[eyeless112987]

I'm an INFP! Hi, so i met this guy who's an INFJ and we both instantly developed crushes... we went into summer vacation after a month into talking and we're hundreds of miles apart. *sigh* We chatted and texted... (maybe a little too much?) and he got over his crush but developed one for a straight guy at work two months into the summer i on the other hand.. fell in love. Hard! I feel i scared him away with my shyness. It takes me forever to open up ... and also didn't help that he had just gotten out of a two year relationship. He's so sweet and fun and random and i am like that too with my close friends but i never got to warm up to him while we were seeing each other in person. :/ ...ugh, i don't know if i should pursue something this Fall or just hold everything in and try to be friends.... help INFJ'S? I believe this is the first INFJ i meet and he is everything i am looking for!

 

[The Proof]

you can probably find another guy, they are everywhere!

 

[Collossus]

I believe you should pursue him. If I was in his place, I would have done that because after a while feeling that someone is distant with me, I start to pursue them to make a choice by putting them in kind of difficult situations, like yours. The best bet is to tell him exactly how you feel, as INFJs never laugh at the others' feelings and they also tend to get impressed when others tell them how they perceive them, especially when it is about something nice.

 

[Zomboy]

Keep in mind that the Judging trait is the only real separation between you two

Collossus is right. Don't leave your emotions pent up. Let him know how you feel, but try to be objective about it. Don't blame anyone (not even yourself) and explain the situation, and I'm nearly certain that both of you can come to a consensus

And if you don't? There are billions of others out there. Logically speaking, it's silly to think that there isn't anyone else out there for you, correct?

 

[eyeless112987]

Yes, you guys are right. I'll let him know and be as straight forward and just...honest. I know there are more INFJ's out there...but you guys are slightly more rare than INFP's! and... how many times will i find a GUY INFJ who's gay, around my age, also a Music Major like me, single aaaaannddd near where i live/work/go to school! If anything, i know i have to at least let him know exactly how i feel. If nothing happens, i won't go about my life thinking.. "what if". But... right now...things are kind of distant... and i feel he just wants space. So i'll wait til the Fall semester when i see him... *crosses fingers*

 

[eyeless112987]

Well... it doesn't matter what his major is. Let me just correct that.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

Well, the way I look at it you're doomed. No two ways about it. Just kidding you'll be fine.

 

[eyeless112987]

*gasp* *sigh of relief* okay!

 

[Angel1412kaitou]

Go for it! I wish you the best...

 

[eyeless112987]

...question... to INFJ's Do you find it easy to let go and move onto someone else? I feel he did so rather quickly.. at least with his feelings...

 

[Collossus]

...question... to INFJ's Do you find it easy to let go and move onto someone else? I feel he did so rather quickly.. at least with his feelings...

Yes, when I know the relationship is unhealthy for me. But sometimes people do not know what they want, so they will go from one to another as the wind blows, waiting for that someone to show them it is worth it to stay together.

 

[eyeless112987]

And what if... they moved on really early, fast! Without really letting the other person get comfortable and let them through their walls (which was my case) If they moved on but let's say exposed to that person again... Do INFJ's feel once the door has been closed, it's closed for good? For ever? He told me he just didn't know what he wanted and was confused and had mixed feelings... I'm not one to probe cuz i value and understand the personal space bit. So i listened to him and let him say what he wanted.. i wanted to ask other things... but i felt those things needed to wait. So this is why i'm asking here

 

[Collossus]

If he moved on very fast then he felt uncomfortable in that position, without being your fault. Maybe he has been over-analyzing the situation and made himself some fancy ideas, like he was disturbing you or was too possessive etc (at least that happens to me when I get overexcited).
In my case, after I close the door to someone is not closed for good, no matter the situation, although many INFJs on this forum said they would never reopen the door to someone who has hurt them.
The idea of confused, mixed feelings, would translate as 'I don't know what to do: I want to like you, but only if you like me too'. When he said this, you probably felt you had to let him alone to decide, but you actually gave him a clear 'no' doing that. You should be more pushy and also not only ask him what he want, but also how do you relate to what he wants.
I think the best bet is to talk to him directly (otherwise there won't be a later time for the things that 'needed to wait'). You may get advices on the forum but, although we are INFJs and have similar patterns, everyone is unique and has his/her own vision of life.

 

[eyeless112987]

Thank you so much Colossus! That reeeeally helps!