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Since it's such a huge decision, I decided I would only do it in a way that was incredibly painful. Most likely I'd drive out into a remote area in middle of the desert in July, then torch my car behind me. I'd then walk out a mile or two into the desert off the road, drink all the water I brought with me, and try (unsuccessfully) to survive off bare instinctual will to live.
 

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I think life is beautiful. I'm not going to show it the disrespect of simply turning it off. At worst my method would be a half hour or so of excruciating pain. It wouldn't be that bad, and it's something I'm sure a lot of people went through in ancient societies.

To me, simply taking pills or shooting yourself is so disgusting. You've had good moments in life, right? Other people love you? Well, if I kill myself by my method, I think people would understand that I just really felt that it was time to go, and it wouldn't seem like a flat-out suicide.
 

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What the fuck? This is the second INTP that wants to die a painful, slow death. Are you a sadist or what..? Explain to me the logic behind this.
No. I'm just not that afraid of pain. It's not about the pain, its about celebrating life... and also that all experiences are temporary, including the pain. I don't even know. It's not a well formed idea, but I just wouldn't go easy. A gun? Fuck that.
 

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Or also, maybe rent a moving truck, drive it into the middle of nowhere where no one will be for weeks, handcuff my arms behind my back, and then lock myself in.

But have plenty of water.
 

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To be or not be. I would induce a deep anesthesia (this would not kill me), and in the moment my sensations dissolves, I would let poison fill my veins. I think I would change my mind if I needed to actively take the leap into oblivion (pulling the trigger, or throwing myself off a cliff etc). I imagine that if my will to live is strong enough that I would wake up tearing the needle from my arms before my blood tastes the poison (the equivalent of putting down the gun). I equates the action of picking up the gun with inducing the anesthesia, but I am not actively pulling the trigger (i.e actively and consciously filling my veins with the poison).
 

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As someone that has depression, someone that self harmed for years and wanted to die: I wouldn't. I have contemplated just about every single plausible way I could commit suicide (I don't feel comfortable being specific on previous attempts in the past). But I wouldn't because I have too many people that it would destroy that I can't even consider it. I am very comfortable and not afraid of death though, when it is my time I will happily embrace it. This probably sounds fucked up but it feels like an old friend that is patiently waiting for me to join it and I am eager to see it again, in the past I have been too eager... I feel like death would be like dreamless sleep, my favorite stage of sleep. I'm content with this, like I said I am eager for it. I don't want to exist forever.

Now, if something ever happened to my daughter, I wouldn't be able to live anymore. Before her I didn't care about myself, I was reckless, I didn't want to be alive. She has literally given me a life worth living.

I'm proud that I am about five years self harm free.
 

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Something simple. Full bathtub of hot water. Scented candles. Absolute silence. Razor blade. Slit wrists. The warmth would cause the blood to rush out quicker but I think I'd probably die of shock before I died of blood loss. Anyway, I've always looked good in red, and a bathtub full of red liquid just looks so pleasing. :wink: Haha, I like aesthetics. What can I say.

This is morbid. Whoops.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
This probably sounds fucked up but it feels like an old friend that is patiently waiting for me to join it and I am eager to see it again, in the past I have been too eager... I feel like death would be like dreamless sleep, my favorite stage of sleep. I'm content with this, like I said I am eager for it. I don't want to exist forever.
I think death is permanent, that sleep is what life is supposed to be. This "life" is just a stage of waking and a phase that will eventually pass. Pain is really the only thing I'm afraid of because it's severely consciously felt more than anything else. Death I don't give a fuck about.

Btw what does self harm solve? Or is it just self destructive behaviour?
 
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