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Discussion Starter #1
I quit my job because we got lots of bullies teaming up and just a bad work environment of people finger-poining at eachother and not looking at themselves. I put up with it for a long time due to those I respect but in the end it was a food service job to help me pay for more college and well anyways I decided I didn't need that.

But once I quit I found myself enjoying my freedom and figured I had more time to look for work with my savings and minimal expenses.

Well that was definitely true but that "more time" thinking error kept stretching out to avoid the stress and anxiety of looking for work. Now I have no money for gas, my boyfriend's buying me groceries, and I owe debts to Comcast ect.

Part of me knew I was capable of finding work but I wanted a better job than the one I had, but at the same time had anxiety about the entire situation, how do I find one, interviews, getting turned down. I wasn't motivated by need cause I had money so somehow I managed to just exit out of the problem by watching TV or going to the lake ect.

Anyways anyone else find themselves making really odd choices like this despite being a college educated adult or smart haha

I'm so embarrassed to tell my friends and family stuff like "can you buy my groceries" or no I can't visit you I have no gas money or OMG I AM SCREWED SOMEONE LOAN ME MONEY EVNE THOUGH I DID THIS TO MYSELF. Because I know it's my fault and I don't see why someone would loan me money without resenting or distrusting me I am just not asking for help which is abizarre thing to do to. But that's my personality. Anyways, instead of asking for the money I need for internet which is pretty important for getting a job or money for a bus pass or gas, I'm trying to earn money quick through surveys online haha.

Anyone else have these weird personality quirks? Is it a symptom of anxiety? I'm not too worried about it bc even though I don't like I do this I know it's a choice and sometimes my brain gets hi-jacked by thinking errors or fleeing anxiety and once shit gets real I always get my shit together... but I know that lots of people are like that. Procrastination and shitty choices are pretty common.

Thoughts??

Also:
know any websites I can get money from quickly thanks. I can't donate blood cause I weigh 110 lbs
 
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I quit my job because we got lots of bullies teaming up and just a bad work environment of people finger-poining at eachother and not looking at themselves. I put up with it for a long time due to those I respect but in the end it was a food service job to help me pay for more college and well anyways I decided I didn't need that.

But once I quit I found myself enjoying my freedom and figured I had more time to look for work with my savings and minimal expenses.

Well that was definitely true but that "more time" thinking error kept stretching out to avoid the stress and anxiety of looking for work. Now I have no money for gas, my boyfriend's buying me groceries, and I owe debts to Comcast ect.

Part of me knew I was capable of finding work but I wanted a better job than the one I had, but at the same time had anxiety about the entire situation, how do I find one, interviews, getting turned down. I wasn't motivated by need cause I had money so somehow I managed to just exit out of the problem by watching TV or going to the lake ect.

Anyways anyone else find themselves making really odd choices like this despite being a college educated adult or smart haha

I'm so embarrassed to tell my friends and family stuff like "can you buy my groceries" or no I can't visit you I have no gas money or OMG I AM SCREWED SOMEONE LOAN ME MONEY EVNE THOUGH I DID THIS TO MYSELF. Because I know it's my fault and I don't see why someone would loan me money without resenting or distrusting me I am just not asking for help which is abizarre thing to do to. But that's my personality. Anyways, instead of asking for the money I need for internet which is pretty important for getting a job or money for a bus pass or gas, I'm trying to earn money quick through surveys online haha.

Anyone else have these weird personality quirks? Is it a symptom of anxiety? I'm not too worried about it bc even though I don't like I do this I know it's a choice and sometimes my brain gets hi-jacked by thinking errors or fleeing anxiety and once shit gets real I always get my shit together... but I know that lots of people are like that. Procrastination and shitty choices are pretty common.

Thoughts??

Also:
know any websites I can get money from quickly thanks. I can't donate blood cause I weigh 110 lbs
Sounds like some sort of pathology. You probably should stay under care of your parents until you get it sorted out through therapy or something like that. Better call them now.
 
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Discussion Starter #6
Irresponsible behaviour + refusal to ask for help despite bad consequences. Pretty pathological.

Sounds like you need something like this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy
Not so much a refusal. If I was in any danger I would, mostly all I face now is discomfort. I paid my rent in advance so I have a place to live.

