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Discussion Starter #1
Actually, more specifically....If you received an letter, text, email etc...that someone you know wants to get to know you alot more. Would you reply, if so how long would you procrastinate before you replied? Would you EVER not reply and just leave that person hanging? If you were not interested, would you tell them or just hope they go away?
 

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Well, if someone I'm interested in, takes a long time to respond, then I take it as a sign that they are not interested. So my advice would be; if you like this person back, then don't hesitate to long. If you are not interested you can always use the utterly painful (and yes I have been at the receiving end of this, and I CAN'T recommend it at all) but affective hard friendzone-ing. It could be a text like: I'm so happy that we can just be friends. Or I also view you as a very dear friend.

I think I myself would prefer the truth. Maybe something like: Thanks, I appriciate you viewing me as something speciel, I must admit I don't feel the same, but I would like us to remain friends. If you need time and/or space to think this over, I totally understand, but I really hope we can get past this, as your friendship means a great deal to me.

If they are not a friend and I am not interested, than simply a polite thanks but I'm not into you like that - depends how well you know each other?

But why not give this person a chance? Go on a date, see what happens. Either you get more reasured in your first assumpsions, and you can honestly say you gave it a shot. Or you might discover that this person might be someone great. If you go out and don't feel it, then I would say it is totally fair to call it.
 

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Well, if someone I'm interested in, takes a long time to respond, then I take it as a sign that they are not interested. So my advice would be; if you like this person back, then don't hesitate to long. If you are not interested you can always use the utterly painful (and yes I have been at the receiving end of this, and I CAN'T recommend it at all) but affective hard friendzone-ing. It could be a text like: I'm so happy that we can just be friends. Or I also view you as a very dear friend.

I think I myself would prefer the truth. Maybe something like: Thanks, I appriciate you viewing me as something speciel, I must admit I don't feel the same, but I would like us to remain friends. If you need time and/or space to think this over, I totally understand, but I really hope we can get past this, as your friendship means a great deal to me.

If they are not a friend and I am not interested, than simply a polite thanks but I'm not into you like that - depends how well you know each other?

But why not give this person a chance? Go on a date, see what happens. Either you get more reasured in your first assumpsions, and you can honestly say you gave it a shot. Or you might discover that this person might be someone great. If you go out and don't feel it, then I would say it is totally fair to call it.

With the entire covid situation, the only way we see each other is on zoom meetings. But he is such a sweetheart so I did the best I could by sending this letter with every way to contact me. He is very shy and before the covid thing he would clam right up when I approached him to chat. He was super great at chatting the first time I met him along with a few other times early on but as the weeks past he seemed all nervous and kinda speechless and seemed to forget everything we talked about. Yet I still caught he looking my direction all the time, from a distance. He would always hold the door open when I was coming and going and make a point to lock eyes with me and man, he has some amazing peepers.
Not much else I can do at this point...sadly
Thanks for your insight.
 

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With the entire covid situation, the only way we see each other is on zoom meetings. But he is such a sweetheart so I did the best I could by sending this letter with every way to contact me. He is very shy and before the covid thing he would clam right up when I approached him to chat. He was super great at chatting the first time I met him along with a few other times early on but as the weeks past he seemed all nervous and kinda speechless and seemed to forget everything we talked about. Yet I still caught he looking my direction all the time, from a distance. He would always hold the door open when I was coming and going and make a point to lock eyes with me and man, he has some amazing peepers.
Not much else I can do at this point...sadly
Thanks for your insight.
Did you express interest in him or did he send you a text saying he likes you?
 

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Because if he is shy and you tell him you like him, he might not know how to respond... And also, sometimes with boys you have to hammer it in their head that you like them, not all of them can take a hint.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Did you express interest in him or did he send you a text saying he likes you?
Well, I told a few mutual friends how I felt. This is been going on since November of last year. In this letter I told him that I did some research and that his type did appreciate a direct approach, so this was my direct approach " I find your type a bit confusing but insanely fascinating and I would like to know more about you". Then I went on the explain why I did some goofy things that seemed scatter brained but it was because I was nervous and I just wanted to try to make plans to see him. I told him that writing a letter was very difficult and asked that he kindly not share the letter with anyone. I ended it with all of my contact information and that was 2 weeks ago. No attempts to reach me. I still see him on zoom but its in a large group so there is not nor has there been any direct contact on zoom.
Very frustrating but he has never been in a committed relationship and has little experience so this could be him just going very slow or he is not really interested and doesn't know what to do.
At this point, neither do I.
 

