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Heretic
5w4 9w8 2w1 Sx/Sp INTJ ESI
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I've realized that I have become a toxic person on many levels.
I have a lot of hate and constantly lash out because of this hate.
This is a problem because the world is becoming less and less tolerant of people like me.

Which I find ironic in that this world gave me all this shit, and now I'm being double shamed for struggling with the shit I was given.

It is like it is my fault that I was given the hand I was given
and when I'm down it is a great opportunity to make all the moves I know to make, to rise up again, illegal.
That is how it feels, when I try to express my hurt and anger, I'm told that, I'm out of line.
When it seeps through in normal conversation people tell me off.

Other people who have learned to adapt, see me as a mark to play with, as they know they can hurt me and get away with it.
Because they know that I will break some arbitrary rule set to rein in hurt people like me.

This world is basically a psychopathic doubleshaming machine that loves to bring people down.
Then when they are down to degrade them and kick them for even trying to get up.

How can I even consider to find a path back to something nice and pleasant,
when this is what plagues me?

I feel covid was a great example of this, cause when the pandemic hit, the place I worked at didn't even slow down on upgrading policies.
They rolled up upgraded terms on how to treat people better, expected people to comply with it or a new set of sanctions would be enacted.
This while the whole thing was in a sort of red-covid lockdown situation, where everyone was super stressed and overworked.
The machine didn't care about the context, it was just, here are the new rules, comply or die!!!

So yeah, I really feel that this world is just a sadistic merry go round.

Edit:
It struck me as ironic that I'm saying this on a forum that is more or less practicing the same thing.
Constantly evolving definitions of what is accepted behavior and sanction on those that can't comply.
I'm not saying I have a solution for this, but it reminded me of this scene from the matrix,
no matter what you to, you can't escape because the matrix has you!

 
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I've realized that I have become a toxic person on many levels.
I have a lot of hate and constantly lash out because of this hate.
This is a problem because the world is becoming less and less tolerant of people like me.
It's normal to feel this way.
This hate must have come from your personal experiences. But you know you can change this bad habit and try to remove your ego aside.


Which I find ironic in that this world gave me all this shit, and now I'm being double shamed for struggling with the shit I was given.
Perhaps the reason why you feel the world is like that is because we tend to see the negative side a lot often in times of hardship when there are good reasons for you to move forward in life.

It is like it is my fault that I was given the hand I was given
and when I'm down it is a great opportunity to make all the moves I know to make, to rise up again, illegal.
That is how it feels, when I try to express my hurt and anger, I'm told that, I'm out of line.
When it seeps through in normal conversation people tell me off.
I'm kind of confused. Illegal as in bad habit?

Other people who have learned to adapt, see me as a mark to play with, as they know they can hurt me and get away with it.
Because they know that I will break some arbitrary rule set to rein in hurt people like me.
Well, this must be something serious. I'm not sure what your situation is, but I know everyone gets hurt at some point in life.

How can I even consider to find a path back to something nice and pleasant,
when this is what plagues me?
If you think you are toxic or hateful, consider looking around you. Avoid them if possible because usually, the circle of people you surround yourself with can reflect you as a person. They might take advantage of you which I reckon they did.

I feel covid was a great example of this, cause when the pandemic hit, the place I worked at didn't even slow down on upgrading policies.
Think of it this way, what about those who don't work at all and are unemployed? Not everyone has a job and is given a chance to.

So yeah, I really feel that this world is just a sadistic merry go round.
This world was never designed to bring eternal happiness and never will be. Sometimes there are certain things that we cannot comprehend and I suppose if you approach life with perseverance, the world cannot beat you. You should not let this world drown you in misery and shame. Every problem always has a solution even if you might not think that way. Don't be afraid to ask for help or seek guidance from someone whom you trust. This might not be the best platform for you to get help from, but hopefully, whatever you are going through, you will overcome it.(y)
 

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In general--you are safer expressing negative emotions in a way that focuses more on YOU rather than the outside world or other people.

So if you are angry, using diction even like "I" and talking about it in a way that shows you own your own anger...that you aren't just projecting nilly willy on people who you felt hurt by.

That's really important.

"I" feel "angry" when this happens.

