Personality Cafe banner
1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi guys :) I've been lurking here for quite a while, but I just joined to ask this question. I appreciate any help advice. So the thing is, I'm 9w1. Like definitely, no doubt in my mind. But the thing is, I find that I actually have quite a temper. It is worse around my family - I snap at my parents almost everyday, and when I get angry I'm not afraid to show it. When I'm not at home I'm much more peaceful, but I still feel I anger quicker than a 9 should? Generally when I'm not at home I do hide it very well, but at work I usually get annoyed at customers very quickly (the woes of hospitality) and have to vent to one of my co-workers.

To clarify, I never seek out confrontation at home, but I do get angry very intensely and very quickly over things that, in hindsight, are not that big of a deal. Without getting all Dr. Phil on myself, I think it's because I'm extremely introverted and my parents, especially my mother, just never leaves me be. Not in a bad way or anything, she means well, and it's just how she is - we are very different people - and we very rarely actually 'fight' badly. But, in saying that, we never apologize either. We just get angry at each other for like 12 hrs and then move on. But I just feel as though, as a proper 9, I really shouldn't have this quick of a temper? Or at least I should be able to bottle it better?

Do any other 9s have this problem? Is this a natural thing to happen around family, regardless of personality, or am I actually not as true to my type as I think I am? Any opinions/advice/comments on what a bitch I am are totally welcome :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
585 Posts
I JUST POSTED a comment about my theory that Meg Murry from A Wrinkle in Time is a 9w8. She has a VERY short temper, but I think her overall 9ishness is still pretty clear. (Here's a link to the character analysis I did of her a few years back: Amy's Library of ROCK - Meg Murry: Stubbornly Everygirl. A Year of the Tesseract Post) But like I said, I see her as an 8-wing, which makes her a bit more firey. You sure you're a 1-wing and not an 8-wing?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
I JUST POSTED a comment about my theory that Meg Murry from A Wrinkle in Time is a 9w8. She has a VERY short temper, but I think her overall 9ishness is still pretty clear. (Here's a link to the character analysis I did of her a few years back. But like I said, I see her as an 8-wing, which makes her a bit more firey. You sure you're a 1-wing and not an 8-wing?
You know what? You may be right. As much as I hate to admit it. I've always identified least with type 8, but I just went and reread the brief and...yeah. I guess that is pretty much how I'm acting.

The only thing is, I really don't relate to any of the 9w8 variants at all, where as the description 9w1 sx/sp (and sx/so actually) was so spot-on it was a little scary.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,802 Posts
When I was a teenager I had a pretty quick temper too. I was pretty angsty back then so maybe that's why. Now I rarely get angry. I've noticed that the only time I get angry happens when I'm really hungry! I'm not sure why. So how old are you? Maybe it's an age thing?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Taye

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
When I was a teenager I had a pretty quick temper too. I was pretty angsty back then so maybe that's why. Now I rarely get angry. I've noticed that the only time I get angry happens when I'm really hungry! I'm not sure why. So how old are you? Maybe it's an age thing?
Almost 21. So still pretty young but, y'know, not a hormonal teenager or anything :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,095 Posts
How you treat your parents should not be taken as evidence towards what your type really is. Your parents are a special case. You're going to treat them much differently than anyone else.... because they were the ones who were there when you were pre-personality.
I find that with my parents I'm a type 3 (my line of integration/ soul child or whatever Maitri calls it.) At an Enneagram workshop I went to, the teacher seemed to believe that everyone acts out their point of integration about their parents or other very close family members.

I can relate to some of what you say, but I've always called it irritability, not anger. I can be extremely irritable, but I've never thought it was fair to call it anger, since anger implies the issue at hand is actually important... Whereas I can get irritated at incredibly minor, trivial things. And yes it happens quickly of course. Now that I'm more in touch with what I call ANGER, I find my temper is pretty quick too.

I keep getting angry at work because my co-worker keeps pronouncing a kid's name wrong. Her name is Kiana (key- ahn- nuh). But my co-worker keeps saying "Kay- anne" and it drives me CRAZYYYY. Doesn't help that she calls ME by the wrong name too. I've even had conversations with her where I'm saying "Kiana such and such," and she responds with "Yes, Kay-anne such-and-such" and I'm thinking like ARE YOU DEAF???? I'm not sure why this makes me so angry, it doesn't seem to bother anyone else. I've tried joking about it with other co-workers to diffuse my anger but it doesnt work. I cant bring myself to say anything though, partly because I know whatever I would say would come out flippant and rude "You know her name is Kiana, RIGHT?" and I would probably regret it. I'm pretty sure I would end up regretting anything that I did say to her about it. Its not that big of a deal..... right?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,802 Posts
I noticed 9s really can be quick to anger but it goes away quickly and it's not very personal, 9 anger is not as passionately hateful as some other types of anger
Well this is true for me for sure. I can get fairly angry sometimes, but I have a tendency to get over my anger very quickly. If someone annoys me, I find that I get over it very fast. Also, I often feel guilty for getting angry when I do. Is that another 9 trait? Sorry I'm still new to enneagram and I'm not terribly certain if I'm a 9 at all.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Darkbloom

