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Ok first of all I need to mention that I need to finish homework but I can't concentrate because I need to try to get advice about this because it is literally driving me insane! This is going to be long so please don't bail out on reading this because this is going to take me a while to type. XD

Ok so I know this shouldn't bother me, but it is.

I have a best friend who goes to a different college and I've been very close with her since I was 5 (I'm 19 now), let's call her Erica (not her real name). Erica is friends with someone from her college (let's call him Mark) who is very good friends with a guy who goes to my college (let's call him Terrence). Since I am at a very small liberal arts college and Erica is at a small-medium sized college we have no choice but to at least be familiar with basically everyone on our campuses. Terrence was in a Philosophy/English class with me last semester. This was a discussion based class that every freshman is required to take and each section of this class is very small, so every knew everyone pretty well because we met every other day for 2hrs each section. BUT ANYWAY!

Mark asked Terrence if he knew me and Terrence told him that "I scare the crap out of him."

When I found this out I was completely shocked. I always thought Terrence seemed pretty cool. On the first day of school I actually sensed that he might even be an ENTP so I was naturally fascinated by him. I didn't have a crush on him or anything, but I wanted to keep an eye on him and maybe get to know him because he gave off that intelligent and smart-ass vibe that I think is great!! So I never really got to know him in an outside-of-the-classroom kind of way but I still live in the same building as him so I always said hi and I'm always friendly in a shy way.

This has been making me wonder for about two months because now I'm wondering if other people think I'm "scary." I know I shouldn't care, and I know that the people who would judge me aren't worth being around, but I don't really have a choice because I have a very very very small graduating class size (about 400 something) so I will need to cooperate with these people until I graduate.

Physically I thought I gave off a "cutesy" vibe, but I see how I might be "freaking" some people out. I am 4' 10", at a healthy weight, and curvy. I am proud of my body and I love it, even though I'm not the healthiest eater but that's irrelevant XD. I have naturally very very light skin and my hair is naturally dark brown, almost black, so I've been putting a semi permanent black hair dye on it to make it look shinier and keep my ends healthy looking. My hair is very layered,choppy, and teased (not ridiculously big, just so it's not totally flat against my head). Occasionally I will wear colored clip-in hair pieces. I wear thick black eyeliner on my top and bottom eyelids, shimmery eyeshadow, light blush for contouring, occasionally I'll wear fake eyelashes, and light pink lipgloss. I love putting on makeup because I believe it helps me express myself artistically. I come from a family are artists and I have never felt forced to wear makeup, I just really enjoy applying it and I like the way I look with it on. I have never tried to use it as a shield or to attract people.

My everyday outfit is usually skinny jeans/leggings/skirts in various colors, a t-shirt with something cute/retro (80s)/a band on it, a studded white, pink, or black belt, colorful high-top sneakers/chucks/ballet flats, a patterned sweatshirt, cute bold and colorful jewelry, and a cute headband. I am NEVER vulgar looking. I buy a lot of my clothes in the children's sections of stores, hot topic, used clothing stores, target, journeys, walmart, and 80s clothes that I've found around my house from my mom or older sister.

Unfortunately, a lot of people think I'm "emo." I am NOT emo!!! I don't like to label myself because my style has been influenced by my fascination with techno music, the 80s, and bands for my entire life. I guess the closest label I would give myself is "scene" but I still do not think I fit that label totally anyway. The fact is I love my style. It is a little off beat in my school wear most people dress "preppy" or "plainly." I don't judge people by the way the dress. None of my friends dress like me and I love being an individual and I hope that people don't feel like they need to conform to any "norms" to have people like them.

I don't have a huge amount of friends at school and I'm okay with that. I am straight edge, as I've said in a previous post, so I have only gone to a few parties at school just for the dancing and socializing.

