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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi there,

Im Elizabeth and i joined personality cafe because i need urgent help
.
So Lets get to the point . I have an ISTP best friend which i met 5 years ago in highschool .We decided to do youtube music covers for one time until she claimed to have lost interest . We got along really well until the first year in college, when she started to go into fashion and we went out shopping . I remember her telling me that "you need to look for something different" and from then on i would try to look "different " for her so all in all i became confused with my sense of style . As time passed we wore makeup to school and shop a lot together and then she started to label us as a "fashionista" . So i asked her again if she would like to go back to do youtube cover and she said "I DONT THINK I WANT TO PUT MY FACE ON THE INTERNET FOR THE WORLD TO SEE"(1) ~sorry i had to emphasise this .

So we also decided that we want to school overseas and plan to do some research . I started the research first, then contacted her to attend the first overseas school event . Now after that when i would ask her to help me out with some research and invite her to more events to get exposure , she started to give me excuses like "oh im sick today , my parents dont let me out of the house, my parents have plans for me and i have no time to research , i got school projects yada yada yada" Now i know she has shitty parents like mine but it seems she didnt really care .. Last minute when she realized she didnt want to remain here she suddenly texted me and said : "oh we can go overseas , you have the plan right ?" by then i realized we lack a lot of things like money etc.

Then she got disappointed and started to pull away by spending time on tumblr ( i didnt really care at first) until she started to get a little famous but thats not the point . She started to go out with her tumblr friends which is fine but the thing is when we go out she has this habit of ditching me 20 mins before our meetup time and she will say "my parents refuse to let me out of the house or im sick ". Another time would be when it is 4 pm , im waiting at the destination and she will say sorry i cant go out and i will tell her im already dressed up and i have to go home because she cant make it . But THIS incident is by far the WORST and what happened was i asked her out since in the second year of college she claimed to be busy . And 20 mins before the meetup she told me "my parents refuse to let me out of the house " and then i asked her why cant you just tell them you have plans and then she used her parents as excuse again . So she told me she was not free for the week ONLY because her "parents" had plans for her during the weekends and school projects. [/FONT]

Let me tell you what i found . On TUMBLR there it was her and another tumblr friend going out and having fun during that weekend all because Her parents planned "something for her " . She post her face all over tumblr with outfits that showed some cleavage and different kinds of style makeup and then she was increasingly having more fans .Also she posted a youtube video intriducing herself. At this point my ENFJ friend stepped in and told me that this girl is trying to hard for popularity and that all along she thinks that she is superior than other thats why my fashion has to keep changing to be 'fixed" .



Right now im at this point where i say that as an INFJ , i try to understand when she says that she is sick or her parents are not being that cooperative . But when this happens over and over again . It makes me feel more upset and the task we set for ourselves in the overseas plan seems like she wants me to do all the work . I do like ISTPs in fact i get along with them pretty well . What i want to ask is .

1. Do you think this friendship is worth keeping or should i let it go ?
2. What if she comes back ?
3. Have i expected too much/tried too hard/done too much for this friendship ?


BEST ADVICE NEEDED FROM ISTP, INFJ , WHOEVER AND if you need to criticise me . go ahead and be straightforward .
 

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Electronica Wizard
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Do not expect too much from her. Go spend some time with other friends. Meet new people or spend some time alone to find inspirations for your video-making ventures.. You don't have to wait on her or be dependent upon her.. The most important of all, you don't need to explain to her anything. Give her as much space as possible. She will return when she needs you but from now on, both of you will be just acquaintance. Why I have not suggested dropping the friendship immediately because that would create more problems later on. You are dealing with an emotionally insecure person. I think it's better you quietly drift apart without causing commotions whatsoever.
 