Call it responsible but I understand why I did, partly for the first time in a long time I could not think about how i'm working unpleasant minimum wage jobs and instead just think about school, which makes my future seem brighter. I have friends who have similarly coasted for a period of time. I don't believe in the ethic that working makes you more valid or honorable, simply you should do what you need to survive so I don't feel bad for not working. I just let it stretch on too long because then I started to dread the interview and applying process and finding work. I really wanted to work in translation or something that catered to my skill sets but I didn't know if I could find anything or how to do so, or if I'd qualify. I face something lots of people my age do, getting out of very structed environments and finding the world outside of it very unstructured and anxiety-provoking. I knew I'd probably just end up taking another job that didn't advance my career, and then be stuck with it and the often unpleasant people and difficult hours to coordinate with schooling. So no wonder I didn't want to waste my time doing that. Working isn't a responsibility I owe to anyone. If I can survive without I and am ok with some degree of discomfort when I have to walk to the library to get a job, that's my problem that I obviously was ok with enough to make.

I don't like pathologizing every human behavior. In fact procrsastion of things that are unpleasant or anxiety provoking is pretty normal. Lots of people realize they have resources like a boyfriend to buy groceries ect ect and end up coasting on them for a time.

And I'd do it again, just not as long. I was going to use my school ID as a bus pass, works in my country, and tbh I'd be almost fine right now but turns out it doesn't work during summer which is sad. : (

In my experience having lots of options can cause me and some other people to feel symied. So many possible ways to go about things. Once things get down to the wire you have less options. Then it's easier. Anyhoo.

I'd agree I've been irresponsible in that this isn't ideal but seeing that I made the choice to work for years in a place I didn't enjoy to enable my future and then made a conscious choice not to enjoy myself for a bit, and seeing that lots of people face being overwhelmed or put things off, live of their family or friends or just decide to go without fo ra bit, I don't think this is at all abnormal. *shrug*
 

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I agree with Arzazar that you should ask for help. I know what it feels like to be beaten down by a toxic environment and from there finding it difficult to climb out of the downward spiral. Your family and your true friends can help you do that, especially if you admit to making some poor choices and express a desire to make more proactive ones.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I mean it's not ideal obviously but

the thinking error that is "living for today instead of tomorrow" is pretty well-known. It's why people buy cheeseburgers instead of salads or spend money shopping they could use for idk a vacation to Italy or something. I'd hardly call falling prey to the common delusion "hey it'll be fine I have more time" is "pathological". It's even an economic concept. And though I'm privilege, I have quite a cushion to allow that kind of thinking.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I agree with Arzazar that you should ask for help. I know what it feels like to be beaten down by a toxic environment and from there finding it difficult to climb out of the downward spiral. Your family and your true friends can help you do that, especially if you admit to making some poor choices and express a desire to make more functional ones.
yeah... I mean if certian things don't work out I'll have to ask for help. Obviously I don't want to sour my relationships though so I'm trying everything else first.
 

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@sogood

I think I understand. And I agree that the social environment at work can either make it great or hell. Remember that "a better job" than what you had is also just a job where most people aren't assholes--and you will find that.

I also don't like asking for help either. In fact, I think my least favorite stage of working is interviewing and applying for jobs, so I can understand why you feel anxious about it. It's almost like "asking" for something in itself--because there's an emphasis on "selling yourself."

But remember that it's like getting into a pool of water--at first it's shocking and uncomfortable, but you can swim and you will find your skills developing, and show how much you can contribute to the work with time and experience.

But I'm unemployed right now as well and also somewhat procrastinating finding a job....: p And your attitude doesn't sound foreign to me at all.
I just started reading this website today--I think it's got some funny examples of procrastination and so maybe you'd like it as well. Why Procrastinators Procrastinate - Wait But Why
 

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Is there a food pantry near where you live? That could buy you some extra time. In the meantime it might be a good idea to talk with a counselor/psychologist to help you process the barriers to looking for work. Sooner, rather than later (and allowing them to seem even bigger). I think everyone could benefit from a counselor from time to time; it's a shame we have to seek out strangers, but right now our culture doesn't do such a great job of fostering communication sometimes, as in families and friends really TALKING to each other...

Is there a hotline you could call for depression, even suicide prevention? I would think they would be glad to talk to you BEFORE things get that dire, and given your financial situation, maybe point you to some local resources.

