[Gooseberries]

...or else I'm pretty sure he's an ENFP.

Anyway, it all started when I met him well over a year ago in class. At first I thought he was really nice, funny, and charming (and kind of attractive). But after a short while, there was something about him that just kept REALLY annoying me. It was difficult for me to comprehend at first, but I eventually started to figure things out. Sometimes I was annoyed with him because it seemed like he didn't take anything seriously, other times I felt like he didn't really care about me as a friend, this was attributed to his loud, exuberant, and spontaneous nature. He also had weird opinions/perceptions about things that really peeved me and after awhile I started seeing him as daft, stupid, inconsiderate, arrogant, and oblivious. He ALWAYS had to be the center of his attention.

The next school year I decided to try talking to him again, because y'know, I still kind of missed him. I quickly noticed myself starting to get irritated with him again during homecoming week(each class in my school does a skit during that week); he brought a megaphone and KEPT yelling stupid and obnoxious things during the other class’s skits when no one was talking. I wanted to take that megaphone and shove it down his throat. Then I asked if he was going to this school dance so I could hang out with him. He lied to me and said "no" even though he was. This really hurt me, because there weren't a lot of other people I knew who were going and it made me feel really rejected and ostracized. At the dance I was hanging out with one of my other friends who didn't really have a group to hang with either. He has a tendency to wander a lot so I just followed him. It was dark and the music was really loud so I accidently stumbled onto the ENFP’s social circle. The ENFP turns around, sees both of us and pulls aside the ONLY friend I have to hang out with them while completely ignoring me, leaving me alone and feeling like complete loser. Later that night I found a group of friends that I could hang out with, so things turned out alright after all, but I was still hurt. Then the ENFP takes this huge object and waves it over my friends’ heads to get their attention for some strange, annoying reason. I was so angry.

2 months later after ignoring and lying to me, he magically decides that he wants to talk to me again. At that point I was fed up with his bullshit and wasn't going to be the one to approach him this time; I felt like a tool. So what does he do? Instead of just saying "hi" to me like a NORMAL person he purposely walks past me and takes off his shirt hoping I'll notice him. UGH! That's all I can say. Other times he'll just stand in my line of vision hoping I'll approach him again. Afterwards he went and complained to his stupid friends about how he doesn't "get" why I'm not talking to him anymore.

I STILL do kind of miss him, but at the same time he just infuriates me. I don't know how I should go about this.

 

[Vaka]

Have you tried confronting him about it?

 

[Gooseberries]

No.

It's summer right now so the next time I'll get a chance to see him would be in September. He really thinks he hasn't done anything wrong so I don't know how to bring something up from so long ago without looking like a crazy person.

 

[MissyMaroon]

What an asshole.

 

[Tridentus]

i don't really understand what the problem is. he acted like a jackass so why do you care?

 

[WMDistraction]

I'd punch him in the face. He seems like an ass.

 

[amanda32]

...or else I'm pretty sure he's an ENFP.

Anyway, it all started when I met him well over a year ago in class. At first I thought he was really nice, funny, and charming (and kind of attractive). But after a short while, there was something about him that just kept REALLY annoying me. It was difficult for me to comprehend at first, but I eventually started to figure things out. Sometimes I was annoyed with him because it seemed like he didn't take anything seriously, other times I felt like he didn't really care about me as a friend, this was attributed to his loud, exuberant, and spontaneous nature. He also had weird opinions/perceptions about things that really peeved me and after awhile I started seeing him as daft, stupid, inconsiderate, arrogant, and oblivious. He ALWAYS had to be the center of his attention.

That's how ENFP's are. What's wrong with a loud, exuberant and spontaneous nature???
Mm...well, they have "weird" opinions about things, but isn't that what makes them kind of interesting? I don't mean to sound mean, but this sounds a bit judgmental and he probably picked up on it.
It's been my experience that if an ENFP feels like you don't approve of them, they become quite hurt and act out a little bit in rebellion to the negative perception they are receiving. We I's tend to internalize and withdraw, they act out.
My ENFP friends also always have to be the center of attention. Yes, sometimes it's a bit annoying but overall, I rather like it. It takes the pressure off of me and it's fun for me to watch them have a good time. They value a friend who likes that about them and who doesn't become jealous or annoyed at the attention they receive -- because so many people do.
One of their "weaknesses" is that they need to be liked -- by just about everyone. It really bothers them if someone doesn't like them, they take it to heart and wonder why that is, when they've been so friendly.

