Personality Cafe banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
248 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
He fits the ISFP type to a tee, as the saying goes. I understand that he needs his space, that he needs to be alone to concentrate sometimes, but it gets annoying when he ignores me all the time. Frankly, it gets very discouraging.

He is a very loyal, interesting person, and I love him very much. However, he goes on bouts of complete ignorance and gets very frustrated when I even try to talk to him. We don't see each other everyday, which makes me a little unhappy when he doesn't utilize our time together. I only really see him on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and he basically comes over to the apartment to watch TV/movies, talk to my room mates, and sleep. It frustrates me how he won't leave me alone for five minutes when I'm trying to do something important, but ignores me for hours on end for a movie he's seen a million times. I woke up this morning to him coming in (I expected this, so it was all fine), and giving me a kiss before he walked out of the room and turned on the TV. He came in a little later after I gave up trying to get his attention, and he gave me a hard time about replying to a college email. He then proceeded to watch more TV for about an hour.

Whenever I try to give him affection, he usually just sits there and doesn't return it. He gives me all kinds of flack for doing things, and then he turns around and does the same thing ten times worse. It's frustrating to know that I love him a lot, and to also know that he doesn't like the affection that I give/want to receive.

Are there any specific reasons he's doing this? Any ISFPs out there that have dealt with this issue themselves? Any advice?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
158 Posts
I am sorry to say but that doesn't sound like a ISFP more like a ISTP because my guy is one, and does everything you mention and more and it drive me nuts sometimes! I like having a companion, I like being around people I enjoy... I keep my word, very humble and enjoy affection with someone I feel I have that close bond with! Did you test to be sure of his type because that truly doesn't sound like a ISFP!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
248 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yes, my room mates and I had him take the test about three times over the course of a week. Once, he got ISTP, but that was when he was in a bad mood. Now, after he's talked to my female room mate and such, he's trying to get my attention extensively. I guess I should pay attention to him, but I guess I just want to be alone and not face anyone right now. He's aggravating sometimes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
601 Posts
The best thing to do would be to express your needs for additional affection and attention. Your needs will not change; the effects of the neglect will distance you further and further from him. However, it would be unreasonable to expect someone of his character to change automatically. Any spontanous change willl probably fake. Instead, if you give him space and time to reflect on the effect that his lifestyle change will have upon him. Maybe he is going through dark thoughts and doesn't think that you could still love him if he spoke his mind. So he isolates himself from you, hiding away his shame. I know the feeling.
As an Fi user, I can tell you that Honesty, Clarity and Patience are your best strategy. Make sure he takes to action one way or another. If he cannot give up a few hours of TV for you, then I think that you already know the best couse of action.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
640 Posts
My ENFP boyfriend had a hard time giving me space in the beginning of our relationship. I was up-front with him from the beginning about how I like to spend a lot of time alone. He worried for a long time that I was out with some other guy, because he could not understand just how much space I need.

My ENFP can also be a bit smothering with me, at which point I quit returning the hugs and kisses. Don't get me wrong, I love hugs and kisses, but he can over-do it, at which point it just annoys me.

I usually only see my boyfriend a few times a week as well, and that feels like plenty to me. I just need my space. It's possible that your ISFP feels the same way. He may not need much interaction at all.

I would talk to him about it and try to come up with a way that you guys can meet in the middle. You obviously need more interaction than what he is giving, so be up front with him about that. If he realizes that you aren't happy and might leave, he'll probably be more considerate and accomodating to your needs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,053 Posts
Explain your concerns about your relationship, if you have not, already. Men can be a bit clueless if you don't tell them how you feel. Say that a relationship takes sacrifice, and he should give up some of his introverted time to spend time with you, because it's not fair that it is all you.