I'm glad you're within walking distance of a library. Please consider doing something now rather than later :) I wish you the best.
 
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Not so much a refusal. If I was in any danger I would, mostly all I face now is discomfort. I paid my rent in advance so I have a place to live.

Call it responsible but I understand why I did, partly for the first time in a long time I could not think about how i'm working unpleasant minimum wage jobs and instead just think about school, which makes my future seem brighter. I have friends who have similarly coasted for a period of time. I don't believe in the ethic that working makes you more valid or honorable, simply you should do what you need to survive so I don't feel bad for not working. I just let it stretch on too long because then I started to dread the interview and applying process and finding work. I really wanted to work in translation or something that catered to my skill sets but I didn't know if I could find anything or how to do so, or if I'd qualify. I face something lots of people my age do, getting out of very structed environments and finding the world outside of it very unstructured and anxiety-provoking. I knew I'd probably just end up taking another job that didn't advance my career, and then be stuck with it and the often unpleasant people and difficult hours to coordinate with schooling. So no wonder I didn't want to waste my time doing that. Working isn't a responsibility I owe to anyone. If I can survive without I and am ok with some degree of discomfort when I have to walk to the library to get a job, that's my problem that I obviously was ok with enough to make.
The sooner you'll start looking for a job, the greater chance for finding something acceptable, though.

I don't like pathologizing every human behavior. In fact procrsastion of things that are unpleasant or anxiety provoking is pretty normal. Lots of people realize they have resources like a boyfriend to buy groceries ect ect and end up coasting on them for a time.

And I'd do it again, just not as long. I was going to use my school ID as a bus pass, works in my country, and tbh I'd be almost fine right now but turns out it doesn't work during summer which is sad. : (

In my experience having lots of options can cause me and some other people to feel symied. So many possible ways to go about things. Once things get down to the wire you have less options. Then it's easier. Anyhoo.

I'd agree I've been irresponsible in that this isn't ideal but seeing that I made the choice to work for years in a place I didn't enjoy to enable my future and then made a conscious choice not to enjoy myself for a bit, and seeing that lots of people face being overwhelmed or put things off, live of their family or friends or just decide to go without fo ra bit, I don't think this is at all abnormal. *shrug*
It's clearly something that you lack skills to overcome, though. The purpose of therapy is to teach you these skills.
Often problems with life don't require magical cures like for example "willpower" but methods of overcoming a specific problem.

Here are some examples:
5 Tips To Curb Procrastination — Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Lol yikes guys. I don't lack the skills to over-come such things nor am I remotely depressed or suicidal. Thanks though. I wasn't seeking help either, more so interested in people who have similar experiences and maybe info on some good websites to scrape together quick cash. I'm in my 20s and I don't think a small period of joblessness or financial difficulty in favor of socializing and introspecting speaks to the dire situation you believe it does. Had I done so in a crowd of party people or art people it'd be a pretty common and at times socially celebrated decision. If I was incapacitated to the point I ever felt I Couldn't seek work even though I wanted to that'd be totalyl different, or if i had some serious drug problem. I've known people who've done similar and subsisted of food stamps or written term papers for people. Despite what you think, I made conscious choices that spoke to putting off anxiety, and also just the fact I didn't want to look for work and more so felt obligated to than out of any desire of my own, and just enjoying myself, maybe not responsible but I'm being in my 20s while I can, that doesn't speak to an inability to make different ones, especially since I've done finding work and all that before. Anyhoo have a nice day.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I'm a little confused by some your guys worried tone as though this is a mental disorder because I'll be real with you, almost every person I know has felt this way or done something similar in the past, and not to romanticize aimlessness but lots of novel characters I've read have done the same... or autobiographies of people as well. If you knew the amount of books I've read or times I've spent having a good time with friends or the amount of coffee I've drank sitting in a sunny spot with cats you'd know it's well worth it. : )

But yes obviously one can't putt off seeking out the future forever.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I guess this is partly why I feel weird about seeking help or even conversing with people whilst unemployed, like, I feel like they think "YOURE UNEMPLOYED> WHY AR EU WASTING TIME TALKING TO ME you could be looking for a JOB. R U OK. U WILL GET ONE RIGHT>>". I feel like it's this role I take on and end up playing to a T the "responsible citizen" and that's not really a role I'm interested. I'll have a job for my own well-being but I dislike the sense of obligation and conformatism that I sense in others like if someone for a bit is unemployed there isn't necessarily a reason and in general people dislike looking for work and working people complain about work all the time unless they're lucky like what is the big surprise here someone explain this culture of non-working-shame to me.
 