The next school year I decided to try talking to him again, because y'know, I still kind of missed him. I quickly noticed myself starting to get irritated with him again during homecoming week(each class in my school does a skit during that week); he brought a megaphone and KEPT yelling stupid and obnoxious things during the other class’s skits when no one was talking. I wanted to take that megaphone and shove it down his throat. Then I asked if he was going to this school dance so I could hang out with him. He lied to me and said "no" even though he was. This really hurt me, because there weren't a lot of other people I knew who were going and it made me feel really rejected and ostracized. At the dance I was hanging out with one of my other friends who didn't really have a group to hang with either. He has a tendency to wander a lot so I just followed him. It was dark and the music was really loud so I accidently stumbled onto the ENFP’s social circle. The ENFP turns around, sees both of us and pulls aside the ONLY friend I have to hang out with them while completely ignoring me, leaving me alone and feeling like complete loser. Later that night I found a group of friends that I could hang out with, so things turned out alright after all, but I was still hurt. Then the ENFP takes this huge object and waves it over my friends’ heads to get their attention for some strange, annoying reason. I was so angry.

ENFP's lie quite a bit to avoid hurting someone by telling them something they don't want to. Is it possible he sensed how irritated you were with him? Your strong disaproval? And because of that didn't want to go with you?

The rest seems to me like an immature way of getting your attention.

2 months later after ignoring and lying to me, he magically decides that he wants to talk to me again. At that point I was fed up with his bullshit and wasn't going to be the one to approach him this time; I felt like a tool. So what does he do? Instead of just saying "hi" to me like a NORMAL person he purposely walks past me and takes off his shirt hoping I'll notice him. UGH! That's all I can say. Other times he'll just stand in my line of vision hoping I'll approach him again. Afterwards he went and complained to his stupid friends about how he doesn't "get" why I'm not talking to him anymore.

He probably really doesn't "get" why you're not talking to him anymore. I love INFJ's, but as far as communication goes...you guys are not so great at it. Terrible actually. You shut down and expect people to be able to read your minds and interpret your actions.

He probably doesn't go up to you because he senses your dislike/disaproval of him and may feel rejected and doesn't want to be rejected again. The fact that he's complaining to friends that you "won't talk to him anymore" tells me that he wants you to.

You're shutting down and he's trying to get your attention in a negative, passive/aggressive way. Both are immature communication styles.

I STILL do kind of miss him, but at the same time he just infuriates me. I don't know how I should go about this.

In my experience (my best friends are ENFP's), ENFP's are extremely forgiving (not that you need "forgiving"), what I mean is that they are almost always willing to become friends again with a person they had a close bond with. They can be excellent at talking about their feelings and working through issues -- what they can't do is read minds or approach someone (continually) who they feel dislikes them because they hate discord and not to be liked, so they avoid the person who gives them that vibe. And they are quite good with reading "vibes".

ENFP's like to be accepted for who they are, flaws and all. They need to know that you accept all of them, including their faults. They're almost never ill-willed.

I'll grant you, their actions can be hurtful and a little vengeful -- it comes from feeling rejected though. When he feels like you like him, his behaviour will change though he might be a bit slow to trust you now.

He has behaved in an immature way to be sure. However, is it possible that he has perceived your actions as cold and uncaring?

One moment INFJ's are so warm, deep and caring and the next they can behave as though they never knew you. Have you done this, do you think? Because that could have really hurt and confused him.

If you would like to reconcile the friendship, it's quite simple: stop judging him and start being nice to him. And he'll probably need to have a conversation about what happened and how it made you both feel to resolve it, otherwise it will always linger.

Above all, he'll need to know that you care about him and accept him. That means, you'll have to open up -- a night alone with music and wine helps a lot I've found :wink:

 

[Gooseberries]

That's how ENFP's are. What's wrong with a loud, exuberant and spontaneous nature???
Mm...well, they have "weird" opinions about things, but isn't that what makes them kind of interesting? I don't mean to sound mean, but this sounds a bit judgmental and he probably picked up on it.
It's been my experience that if an ENFP feels like you don't approve of them, they become quite hurt and act out a little bit in rebellion to the negative perception they are receiving. We I's tend to internalize and withdraw, they act out.

I'm not saying that it's bad to be loud, exuberant, or spontaneous, but sometimes I feel like he takes it to another level that makes it annoying. :mellow:And by "weird" opinions I mean like not wanting to wash your hair for days on end even though it's getting greasy and flaky just because you don't want it to get "curly" and believing that you can still have fires in Antarctica because you believe that "you don't need heat to make fire!" Actually besides those two things I haven't really been openly judgmental about most of the stuff he does and says. The rebellion thing makes sense

My ENFP friends also always have to be the center of attention. Yes, sometimes it's a bit annoying but overall, I rather like it. It takes the pressure off of me and it's fun for me to watch them have a good time. They value a friend who likes that about them and who doesn't become jealous or annoyed at the attention they receive -- because so many people do.
One of their "weaknesses" is that they need to be liked -- by just about everyone. It really bothers them if someone doesn't like them, they take it to heart and wonder why that is, when they've been so friendly.

I see what you mean. But it just gets so annoying seeing what he does to be the center of attention. Like it's almost like he gets so indulged with himself that he just loses touch with reality. I've tried tolerating it, but sometimes I just can't help but get annoyed.

