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Hey all, I'm quite conflicted and I don't know how to understand some things this ISTP guy I know does. I'm an ENFP. So I met him while studying abroad in Germany last year (he is German, I'm American). He started talking to me, we had a nice conversation, and a few days later he messaged me and asked me on a date. So we started seeing each other, and it got a lot more intense for both of us than we thought it would (especially since I only had a few months left in Germany and wasn't looking for anything serious). He did many sweet ISTP-like things - for example, we went to an event and as it was late and raining, and my first tram to go home was about to leave (at this point I was just talking to my friend), I hopped on. When he realized I'd gotten on to the tram, he biked in the rain to meet me at where I had to wait for my second tram, just so he could take me home. He was making me a bike (biking is his thing), would fix things for me without me asking, had me and my sister stay with his best friend for the last few weeks I was there (at this point, he was staying with his mom because he was saving up), etc. We had a wonderful and adventurous sex life, and when I left he kept saying how this isn't the end, and asking when I will be back so we have a time to look forward to (I was planning already on coming back in a year). We decided not to talk all the time, as it would be hard for us, and he is terrible with technology (has a crappy phone, no computer, no tv...he is just not interested in those things).

So anyways, I came back to the States and we didn't talk often. I think maybe I was overbearing because I felt the need to talk more often than we did, and maybe this annoyed him. We video chatted in October and he asked me to stay with him this summer. But when we talked in November, he said that he's not in a place where he really wants a relationship (like, next year when I'm back in Germany), and we would just have to see where it goes, but we must be realistic. This really hurt because I truly care about him, but I know I tend to be very idealistic. We still talk sometimes, and I am actually going back to Germany for a week next month, but I'm just not sure how to go about this or what to say when I see him. Should I take his word about not wanting a relationship and forget it, even though he's shown me so much care in the past?

I'm sorry that was long. If you take the time to respond, thank you so much!!
 

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Should I take his word about not wanting a relationship and forget it, even though he's shown me so much care in the past?

I'm sorry that was long. If you take the time to respond, thank you so much!!
Yes, you should take his word for what it is. He seems to like you and you seem to like him. Meet him when back in Germany and TALK about your relationship, expectations/practicality, straighten things out. Judging by what you've wrote it is going to end unless you move to Germany or he moves to the US.

Abroad flings are a lovely novelty. Enjoy the time.
 
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