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First of all I need to know how you come to the conclusion she is an ISTP because from your description she is very unlikely. ISTP prefer to be alone, yes, and definitely don't want attention of any kind, unless absolutely necessary, but in your friend's case it is quite the contrary isn't it?
Definitely an SP type but not an ISTP from your given information. If you want to know more about ISTP women click here:
Socionics - the16types.info - Gabin, Female portrait, ISTp by Beskova
On the contrary you just describe an ESFP. For more information click here:
ESFP Friends | 16Personalities
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
All I can say is she is not an ISTP.
Actually she took the personality test and she had ISTP interchangeable with INTP sometimes . But i would say since people change . I can see why maybe her personality type is no longer the same . Since , you say she is not an ISTP anymore, what personality type do you think she is ?
Thank you so much for your comment ! :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Do not expect too much from her. Go spend some time with other friends. Meet new people or spend some time alone to find inspirations for your video-making ventures.. You don't have to wait on her or be dependent upon her.. The most important of all, you don't need to explain to her anything. Give her as much space as possible. She will return when she needs you but from now on, both of you will be just acquaintance. Why I have not suggested dropping the friendship immediately because that would create more problems later on. You are dealing with an emotionally insecure person. I think it's better you quietly drift apart without causing commotions whatsoever.
wow this is very insightful . However i do worry since you say she is emotionally insecure that even when we drift and suddenly one day she will decide to pop out of the blue because she has a problem and by then i dont think i want to patch back stuff up because i will have become her trash helper by then . I was wondering how should i approach this matter ?
Thanks in advance ~
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
On the contrary you just describe an ESFP.
Thanks for your insight . However what was interesting was that she doesnt want to talk to anyone at school . This is partly because her classmates think she is overdressing or make comments to her such as "everyday is a fashion parade" this is partly true because she wears eyeliner , bottom eye coloured shadow , blusher and a visible orange or pink lip tint , and wears whatever fashionable and even wore fake eyelashes to school once . My ENFJ friend told me because she thinks that maybe the school students are not "cool enough" for her so she deicdes to not talk to them (which in fact she skips school as and when she likes ) and turns to the social media to talk with online friends from different countries which is probably "cool" . Do you think this could be true ?
 

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This is partly because her classmates think she is overdressing or make comments to her such as "everyday is a fashion parade" this is partly true because she wears eyeliner , bottom eye coloured shadow , blusher and a visible orange or pink lip tint , and wears whatever fashionable and even wore fake eyelashes to school once.
That's exactly what makes me doubt that she is an ISTP. ISTPs define 'cool' in a practical, concrete fashion and not in the pettiness or shallowness that she displays. This pettiness and shallow outlook in life can also influence her MBTI test by choosing the "cool answers" rather than what she really is for a "preferred result", giving her an incorrect type. It's possible.
That fact that she doesn't talk to anyone could be because she is introverted, maybe. I'm not really sure of her type but aside that it's advisable that you see past the 'ifs' and 'buts', 'could have been' or 'should have been' and see for what it is, as it is - that she don't value her current friendship, at least not now. It's best that you give space to each other, look for other options (since there is always bigger and better things life has to offer) and move past your current situation. It'll be in your best interest.
 

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Actually she took the personality test and she had ISTP interchangeable with INTP sometimes . But i would say since people change . I can see why maybe her personality type is no longer the same . Since , you say she is not an ISTP anymore, what personality type do you think she is ?
Thank you so much for your comment ! :)
Tests can be wrong.

If you still believe her to be an ISTP then that's your choice but... she's not.

cipherpixy is onto something I suggest you look up his link on ESFPs (try looking up ISFPs too).

Not going to continue this conversation much longer, it's too much chattering about make-up, selfies and fashion.

Take everyone's advice here, that is why you came here.

I'm out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Tests can be wrong.

If you still believe her to be an ISTP then that's your choice but... she's not.

cipherpixy is onto something I suggest you look up his link on ESFPs (try looking up ISFPs too).

Not going to continue this conversation much longer, it's too much chattering about make-up, selfies and fashion.

Take everyone's advice here, that is why you came here.

I'm out.
Thanks for your advice . This is more than i need . more than enough
 

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Actually she took the personality test and she had ISTP interchangeable with INTP sometimes . But i would say since people change . I can see why maybe her personality type is no longer the same . Since , you say she is not an ISTP anymore, what personality type do you think she is ?
Thank you so much for your comment ! :)
The generic test? That's worth nothing. The cognitive functions are what you should focus on. Practically everyone who is creative gets typed N on the standard tests.
 

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Electronica Wizard
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wow this is very insightful . However i do worry since you say she is emotionally insecure that even when we drift and suddenly one day she will decide to pop out of the blue because she has a problem and by then i dont think i want to patch back stuff up because i will have become her trash helper by then . I was wondering how should i approach this matter ?
Thanks in advance ~
Hmm.. that is rather difficult. In such a situation, I would say that you have to find some legitimate reasons not to be around her most of the time. Keep yourself busy with extra curriculum activities, clubs, jobs or anything. Make yourself less accessible to her in a way that she herself would rationalize it that you probably have too many on your plates already. She would not be able to ask you for help or meet you.
 
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