I am NOT in anyway trying to brag about myself here. I just want to give you some background about who I am. I am a premed student and I identify myself as a nerd, in a good way =). I love school! I am not the best student in the world and I wish I had better grades, but grades are just stupid numbers which in the grand scheme of life will not mean anything (I am trying to get into med school after 4 years of college these "stupid numbers" are a big freakin deal). I truly do not feel whole if I am not keeping myself busy with something scholarly at all times. I love going to shows and meeting bands. I was president of my environmental action club in high school. I love making up dances and making music videos with my best friend for fun. Natural history and art museums are the shit! I have been a hospital volunteer for over four years. I was the recipient of many scholarships when I graduated high school. I have been a caregiver to my extremely loving mother who has a terminal illness, since I was 7. I was a caregiver to my grandmother who was a lung cancer survivor, had dementia, and passed away last year. I am the younger sister of the best sister in the whole damn world. My father died when I was 8 and my step father is one of the most caring and funniest people. My heart bleeds INFJ!

I feel like, since a lot of people in college don't know my "story" about how I really am they only see my physical appearance and make judgments about me. I really want to meet people and I am very shy. I just don't know if I scare people away and I really hope that I don't. Sometimes I feel like my "unique" style is a way of keeping the ignorant and non accepting people away. I really want meet some guys in my school but I'm not sure if they're weirded-out by me or not. I DO NOT want to change my style, but I also am not comfortable being the "freak of the school." I've always felt that my style came off as cutesy and non threatening, considering I'm tiny, wear lots of pink and neon, and I wear cartoon characters on my clothes.

AHHH! What should I think of all of this? What do you think of all of this? Any advice, commentary, or anything would be greatly appreciated. If anything I wrote doesn't make sense or want to know anything else please ask me.
 

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If the reflection in the mirror is "true" to oneself then the mirror is correct.

If the reflection is "false" the mirror is still correct and isn't the thing that needs to be changed.


Basically "f&ck em' if they can't use their eyes for anything other than simply looking" pardon my language.
 

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Wow...again I relate!

Unfortunately, a lot of people think I'm "emo." I am NOT emo!!! I don't like to label myself because my style has been influenced by my fascination with techno music, the 80s, and bands for my entire life. I guess the closest label I would give myself is "scene" but I still do not think I fit that label totally anyway. The fact is I love my style. It is a little off beat in my school wear most people dress "preppy" or "plainly." I don't judge people by the way the dress. None of my friends dress like me and I love being an individual and I hope that people don't feel like they need to conform to any "norms" to have people like them.
Just be yourself! If people have a problem with it, that's their problem. I know that's easier said than done, but I feel you'll achieve a greater degree of happiness if you be yourself (a.k.a. "follow your heart") and not sell out and follow the crowd.

Uniqueness isolates you (as a straight-edge like yourself, I know that all too well), but it also helps you to define who YOU are.

I don't have a huge amount of friends at school and I'm okay with that. I am straight edge, as I've said in a previous post, so I have only gone to a few parties at school just for the dancing and socializing.
IMHO, you don't need a huge amount of friends. I can count the number of people I consider a "friend" on one hand.

I feel like, since a lot of people in college don't know my "story" about how I really am they only see my physical appearance and make judgments about me. I really want to meet people and I am very shy. I just don't know if I scare people away and I really hope that I don't. Sometimes I feel like my "unique" style is a way of keeping the ignorant and non accepting people away. I really want meet some guys in my school but I'm not sure if they're weirded-out by me or not. I DO NOT want to change my style, but I also am not comfortable being the "freak of the school." I've always felt that my style came off as cutesy and non threatening, considering I'm tiny, wear lots of pink and neon, and I wear cartoon characters on my clothes.
In regards to the line in bold, that's just the way the world works. It won't change after you finish college. When my tattoo's are exposed, the majority of people think I'm a gangster. I unintentionally scare people, but the source of that fear is primarily from not understanding what my tattoo's mean (I have Kanji symbols on my arms).

When people overcome their fear by approaching me and asking "What do your tattoo's mean?", their entire demeanor changes and I'm given some really deep respect.

I too was really shy until I came across this quote about fear that changed my life:

"You must do everything that frightens you. Everything. I’m not talking about risking your life, but everything else. Think about fear, decide right now how you’re going to deal with fear, because fear is going to be the great issue of your life, I promise you. Fear will be the fuel for all your success, and the root cause of all your failures, and the underlying dilemma in every story you tell yourself about yourself. And the only chance you’ll have against fear? Follow it. Steer by it. Don’t think of fear as the villain. Think of fear as your guide, your pathfinder..."

