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Discussion Starter #1
If a sensor and an intuitive marry each other, would the intuitive feel emotionally unfulfilled?
If you are an intuitive married to a sensor, where do you usually get your intellectual stimulation from?

Should I give ISFJ men a chance?
They are so warm, kindhearted, caring, and loyal, but my energy seemed to get drained around them because of that lack of intellectual connection :dry:


My parents are already urging me to find a partner and quickly settle down and get married.
But the men who pursue me are usually ISFJ and ISFP.

Should I just give them a chance? :shocked:



My ideal marriage partner is a fellow INFJ btw, I can't see myself marrying anyone else except a fellow INFJ.
But the INFJ guys hardly seemed interested in me :frustrating:
 
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If a sensor and an intuitive ever marry, a chemical reaction will occur causing them to combust into flames and burn to ashes.
 

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You shouldn't date based on type. That's running through life with blinders on. If you click with that person, why not give it a try? But type really isn't something you should look at for dating.
 

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Are they self-typed sensors? I think that our inherently subjective perception of the lack of intellectual connection with someone else, which is also inherently relative, could be factoring our typing of them as sensors, independently if they have or have not self-typed as one way or another. Imagine then a self-typed sensor that you type as intuitive because you can have with him/her an intellectual connection. What I see is that we're talking about specific cases rather than generalizations that we cannot certainly know. So, if you don't have a intellectual connection with those men, then it's possibly not the best idea for a partner, but I don't see why type influences the decision. What happened first? You knowing they are sensors or you knowing you do not have an intellectual connection with them?

Side-note (ignore if unnecessary or irrelevant): Typing someone requires, I think, to get to know him/her and reading him/her. I think you're trying to understand that person already. I often think what's the point of typing someone else. We try to understand others to type them because we want to understand them? It makes little sense. Maybe we understand them better by typing them, but a lot of times we do not fit in the box of one type. Knowing personally grants better understanding. Then, what's the point of typology? Typology offers a model of understanding, plausible motivations of observable behaviors. But even if our understanding is now richer, it's still personal. We caricature or stereotype if we don't.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I usually observe someone for a long time before I am able to type them.

For example, regarding the ISFJ/ISFP, I noticed that they are very emotional people, they are the types who cry very easily, they are quiet and soft-spoken and very shy around girls. And they are very family-oriented too.
For the N vs S thing, I tried having an intellectual conversation with them, but I realised they couldn't keep up with me, they are mainly interested in topics such as what is happening in their daily lives etc.
Whenever we were chatting, the deepest conversation we have is about our family etc.
We couldn't even managed to have any intellectual conversations with each other.
Whenever I tried starting an intellectual conversation, he doesn't even participate at all. He told me that the topics I am talking about are too complex and he doesn't understand what I am saying.
Very ISFJ/ISFP like.


And no, it's not because of their mbti type. I DID give them a chance, but it felt so forced.
I forced myself to love them, but I just felt no feelings toward them and in the end they gave up on me because they felt hurt by me.
I don't know why I just can't develop feelings for them . I feel so guilty because they loved me deeply but I don't know why I can't love them back.


I love an INFJ guy for a long time, and I didn't even realize that he is an INFJ until he took the test.
I just felt really understood by him, he can read me like a book, and he has all the qualities I want in a guy.
But he is in love with another girl. So I know I can never be with him.
Even before I found out his personality type, I have already fallen for him!


So it's not about their personality types, it's just that intellectual connection.
I am INFJ but I often get tested as INTJ, I am INFJ with a very high T in me, I need that intellectual stimuation !!!!
 
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I agree with you that it's better if you look for a connection specially if you have that intellectual stimulation need that isn't fulfilled and I think that can come from anywhere but not everywhere. What happens if a sensor marries an intuitive? Anything, that's what I want to believe. If we see them as oil and water, of course we see a potential issue where both could feel equally unfulfilled, if there's a way to measure emotion. Why are they together in the first place? It's not unescapable fate. Or maybe it is because there's a connection. Then, we could get what we need from other sources. I don't really believe in completion and the other half. But I'm not Dr. Love and Relationships. XD.
 
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you're making this into more than it actually is.

intellectualism and emotional connection aren't determined by functions; usually, you're going to be drawn to what it is that you lack, or what you think you do not possess but see in others.

attraction happens as it happens--don't focus so much on what reality is supposed to be according some schema or you'll build yourself something fictional that you'll eventually have to climb out of.

and tell your parents to but the hell out of your personal life.
 

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Hopefully no one takes this post as a sensor-bashing one, but I feel unfulfilled in ALL my relationships with them (except for ISFPs). It just feels really forced and unnatural. I grew up in a small country town where EVERYONE was a sensor, and unfortunately I never felt that I had anything in common with them. Although they have admirable qualities, they're just not the kind of people I'd like to go on a road trip with, know what I mean? But it's not just on my part; sensors don't like hanging out with me either. This used to really hurt my feelings as a kid, but after meeting some fellow intuitives in college, I've discovered that I'm not as "weird" as my hometown peers once made me out to be.
 