Is a lot less confrontational than

You [insert pejorative] made me do some terrible thing/feel some terrible way.

So just try to work with that idea--when you direct the emotions inward and try to process them they are more palatable to others. Similar to self-depreciating humor.

But you do run the risk of depression and other things if you focus too much on yourself.

But if you can process through your emotions...understand EXACTLY where your boundaries are, what you like and dislike, and take ownership for that, then you will end up less on people's shit-lists as you've processed more of your shit and can use it for fertilizer.

I mean...shit is shit. Apes like to throw shit at people who piss them off--like literally pick up poo and launch it at people.

But the same shit is also used to grow gardens and plants, like blooming flowers.

So...find a balance between throwing poo and shit at people, and composting all your shit in a bog in order to grow flowers with it.

Don't throw poo at vulnerable people. Throw it at real assholes--so don't throw poo at groups of disadvantaged people such as women or minorities. Don't focus so much on composting shit that you forget to grow and bloom and stuff, but do process your emotions and take responsibility for them.
 

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I'm not sure entirely sure what you're going through right now, but it's pretty normal to feel ourselves turning corrupt or "toxic" with time. As we live, the dust of everyday life accumulates. If we don't regularly clean them, it will eventually show up.

I think finding a way to channel them in a healthy way is necessary. Being proactive and seeking the ability to change things that bothers us, no matter how little, could at least keep us occupied enough to not worry about other things.

It also helps to know that everything passes. Good times, bad times, they all pass. And this too, shall pass.

Don't worry about all the blames and shames you're getting. They don't know how cold the water is until they get into the water themselves.
 
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This feels more like a rant than a quest for advice (which is fine, but if it is, this might not be the best place to put this).

As you have put this in the advice center I'm going to treat it as such and give you some advice. Be warned, it's not going to be advice that you like.

It seems as if you've never learned to handle your emotions in a healthy way. That's probably not your fault, but it is your problem. Currently you're handling it by making it other people's problem, and that's not cool. You're actively harming your relationship with others and pushing others away. That means that you're basically in a downward spiral where you're going to become more and more toxic, pushing away people and becoming more toxic because of that as a result.

The only way out is to start at the source. It's clear that you're currently focusing a lot on influences outside of your control and lashing out at them. That's not helpful. Instead, try to figure out what is within your control. It's outside of your control how society treats people or what rules there are in the workplace. You do have control over what you do with those factors.

I see signs in your story that you feel like you don't have control over your feelings or how you handle them. That's a problem, since those factors are, to an extent, in your control. Learning how to control those factors is difficult though, and I don't think it's something that is feasible without any sort of help.

My advice would be to seek psychological help for this. There are people who are especially trained to help people like you to deal with these kinds of issues. At one point in my life I was too proud to seek help and it got me ever deeper into a hole. Eventually I found help and it empowered me to start actually dealing with the underlying issues. It gave me a lot of power over my own life and the tools to start shaping my environment to fit around me, rather than the other way around.

Nobody is asking you to become a fundamentally different person (and if they are, they're probably not worth your time). People want you to stop hurting them. If you're hurting and lashing out because of it you're not helping yourself, you're only pushing people away who might be part of the solution for you.

Given the tone of your message I'm not sure if any of this is going to appeal to you, you seem so focused on the outside world that it might be difficult for you to start working on the things that are actually your problems, but if you want to end up in a position where you can look at the world around you and decide that you're happy, this is the first step.

In short: focus on what you can control rather than the things that are outside of your control and please find some help to get there. Nobody can get through life alone and there are people out there that are specifically trained to find a way for you to empower yourself to change the things in your life that you want to change.

If you don't do any of this, you're never going to be happy and you will end up pushing everyone who cares about you away.

Good luck and take care.
 

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Heretic
5w4 9w8 2w1 Sx/Sp INTJ ESI
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I notice that people are giving me various advice, I don't feel that it would be right to go into conversations on this with anyone, and make this into a game of who has understood me best or least.

I'll try to make a list of the advice given as I understand it later. If you feel that I have a bad interpretation of your advice you will just have to rephrase yourself until I finally understand you.

