fear with the unknown. But it is something that you are capable of and as such is not something to fear.

It's not easy or simple, it takes work, but you do have tools to use so you can help to manage your emotions. I'm not going to tell you that you will succeed every time, but every moment that you are able to tell the people who criticize and doubt you what it is that is going on in your mind and heart will be a small victory. Every time you're able to pull back from a very unpleasant place in your mind will be a victory. You are capable of each of these victories, multiple times over.

You have support here, don't forget it. We're here for you and want to help you with each of those victories.

*hugs* Good luck figuring out what works best for you.

 

[under skies]

It can definitely feel overwhelming. My emotions affect me so much more than I wish they did. The teeny-tiniest thing, positive or negative, can elicit such a huge response. And that can be good, but it can also be a bad thing. (It's much more noticeable when it's bad!)

How do I deal with it? As Rusalka mentioned, ... cry. I just cry about it and deal with it in private, and then when it's over, it all gets tucked away again.


I wish I could offer some advice. I guess I just thought I'd at least let you know that I understood where you were coming from.

 

[ForsakenMe]

Thank you so much, you guys... All of the responses here have struck something inside of me, something positive of course. I know deep down that people are good, that people care, but my parents have taught me otherwise. I know they meant well, but their childhoods weren't exactly the best and instead of helping themselves through it, they decide to dump all their frustrations on me as a child growing up. This has transformed me into a very anxious, angry, depressed girl, opressed of everything she is just to please her parents who are never, well... pleased with anything she does.

I've been through a lot. This I know. I've been through abuse. I've been through poverty before. I've been pushed around and many more. Has this mad eme stronger? Yes it has. It pushed me to grow faster and more mature mentally than most people in my age group, a blessing and a curse; I can't have "fun" like most people my age can because I don't see the fun in getting drunk or causing mayhem out in public. People have called me "old fashioned", but it's just me being beyond my years... People can see this whenever I write or draw them pictures, or when they draw out my inner, deepest thoughts...

I think my issue is letting go of the past. More than anything, I wished my past was easy and good, you know? I wished my childhood was filled with memories of having fun, of feeling free, of having my parents love me genuinely and are proud of my talents and the things I can do for them... But none of those happened. And even if they did happened, they were quick and fleeting. I didn't have a childhood, basically...

This has taught me to give my future children the best lives a child deserve to have, a life without abuse. Without opression or shame. I want my children to be happy and to grow up as happy, healthy individuals... I want to give them a life that I never had.

Well, thank you everyone for your input. You are all such beautiful souls, and I can only wish I knew you guys in real life... You have such immense depth to your souls that I can't find much anywhere anymore. ^_^ I love you guys!

 

[starflower]

Thank you so much, you guys... All of the responses here have struck something inside of me, something positive of course. I know deep down that people are good, that people care, but my parents have taught me otherwise. I know they meant well, but their childhoods weren't exactly the best and instead of helping themselves through it, they decide to dump all their frustrations on me as a child growing up. This has transformed me into a very anxious, angry, depressed girl, opressed of everything she is just to please her parents who are never, well... pleased with anything she does.

I've been through a lot. This I know. I've been through abuse. I've been through poverty before. I've been pushed around and many more. Has this mad eme stronger? Yes it has. It pushed me to grow faster and more mature mentally than most people in my age group, a blessing and a curse; I can't have "fun" like most people my age can because I don't see the fun in getting drunk or causing mayhem out in public. People have called me "old fashioned", but it's just me being beyond my years... People can see this whenever I write or draw them pictures, or when they draw out my inner, deepest thoughts...

I think my issue is letting go of the past. More than anything, I wished my past was easy and good, you know? I wished my childhood was filled with memories of having fun, of feeling free, of having my parents love me genuinely and are proud of my talents and the things I can do for them... But none of those happened. And even if they did happened, they were quick and fleeting. I didn't have a childhood, basically...

