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Discussion Starter #1
Title says it, but let me make the conditions of this hypothetical situation clear:
- there is no cure or way to stop the reason this person is dying
- you are not married. you do not have kids.
- YOU know this person is dying in 6 months, but this person doesn't know about his/her condition
- and you are not allowed to tell this person he/she is dying

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
 

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Discussion Starter #2
i'll go first.

i'm a cold, heartless person incapable of really "loving" anyway. I would leave this person, before I could get further attached and get hurt by what happens. I would just say i need my own space to pursue my own things for now, and i would need to distance myself and withdraw to cope. i'd already be in mourning before he dies. i would probably be constantly guarding this person from the distance, making sure nothing happens to him, and try to protect him from anything else bad that might happen. but i couldn't bear being there, in person, in presence, making more memories with him, that will just haunt me after he dies.
 

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Why?

I'm an INTJ ( heartless) but I would hold that person the whole six months maybe a little longer (morbid). Just the thought of loosing someone you love. You can give NO bigger gift ever. Mind you I'm not religious but just as a person it would be my duty to honor that person's life.
 

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I would gladly balance my time to stay and take care of this person; make his life worthwhile. The suffering will be there, but I'm willing to keep it so that this person can be happy.
 

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FYI - I used to work in the hospice industry (my mom owned one) so ya I've been there
 

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I'd act extra goofy for the next six months to cheer her up and take her mind off of it.

I'd hold her... but I think holding her would just make me feel sad that I was going to lose her.
 

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In consistency with the previous "what would you do if you had six months to live" thread, I'd take her to do ridiculous, life threatening but life-affirming things, like skydiving or wrestling bears.
 

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I'd ensure they had the time of their life.

If they wondered why I was doing it all, I would probably tell them, so yeah.
 
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I'd be there as much as I can for her, although not doing anything unusual.
Even knowing you'll have a lot of grief after but if it's your significant other, what wouldn't you do?
What's worse then dying alone?
 

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i'll go first.

i'm a cold, heartless person incapable of really "loving" anyway.

I seriously doubt that. And the reason why I doubt it is that anyone who is so afraid of being hurt emotionally that they would have to separate from a dying lover is not cold. Maybe cowardly, but not cold. When my son was ill and I thought he was dying, I found myself incapable of witnessing his suffering for a time. I gained courage eventually, but I know very well what it's like to want to protect yourself emotionally from the pain of a loved one and their possible eventual demise. I react similarly when me youngest son has an asthma attack. I have to force myself to stay by him. Courage can be learned you know.
 

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i'll go first.

i'm a cold, heartless person incapable of really "loving" anyway. I would leave this person, before I could get further attached and get hurt by what happens. I would just say i need my own space to pursue my own things for now, and i would need to distance myself and withdraw to cope. i'd already be in mourning before he dies. i would probably be constantly guarding this person from the distance, making sure nothing happens to him, and try to protect him from anything else bad that might happen. but i couldn't bear being there, in person, in presence, making more memories with him, that will just haunt me after he dies.
What a turn off.

When someone is dying you need to be there for them..in person. I know from experience.

And if you are a cold, heartless person incapable of really "loving" anyone (but yourself), you don't deserve a signifacant other.

............

As for me, I would comfort her in any way possible, and I would hold her, and I would cry with her. I would cherish ever second I had left with her.
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
I seriously doubt that. And the reason why I doubt it is that anyone who is so afraid of being hurt emotionally that they would have to separate from a dying lover is not cold. Maybe cowardly, but not cold. When my son was ill and I thought he was dying, I found myself incapable of witnessing his suffering for a time. I gained courage eventually, but I know very well what it's like to want to protect yourself emotionally from the pain of a loved one and their possible eventual demise. I react similarly when me youngest son has an asthma attack. I have to force myself to stay by him. Courage can be learned you know.

interesting. yeah, i don't think i have the courage to put myself through emotional pain any further. i had a close friend pass away suddenly when i was in h.s. and it's still raw in my mind.

i recently learned that a close relative was really sick and is getting treatment. my initial phase was to withdraw and i remember feeling emotionally dead? not feeling at all? except this internal cringing. and this kind of internal ripping up of my feelings, idk what it is. i had this urge to do things that i do - burn them cds with songs of 'cheer up" music, bake brownies, visit them every day with food they like, send them funny texts, but i felt FROZEN. i couldnt do anything and i found myself unable to try and do those things. I ended up watching over from a distance, doing a lot of research, and recommending things to other family members, closely monitoring our family's meetings with the doctor. and because i had so much research on this, the doctor started requesting for me to be there at appointments if family consented, so he could explain medical terminology and have someone to talk to other than hysterical parents. i also helped front the medical costs. howeever, with this person i don't do anything beyond our normal interactions. in fact, even when im with her, i feel like i emotionally withdraw and have layers of walls up. and i hesitate before any of our contact. and i feel frozen emotionally.

the motivation for this thread came from this MV i was watching and this girl was trying to think of things for her boyfriend to do in his last months of living because he had cancer or something. the beginning shot showed he had died and time had passed, and i just couldnt bear to see the scenes where the girl was going about making memories and doing small little things.
 

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I freeze too. It's sort of an automatic protective response. I feel bad about it, but if I allow myself to fully feel everything, I'm afraid I'll completely fall apart, and I can't do that because I'm supposed to be the strong one.

Two examples of when I let the wall fall down:

A cousin of my husbands died in a really grousome car accident a couple of years ago when he was only 18. I tried to explain to dh that I would lose it if he forced me to visit the boy's parents right afterward. He forced the issue anyway. It was really embarrassing, because I did lose it. I don't have very good emotional boundaries and I felt every bit of the parents' pain when I was with them. That's why I protect myself, and when I can't, feel like I'm going crazy.

And when I found out that my little nephew has Hunter disease, which is terminal, I felt my brother's pain like is was my own. I still do sometimes. I have to disengage for things like that somewhat, or I can't function. I can't feel everyone's pain for them, or I won't be able to live my own life. So I do what you do and take refuge in my intellect, doing medical research from afar, or something of that nature.

Ever see one of those scenes on Star Trek where Diana Troy acts as if something tragic were happening, and you find out later she was feeling the emotions of someone else? Well, that's me. I do that. And I don't know how to stop it from happening unless I can get some distance between us.
 
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i'd make sure the person experienced as much life as they could handle, pushing them to go further and deeper than they ever thought possible, making sure they felt like they were living life to the fullest. i'd be there living next to them in every moment they'd let me, and these memories would live on in my mind long after my lover was gone. i could never leave the person because of the knowledge that they're going to die because the regret i'd feel for leaving them if i still loved them would be far worse than the emotional damage i'd get from their death. at least i'd have the knowledge that i did everything i could.

death comes to us all, so i don't see why there's any need to run away from the person. i recently had a close friend pass away this past summer and it was devastating, but some of the most comfort i got from it was remembering how deeply his life has impacted mine and how he continues to live through all of us that knew him. if i love someone i'll be there until the end, and know i will never regret that choice.

every person anybody knows ever is going to die. some day. that's no reason not to love. life, love, pain, death, it's all part of the experience. even if you have the illusion of control, you don't. i'd rather love as much as i can.
 

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So wait how does the situation become I know they're dying but they don't and can't know they're dying? That's horrible.

But I'd definitely stay with them and love them.
 
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