About opening up, I would tell him you would wish he would open up more, but be patient with him and explain that you know he finds it hard, but it would help you know where his head is at. He doesn't have to do it all at once, but he needs to trust you more. I think if he opens up more, he may show more affection.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,760 Posts
I'm living with an ISFP and I must say that your boyfriend doesn't fit as an ISFP at all, and I mean at all.
My girlfriend is bubbly, spontaneous, cuddly, affectionate... I almost have to shoo her with a broom sometimes in order to get some room.All that about him ignoring you isn't the norm for an ISFP :mellow:
Types aside, my honest opinion is that you try to talk to him and set some things straight and see if things change. No matter how much you like him, it's not worth to sacrifice your happiness over it. If matters continue like that, I would advise you to dump him and find someone better for you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: dizzygirl

·
Registered
Joined
·
640 Posts
I'm living with an ISFP and I must say that your boyfriend doesn't fit as an ISFP at all, and I mean at all.
My girlfriend is bubbly, spontaneous, cuddly, affectionate... I almost have to shoo her with a broom sometimes in order to get some room.All that about him ignoring you isn't the norm for an ISFP :mellow:
Types aside, my honest opinion is that you try to talk to him and set some things straight and see if things change. No matter how much you like him, it's not worth to sacrifice your happiness over it. If matters continue like that, I would advise you to dump him and find someone better for you.
I'm usually very bubbly as well, and am also quite affectionate. When I feel like I'm being smothered, however, this changes. I enjoy giving and recieving affection with my ENFP, but at some point I need a rest and need my space back. Not sure if all ISFPs are like that, but it's true for me anyway. I am an I, afterall.

It could be that veingogh's ISFP has so much interaction with others throughout the day that he just gets burned out. I'm not saying that it's ok for him to ignore his girlfriend like that. That's not fair to veingogh at all. But maybe there's some way he can fit more "quiet time" into his day, so by the time he comes over to visit veingogh, he feels more refreshed and recharged.

I hope you guys can find a solution. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
248 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks for all the advice, guys. I've kind of been trying to evaluate our relationship with a rational mind, and much of that evaluation said that he's not good for me. It also said he's borderline emotionally abusive (there are reasons for this). It isn't so much that he ignores me anymore, but now that I've asked him to at least try to open up a little more (for the millionth time in the last two years), he has pretty much put me through the ringer for everything I've ever done that hurt him. He's been at this for the last week, give or take a day. It's been a roller coaster for me, and it's gotten to the point of my emotions shutting down and me detaching them from the situation (I guess I have ISTP tendencies here) completely. I've done quite a bit of crying after most of our interactions (texts, phone calls, seeing each other in person), and it hurts a lot to know that he's doing this and thinking he is "opening up" to me. I tried to show him that what he was saying hurt me by telling him, with emotions intact, everything that was hurtful. He got on my case for yelling at him and getting upset. So I detached my emotions and tried to rationally explain how straining on both of us this was being. Then he decided that I was being too cold and didn't care at all.

I love him, and I do try to show it. It just gets very discouraging when he gets irritated with me for the littlest things and then goes off to do them himself, three times worse.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
640 Posts
:sad: Oh, veingogh, I'm so sorry for all the pain you've been going through. *hugs*

It sounds like you're doing everything that you possibly can, but he doesn't appreciate it. I really don't know what else you could do. He may need some professional help to get past his issues.

It sounds like you've already made you're decision. Based on what you've posted, I would come to the same conclusion if I was in your situation.

I hope you can find someone who makes you happy again! You deserve it!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
158 Posts
I would say let go... sometimes in those situation you have to just let go and let things be, and if its meant to be everything will work out in time! But in the meanwhile stay strong and keep your head up!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
211 Posts
My ISFP gave up his alone time and spent it with me rather than having to spend that all to himself. Whenever I had to confront him about any issues, he would get intense and uncomfortable but other than that, he would consider how I feel and our situation at all times. I dont think hes for you if he continues to think of himself and not you. As long as he's good, everything's good but if it isnt in good terms with him, he's in a bad mood. He has issues to deal with and get everything straightened out. I say give him the time and leave him for good.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
389 Posts
im an enfp and im pretty sure your boyfriend acts just like mine.... welcome to the club.
 

·
MOTM Jan 2012
Joined
·
6,514 Posts
He honestly sounds like an ISTP to me. Reading your description, I was immediately reminded of my dad, and he's an ISTP.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top