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I usually observe someone for a long time before I am able to type them.

For example, regarding the ISFJ/ISFP, I noticed that they are very emotional people, they are the types who cry very easily, they are quiet and soft-spoken and very shy around girls. And they are very family-oriented too.
For the N vs S thing, I tried having an intellectual conversation with them, but I realised they couldn't keep up with me, they are mainly interested in topics such as what is happening in their daily lives etc.
Whenever we were chatting, the deepest conversation we have is about our family etc.
We couldn't even managed to have any intellectual conversations with each other.
Whenever I tried starting an intellectual conversation, he doesn't even participate at all. He told me that the topics I am talking about are too complex and he doesn't understand what I am saying.
Very ISFJ/ISFP like.
Confirmation bias at work here?

My husband is an ISFJ. He isn't more or less emotional than other people and isn't prone to crying.

ETA: Why do you need to worry about getting married before you even find a LTR? Isn't that putting the cart before the horse? Dating isn't even about finding a spouse.
 

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I'm an INFJ and my husband is an ISTJ. I guess that our biggest differences resides in our different ways of reasoning and perception (N likes to think of the what ifs while S is about what's there and basing on own's past experience), as well as the things we are interested in (for example, I like forums and talking about different things while he sticks in his same few interests). I'm also more spontaneous and risk taker while he is not too welcome of sudden changes or unfamiliar things.
Also, I do feel that he does not get my deeper sides, my inner musings, which can be a bit frustrating and lonesome. We can talk about intellectual stuffs, thought it has to be something that interests him, and we still have that "what ifs" vs "what's there" difference in our approachs.

But then we do share many similar interests and views, as well as beliefs. Me being NF and him being ST are mostly about different approaches and reasoning and perception, we still have a lot in common.
Thought if we think about that, people are often not pure Ns or Ss, N or S might be primary preferences but we can still have some S or N in us too.
And then just coz someone is of the same type doesn't necessarily mean similar beliefs. Also, what if the other INFJ is immature and emotionally chaotic type? Or what if this INFJ has even higher expectations that they are not happy with us? As an INFJ, I might sometimes feel that lack of intellectual connection with my husband, but then I also appreciate a lot that he is uncomplicated and honest and devoted with his feelings. I can always know what to expect, and know that his feelings are real (honestly emotionally unstable and chaotic people would drain me too much). And he shows them through solid ways that are there, selflessly and willing put me before himself. He taught me to appreciate what's here right now, the solid and stable connection, the warmth and affection. What it feels to share our lives together. So we are not sharing some great romance story (art of romance is foreign to him lol), but through him I came to realize things that matters a lot but are often overlooked.
But honestly, I don't think that I'd like someone who is too intellectual, as I'd find it draining and even boring or hard to follow lol. XP
 

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I have to say that the N/S thing has really been getting to me lately too. I love a lot of S type women at first, but it just doesn't seem workable. I miss that deeper intellectual connection and we never seem to be on the same page. They feel that too. Still, I have an incredibly hard time finding N types who match in other ways. So it is tough. I know exactly what you mean.
 

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Keep in mind that the N/S divide isn't so much about intellectualism or emotional fulfillment. I mean, you could have an ESFJ and an INTJ in a relationship with each other; and the ESFJ, due to their Fe, might feel unsatisfied with the INTJ's less-than-optimal reciprocity in the emotional department.

So let's put this on the other foot for a second; if a sensor and an intuitive marry each other, how would the sensor feel unfulfilled?

With regard to the OP's situation specifically, I think you're putting blinders on--by wanting to limit yourself to certain types when you date, you loose sight of all the other options out there.
 

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No, this intuitive doesn't feel unfulfilled because she doesn't really care about types, but about the individual.

When I met my ISFP partner (granted, Fi dom with tertiary Ni), the last thing I had on my mind was typing him. Seriously, would have never, ever occurred to me.
We communicate well, we can talk until the cows come home (and that's very intellectually stimulating), we complement each other, we have a great sex life. We've been together for nearly a decade, and we honestly never had any of the problems mentioned.

I have a lot of good friends who are sensors. We don't have any problems. I had relationships with intuitives whom I found an absolute pain in the arse after a while. It really has nothing to do with functions, but all with the individual, how mature they are, how much they want to make it work.
On a sidenote: I personally never got the idea why I would desperately want a mirror image of myself - that is, if I even believed that all INFJs are the same, which I don't.

Just date, and don't worry about stereotypes. Get to know the person. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That's life...
 

