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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
So here's the deal. I think I'm a pretty awesome girl. I've always been picked on for the way I look though, and have never had a boyfriend. The last time I was asked out was probably when I was 12. I am convinced the reason no one likes me as more than a friend is because I'm overweight.

Anyway, I want to lose weight. I was semi successful four years ago, and I found that I got a lot more attention from the opposite sex, but it made me uncomfortable, because I wasn't used to it.

Other possibilities for still being single in my opinion are probably that I haven't met enough guys (went to a Girls only school), there hasn't been many INFJs/TJs around, the guys that have been interested in me have been too shy to make a move. Also I have a tendency to friend zone myself, because after so many years, I've assumed guys won't be interested (we still have good conversations, and I'm good at making people smile/laugh though- I'm a damn good friend haha!).

Anyway, here's some pictures from when I was smaller. Assume that I have the worlds most awesome personality and I look like this, tell me if you would ask me out.

(By the way, I was about half way to my goal weight here- there was still work to be done!)




(minus the bushy eyebrows, haha)

Thank you for doing this! (*fingers crossed that this kind of thread is even allowed!*)

PS, I don't know what peoples general impression on me on these boards are, because I'm very honest and say things I wouldn't dare say in *real* life, so I get some of you may not like me, so I'm just asking on the assumption that I have the most awesome personality ever- not saying I do.
 

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You look fine, don't worry. I'm not the type to just ask people out anyway, though if I'd hypothetically gotten to know you and what not, I probably would have. You should still try and lose weight for health reasons, as am I, lost 30 pounds so far. Went down a shirt size and a pants size. So you can do it too!

Well good luck on your endeavors and never give up hope, you'll find someone awesome someday just like I found my awesome lovely INTJ Girlfriend. Who knows that person could be lurking around this forum like my gf was.
 

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There is nothing wrong with the way you look!!!!! I wouldn't ask ANYONE out based on looks alone though and I sincerely mean that. Looks really do not matter to me, so long as a persons personality shines through, the person really loves me and there is that kind of spark between us, then I will become absolutely infatuated by the other person.

You seem cute though, I probably would ask you out. Girls that have an amazing personality but are slightly unsure of themselves and the way they look is a sort of turn on for me, whilst girls who think they are gorgeous and love getting attention from lots of guys is certainly a huge turn off.
 

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I think you're pretty. I'm a straight woman, so I probably wouldn't ask you out, but i would probably think you're a pretty girl. But I think getting asked out and being noticed often has a lot more to do with confidence than simply looks. Even if you're pretty, if you're not confident, I think people can pick up on that. Working on self-esteem can be hard when you don't feel great about the way you look.

When I was younger, I never ever thought I was pretty. Boys didn't notice me or want to date me. I had guy friends, but no dates. Eventually, one of my best guy friends developed feelings for me. I was shocked, because I couldn't imagine how he could be attracted to me (that was how bad my self-esteem was). After we started dating, I started to feel pretty. It's unfortunate that I needed to be validated in that way, but it's just the way it was for me. After dating him, I was asked out regularly for many years, and I think it had more to do with my own confidence than the way I looked.

Find ways to feel comfortable in your own skin, and I think that will help. It's very possible that you're also not meeting the right people just yet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Oh nuts, I did the poll wrong! Was supposed to ask age of poster, and if they would/wouldn't ask me out based on looks. Grr. Pointless poll is pointless.

I made that list because that is the age range I would be most comfortable with dating in.
 

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If you want my full brand of unflattering honesty, I would not. It doesn't have much to do with your looks, though; more to do with the fact that you seem concerned about them. In my first experience with you on these forums, you'd started a thread about some controversial thing (I don't remember what, though I could probably dig it up), and I said, "Wow, that's dumb." You replied, "The topic, or my views on it?" I literally said, out loud, "someone's insecure."

You're a good-looking woman. Just be more sure of yourself. Carry yourself with confidence, and attractiveness follows. :happy:
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
If you want my full brand of unflattering honesty, I would not. It doesn't have much to do with your looks, though; more to do with the fact that you seem concerned about them. In my first experience with you on these forums, you'd started a thread about some controversial thing (I don't remember what, though I could probably dig it up), and I said, "Wow, that's dumb." You replied, "The topic, or my views on it?" I literally said, out loud, "someone's insecure."

You're a good-looking woman. Just be more sure of yourself. Carry yourself with confidence, and attractiveness follows. :happy:
Lol, thanks for your honesty. I certainly cringe about some of my old posts/threads. I'm sure we've all posted some dumb things, but it depends on an individuals perspective whether something is ''dumb'' or not, its kinda subjective.
 

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Why would someone rate this thread a 1-star? I've seen much worse in this section which weren't rated.

Chcky ... I've never asked anyone out - so probably not.

But do you honestly want some random person to ask you out just by looking at you?

And I hate to say it, but yes - you're right .... weight is a barrier when it comes to people asking girls out .... however, there are plenty of guys out there who find girls with your physique extremely attractive as well :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Why would someone rate this thread a 1-star?
Haters gonna hate ;-)



If you want a real reason here's a few I can think of:
- People hate anything that can be perceived as a ''rate me'' thread. There's millions of them on yahoo answers, and people will usually tell those people they are ugly, or to go away, because they either get sick of seeing them, or think it is vain to ask such a question.
-I post on facebook with my chickydoda name, and in the last few days at least one people have decided they don't like me and said extremely rude, mean spirited things. They could have found me on here easily if they had wanted to.
-They think this thread is boring
-They were bored and assigned random numbers of threads to different threads. The 1 doesn't mean anything.
-They want to scare ENFPs away from posting on the INFJ boards

It doesn't really matter that it only got one star, the original post by me got at least five thanks! That means that one person was either out to get me, or thought this thread sucked but also that five people found my post interesting, so in the end, I win!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Still bugs the crap out of me. I find it passive aggressive.
Then maybe the feature should be removed. I don't think its a big deal, as long as they don't go and do it to all my threads (*whispers* I hope I'm not giving them ideas...)