It's what I live by now. Hope some of this helps.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Wow...again I relate!



Just be yourself! If people have a problem with it, that's their problem. I know that's easier said than done, but I feel you'll achieve a greater degree of happiness if you be yourself (a.k.a. "follow your heart") and not sell out and follow the crowd.

Uniqueness isolates you (as a straight-edge like yourself, I know that all too well), but it also helps you to define who YOU are.



IMHO, you don't need a huge amount of friends. I can count the number of people I consider a "friend" on one hand.



In regards to the line in bold, that's just the way the world works. It won't change after you finish college. When my tattoo's are exposed, the majority of people think I'm a gangster. I unintentionally scare people, but the source of that fear is primarily from not understanding what my tattoo's mean (I have Kanji symbols on my arms).

When people overcome their fear by approaching me and asking "What do your tattoo's mean?", their entire demeanor changes and I'm given some really deep respect.

I too was really shy until I came across this quote about fear that changed my life:

"You must do everything that frightens you. Everything. I&#8217m not talking about risking your life, but everything else. Think about fear, decide right now how you&#8217re going to deal with fear, because fear is going to be the great issue of your life, I promise you. Fear will be the fuel for all your success, and the root cause of all your failures, and the underlying dilemma in every story you tell yourself about yourself. And the only chance you&#8217ll have against fear? Follow it. Steer by it. Don&#8217t think of fear as the villain. Think of fear as your guide, your pathfinder..."

It's what I live by now. Hope some of this helps.
Wow!! I respect you so much! We seem like we have very similar life views and we are badass INFJs ^_^. I sincerely thank you for your input and that powerful quote! I'm going to print that out and put it in my dorm and in my room at home. One day when I have a doctor's office I'm going to put it there too. Do you know what that quote is from?

Also, what are your tattoos of? I always love to know people's stories and you give off the sense that you have had unique and enlightened life.
 

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I too was really shy until I came across this quote about fear that changed my life:

"You must do everything that frightens you. Everything. I&#8217m not talking about risking your life, but everything else. Think about fear, decide right now how you&#8217re going to deal with fear, because fear is going to be the great issue of your life, I promise you. Fear will be the fuel for all your success, and the root cause of all your failures, and the underlying dilemma in every story you tell yourself about yourself. And the only chance you&#8217ll have against fear? Follow it. Steer by it. Don&#8217t think of fear as the villain. Think of fear as your guide, your pathfinder..."

It's what I live by now. Hope some of this helps.
that quote helps me too, and i'm 27, out of grad school, and have been in the working world for 2 1/2 years now.

ugivemepuppies: it may never go away. people still think of me as the "emo" girl (though not in those specific terms), even though i dress in neat, business casual clothes everyday, and make small talk about the weather and such. it's like people can smell it on me that i'm sensitive and "different". so, fuck it. i agree with harMONiZe, and say just strive to be the best version of yourself C:
 

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Wow!! I respect you so much! We seem like we have very similar life views and we are badass INFJs ^_^. I sincerely thank you for your input and that powerful quote! I'm going to print that out and put it in my dorm and in my room at home. One day when I have a doctor's office I'm going to put it there too. Do you know what that quote is from?

Also, what are your tattoos of? I always love to know people's stories and you give off the sense that you have had unique and enlightened life.
Link to pics of my tats:

http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/14501-infj-short-stories-poetry-120.html#post872302

The link to the youtube video in that thread is dead, but here's a new one:



Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find the source of that quote.

so, fuck it.
Well said (no I'm not being sarcastic).
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Link to pics of my tats:

http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/14501-infj-short-stories-poetry-120.html#post872302

The link to the youtube video in that thread is dead, but here's a new one:



Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find the source of that quote.



Well said (no I'm not being sarcastic).
That was really excellent! Thank you so much for sharing that video. Props for standing up on stage and performing. I would have been sooooo nervous if I did that. The passion and enthusiasm about what you have to say can make it so you feel that you must share your thoughts because the world is missing out on what you have to enlighten them with. That was phenomenal! Why are INFJs so damn cool?! =]
 
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I was told I was scary as a teenager. It was later explained to me that men found me intimidating - not frightening because they thought I was a freak. It's actually quite a compliment in some ways. Perhaps people see your individuality and intelligence and feel intimidated by it? I don't mean that as a criticism, by the way. I really wouldn't worry too much about it. You don't sound so scary to me! You sound pretty fashionable (but I'm in the UK so maybe it isn't fashionable over there, I don't know!) and that sort of thing usually attracts people to you. Uni/college (these are the same things, right?) allows you to meet a massive spectrum of people. Try not to be self-conscious and just get on with things. You'll meet loads of people like you that you can get alone with easily and who won't think anything of the way you dress.
 

