[QueenOfCats]

I don't know why I am, people say I am. People say I'm irritating, annoying, mean, rude, and otherwise too random and talkative, I'm pretty outgoing though, I'd talk to anyone and everyone. I used to hit people randomly last year because I wanted to, I hugged people randomly, said really creepy/perverted things, forced myself to talk more, forced myself to act like the other talkative people in my class because I wanted to be popular for once in my life, came off as fake, and in general came off as really weird, annoying, and just gave off that vibe that made other people go like "Just go screw yourself and die!!!" How do I change this? I don't hit people randomly or say creepy/perverted things out loud(atleast try not to) How do I show people? And how do I be the best I can be?

 

[Erudis]

First of all, don't try to be popular, it's a failed one-sided concept. Try to be more sociable, which means you'll have to listen just as much as you talk. Show interest about what others are talking, engage in conversations that interest you so you have meaningful things to say instead of just talking too much and maybe even interrupting others' train of thought.

And definitely don't go out hugging people randomly. Some people just don't like being touched, at least not that intensely, specially if you don't have any kind of intimacy. You should respect other people's personal space.

Remember that everyone is different, so your approach must be different too. Some people might feel overwhelmed by too much social interaction, so you need to be careful to not be too pushy with them.

 

[Fizz]

I don't know why I am, people say I am. People say I'm irritating, annoying, mean, rude, and otherwise too random and talkative, I'm pretty outgoing though, I'd talk to anyone and everyone. I used to hit people randomly last year because I wanted to, I hugged people randomly, said really creepy/perverted things, forced myself to talk more, forced myself to act like the other talkative people in my class because I wanted to be popular for once in my life, came off as fake, and in general came off as really weird, annoying, and just gave off that vibe that made other people go like "Just go screw yourself and die!!!" How do I change this? I don't hit people randomly or say creepy/perverted things out loud(atleast try not to) How do I show people? And how do I be the best I can be?

Don't do that. All of it. Don't even try anymore, forget about trying because that doesn't work. It comes off as desperate and awkward.

Take a deep breath, relax, and take the advice of the above poster. Take interest in others, relegate the attention, it's more natural IMO.

 

[QueenOfCats]

Don't do that. All of it. Don't even try anymore, forget about trying because that doesn't work. It comes off as desperate and awkward.

Take a deep breath, relax, and take the advice of the above poster. Take interest in others, relegate the attention, it's more natural IMO.

But people don't like me when I'm being myself too? Because naturally I'm socially awkward. What are basic social rules? I'll try. ._. I stopped most of the above though.

 

[Fizz]

But people don't like me when I'm being myself too? Because naturally I'm socially awkward. What are basic social rules? I'll try. ._. I stopped most of the above though.

@Erudis covered it. You basically have to take interest in others, don't talk too much, and never interrupt people. Since you're a Se-dom, watch other peoples behavior. Look for what they're doing right and what you're doing wrong.

 

[Toru Okada]

It just sounds like you're making people uncomfortable. Just cut it out.

I had an ESFP friend in highschool. He was the kind of guy who thought everyone was his pal when he just couldn't tell that he annoyed most of them. So simply, don't be that guy. After some time of reserved interaction and observational skills, awkward people can become smooth and refreshing, like beer.

 

[QueenOfCats]

@Erudis covered it. You basically have to take interest in others, don't talk too much, and never interrupt people. Since you're a Se-dom, watch other peoples behavior. Look for what they're doing right and what you're doing wrong.

Okay then, thanks a lot! I'll do that.

 

[funcoolname]

You could also observe people in movies, etc. minus the creepy serial killer ones.

 

[QueenOfCats]

I'm just not going to care what people think of me and make the best out of everything. who cares whether or not people hate me? The only thing that matters is doing what I feel is the right thing and having as much fun as possible.

 

[QueenOfCats]

But then the only problem I have, is being scared of people I suspect hate/dislike me or are irritated by me? How do I not be scared?

 

[funcoolname]

If you've decided to not care about what people think about you to the point where you just do what you want and have as much fun as possible, then you just really can't care. If you're scared of people being irritated/annoyed by you, then you care what people think of you. No one will ever be everyone's cup of tea and there will always be people who dislike and disagree with you, it's helpful to understand people in general well enough not to let it ruin your day if you feel someone doesn't like you. You can be whatever you choose to be - whether it's caring, not caring, or just choosing when you want to care and not to care.