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@sogood

You sounded very stressed out in OP, and you did list some very real problems that can come with not making money, such as your fears about bills and running out of money. I think people were just trying to be helpful because of that.

But I do agree with you that the shame surrounding employment is a problem. I think many people face it as there's always someone there to judge whether or not you even have a "real" job even when you do have one, or the status of various jobs based on prestige and pay.

Anyway--I think lack of money can teach a lot of great lessons. I've learned how to bake bread and milk goats in times where I was struggling. Some people go off grid too--they might build natural homes and grow more of their food--or do various work in exchange for housing, fostering meaningful relationships. People can make steps to live more simply and require less money--which sometimes translates as spending more time on chickens (they actually don't take that much time) or gardening (which again--can take less time if you have a good system in place). And purchasing used things, while keeping others for longer, and practicing being creative with solutions to lacks.

But IDK of any quick money websites--usually I just relied on odd jobs when in a pinch. Networking is helpful in finding those too. Some of the things mentioned in this thread are real afflictions that the chronically financially stressed do suffer from often--depression is probably somewhat related to the shame and break down in connections and relationships (like you said--having to tell your friends you can't hang out because of gas money). I like your idea of using the bus pass or perhaps getting a bike.

Here where I live the bus system is not really that efficient, but I didn't have a car until my early/mid twenties and instead used a bike to go grocery shopping, and it was nice because it doubled as exercise and some recreation. But it's kind of silly that cars are sometimes tied to self-worth here, and I've seen it said, while at the same time there is a movement of people to use more bikes here and to learn to be proud of them--as they save energy as well as cost less, not to mention that they spare animals and air.

I personally am enjoying my time between work, as I have more free time to read and do art, but I find myself somewhat aimless because I'm so used to having external structure from work and school. Planning and focusing my attention is a challenge. But it's fun to learn about and I consider it another perk of having more time. I think your line of thinking is pretty useful--desperation can be a good muse for creative solutions. But I also think you sound stressed out, and so that is why I suggested the reading on procrastination, because I think when people harness that out of the box thinking and focus their attention, they might be happier and also blaze trails for others to follow towards their happiness. I didn't think anyone was trying to shame you, but I do agree that there is a problem with that in society and it contributes to a lot of other problems, such as pollution and consumerism as well as people feeling alienated and stressed.

I also enjoyed looking at Banksy art work--I find it inspiring and I even got a little bit of a crush on him from it...so not sure if that will help. But it does make me feel a little better about re-defining "contributions" and being unemployed atm.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Thanks, you're right, I probably did sound very stressed. I have a hard time talking about my problems because of fear of being judged, so I pre-emptively do what I worry others will or something, it's a little confusing for me, I still have a hard time presenting myself as I feel and I have conflicting feelings about what's going on, I feel shame in the sense of I feel my parents may be ashamed or frustrated with me but also resenting having to adapt to that but also knowing I should adapt to it if I ask them for help so the whole thing unravels if I do. But tbh when I wrote the OP I wasn't all that stressed and I don't know if I was being tongue in cheek or what. I mean obviously scrapping together money or planning things and looking for work is stressful but not in any sense other than those things are inherently stressful.

I mean, I am stressed, but I think that's the nature of trying to survive, I agree I should solve the problem but I don't think the problem is my mental health. I wouldn't mind picking up odd jobs but I'm not sure where to find them, most on craigslist seem to be for skills I don't have like idk landscaping or graphic design. But I do want to learn lessons from this and be better at networking and figure out how to rely on other people in that sense; part of that is awkward though because I've been raised around people who don't really do that, like, wouldn't dream of asking to crash on someone's couch or scrape together rent by moving in with someone they don't know well. I know lots of people who have found interesting ways to live and really if you figure out a certain way of looking at the world there is resources everywhere, but part of me feels people won't be willing to help if you seem "irresponsible" ect. Even the nature of seeking work is making it seem as though you have already "made it" into some pillar of security, some institution, to get a job you have to have already have had that job or really bullshit about it. You can't just say "I could use this job and i'll be good about it". So it's hard to figure out some measure of freedom like the ability to quit a job or to move in with someone you don't know well or meet new people. Life feels so structured and when I think of letting it all go and be freer in some way, its like, ok, what if I get raped or so and so is untrusthworthy or so and so won't hire me or take me on because they don't know me or they don't trust I'd pay them back... it all gets kind of complicated I haven't really lived by my bootstraps.


