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622 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Before I start I just want to say, I like a lot of fours, a lot of INFPS grace it’s ranks and to all of you fours out there doing your part to manage your fixation and make the world a better place, I commend you.

The images are kinda small because, I had to copy them over from my machine, sorry about that, use ctrl + to enlarge them and and ctrl - to go back to normal size in your web browser.

Now on to the other part of this post……….

I have a four in my life that is clearly fixated, I have stated it numerous times before that I really want nothing to do with them, but the cannot seem to get it through their head that I really do not like them very much and do not want anything to do with them anymore.

Let’s discuss this………

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I have listened to the person continuously talk about how much better they are then others, how they are on such a different level then other people, and also how special and unique they are compared to everyone else, I fairly sure that this is a four fixation rearing its head. To get more specific, their behavior falls clearly along these lines.

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I also clearly see these trance clues in their behavior as well.

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I would have to say that they are a sexual four, because they are always trying to do something to prove how “superior” and “elite” they are compared to everyone else.
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It’s seems they have even began to try and use the Enneagram to justify their superiority over others and me, by trying to say that I have anger issues because I’m a 9, while it true that a 9’s core fixation revolves around anger, it really works more like this.

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While I do have anger issues, it would not be the ones that they are trying to imply that I have,
I’m not really that butt hurt about it however, because it means at least they picked up a book or just went to a web site, and took a second to try and learn something that could be beneficial to them (far be it from them to ever do this under any other circumstances), however what chaps my hide is that said individual, is trying to take someone elses core fixation, and warp it for their own purposes (four fix again) to prove their superiority, it is my opinion that the Enneagram is about getting, down to the deepest levels of how a person relates to themselves and the rest of the world., and this type of shit just does not cut it. Although I do actively believe in typing other people, so you can understand their filter.

I have heard it all about how to get this person out of my life, including moving, well it’s a thought but, it pretty much boils down to the fact that I can live wherever I want, I actually tried to move to Thailand to not have to deal with this person and their bullshit anymore, if an international time zone is not enough of an indicator of how little I want that person in my life, I don’t know what is.

I’m only looking for serious replies to this post, no flaming and no bullshit please, I really want to understand how to deal with this person better.


3,255 Posts
Sorry but I'm not sure how I can help. All I can say is that those cartoons were embarrassing in the extreme to read because I think I come across that way IRL quite often. I'm not a core four, but my four wing is all kinds of butt hurt and drama-ey. All I can suggest is you have to slam the door in this person's face. Any kind of politeness is going to be misconstrued for invitation and encouragement, since the head is so far up the butt to negate any kind of self reflection. Sorry to hear this is happening to you.

2,364 Posts
Unfortunately I think you're going to have to be brutal. I've been at around Level 7 - 8 but even then I turned it all in on myself and tried not to "impose" myself on people who I thought didn't want me around. There was one exception though, and honestly I still want to sink into the ground and disappear forever when I think about how messed up it was.

I'm incredibly grateful to the people who genuinely still loved me and were there for me in that time. However, the only thing that made me want to improve was the realisation that I was desperately unhappy and couldn't really attract the kinds of people that I wanted in my life. See, in that level, we get a bit extreme about embracing our flaws. When healthier we tend to view them in a more realistic light - that while we should always try to work on our negative traits, they are a part of us and so instead of suppressing them, we should accept them as a valid part of the personality, both in ourselves and in other people. But when we're unhealthy, they become a rigid part of our personality and if we are to be true to ourselves, we don't want to change anything. To work on our flaws for another person? That's selling out, man!!

There's no dealing with someone like that unless they truly want to get better. Slam the door and slam it HARD.

I have the deepest level of sympathy for you. Really. Any type at that level of disintegration is a nightmare, but I feel it more acutely because I know that could nearly be me. :-/
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