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I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that you connect with certain types better than others, especially if you're talking about the kinds of people you'd want to have a long term relationship with. Saying that doesn't mean you think some types are superior to others, or that the types you tend not to connect with are a less valuable part of society. It just means there are certain personality traits you're looking for in a partner. However much you try to focus on the individual and not on the type, and hold off on typing people until you know them well, if you do eventually type them, you may well find that the people you really connect with tend to be of certain types, and there's nothing wrong with that. As for your original question, of course it depends on the individuals involved, and there are happy marriages between sensors and intuitives, but I think bridging that gap would be challenging, to say the least. The difference between a sensor and intuitive, especially where both people's preferences are reasonably strong, makes for a pretty big difference in worldview.
 

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I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that you connect with certain types better than others, especially if you're talking about the kinds of people you'd want to have a long term relationship with. Saying that doesn't mean you think some types are superior to others, or that the types you tend not to connect with are a less valuable part of society. It just means there are certain personality traits you're looking for in a partner. However much you try to focus on the individual and not on the type, and hold off on typing people until you know them well, if you do eventually type them, you may well find that the people you really connect with tend to be of certain types, and there's nothing wrong with that. As for your original question, of course it depends on the individuals involved, and there are happy marriages between sensors and intuitives, but I think bridging that gap would be challenging, to say the least. The difference between a sensor and intuitive, especially where both people's preferences are reasonably strong, makes for a pretty big difference in worldview.
Well said.
 

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Would the intuitive be any more likely to feel unfulfilled than the sensor? I'd say no.
Keep in mind that the N/S divide isn't so much about intellectualism or emotional fulfillment. I mean, you could have an ESFJ and an INTJ in a relationship with each other; and the ESFJ, due to their Fe, might feel unsatisfied with the INTJ's less-than-optimal reciprocity in the emotional department.

So let's put this on the other foot for a second; if a sensor and an intuitive marry each other, how would the sensor feel unfulfilled?
That is also a possibility, I mean, maybe Ns might often feel unsatisfied while Ss can appreciate what's there (Ns might focus more on what could be there), but Ns can make it difficult for Ss sometimes. For example, Ss mgith need stability and things to be constant so that they can feel secure and be able to know what they can expect, yet sometimes Ns (specially if immature and chaotic ones) can be unstable and hard to get that makes this Ss' need for security unfulfilled.
 

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That is also a possibility, I mean, maybe Ns might often feel unsatisfied while Ss can appreciate what's there (Ns might focus more on what could be there), but Ns can make it difficult for Ss sometimes. For example, Ss mgith need stability and things to be constant so that they can feel secure and be able to know what they can expect, yet sometimes Ns (specially if immature and chaotic ones) can be unstable and hard to get that makes this Ss' need for security unfulfilled.
Yes, sensors are simple minded, mundane people that belong among the main population in the village starting mobs and N's are the wonderful imaginative, creative people that live apart from society. We bow to you. oh inspirational ones.
 

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Yes, sensors are simple minded, mundane people that belong among the main population in the village starting mobs and N's are the wonderful imaginative, creative people that live apart from society. We bow to you. oh inspirational ones.
You are the mob! Roughly 70% of the (U.S.) population, if we're supposed to believe the Myers Briggs foundation. :wink:

That's why I personally have such a hard time imagining it could ever be a good idea for intuitives to just date their own kind. I want to pass on my awesome intuitive genes because I strive for world domination (I'm kidding, I don't have kids - I just beat the sensors into submission instead ;))!

In all seriousness though: What are these unsurmountable gaps in worldview you speak of, fellow intuitives?

I totally understand that we all have certain preferences when looking for a partner, but honestly, I don't think they're all that type-related. Or, let's better say it this way: You might find that you prefer a certain MBTI type, but which one depends on what you are looking for in a partner. That's why some Ns might well find themselves not only attracted to Ss, but they also manage to make it work.

And to get back to the OP: I wouldn't base my decision on a small sample. Not clicking with a few sensors doesn't mean it's a N/S problem. Neither does clicking with one or two intuitives make this the only possible option. And yes: Date first, have a relationship, get to know each other before you worry about the culprits of N/S marriages...
 

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You are the mob! Roughly 70% of the (U.S.) population, if we're supposed to believe the Myers Briggs foundation. :wink:

That's why I personally have such a hard time imagining it could ever be a good idea for intuitives to just date their own kind. I want to pass on my awesome intuitive genes because I strive for world domination (I'm kidding, I don't have kids - I just beat the sensors into submission instead ;))!
Yeah, intuitives have made it abundantly clear that they are outnumbered. The horror. The differences between Ns and Ss are so exaggerated as to be comical. I suspect one of my cousins (raised like a sister) is an ENTP. She looks a lot like me only brunette and her brothers always liked to point out how similar our behaviour is. Like you said, there aren't these massive intellectual gaps between N's and S's. I don't come on here and read N posts and ponder what incredible people they are. They're as average as the rest of us, but some really just don't want to accept that possibility. They desperately cling to this idea that they're incredibly unique. Do something incredibly unique with your life and then I'll believe that you're unique.
 
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