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Sometimes people are scared by security. You sound like an especially secure person and you should be very happy you are :) Usually, you have to wait 'til you're older to feel that way.

My opinion is that if someone gets scared of you for being sure of yourself, that's their problem. Of course, it's hard when you want to be close to people, but does him thinking you're scary actually mean he isn't close to you? My best friends are a bit scared by me sometimes, but we're no less close for it :) Try not to over-analyse the situation.
 

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You sound like a very level headed and confident person and I think that is really cool!

I do not think you need to change a thing about yourself because as I see it, it's the people who have a problem with you that are the ones who really have the problem. If they can't accept you for the person you are, then screw them, they're not worth your time or effort.

Making a guess here but maybe these people are 'scared' by you because you have the confidence to express yourself freely and they might envy you because they aren't able to do that themselves. And with the Terrence guy, you've talked to him but maybe he finds you scary because INFJs do have a tendency to analyze people and see their true inner selves and maybe you have done that to him and he feels exposed.

Last thing, just like Heyday with the flying shoe, you will find that guy who will notice you without having to do anything in particular to impress him. I for one, am impressed already.
 

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I think you sound lovely! your style is uniques expresive and cool. Clearly your smart caring and attractive.
Dont worry about it. I can fully understand why that remark put ou into a head spin, it wuld me to. I get it a lot. Honestly Terrance sounds like a bit of a plum he's called a judgment when he doesn't know you very well. Give him a chance. Remember 1 in 100 people are INFJ thats you and us lot :) and then out of the 1% there's YOU and your totaly unique. People who have neer encountered an INFJ befor which is a lot, won't get what your about. Your an inigma. People are frightened of what they dont understand. I agree with all the posters here all points covered seem correct so I can't add much.

Somtimes some guys are intersted in what they dont understand and they like puzzles the ones that don't will quickly bore you. Its tough, but for 10 years advance on you situation at 29 thats pretty much how it works. Most people will be a bit scared of you they may come round or they are just plums. Some guys love puzzles and will go nuts for you. TRUST ME!!
 

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@ungivemepuppies - wow lady! I feel like I just read my whole life history in your post...yes yes yes I so understand exactly what you are going through up there lady and I am nearly 40! People love to stereotype people and I don't think they can do that with us INFJs so suffers on them (or on us?) we are so misunderstood it is not funny! People think you are emo? people think I am a hippy LOL; I am not a hippy I just care about some stuff (like people that are marginalised and animals and the environment) and I let people know that I care too. I also cared for my brother and sister for my mum since very young, and study is a big part of my life (have 2 degrees and am doing another one now....hope to start another Masters Degree soon too)...so am so much like you :)

and the way you dress-very cool...can relate to that too. I often look strong in my clothes of choice - not girly or over feminine but not boyish either - a bit like you-girly with a strong streak. people are scared of you? I understand that - you are not pidgeonhole material so people are a bit afraid of your unpredicability. if they knew you they wouldn't be scared and I think you are right about being different being a protective thing - there is so much to an INFJ that people can never ever know unless they get close - and how often does somebody get that close to an INFJ?? well...you know the answer to that!!

I know this - some people are afraid of how I might react to something. I am so not scary I promise you and I bet you are not either - people misunderstand :( and as for friends - I have only 2 that I could count as real friends and my sister I am close to as well. but that is it...so I get how you are, and I like it :) you are really cool and precious lady PROMISE...It is hard to find a man that can handle how cool, smart and indepth you are - don't I know it - single again at nearly 40! WHY CAN'T ANYBODY SEE US??

Just hold out...get on with what you are doing. Shallow, selfish people won't bother to get to know and understand you - and this is a good thing...keep them at arms length and wait for a man to show you that he deserves all that you are - EVERYTHING IN A NUTSHELL!!
 

