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Discussion Starter #1
(Wow, I can'y say "say" in my title... )

Why?

I have never in my life understood this. I find it ridiculous that we can lavish someone in compliments, but we are expected to keep our mouths shut if we have a less than sunny opinion. What makes it even worse is that people who say this will turn around and say that there is a certain "balance" or something along those lines... yet you can't balance compliments and insults?

Now, I'm not justifying being a complete ass, I'm just curious as to how people can see this as being fair.
 

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Nobody can prevent you from giving an honest opinion regarding a touchy issue.

However, an insult is something different, it has an aim of attacking another person's integrity, and usually means that you are unable to approach or help that person in another, more helpful way. If you aim is not to help, then kindly distance yourself from it, as insults for the sake of releasing the anger or frustration with a person means your inability to deal with it.

Those unable to take critical opinions from others are a different story. Let them continue living their 'pleasant' life, it's highly unlikely you will manage to wake them up with an insult or two.
 

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When I think of that phrase, I always think of my father. He's a prime example of never having anything good to say at all. I don't think I've ever heard one word of praise out of him to any person. I don't think of this phrase as censoring others' opinions (though I'm sure some people use it as such), to me it's something to say to someone who truly can't be anything but negative in their comments to other people.
 

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i think people have lost sense of constructive criticism. how to say it, how to except it, and how to use it.
too many people are overly sensitive, insulting, or in denial these days.
 

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I always figured this phrase was used on people who have nothing but negative things to say about others. People that whinge, gossip or complain constantly. That's how I've seen it used.

"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

-translation: "If you have nothing new to add, say nothing"

 

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Discussion Starter #9
But people can give the same praise over and over and over, why can't they do the same as far as something negative goes?
 

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Just say it all: the good, the bad, the neutral. This way, you are not only telling the other one the truth, but also discover your own truth and the fundamental reasons behind it.

This is the best way to let out the best version of yourself.
 

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Everything in moderation. If you keep on criticizing someone and he or she never gets any better, maybe it's time for you just to be quiet about it. If, however, that's not the case, then keep the criticism coming.

Niceness is merely a form of diplomacy, as far as I'm concerned; it should be used when criticism is deemed ineffective or is just not needed. Also, I tend to stop being super nice once I get close to someone, because it stops being important. Does that mean I never say anything at all? Of course not. Being not-so-nice can be delightfully fun. It's also a sure-fire way to know that I feel comfortable with you.
 

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"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I believe this is usually used as a polite way to tell somebody being a complete ass they need to STFU.

So if somebody tells you "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" you are probably being a complete ass and should STFU.

If you get told this a lot, well...
 

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"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I believe this is usually used as a polite way to tell somebody being a complete ass they need to STFU.

So if somebody tells you "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" you are probably being a complete ass and should STFU.

If you get told this a lot, well...
That's a really blunt and direct way of saying it, but you're probably right.
 

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I just argued my ex over this! he told me this because I freely disagreed with his perspective on love. I told him that it was a good saying, had some truth, but to imagine what the world would be like if everyone lived that way.
How boringly submissive and complacent it would be.
(I like to think that some lunatic would end up revolting anyway, 'cept he wouldn't really be a lunatic; he'd be the only sane person.)
 

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There is a difference between criticizing and insulting. Unfortunately many people tend to take things personally and interpret a criticism as a personal insult. This is exactly a big source of problems in our society, especially since it is Baby Boomers that seem to fall for this problem the most compared to other living generations as of today and it is the Boomers who are the dominant age demographic set in power. when all criticism is interpreted as personal attacks rational, civil discussion is impossible and discussion degenerates into name-calling and repetition of talking points.
 

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(Wow, I can'y say "say" in my title... )

Why?

I have never in my life understood this. I find it ridiculous that we can lavish someone in compliments, but we are expected to keep our mouths shut if we have a less than sunny opinion. What makes it even worse is that people who say this will turn around and say that there is a certain "balance" or something along those lines... yet you can't balance compliments and insults?

Now, I'm not justifying being a complete ass, I'm just curious as to how people can see this as being fair.
I say the exact opposite of this. If you have something nice to say, say it. Why not make someone feel good about themselves? There are practical benefits as well. If you're nice to someone, their are bound to be nice to you because of the rule of reciprocation. Basic psychology.

It is my opinion that you shouldn't judge others. I am not saying to be blind, but being blatantly judgmental for no reason? Why would you do that? I admire honesty though. So, if someone asks for your opinion, be honest. Not rude, or mean. Just honest.
 

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I say if you you don't have something that's either nice or constructive, don't say it at all.
In general I like to keep it real and that means bringing up the less than positive things. But I bring them up in hopes of making some kind of change or improving the situation. I like constructive criticism but can do without nonconstructive criticism or harping on stuff that can't be changed
 

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Well it depends but yes it is prudent to convey criticism or bad opinion in a way that is not insulting.In the professional life it is important to convey the criticism however harsh it may seem , but in case of our personal lives absolute care should be taken.
 

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Now, I'm not justifying being a complete ass, I'm just curious as to how people can see this as being fair.
I don't see it as fair and I don't keep my mouth shut.

Here's one better. "If you don't have something nice to say, sit here next to me."
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Haha, I like you, fn0rd.

But I don't understand how a lot of you are saying "Don't JUDGE people."

... To say something nice, is to pass judgment.
 
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