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Discussion Starter #1
1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

Recognition. Revenge. I've no doubt that when I finally obtain these things, I'll seek something else. I'm always searching for something. I'm slow-minded and extremely sensitive to conflict. For that reason, I have great difficulty being assertive. I would like nothing more than to humble all who have mocked me and perceived me as inferior to them. Perhaps, it would be better referred to as "justice". I'd like to see this world be as fair a place as it can be.

2. What were you like as a kid?

I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome; I was very quiet, very confused; always trying to understand what was happening around me - except everything irrational made no sense. I loved numbers; undoubtedly because I saw the patterns within them - and I had a strange fondness of the number 8. I came to like fantasy as well and was very fond of music; this has continued all the way through my life.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

I'm very controlling of the things I say to my Mother. A part of this I think, is my own cowardly denial: though I think a part of it is hers as well. To a certain extent I feel cheated by her, as in my childhood I saw her as an individual to follow. As I've come to find out, she means well but is as confused as I am; only she has no intention to challenge her confusion. I'm an adventurer, and I won't be anything else. There are too many answers I don't have.


4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

I hope I never become selfish or cowardly. I've seen the problem when people care too much about themselves to think their actions through. And then their cowardice becomes apparent as they deny just how uncaring they really are. I despise individuals who claim to live in equality and perfect harmony; it's a system that doesn't work. They always end up having an unwritten hierachy; they claim that they don't. And as soon as you have a leader, equality is gone. As soon as you enforce a set of rules to avoid transforming a society, you end up with a dictatorship. So many people don't see that this is the truth.


5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

I remember I used to be very fond of quiz shows when I was younger. Due to being only about six, I could answer very few of the questions. I used to imagine that others would grow up around me and come to know all these things; but I would still be just as knowledgeless in ten years time as I was then. I developed quite an obsession with trivia, and I still have very good trivial knowledge in anything that interests me.


6. a.) How do you see yourself?

Exactly like I see any other person, a fool who thinks he's unique. But you only develop uniqueness by recognizing your real identity and developing the person you are. It's about learning to be genuine to myself; but that's very difficult, because I all the time wish I could be someone I'm not.

b.) How do you want others to see you?

As a wise man. Someone who speaks truths and does not cloud his judgments. Someone authentic who can be trusted and turned to, in a world shrouded by darkness and falsities. Think of myself as the holder of the Lens of Truth.

c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?

I believe I already answered this.


7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others. 2
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you 3
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else. 1

(Arranging 2 and 3 is difficult)

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

I think about how I will rise to power. I imagine myself enforcing great visions upon other people; taking them to the skies and shadows alike. I tell them stories of heroes and villains... and it's for them to decide which is which.

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

It is all in success and failure. As soon as I have failed to communicate myself to the outside world, I should question why I am worthy and why I suffer such delusions. But in success, there is that glimmer of hope; that I am closing in on my target.


10.
Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:
a.) anger - I feel anger when I see injustice. Anger feels very clouding to me. I lose the ability to think straight. Usually my anger manifests as a growl, occurring in impulsive spurts. My personal failures make me extremely angry. However, I usually make sure my anger will not disturb other individuals; although sometimes I intend for my anger to be heard.

b.) shame - I feel shame when I believe I am being mocked, or when I have committed an action of ill-wisdom. I become sheepish and reclusive.

c.) anxiety - I struggle to think when I'm anxious; my breathing gets heavy and my speech becomes noticeably disjointed.
 

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anger turned inwards is 1. I see this as a repeated theme.

Anger turned outwards is 8. you resist this.

anger denied is 9. You do not deny your anger.

Truth. Why is it important to you? What gives you the right to be the holder of the lens?

what things hurt your feelings?

I wonder if you are a young 8 with hooks to 5.
 

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Discussion Starter #3 (Edited)
anger turned inwards is 1. I see this as a repeated theme.

Anger turned outwards is 8. you resist this.

anger denied is 9. You do not deny your anger.

Truth. Why is it important to you? What gives you the right to be the holder of the lens?

what things hurt your feelings?

I wonder if you are a young 8 with hooks to 5.
Truth is important to me because it is the truth. It represents purity and perfection of man. Unless we operate in the purest grounds of truth, we're all corrupt. Basically, we are destroying real order. I have the right to be the holder of the lens because I have no reason to believe that any other individual is the holder of the lens. I just have to show the world that this is so.

I am most hurt when I am challenged. Whenever I believe I've figured out a perfect answer to something... and I am proven completely wrong. I'm fed up of being wrong... and how do you make a rebuttal if your answer's been taken from you?
 

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if you can gain enough information, does that give you control over your world?

i'm thinking 5 now....
 
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