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If you are in a relationship with a perceiver...

2924 Views 23 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  Marie Claire
I was wondering about relationships between perceivers and judgers. If you are a judger in a relationship with a perceiver, is the level of cleanliness and orderliness in your home a problem in your relationship? Do you have to compromise? How does that work? Can you live with a certain level of disorganization in the home? Do you ever become resentful?
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My hubby is INFP and he is very neat. He had the cleanest bachelor apartment I've ever seen. We don't have many problems with disorganization in our home.

Perception of time is much more of a problem in our P vs J relationship.
Upon reflection, I'm going to elaborate on my response. Many years ago, my husband became the primary housekeeper when he was unemployed. It was not a good experience for either of us.

My husband suffers from "I'll have more time later" syndrome. I would come home and trace everything my husband and toddler had done all day. The half-finished toy train set, the half-finished dishes, the half-finished laundry, etc.. I had a high-pressure job in which I had to juggle many projects in different stages (construction mortgages) and sometimes the sight of all of the half-finished projects around the house would send me over the edge. When I came home he would jump into action, but I couldn't understand why he couldn't clean things up before I arrived.

My husband was receiving career counseling and took the MBTI test. I finally realized why we had so many conflicts; he doesn't view time with the same lens that I do.

We do experience some conflict regarding household organization when it comes to time-sensitive projects. We have learned to compromise. He has learned the benefits of making to do lists and I have learned to remind him nicely to do things. I have to let him do things his own way, even if that means doing an entire project right before it's due rather than doing it in little bits over time. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands and bite my tongue, but it still gets done.

Edit: I should count my blessings. At least I don't have to pick up his dirty socks and underwear.
Thanks for the explanation.
INFPs can be very good at organizing and cleaning the house. We just find it difficult to maintain. We're not bothered by a dirty dish in the sink or a little clutter. If I have guests coming over, I can clean the whole house in an hour, but I'll be stressed doing it. When it comes to unfinished tasks, let me explain. Because INFPs are highly intuitive, we have all kinds of thoughts coming through our minds at all times. If I'm washing the dishes, I'll be halfway through and think "Oh, I need to the laundry." I'll leave the dishes there to put a load in, then think of something else that needs to be done, do it, and then I'll have forgotten about the dishes and moved on to something else. It's frustrating! I like being intuitive, but sometimes I wish I could stay focused on one thing at a time.
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