·
🎀
Joined
·
11,795 Posts
Well this is true for me for sure. I can get fairly angry sometimes, but I have a tendency to get over my anger very quickly. If someone annoys me, I find that I get over it very fast. Also, I often feel guilty for getting angry when I do. Is that another 9 trait? Sorry I'm still new to enneagram and I'm not terribly certain if I'm a 9 at all.
Yes,I think it does sound 9-ish

Since 9 anger is more like being annoyed rather than hateful or anything similar I think a 9 can express how annoyed they are without really wanting to express they are annoyed at specific person but later realize "OMG what did I do, I yelled at an actual person, what gives me right to do that, it wasn't even that big of a deal" and then feel bad about it.Makes sense?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,802 Posts
Yes,I think it does sound 9-ish

Since 9 anger is more like being annoyed rather than hateful or anything similar I think a 9 can express how annoyed they are without really wanting to express they are annoyed at specific person but later realize "OMG what did I do, I yelled at an actual person, what gives me right to do that, it wasn't even that big of a deal" and then feel bad about it.Makes sense?
This makes a lot of sense to me. But I don't even have to yell at someone (it's been a very long time since I have yelled at anyone), I just have to feel annoyed for a while. After a while, I'll start to feel guilty because I felt annoyed at them. Even if they didn't know that I was annoyed with them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Korra and Darkbloom

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,125 Posts
I do relate to feeling a bit more irritated at home than at any other place, and god do I feel guilty about it. I suppose being in a household for so long with people you've grown up with, you tend to know what pushes everyone's button. I'm sick of seeing bickering between my father and mother. It feels like a constant "I'm thou holier than you, why can't your childish self see that" between them and yet they ultimately both seem childish. If one retreats, the other pushes forward to continue an argument and I'm thinking, "GOOD GOD, DON'T YOU SEE YOU'RE BOTH BEING HYPOCRITES!" and but then I shun those thoughts because I would be a hypocrite for throwing in my voice so I just sit quietly irritated.

At work, it feels totally different. Whenever there's a disagreement between co-workers, it seems more funnier rather than irritating. Maybe it's because I view such things outside of home as observing people that truly don't know each that deeply so they're just bantering about mindless things that don't matter. No idea if that made sense.

Also, it's worth noting that I'm not some angel inside the home, as I do often see myself contributing to the toxic atmosphere at times by showing irritation via my voice. Recently, I got a little upset about a silly thing with my father, but after I saw I was wrong, I just walked away as if it was nothing of importance anymore to me. Still though, I'm not one that yells or throws a dramatic fit. Call me the Hulk that never turns into the Hulk. :laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,826 Posts
I am 9-fixed, and maybe even a 9-core (1-winged), and I am irritable and sulky. I don't treat strangers as I treat my loved ones (usually family, rarely friends). I feel bad for being mad at them because it is usually just taking it out on them because I feel bad about something in my life and I am angry and I do nothing to change it. I remember I had a hate notebook when I was young and every time I found something annoying, I wrote it down. Most of the stuff there was just misplaced anger on trifles. I have concluded in my life a couple of times that deep down I carry a lot of hatred. I think I don't deny my anger. Do I express it? Seldom. Do I feel comfortable expressing it? No. Do I enjoy it? Sometimes I do, because it is exhilarating, but only when there's no one around. So I don't think you are not in line with 9 when you do that. 9s are anger types and they are between two types that people consider intimidating to some extent (either too critical or too aggressive). 9 must show some of that.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,715 Posts
Yer, I can get annoyed pretty easily, especially with people I'm acquainted with. I usually check up though, if it's appropriate to react abrasively, because I wouldn't want to make things worse for anyone else, or let something bite me in the ass down the road. My irritability is case by case and I don't hold grudges (although people sometimes think I do, I have no idea why); I value my own peace of mind above anything else, so I'm willing to make compromises for that end.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
51 Posts
Actually I'm short tempered too, but able to filter it... but in some interactions I can get fired up pretty quickly.. and then it might get very nasty. I especially feel it with overall 'aggresive' communicators. And the angriness towards a certain person might take days.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top