BTW, I updated that post, if there's anything else you want to reply to.
 

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I think you're pretty. I'm a straight woman, so I probably wouldn't ask you out, but i would probably think you're a pretty girl. But I think getting asked out and being noticed often has a lot more to do with confidence than simply looks. Even if you're pretty, if you're not confident, I think people can pick up on that. Working on self-esteem can be hard when you don't feel great about the way you look.

When I was younger, I never ever thought I was pretty. Boys didn't notice me or want to date me. I had guy friends, but no dates. Eventually, one of my best guy friends developed feelings for me. I was shocked, because I couldn't imagine how he could be attracted to me (that was how bad my self-esteem was). After we started dating, I started to feel pretty. It's unfortunate that I needed to be validated in that way, but it's just the way it was for me. After dating him, I was asked out regularly for many years, and I think it had more to do with my own confidence than the way I looked.

Find ways to feel comfortable in your own skin, and I think that will help. It's very possible that you're also not meeting the right people just yet.
This x a gadjillion. For myself, I know I don't look terrible. I'm not a 1/10. maybe 5/10. Anyway, with no confidence, its no wonder why I have never had a girlfriend and why I have only been on 3 dates in my almost 26 yrs of life
 

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Hey, Girl. I hear you on the weight front. I have also had ups and downs with my weight over the years, and though I'm certainly not what you'd call skinny, I'm happy with where I am right now. I'm also comfortable with the amount of attention I've received from the opposite sex over the years. I have a husband who thinks I'm hot shit. Reading your post reminded me of myself ten years ago, so I hope it's okay if I give you some advice I wish someone had given me at the time.

If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself. If you want a boyfriend, you don't need to lose weight to get one. The fact is, there are so many people in the world, and we all have different preferences. Think of potentially romantic situations as screenings. One of your primary stipulations for a partner has to be that he thinks you're awesome, right? So if someone doesn't think you're awesome, then he doesn't fit your requirements. Doesn't mean he's a bad person. Doesn't make you an unworthy person.

I agree with posters who are telling you to hold on to the personality that shines through in the photos, and to have confidence in yourself. To a large extent, people will find attractive what they are told to find attractive. When you treat yourself like a beautiful woman, others will tend to agree with you, because you are telling them how they should perceive you. You said above that you tend to friend zone yourself, and I think this observation shows good self-awareness. You can be a good friend without treating yourself like the person who can never be more than a friend. Believe you have something to offer. Find comfortable ways to express your romantic interest in people, and don't apologize for it. Mature adults know how to demonstrate interest or lack thereof-- it's not your job to figure out how anyone else feels. Let them tell you.

Don't know if any of the above applies to you, but I sure wish I had known all that when I was 22.

You've asked whether any of us here would ask you out. I'm curious: have you ever asked someone out?
 

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There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself or aspects thereof. Just don't fall into the trap of being unhappy with yourself. That can end up being a loop that's hard to get out of... Always thinking I could love me if only I... There will always be something because you can't be perfect.

And, if there are things about you that you wish to change... dont do it seeking some external validation.
 

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I think you're looking in the wrong places and NOBODY ever asks someone out on the street... It's extremely rare. Don't try too hard and don't let it eat at your confidence. Confidence is the main thing. Try a dating site like okcupid.
 
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So here's the deal. I think I'm a pretty awesome girl. I've always been picked on for the way I look though, and have never had a boyfriend. The last time I was asked out was probably when I was 12. I am convinced the reason no one likes me as more than a friend is because I'm overweight.

Anyway, I want to lose weight. I was semi successful four years ago, and I found that I got a lot more attention from the opposite sex, but it made me uncomfortable, because I wasn't used to it.

Other possibilities for still being single in my opinion are probably that I haven't met enough guys (went to a Girls only school), there hasn't been many INFJs/TJs around, the guys that have been interested in me have been too shy to make a move. Also I have a tendency to friend zone myself, because after so many years, I've assumed guys won't be interested (we still have good conversations, and I'm good at making people smile/laugh though- I'm a damn good friend haha!).
Hopefully you're aware that INFJs/TJs aren't exactly all that common place, so there may never be many of them around in your area. And if they are indeed your favorite type, then yes, you most likely will have to make the first moves. Or wait an exceptionally long time for them to do so, if you have that much patience. :tongue:

Now, with that said and out of the way, you are beautiful just the way you are. No doubt about it, at least to me. Don't let this negative, insane world get you down about it. Easier said than done, I know. But you really are gorgeous. And on top of it, you're an ENFP! Probably the happiest, most upbeat of the personalities to be around. If I were younger, and not the extremely shy introvert that I am, and I knew you, I'd ask you out in a heartbeat, easy.

But I'm an extremely shy introvert, so that never happens, no matter how interested I may be in someone, lol. All of my SOs were friends first and the relationships with them just sort of blossomed over time. Come to think of it, you remind me of my first love. Only she had red hair.

Anyway, if your preference is for introverts, you're gonna have to make use of that ENFPness to ask 'em out, or at least to get to know them so that they feel comfortable asking you out. We're not known for just asking out random strangers most of the time. Especially the Js. *shrug*
 
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