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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was wondering about relationships between perceivers and judgers. If you are a judger in a relationship with a perceiver, is the level of cleanliness and orderliness in your home a problem in your relationship? Do you have to compromise? How does that work? Can you live with a certain level of disorganization in the home? Do you ever become resentful?
 

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My hubby is INFP and he is very neat. He had the cleanest bachelor apartment I've ever seen. We don't have many problems with disorganization in our home.

Perception of time is much more of a problem in our P vs J relationship.
 

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My hubby is INFP and he is very neat. He had the cleanest bachelor apartment I've ever seen. We don't have many problems with disorganization in our home.

Perception of time is much more of a problem in our P vs J relationship.
Agreed. I don't understand why, but IME, I've noticed that INFPs tend toward a general neatness (in dealing with clutter) than do most of the other perceiving types - sometimes being more neat than many J types.
 

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Upon reflection, I'm going to elaborate on my response. Many years ago, my husband became the primary housekeeper when he was unemployed. It was not a good experience for either of us.

My husband suffers from "I'll have more time later" syndrome. I would come home and trace everything my husband and toddler had done all day. The half-finished toy train set, the half-finished dishes, the half-finished laundry, etc.. I had a high-pressure job in which I had to juggle many projects in different stages (construction mortgages) and sometimes the sight of all of the half-finished projects around the house would send me over the edge. When I came home he would jump into action, but I couldn't understand why he couldn't clean things up before I arrived.

My husband was receiving career counseling and took the MBTI test. I finally realized why we had so many conflicts; he doesn't view time with the same lens that I do.

We do experience some conflict regarding household organization when it comes to time-sensitive projects. We have learned to compromise. He has learned the benefits of making to do lists and I have learned to remind him nicely to do things. I have to let him do things his own way, even if that means doing an entire project right before it's due rather than doing it in little bits over time. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands and bite my tongue, but it still gets done.

Edit: I should count my blessings. At least I don't have to pick up his dirty socks and underwear.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
INFPs can be very good at organizing and cleaning the house. We just find it difficult to maintain. We're not bothered by a dirty dish in the sink or a little clutter. If I have guests coming over, I can clean the whole house in an hour, but I'll be stressed doing it. When it comes to unfinished tasks, let me explain. Because INFPs are highly intuitive, we have all kinds of thoughts coming through our minds at all times. If I'm washing the dishes, I'll be halfway through and think "Oh, I need to the laundry." I'll leave the dishes there to put a load in, then think of something else that needs to be done, do it, and then I'll have forgotten about the dishes and moved on to something else. It's frustrating! I like being intuitive, but sometimes I wish I could stay focused on one thing at a time.
 

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INFPs can be very good at organizing and cleaning the house. We just find it difficult to maintain. We're not bothered by a dirty dish in the sink or a little clutter. If I have guests coming over, I can clean the whole house in an hour, but I'll be stressed doing it. When it comes to unfinished tasks, let me explain. Because INFPs are highly intuitive, we have all kinds of thoughts coming through our minds at all times. If I'm washing the dishes, I'll be halfway through and think "Oh, I need to the laundry." I'll leave the dishes there to put a load in, then think of something else that needs to be done, do it, and then I'll have forgotten about the dishes and moved on to something else. It's frustrating! I like being intuitive, but sometimes I wish I could stay focused on one thing at a time.
Agreed. And you are not so far removed from the ENFP in this.
 

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INFPs can be very good at organizing and cleaning the house. We just find it difficult to maintain. We're not bothered by a dirty dish in the sink or a little clutter. If I have guests coming over, I can clean the whole house in an hour, but I'll be stressed doing it. When it comes to unfinished tasks, let me explain. Because INFPs are highly intuitive, we have all kinds of thoughts coming through our minds at all times. If I'm washing the dishes, I'll be halfway through and think "Oh, I need to the laundry." I'll leave the dishes there to put a load in, then think of something else that needs to be done, do it, and then I'll have forgotten about the dishes and moved on to something else. It's frustrating! I like being intuitive, but sometimes I wish I could stay focused on one thing at a time.
Thanks for the explanation.
 

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I was wondering about relationships between perceivers and judgers.

