Ideals clashing with reality: something is gonna give

1410 Views 14 Replies 8 Participants Last post by WonderN2Wonder, May 26, 2012

bottlerocket

Discussion Starter · May 25, 2012 (Edited)

Hello, all. I'm in a less down mood now that I know what is going on. (See the following thread if you care to see the state of mind I was recently in. Thanks to those of you who shared words of kindness despite my whining. It's good to let things out and be accepted. And encouraged. And tough-loved a bit. http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/99487-infps-sex-love-unhappy.html )

I'll make this short: I am idealistic about relationships. ("Zomg! What!?" you say.) Here is the problem. I've realized a pattern. When I care and want a relationship, the girl doesn't, even though she may seem into me, make out with me, text me, talk on the phone for an hour plus (like the girl I'm currently talking about). My most success with a girl ("success") happens when she initiates, she likes me, I don't really care that much, and we "date" for a while because I don't completely dislike her. Then I break up with her. For real, I've never been broken up with. You know why?? Cuz a girl I really like has never dated me. This is true. I'm not being funny. I'm not being self-deprecating. This is my reality.

This isn't as short as I wanted it to be: So this beautiful, wonderful girl who I've spent 3 months talking to (and some years prior to this knowing) fed me the bullshit line "I'm not ready for a relationship right now." Haha!
Subtext: "I'm ready for a relationship with someone that I'm into, and that isn't you." Which I get. Not everyone can like everyone. BUT, I did some research on this bullshit phrase, and you know what I found? Pick-up artist forums talking about it. And how it happens when guys "need" a girl or show too much interest or come on too strong.

And here is the point: My ideals of having a true emotional connection with a girl has NEVER worked. The more I care, the less it works. The less I care, the easier it is to date a girl. Is it time to give up my little fantastical idea of "true love", "true emotional connection with another human"? I do fucking believe it is time. And I'm not even upset right now (that's a lie, but I'm not out-of-my-mind upset or insane right now), I feel pretty rational. As much as I like to "feel" my truth, I do believe in science. And I think my little unfortunate experiments are showing me the truth. So, to believe blindly, or to question my beliefs and change my ways.

Thanks for sticking around.

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Berns321

· #2 · May 25, 2012

well these girls....the ones that really like you, but you don't care for as much...maybe u should try giving them a little more than a week xD maybe your missing out on exactly what you are looking for... I mean think about it...what if the girls you really liked but didn't like you back gave you more of a chance??
Be the better man.
I think I said this on a other forum like yesterday. We wait forever on the one person brave enough to break down our walls, what's if the other person needs someone to break down their own walls just as much!
I don't know anything about love. And I'm pretty skeptical about the whole thing...but I think life is about living out your questions. And hopefully someday through that living you'll find the answers? Or not either way....domt let your ideals keep you from swing what's right in front of you? perfectly unperfect, beautiful flaws and all

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Berns321

· #4 · May 25, 2012

oh. Yeah I feel you though....its like a crisis really. I totally believed in true love and all that stuff you see in Disney movies growing up
in fact I believed in pretty much everything....and then now through life experience and reflection I have more doubt about a lot of things than any of my friends or family. And its really hard, but it's unavoidable. So depressing at times =/
I think infps have such a great capacity for love, but we also easily perceive the truth and are so aware of ourselves and the world.. so it's like a constant battle Between our inner world and the outside world. Hah its tuff =<

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