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Well, I told a few mutual friends how I felt. This is been going on since November of last year. In this letter I told him that I did some research and that his type did appreciate a direct approach, so this was my direct approach " I find your type a bit confusing but insanely fascinating and I would like to know more about you". Then I went on the explain why I did some goofy things that seemed scatter brained but it was because I was nervous and I just wanted to try to make plans to see him. I told him that writing a letter was very difficult and asked that he kindly not share the letter with anyone. I ended it with all of my contact information and that was 2 weeks ago. No attempts to reach me. I still see him on zoom but its in a large group so there is not nor has there been any direct contact on zoom.
Very frustrating but he has never been in a committed relationship and has little experience so this could be him just going very slow or he is not really interested and doesn't know what to do.
At this point, neither do I.
Omg, how cute are you! 💗 I would wish for someone to do this for me. I love you for doing this. First of all it is so brave to actually go for what you want! Be proud of yourself :) And also, regardless of his reply, you still told another person something nice, and that is always gold worth. He will be happy for the compliment (and maybe really nervous) and this will be if he likes you or not.

In this, I think I would try the mutual friends. Maybe be like; I told him in a way that I liked him and give him my number, do you know if he got it? You wrote that they already know about your crush, so I think this would be a safe way.

And I think we need to hear some opinions of shy guys, there must be a few in here, right?

I still think you are so cool for doing this, can't stop smiling :) You go girl! ( or guy, sorry I can't see your gender)
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Omg, how cute are you! 💗 I would wish for someone to do this for me. I love you for doing this. First of all it is so brave to actually go for what you want! Be proud of yourself :) And also, regardless of his reply, you still told another person something nice, and that is always gold worth. He will be happy for the compliment (and maybe really nervous) and this will be if he likes you or not.

In this, I think I would try the mutual friends. Maybe be like; I told him in a way that I liked him and give him my number, do you know if he got it? You wrote that they already know about your crush, so I think this would be a safe way.

And I think we need to hear some opinions of shy guys, there must be a few in here, right?

I still think you are so cool for doing this, can't stop smiling :) You go girl! ( or guy, sorry I can't see your gender)

Well, Im a girl :) and yeah that was insanely hard to do but thank you for all the encouragement! I really don't know if he got it for sure but around the time he should have gotten it, it was the same night we all met on zoom and he was unusually happy, just the happiest Ive ever seen him and not to think too much of myself but it crossed my mind that maybe he received it and it made him that happy...which made me super happy.
I suppose Ill just hang back and wait. I ended it with a 'Don't leave me hanging too long, Jack' His name isn't Jack, just being funny.
 

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Oh how cute would it be if you were the reason he was so happy :] It is like a romantic movie, no it is better because it is happening in real life. I think maybe waiting is a good thing, like you suggest.

I really hope he likes you back :)
 

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Oh how cute would it be if you were the reason he was so happy :] It is like a romantic movie, no it is better because it is happening in real life. I think maybe waiting is a good thing, like you suggest.

I really hope he likes you back :)
That would be so awesome! Thanks for the message volley, I really appreciate it.
 

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Well I'd definitely be flattered and charmed by it, it's a sweet gesture, yet it would make me wonder what my next move should be. A written message isn't exactly as direct as just being told face to face.
Problem there is if you give me enough time to over-analyze it, I may start doubting and put it off.
If I know the person offline I'll wonder what our discussion will be like when we see each other in person again. I'll keep a close eye on how they act around me then I'll see if it's worth pursuing.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Well I'd definitely be flattered and charmed by it, it's a sweet gesture, yet it would make me wonder what my next move should be. A written message isn't exactly as direct as just being told face to face.
Problem there is if you give me enough time to over-analyze it, I may start doubting and put it off.
If I know the person offline I'll wonder what our discussion will be like when we see each other in person again. I'll keep a close eye on how they act around me then I'll see if it's worth pursuing.
I totally understand what you are saying and have already anticipated an over analyzing scenario. The problem is that our area is still in a sort of lock down so social distancing and meetings are frowned upon for now. I feel like I am living in a real life sy fi movie, masks, social distancing, food limits...whaaaa???
 

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I totally understand what you are saying and have already anticipated an over analyzing scenario. The problem is that our area is still in a sort of lock down so social distancing and meetings are frowned upon for now. I feel like I am living in a real life sy fi movie, masks, social distancing, food limits...whaaaa???
Yeah, I think you may have sent it at poor timing. But to make you feel better, I'd bet it made him happy and I don't think it's some deal breaker or anything if he hasn't written back or something. Upon seeing eachother again you should see how things go down.