This has taught me to give my future children the best lives a child deserve to have, a life without abuse. Without opression or shame. I want my children to be happy and to grow up as happy, healthy individuals... I want to give them a life that I never had.

Well, thank you everyone for your input. You are all such beautiful souls, and I can only wish I knew you guys in real life... You have such immense depth to your souls that I can't find much anywhere anymore. ^_^ I love you guys!

(((hugs)))

I could have written this (and your first post, also). Seriously. This sounds exactly like me.

I have developed my T to some extent - in order to survive, but I still feel emotions so strongly. My special one thinks I'm bipolar. :crazy: I'll be laughing and happy - so high - one day, and another day, I'll be sobbing in her arms. She doesn't like it much, so I've learned to keep to myself when my negative emotions are strong.

Also, I've learned, my feelings are not all mine. I feel the emotions of those around me, and those I love at a distance, as if they were my own feelings. As an INFP, you may be dealing with emotions of those around you ON TOP OF your own emotions. How can that not overwhelm somebody?

As for crying in public, I have learned to say the multiplication tables in my head, when I can't be alone, and then when I can finally be alone, I cry, cry, and cry some more, until I cry myself to sleep. When I wake up, I feel better. I wish I could say it only happens once in a while, but that would be a lie. OTOH, sometimes, I get so high - I can't help but grin, smile, sing, dance, even in public. People look at me weird (maybe that's why I have no friends?) but I don't mind showing happy emotions, however strong, in public. Sometimes my persistent annoying smile will get others to smile, too. :laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::crazy:

 

[SenhorFrio]

it isn't all good time but i like having strong emotions, i am wiling to live through the hard moments to enjoy the times when i feel amazing. but indeed it is a doubt a double edged sword, i've overreacted and paniced countless times, i've felt like i've made some terrible mistake when i've done a minor thing, at my worse the only words i want to say are"i'm sorry". how do i deal with it..i go for walks in my yard i talk tomy friends(both RL and ones from here)about them. i don't try to rush myself out of those times, i used to be"why do i have to feel like this!"and try and shove them out of my mind, but i can see"i feel bad when bad things happen,and i feel good when good things happen"and it's as simple as that. time is the only thing that can cure these kind of things, be paitent with yourself it take time to process things sometimes
i feel things strongly whether there good or bad.

 

[behoopd]

I understand how you feel, sweetheart. I'm the exact same way, and unfortunately, I don't have any tips for you, because I still struggle with it myself, every day. I'll be reading this thread though for others' suggestions!

 

[Sukami]

(((hugs)))
Also, I've learned, my feelings are not all mine. I feel the emotions of those around me, and those I love at a distance, as if they were my own feelings. As an INFP, you may be dealing with emotions of those around you ON TOP OF your own emotions. How can that not overwhelm somebody?

Thank you for bringing this issue to light, Starflower. I can't count how many times I've wondered if I was losing my mind over the years. I figured it out in my mid to late twenties after I'd done my time questioning my own sanity. Explaining this blessing/curse to people can get you some bonafides for the rubber room. It has taken a while for me to be able to filter what I'm feeling from everything else. Before I could do that I didn't even want to go to the grocery store much less a party. I am excited to say I've finally overcome the confusion aspect and am moving towards a better grasp on interpreting everything.

All living things give off some form of energy. Some of us are just more sensitive to it than others. I wish I'd had a teacher who understood this when I was just a child.

 

[starflower]

Thank you for bringing this issue to light, Starflower. I can't count how many times I've wondered if I was losing my mind over the years. I figured it out in my mid to late twenties after I'd done my time questioning my own sanity. Explaining this blessing/curse to people can get you some bonafides for the rubber room. It has taken a while for me to be able to filter what I'm feeling from everything else. Before I could do that I didn't even want to go to the grocery store much less a party. I am excited to say I've finally overcome the confusion aspect and am moving towards a better grasp on interpreting everything.