If you are a judger in a relationship with a perceiver, is the level of cleanliness and orderliness in your home a problem in your relationship? No,it is not easy to keep it clean and try to draw a line between his and hers but that isn`t a "problem". Sometimes,I get frustrated because I`m torn between wanting everything neat,clean and in order yet still let people enjoy life. Why can`t they enjoy things without throwing paper on the floor? Can`t they still "enjoy life" if their shoes are put away instead of in front of the couch right in the way? I don`t want to be a 24/7 kill joy. Yet,there has got to be a happy medium found somewhere.

Do you have to compromise? Yes

How does that work? It has to...I`ll make it work. nuff said.

Can you live with a certain level of disorganization in the home? I have no choice. I can`t make my husband be organized. His projects are all piles of stuff and he spends a lot of time hunting for things. My projects are in containers with the things put back so I can find everything again.

Do you ever become resentful? I only feel resentful if people get into my stuff because they can`t keep up with theirs. Then I can get really angry if they don`t ask first and dig around messing up my things and thankfully that happens very rarely probably because they don`t want to get yelled at. ;]
 

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Great topic...and have to agree with niss that the description of INFP regarding housekeeping and thought process is similar to ENFP. Certainly brought a little chuckle to my day. I too have an ISTJ partner (still don't live together) and basically our housekeeping styles are quite different as he basically has no clutter (which I translate into boringly frugal, especially regarding dishes, lamps, alarm clock, creature comforts, etc, etc) and I have plenty of let's-call it superfluous stuff because someone in the house needs it or whatever other reason sees the items attaining permanent residency somewhere...oh...and of course being ENFP things get moved around quite often! You know...the never ending possibilities and a change is as good as a holiday routine (the only routine ENFPs do). But all in all...my beloved ISTJ is very patient with me despite our many differences. The P / J differences show up in many other ways also; especially regarding not touching his things! I learned that one the hard way...but must admit it's taken a few run-ins for me to get it! But...knowing me; I'll forget again! See ya...
 

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I was wondering about relationships between perceivers and judgers. If you are a judger in a relationship with a perceiver, is the level of cleanliness and orderliness in your home a problem in your relationship? Do you have to compromise? How does that work? Can you live with a certain level of disorganization in the home? Do you ever become resentful?
I don't think being a J vs P has anything to do with being tidy. Dated and have parents who all possess J and it was an even split between neat freak and clutter queen/king. I know that I'm prone to piling papers/objects but each pile is organized to a specific project/purpose. Ex: something that belongs in a book pile will never be in the scrap-booking pile. That being said, growing up the level of cleanliness and orderliness did cause arguments between my parents growing up. My dad wanted zero clutter and the house to be thoroughly scrubbed top to bottom every day. Mom on the other hand didn't mind piles/clutter and did cleaning etc. once a week/when it needed to be done. My Dad did eventually begin to accept a level of disorganization and lost the resentful bit when he insisted on having things cleaned but wouldn't help out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I don't think being a J vs P has anything to do with being tidy. Dated and have parents who all possess J and it was an even split between neat freak and clutter queen/king. I know that I'm prone to piling papers/objects but each pile is organized to a specific project/purpose. Ex: something that belongs in a book pile will never be in the scrap-booking pile. That being said, growing up the level of cleanliness and orderliness did cause arguments between my parents growing up. My dad wanted zero clutter and the house to be thoroughly scrubbed top to bottom every day. Mom on the other hand didn't mind piles/clutter and did cleaning etc. once a week/when it needed to be done. My Dad did eventually begin to accept a level of disorganization and lost the resentful bit when he insisted on having things cleaned but wouldn't help out.
I think that there is a relationship with being a J or P, but some people are almost 50/50 on both sides. I have an ENFP friend who is in a relationship with an ISTJ, and she says that she is actually neater than he is. My perceiving preference is slight, so I have some J characteristics. For example, I'm always on time, I am very good with paying bills and managing finances, I meet deadlines and follow rules. However, on the P side, I'm very spontaneous, I need change or I get bored, I am not good at keeping up with housework and can be a little disorganized. :rolleyes:
 

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I think that there is a relationship with being a J or P, but some people are almost 50/50 on both sides. I have an ENFP friend who is in a relationship with an ISTJ, and she says that she is actually neater than he is. My perceiving preference is slight, so I have some J characteristics. For example, I'm always on time, I am very good with paying bills and managing finances, I meet deadlines and follow rules. However, on the P side, I'm very spontaneous, I need change or I get bored, I am not good at keeping up with housework and can be a little disorganized. :rolleyes:
That could be a very good reason why the Js I know vary, some of them could have quite a bit of P in them. I know a P who is always on time, very detailed orientated, and exceedingly organized...until you try to find the phone on her work desk. Mission Impossible.
 