Sent fra min SM-A515F via Tapatalk
 

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U just gotta accept reality for what it is and learn to channel your emotions better. I workout a lot to drain excess energy and to humble myself, suggest u give it a try too. These days nothing surprises me or gets on my nerves anymore, just laugh at the irony and understand that conflict, war and selfishness has been around since the beginning and apart of animal/human nature.
 

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[snipped...]
It is like it is my fault that I was given the hand I was given
and when I'm down it is a great opportunity to make all the moves I know to make, to rise up again, illegal.
That is how it feels, when I try to express my hurt and anger, I'm told that, I'm out of line.
When it seeps through in normal conversation people tell me off. [...snipped]
Here's some advice for you: Be clearer about what your problem is. No one even knows what the hell you're complaining about.

For example: What exactly is your complaint? That you can't talk about manosphere stuff on general-audience message boards? That you can't talk about right-wing politics on left-wing message boards?

If your problem consists of those sorts of things, then the answer would be to match your message to the audience. If you want to talk manosphere stuff, go to the manosphere. And so on.

Also, here's another question: How much of your problem is fear vs actual negative experience? I remember a thread where you were complaining about how difficult it is for men to date or get married in the modern world. But it seemed like you were just talking about worst-case scenarios that you gleaned from red-pill videos. It sounded like you were talking about fears rather than actual first-hand experience. Because you didn't actually describe any negative personal experiences in that realm.

To sum up: Your rants would be more understandable if you 1) pin down your rants to a single clear problem; 2) state your actual experience of the problem rather than ranting about your fears of worst-case scenarios. Otherwise you just sound paranoid: "The world sucks and everyone's out to get me!"

You're like those women who complain that all men are rapists. How is a man even supposed to respond to that? In the same manner: It's clear from your rant that you feel oppressed by the world. But your complaint of oppression is so vague and all-encompassing that obviously no one will be able to address it in any meaningful way. As a result, any advice you get will be useless. It will just be platitudes and sentiment.
 

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I think you have me ignored, but I'll say this anyways, because some people are trying but beating around the bush.

You don't get anywhere in this world by acting like a victim. You find happiness and success by realizing that everyone's life is messed up in some way, and they only deserve it if they take it out on others, like Wicked mentioned. If you're angry, take it out on someone who deserves it. And when I was angry yesterday, that person was you. But I took it too far, and is probably a lot of the reason you feel this way. I just hope you learn why the way you think isn't okay to the receiving parties. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm just not sorry that I defended the vulnerable, and I hope that makes sense.

The problem is, you want a place where you can be accepted, but in your posts you treat other parties the same way you're describing yourself. You say you're being suppressed, but the only opinion that anyone here has suppressed is your stance on women and dating, because it's harmful to the women on the receiving end of that strategy.
 

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Heretic
5w4 9w8 2w1 Sx/Sp INTJ ESI
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Discussion Starter · #12 · (Edited)
I might mention generally that is reaction is a combination with a lot of stuff falling together.
Like deep Jungian processes combined with me having very high physical pain,
and then having a lot of stupid encounters on this forum back to back as icing on the cake.
This was a blowout, yet also a willingness to actually look more closely on myself.
I know I'm not perfect and have a lot of very bad patterns and biases, just like everyone else.

Advice list:
1. Change your bad habits and put aside your ego.
2. Avoid toxic people if possible.
3. Think of those less fortunate than you.
4. Have an attitude of perseverance.
5. Seek help from someone trustworthy.
6. Focus on yourself and own it, when you express negative emotion.
7. Focus on owning your own boundaries. (Likes and dislikes)
8. Channel your emotions into fixing stuff you don't like.
9. Focus on what is within your control.
10. See a therapist.
11. Accept reality for what it is.
12. Drain excess energy in workouts.
13. Be more clear.
14. Match your message to your audience.
15. You are the one that must fix it.

Thanks again, I have found it easier to strip out the advice like this.
Because a lot of the stuff people write around the advice in these threads are often distracting.
I won't commit to any particular advice I get here, this is just to make it more accessible to digest for myself.
 

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I don't understand you beyond that hurt people often hurt others.

Some data that might be of interest to you. Emotional states impact on physical health. Strong negative emotions increase cortisol production since cortisol reduces the efficacy of the immune system. This might be part of the reason for any increased pain you're feeling since your immune system has been compromised, causing greater inflammation.
 
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