Anyhoo sorry for my contradictory and confusing tone, I have a hard time communicating on this topic I suppose.
 

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I quit my job because we got lots of bullies teaming up and just a bad work environment of people finger-poining at eachother and not looking at themselves. I put up with it for a long time due to those I respect but in the end it was a food service job to help me pay for more college and well anyways I decided I didn't need that.

But once I quit I found myself enjoying my freedom and figured I had more time to look for work with my savings and minimal expenses.

Well that was definitely true but that "more time" thinking error kept stretching out to avoid the stress and anxiety of looking for work. Now I have no money for gas, my boyfriend's buying me groceries, and I owe debts to Comcast ect.

Part of me knew I was capable of finding work but I wanted a better job than the one I had, but at the same time had anxiety about the entire situation, how do I find one, interviews, getting turned down. I wasn't motivated by need cause I had money so somehow I managed to just exit out of the problem by watching TV or going to the lake ect.

Anyways anyone else find themselves making really odd choices like this despite being a college educated adult or smart haha

I'm so embarrassed to tell my friends and family stuff like "can you buy my groceries" or no I can't visit you I have no gas money or OMG I AM SCREWED SOMEONE LOAN ME MONEY EVNE THOUGH I DID THIS TO MYSELF. Because I know it's my fault and I don't see why someone would loan me money without resenting or distrusting me I am just not asking for help which is abizarre thing to do to. But that's my personality. Anyways, instead of asking for the money I need for internet which is pretty important for getting a job or money for a bus pass or gas, I'm trying to earn money quick through surveys online haha.

Anyone else have these weird personality quirks? Is it a symptom of anxiety? I'm not too worried about it bc even though I don't like I do this I know it's a choice and sometimes my brain gets hi-jacked by thinking errors or fleeing anxiety and once shit gets real I always get my shit together... but I know that lots of people are like that. Procrastination and shitty choices are pretty common.

Thoughts??

Also:
know any websites I can get money from quickly thanks. I can't donate blood cause I weigh 110 lbs
You can find another job. It's not the end of the world. Ask friends and family for help. We're all human and we all do things we regret (trite I know, but true). It sounds like it was a terrible job anyway. Use your Ne to help you find something new. Chalk it up as a learning experience. I know it's tough right now, but don't get too down on yourself. Keep your spirits up. You can bounce back from this.
 

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Why not look for odd jobs just to experience doing different kinds of work? It sounds like you're not too concerned if you don't have reliable income, so it takes some of the job search pressure off and allows you to move on to other jobs easily. Or if you've ever wanted to do any type of freelance work, you could give it a try. If you have extra time on your hands maybe prepare for the job you want when you finish college - like research the job market, learn about running a small business, whatever is applicable to what you want to do.

The anxiety you are experiencing sounds like a bit of a problem, since it's stopping you from doing something about your situation until you are desperate and the lack of money becomes a bigger problem than the anxiety. You also mention lack of motivation, which may be separate (and something to deal with) or tied up to some extent with the anxiety.

No idea how to make quick cash. I wouldn't rely on a quick fix landing on your doorstep. Fastest route might just be to let your friends and family know you're looking to make a bit of cash and see if they know of anything?

And yes, I have made weird decisions and been embarrassed with the consequences I've brought on myself. But it really is okay to make mistakes or get yourself in a bad situation. You will move on in your life and you can make that process easier for yourself. I have had a tendency to bottle these experiences up inside, be really hard on myself, perpetuate guilt and shame. I think your humour response is a healthy one. Comedy loves tragedy and helps connect us to people. Go ahead a share what's going on for you with people in your life you can trust. If they have a sense of their own humanity, they will be accepting and understand.
 
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