 

[dagnytaggart]

I don't know why I am, people say I am. People say I'm irritating, annoying, mean, rude, and otherwise too random and talkative, I'm pretty outgoing though, I'd talk to anyone and everyone. I used to hit people randomly last year because I wanted to, I hugged people randomly, said really creepy/perverted things, forced myself to talk more, forced myself to act like the other talkative people in my class because I wanted to be popular for once in my life, came off as fake, and in general came off as really weird, annoying, and just gave off that vibe that made other people go like "Just go screw yourself and die!!!" How do I change this? I don't hit people randomly or say creepy/perverted things out loud(atleast try not to) How do I show people? And how do I be the best I can be?

You'd better knock all that off once you turn 18, or you're going to find yourself in court real fast.

 

[QueenOfCats]

Mmhmm, already stopped all of the above. ^_^

 

[Dustdevil]

I don't know you at all besides that small description you gave, but from it I can say I would not want to be around you when you act like that. It seems obnoxious and gives off the vibe of low self esteem that harms other people. Outgoing doesn't mean people will like you as you know I am sure. If people are saying you are acting rude, annoying, and mean then you probably are. That does not mean you are, that is how you are acting.

Instead of focusing on yourself or forcing yourself to do things, like other have mentioned, look at other people and listen instead of talk all the time. People like talking about themselves, give them a chance to. Make it an equal conversation. Relationships need equality and effort on your part to understand and learn about the other person.

As far as being popular, you hit it on the head when you said you looked fake, because it is fake.
Forcing yourself to do things that are uncomfortable can be good for you. Such as making an effort to talk with people. But that can go very wrong if things are one sided in conversations and revolve around crude/violent jokes and ideas. Attempt to reach someone on a different level than the shallow level you seem to be going for, it reakes of insecurity and immaturity.

The only real advice I have, based off what I have observed in this thread, is be patient in relationships, meaning don't expect them to just happen. Relationships develop over time and you can change the minds of those you offended by putting in effort. In the end it is up to you, no one else can fix your problems.
Good luck and I hope you are able find some good friends!

 

[Mendi the ISFJ]

ha ha your post made me laugh, im thinking Ritalin is the cure.

 

[QueenOfCats]

I don't know you at all besides that small description you gave, but from it I can say I would not want to be around you when you act like that. It seems obnoxious and gives off the vibe of low self esteem that harms other people. Outgoing doesn't mean people will like you as you know I am sure. If people are saying you are acting rude, annoying, and mean then you probably are. That does not mean you are, that is how you are acting.

Instead of focusing on yourself or forcing yourself to do things, like other have mentioned, look at other people and listen instead of talk all the time. People like talking about themselves, give them a chance to. Make it an equal conversation. Relationships need equality and effort on your part to understand and learn about the other person.

As far as being popular, you hit it on the head when you said you looked fake, because it is fake.
Forcing yourself to do things that are uncomfortable can be good for you. Such as making an effort to talk with people. But that can go very wrong if things are one sided in conversations and revolve around crude/violent jokes and ideas. Attempt to reach someone on a different level than the shallow level you seem to be going for, it reakes of insecurity and immaturity.

The only real advice I have, based off what I have observed in this thread, is be patient in relationships, meaning don't expect them to just happen. Relationships develop over time and you can change the minds of those you offended by putting in effort. In the end it is up to you, no one else can fix your problems.
Good luck and I hope you are able find some good friends!

Nah, I don't do that anymore. It was more of a last year, lack of self esteem/depressed phase than anything else that and I realized that what I did was wrong. I did all this last year but thanks. My conversations are mostly just about random things than anything. Mmhmm. Thanks! But the real problem is, the fact that people still judge me because of last year. :/ But I'll change it.

 

[QueenOfCats]

ha ha your post made me laugh, im thinking Ritalin is the cure.

Glad I gave you a laugh. Ehh that was just an awkward phase thing, got over it.

 

[Dustdevil]

Nah, I don't do that anymore. It was more of a last year, lack of self esteem/depressed phase than anything else that and I realized that what I did was wrong. I did all this last year but thanks. My conversations are mostly just about random things than anything. Mmhmm. Thanks! But the real problem is, the fact that people still judge me because of last year. :/ But I'll change it.

I am very glad to hear you have improved and hope that you don't have to go through that again and change those peoples minds. Good on ya for changing and making and effort to be better! May the winds of friendship and joy find their way to you.

 

[QueenOfCats]

I am very glad to hear you have improved and hope that you don't have to go through that again and change those peoples minds. Good on ya for changing and making and effort to be better! May the winds of friendship and joy find their way to you.

Haha thanks! D

 

[drumsensei29]

yeah, man im sorry to hear that but what your doing to yourself is not good. You should take a couple steps back REALLY practice not thinking about thinking about it and get into your natural flow, dont be one of those wierd kids that goes around making everyone scratch their heads cause everybody knows something weird is going on anyways, just be yourself and youll feel much more settled in your own skin