All living things give off some form of energy. Some of us are just more sensitive to it than others. I wish I'd had a teacher who understood this when I was just a child.

I am still struggling to understand this. How do you filter what you're feeling from others? I honestly cannot tell the difference between my feelings and theirs unless I'm looking at the person. Or, if I'm feeling someone's emotions from a distance, if they tell me. It's not something I tell people irl.

What can you teach me?

Actually, now that I think about it, I have done this once. I internalize music, and the energy I get from music. But one time I was out in public, and over the speakers in a certain place, an very negative-energy song was playing. I cringed when I first heard it, and if I kept listening, I knew I'd be writhing on the floor. I was somehow able to tune it out. But I knew where the energy was coming from. It was from music, not people.

 

[wisdom]

I like the idea of safely letting it out, with singing, music listening, exercise, or something else, such as therapy. I also like an idea I don't hear enough, lowering emotional intensity physiologically, through lifestyle. Things I practice are adequate sleep, eating regularly, taking supplements (vitamin D, calcium, magnesium, fish oil, and others), sunlight, and exercise. One bit of good news is that some calming happens naturally for many people, beginning in one's twenties.

 

[ForsakenMe]

I hope everyone is feeling good today. If onlhy negative emotions didn't exist... I'd be the happiest most bubbly person on Earth! That's how much emotions I have boiling over.

 

[Sukami]

I am still struggling to understand this. How do you filter what you're feeling from others? I honestly cannot tell the difference between my feelings and theirs unless I'm looking at the person. Or, if I'm feeling someone's emotions from a distance, if they tell me. It's not something I tell people irl.

What can you teach me?

Actually, now that I think about it, I have done this once. I internalize music, and the energy I get from music. But one time I was out in public, and over the speakers in a certain place, an very negative-energy song was playing. I cringed when I first heard it, and if I kept listening, I knew I'd be writhing on the floor. I was somehow able to tune it out. But I knew where the energy was coming from. It was from music, not people.

That's really a major step in controlling your own abilities. Registering what affects you on an unseen level can be very difficult.

One thing I do is analyze how I am feeling as often as possible. If you know your own state of mind and where your own emotions are originating from it is much easier to distinguish those that do not belong to you. Then you can focus on those foreign emotions with more poise and less anxiety. Focusing without fear allows you to better understand what you're sensing. It allows for an easier experience in filtering the various energies. It takes practice. Be patient with yourself and when you feel afraid or anxious make a point to take a deep breath and ask yourself what it is that you fear. Nine times our of ten our minds create mountains out of molehills. It's important to distinguish between the two so when you're really sensing a mountain you know how to deal with it.

 

[Shaneus]

I'm actually going through this at the moment (especially tonight). I hate to post something about me but it's really struck a chord personally today more than anything. I'll paste what I wrote and was going to write somewhere else, but this thread seems perfect:

Ugh, fucking hate that what most people would happily let slide, I take personally and having it almost bring me to tears. My best friend is repeatedly unconsciously (and not at all deliberately/maliciously) inconsiderate towards me. Pisses me off that it always happens without him realising and it pisses me off that I know it's not deliberate so theoretically I have no right to be angry (well, I do but my INFPness makes me think I don't).

Finding the right words to tell him how he's treating me without losing my cool or offending him is proving a frustrating task :frustrating:

 

[Shaneus]

Completely unrelated to my previous post, but I just realised the perfect conclusion to this thread's title/sentence. I wish I wasn't so overly emotional... except for when being so pays off.

I think one of the problems on this board (well, the INFP section anyway) is that the extremes of our emotions are never conclusively justified. If only just that were to happen to each of us, where we reach a point that we think "Finally, this is the result I have been so prepared for!" perhaps we wouldn't be ruminating on so many things. Or perhaps we would ruminate more.

Anyway, something to think about... hm, perhaps this would've been better left in the Stream of Consciousness thread?