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Hes probably scared you can read his mind.. That right there is pretty darn scary to a young male. You make him self conscious is my guess.. he probably thinks you caught him eyeing you. No way to tell for sure. That said..

Be yourself.
 

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long story short: you deviate from the norm; secure, look different, have deep emotional thoughts, have a history, etc. To most people, different is scary.
 

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I wear thick black eyeliner on my top and bottom eyelids, shimmery eyeshadow, light blush for contouring, occasionally I'll wear fake eyelashes, and light pink lipgloss. I love putting on makeup because I believe it helps me express myself artistically. I come from a family are artists and I have never felt forced to wear makeup, I just really enjoy applying it and I like the way I look with it on. I have never tried to use it as a shield or to attract people.
I LOVE makeup. I'm a makeup whore!!! Haha but I can relate to this. I don't wear makeup to call for attention or replace with it with my natural look because I still think I'm beautiful without makeup, but like you said, it like bring out that creative side. My mom would always pick on me when I wear makeup, and I know she my mom, but why does it bother her so much? I just see it as jealously sometimes because people don't have anything else better to do then bring others down. I always receive positive feedback about my makeup and people think I should be a makeup artist, which I don't want to but it always nice hearing that. So please don't change your looks just because someone feels intimated by you or whatever.

I read your whole passage and I feel they guy is intimated by you. The vibe I get from you is that your really confidence and you follow your own path. Not a lot of people do that and I think that why INFJs have such a hard time in society because we don't like to follow the "norm." Guys are scared of me too because I have confidence and I'm not a weak minded person. I know what I want in my life and it goes my way in my life. People are not use of that. My advice is to continue being yourself, walk tall and proud, and keep that smile on your face. : )
 

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If the reflection in the mirror is "true" to oneself then the mirror is correct.

If the reflection is "false" the mirror is still correct and isn't the thing that needs to be changed.
Whoa.........I really like this a lot. Should I credit you as the source?

That was really excellent! Thank you so much for sharing that video. Props for standing up on stage and performing. I would have been sooooo nervous if I did that. The passion and enthusiasm about what you have to say can make it so you feel that you must share your thoughts because the world is missing out on what you have to enlighten them with. That was phenomenal! Why are INFJs so damn cool?! =]
Thank you :blushed: :happy:. I'm glad you liked it. It takes a lot for me to get up there and share the things I write. Most of the difficulty has to do with my style not being anything like people have ever heard. (I'm untrained. I only started writing, about a year ago, as a form of self therapy.)

There are two distinct styles that one typically hears at an open mic. The first is spoken word and the other is the traditional poetry. As I listen to other poets prior to my turn, believe it or not, I start to get insecure because I don't sound like everyone else.

But once I'm on stage and I get started, the insecurity is gone because at that point, I don't care what they're going to think about in regards to what I share. I'm putting my heart out there. I'm sharing my life experiences with people and that openness isn't something that an introvert is typically known for.

So there's the fear of exposing myself and my experiences to complete strangers that I have to overcome as well as the fear of not sounding like everyone else (or in other words, being unique).

When I went to Da Poetry Lounge, which is the biggest open mic venue in Southern CA, and shared that piece, people in the crowd were looking at me like "wtf?! What is this?!" But when I got done and went back to my seat, one of the members of the audience extended their hand to shake mine. We didn't exchange words, but I kinda got the feeling that I reached him in a certain way.

I know that it sounds cliche, but follow your heart. You'll make a bigger and longer lasting impression on the people you meet. Pride yourself on being unique and if you have to, find happiness being alone instead of having to combat sadness as a result of allowing the world to define you for you.

I'm really happy to have met you and that you shared what you're going through. It's really refreshing to finally relate to another person....another straight edge :proud:. I sincerely believe that we are a rare misunderstood breed and that the world can use more of us.
 

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Ni scares people. It is a very deep, super-serious-looking, and mysterious.

When we use Ni, we look like we're plotting a murder. It's been termed the "Ni death stare" Some of the other types don't understand it... don't worry. It's perfectly normal and doesn't reflect upon you.

.... unless you're scary for other reasons :p
 
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