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Ideals clashing with reality: something is gonna give

1416 Views 14 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  WonderN2Wonder
Hello, all. I'm in a less down mood now that I know what is going on. (See the following thread if you care to see the state of mind I was recently in. Thanks to those of you who shared words of kindness despite my whining. It's good to let things out and be accepted. And encouraged. And tough-loved a bit. )

I'll make this short: I am idealistic about relationships. ("Zomg! What!?" you say.) Here is the problem. I've realized a pattern. When I care and want a relationship, the girl doesn't, even though she may seem into me, make out with me, text me, talk on the phone for an hour plus (like the girl I'm currently talking about). My most success with a girl ("success") happens when she initiates, she likes me, I don't really care that much, and we "date" for a while because I don't completely dislike her. Then I break up with her. For real, I've never been broken up with. You know why?? Cuz a girl I really like has never dated me. This is true. I'm not being funny. I'm not being self-deprecating. This is my reality.

This isn't as short as I wanted it to be: So this beautiful, wonderful girl who I've spent 3 months talking to (and some years prior to this knowing) fed me the bullshit line "I'm not ready for a relationship right now." Haha!
Subtext: "I'm ready for a relationship with someone that I'm into, and that isn't you." Which I get. Not everyone can like everyone. BUT, I did some research on this bullshit phrase, and you know what I found? Pick-up artist forums talking about it. And how it happens when guys "need" a girl or show too much interest or come on too strong.

And here is the point: My ideals of having a true emotional connection with a girl has NEVER worked. The more I care, the less it works. The less I care, the easier it is to date a girl. Is it time to give up my little fantastical idea of "true love", "true emotional connection with another human"? I do fucking believe it is time. And I'm not even upset right now (that's a lie, but I'm not out-of-my-mind upset or insane right now), I feel pretty rational. As much as I like to "feel" my truth, I do believe in science. And I think my little unfortunate experiments are showing me the truth. So, to believe blindly, or to question my beliefs and change my ways.

Thanks for sticking around.
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Be fair to yourself, and to others. Dating chicks that chase after you and you don't see it going far? Why bother carrying on? I know, I get it. I did the same shit when I was younger. The risk and rejection are easier to handle when you're in the position of not caring as much. Hell, it's even nice to have a lil bit of intimacy, physical contact, and someone who appreciates you. In some ways that may be all you need and not even realize it. Could be a case of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence. Either way I just encourage you to consider your actions a little bit more in the future.

As far as the women you like not wanting to be with you when you feel it. Two words: fuck it. Seriously, rejection is not that bad at all. It saves you a lot of trouble in the future of trying to raise some kind of interest that isn't there. At the very least you know where you stand with somebody. That doesn't exactly give you a permit to act like a total ********* in the the future, but it is a different perspective on situations. There are billions of fish in the sea, live your life on your terms and you'll eventually get to where you need to be.

Then again I've been single for years now, and still hesitant about leaping on either side of the fence in regards to relationships and singledom. The caveat is that even with some drama and bumps in the life road, I'm pretty content/happy overall. Don't settle for less than what you want, and learn/act on all that is necessary to get there.
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