ENFP's lie quite a bit to avoid hurting someone by telling them something they don't want to. Is it possible he sensed how irritated you were with him? Your strong disaproval? And because of that didn't want to go with you?

The rest seems to me like an immature way of getting your attention.

Well I was actually pretty playful with him that week. In real life I actually keep a lot of my disapproval to myself.

He probably really doesn't "get" why you're not talking to him anymore. I love INFJ's, but as far as communication goes...you guys are not so great at it. Terrible actually. You shut down and expect people to be able to read your minds and interpret your actions.

He probably doesn't go up to you because he senses your dislike/disaproval of him and may feel rejected and doesn't want to be rejected again. The fact that he's complaining to friends that you "won't talk to him anymore" tells me that he wants you to.

You're shutting down and he's trying to get your attention in a negative, passive/aggressive way. Both are immature communication styles.

That's true. I shouldn't expect people to read my mind. I just thought that the reason for being mad was so glaringly obvious that I shouldn't have to say anything, but apparently he couldn't figure it out.

In my experience (my best friends are ENFP's), ENFP's are extremely forgiving (not that you need "forgiving"), what I mean is that they are almost always willing to become friends again with a person they had a close bond with. They can be excellent at talking about their feelings and working through issues -- what they can't do is read minds or approach someone (continually) who they feel dislikes them because they hate discord and not to be liked, so they avoid the person who gives them that vibe. And they are quite good with reading "vibes".

ENFP's like to be accepted for who they are, flaws and all. They need to know that you accept all of them, including their faults. They're almost never ill-willed.

I'll grant you, their actions can be hurtful and a little vengeful -- it comes from feeling rejected though. When he feels like you like him, his behaviour will change though he might be a bit slow to trust you now.

He has behaved in an immature way to be sure. However, is it possible that he has perceived your actions as cold and uncaring?

One moment INFJ's are so warm, deep and caring and the next they can behave as though they never knew you. Have you done this, do you think? Because that could have really hurt and confused him.

The strange thing he's actually treated me this way on several occasions. Which led me to do the same to him, and vice versa. I mean I've hugged him, joked around with him, and complimented him on many occasions, maybe I was too smothering?

If you would like to reconcile the friendship, it's quite simple: stop judging him and start being nice to him. And he'll probably need to have a conversation about what happened and how it made you both feel to resolve it, otherwise it will always linger.

Above all, he'll need to know that you care about him and accept him. That means, you'll have to open up -- a night alone with music and wine helps a lot I've found :wink:

We're to young for wine. :tongue: But thanks though! I'll try to be a bit more open and accepting.

 

[amanda32]

I'm not saying that it's bad to be loud, exuberant, or spontaneous, but sometimes I feel like he takes it to another level that makes it annoying. :mellow:And by "weird" opinions I mean like not wanting to wash your hair for days on end even though it's getting greasy and flaky just because you don't want it to get "curly" and believing that you can still have fires in Antarctica because you believe that "you don't need heat to make fire!" Actually besides those two things I haven't really been openly judgmental about most of the stuff he does and says. The rebellion thing makes sense

hehehe. That just makes me laugh! They're so cute!
My ENFP friends don't like to shower for days sometimes either. Coincidence? My one friend didn't wash her hair for like a week because it made it more curly when she finally did. lol. Maybe they just like being grungy because it makes them feel free? Should start a thread on that...

I see what you mean. But it just gets so annoying seeing what he does to be the center of attention. Like it's almost like he gets so indulged with himself that he just loses touch with reality. I've tried tolerating it, but sometimes I just can't help but get annoyed.

I know what you mean too. I've seen them do this and it can get very annoying at times.They're funny little creatures though, always needing excitement. I think they have to make things fun otherwise they'll die of boredom.

Well I was actually pretty playful with him that week. In real life I actually keep a lot of my disapproval to myself.

Well, the other option then is that perhaps he wasn't planning on going? He is a "p" after all and they often decide things last minute. They sometimes can be a little insensitive and selfish though too.

That's true. I shouldn't expect people to read my mind. I just thought that the reason for being mad was so glaringly obvious that I shouldn't have to say anything, but apparently he couldn't figure it out.

Maybe he knew, maybe he didn't. I also thought that it was "glaringly" obvious the reason I was completely pissed off with my friend once -- she swears to this day she had no idea...

The strange thing he's actually treated me this way on several occasions. Which led me to do the same to him, and vice versa. I mean I've hugged him, joked around with him, and complimented him on many occasions, maybe I was too smothering?

Too smothering??? Is there such a thing for ENFP's??? Er...I'm not sure. The only thing with that is that he's a guy so...maybe he's "worried" you're romantically interested. In the immortally wise words of my friend, "boys are stupid".

We're to young for wine. :tongue: But thanks though! I'll try to be a bit more open and accepting.

Such a shame...