I'll let you in on a secret. If an INFJ likes you, they'll respond well to being touched. (obviously not in a sexually assaultive or clingy way, personal space is important, but casually holding hands or even a hug makes me blush and feel connected if it's from someone I actually want intimacy with.).
 

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Why on earth would I procrastinate, prompt response is always appreciated under all circumstances no matter what. If a person I know wants to get to know me more, and I am equally interested in that person, I would respond positively, and if not I would still respond with a polite decline. Either ways I would respond. When someone has taken an effort to convey me something, I will definitely honor and respect their time for that with at least a response.

Would you EVER not reply and just leave that person hanging? If you were not interested, would you tell them or just hope they go away?

I will ignore that person only when he/she continues to bother me when I have politely declined their interest in the first instance.
 

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Why on earth would I procrastinate, prompt response is always appreciated under all circumstances no matter what. If a person I know wants to get to know me more, and I am equally interested in that person, I would respond positively, and if not I would still respond with a polite decline. Either ways I would respond. When someone has taken an effort to convey me something, I will definitely honor and respect their time for that with at least a response.

Would you EVER not reply and just leave that person hanging? If you were not interested, would you tell them or just hope they go away?

I will ignore that person only when he/she continues to bother me when I have politely declined their interest in the first instance.

Well sometimes when I don't know what to say, I don't respond. I need time to think it over, and how to reply, and this is both with good replies and bad replies. But a respond at some point, I agree with you on that :)
 

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Well sometimes when I don't know what to say, I don't respond. I need time to think it over, and how to reply, and this is both with good replies and bad replies. But a respond at some point, I agree with you on that :)
Glad you agree to that, its quite natural not to respond when you don't know what to say, in that case I seek time in my response which can then be perceived as a good or a bad response :).

I cant agree more when you said you would require time, Obviously making a huge decision consumes time especially choosing a potential partner, without knowing much about them. I believe relationships take time to mature, it is practically impossible to know someone completely within a short span of time with the available limited mediums like (Email, Whats app). We can rely on our gut feelings to an extent, but not often. Trust and Mutual understanding takes time to develop.

I also believe "That which comes in a sudden, also goes in a sudden." Not discourage anyone, but this is kind of my ideology, along with

"Take a lot of time before entering into a relationship, but NEVER reason yourself once you get in."
 

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Why on earth would I procrastinate, prompt response is always appreciated under all circumstances no matter what. If a person I know wants to get to know me more, and I am equally interested in that person, I would respond positively, and if not I would still respond with a polite decline. Either ways I would respond. When someone has taken an effort to convey me something, I will definitely honor and respect their time for that with at least a response.

Would you EVER not reply and just leave that person hanging? If you were not interested, would you tell them or just hope they go away?

I will ignore that person only when he/she continues to bother me when I have politely declined their interest in the first instance.
Thank you...answer....because the world is full of self serving mean people. I appreciate your reply, and I ll get over it.
 

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Well sometimes when I don't know what to say, I don't respond. I need time to think it over, and how to reply, and this is both with good replies and bad replies. But a respond at some point, I agree with you on that :)
Say something, even say that you need time to think. But saying nothing is such a huge kick in the gut and complete disregard and respect for another person...I don't care what your issues are, its just plain wrong.
 

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Thank you...answer....because the world is full of self serving mean people. I appreciate your reply, and I ll get over it.
Oh no don't feel discouraged :(

If he is truly an INFJ, he can't be an asshole. This is my believesystem, and I'm sticking to it!

Well, the last time I didn't reply to someone was because I was mad, and I didn't wanted to start a fight. So I waited a few days, so I wasn't as angry and then called the person to sort it out.

But I can't see how he should be mad at you and that being the reason for not hearing anything.
 

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Oh no don't feel discouraged :(

If he is truly an INFJ, he can't be an asshole. This is my believesystem, and I'm sticking to it!

Well, the last time I didn't reply to someone was because I was mad, and I didn't wanted to start a fight. So I waited a few days, so I wasn't as angry and then called the person to sort it out.

But I can't see how he should be mad at you and that being the reason for not hearing anything.
We were never even at a point of anyone getting mad ....it was at the very beginning of what 'I thought' might be something awesome, then covid happened and nobody was meeting up anymore except through zoom. So I took the initiative to get around the pandemic lock down.
I may have wrong, in fact now, I think I was for sure. All those moments of intense staring, all of that nervousness and insane energy....was it in my own crazy head?? Possibly rendering me completely without insight and intuition. I can't trust it anymore. Ill never ever do that again, ever.
 
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