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I don't think being a J vs P has anything to do with being tidy.
It does, but not in the way most try to apply it.

I think that there is a relationship with being a J or P, but some people are almost 50/50 on both sides.
I doubt anyone is really split on this, anymore than they would be on cognitive functions.

That could be a very good reason why the Js I know vary, some of them could have quite a bit of P in them. I know a P who is always on time, very detailed orientated, and exceedingly organized...until you try to find the phone on her work desk. Mission Impossible.
Based on cognitive functions, you are one or the other - not a split. However, the litmus test is flawed in that J or P is not tidy or not. The real answer lies in why they are tidy or not so tidy, and why they find some things important enough to expend the effort to be tidy and why some things don't matter. IOW, it ties into personality, values, and life experiences.
 

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Based on cognitive functions, you are one or the other - not a split. However, the litmus test is flawed in that J or P is not tidy or not. The real answer lies in why they are tidy or not so tidy, and why they find some things important enough to expend the effort to be tidy and why some things don't matter. IOW, it ties into personality, values, and life experiences.

Ahhhh...light bulb moment. The P at work is on time, detail oriented, and extremely organized as a necessity of her job. She has to be organized since she coordinates events and sponsors for fundraising. In contrast her office isn't tidy as 1- she's rarely in it, and 2- it being messy doesn't hinder completion of current projects. Am I on the right track here?
 

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When I did the online test, I had a result of 40% on the judging side and 60% on the perceiving side.
Of course - the tests always give you a percentage. They're kindof like the weatherman, he ain't gonna nail it down too tight for fear he might be wrong. :)

No, really just think about it. While the functions do work in conjunction with each other, you don't change in preference from a Si-dom to a Si-tert based on the situation. What has changed is how you answer the test questions based on your understanding of the words used and the question being asked, along with your memory of how you felt or reacted in the situation being described. In order to get to who we really are, we have to abandon the veneer of how we perceive ourselves and attempt to judge our actions for their motivations - the real ones, not the motivations we tell ourselves and others.
 

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Ahhhh...light bulb moment. The P at work is on time, detail oriented, and extremely organized as a necessity of her job. She has to be organized since she coordinates events and sponsors for fundraising. In contrast her office isn't tidy as 1- she's rarely in it, and 2- it being messy doesn't hinder completion of current projects. Am I on the right track here?
Yes. Since we all react to outside stimuli and we all want to avoid unpleasant experiences, we adapt to our surroundings. Therefore, as @Rhee has often pointed out, simple observation of actions is not a particularly good indicator of type.

I often get people that want me to tell them what type they are. I normally tell them that there is no way I could do so based on our limited interaction. I usually know them in one setting: work, scouts, church, etc., and there is no way I can tell someone's type based on such limited interaction. Spend enough time with me in various settings, and 90% of the time I'll figure it out. But, TBH, there are some people that I've known for years whose type is still unknown to me. For any real accuracy, you've got to get inside their head and understand why they are doing what they are doing.
 

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Yes. Since we all react to outside stimuli and we all want to avoid unpleasant experiences, we adapt to our surroundings. Therefore, as @Rhee has often pointed out, simple observation of actions is not a particularly good indicator of type.

I often get people that want me to tell them what type they are. I normally tell them that there is no way I could do so based on our limited interaction. I usually know them in one setting: work, scouts, church, etc., and there is no way I can tell someone's type based on such limited interaction. Spend enough time with me in various settings, and 90% of the time I'll figure it out. But, TBH, there are some people that I've known for years whose type is still unknown to me. For any real accuracy, you've got to get inside their head and understand why they are doing what they are doing.
Coolness. At work we all took a test (which I know is not the best way to determine a type), and all have our supposed types posted in our office. The theory behind it: help our office function better. Which has both worked and backfired, likely for the reason you stated, the "Why" behind the action was neglected. Some co-workers view the typology as gospel as to how people will react which has lead to some inner office conflicts. Massive light-bulb moment. Hmmmm....lots to ponder. Thanks for replying.
 
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