I dropped out of some college classes and am losing my seriousness. I am completely overwhelmed by all the things that i have to learn and haven't done yet. I am depressed because of expectations and feeling like there is something wrong with me vs the rest of the world. I do have a reason to feel good about myself. It's having patience and to take the time to embark the small things in life. The me right now is so obsessed with fixing things wrong with me and expectations that as of today I continue to have issues I can't get rid of. My goals are to get a couple of degrees and to become independent and to move to a place where I can start over. I am sorta contemplating a bit too much about my future that I am not actively working towards them all the time. My diet is.. skipping meals and stuff.. fast food when there's school.. (too much sodium from burgers) below the daily calorie range for my BMI. Eh.. even if I take away my computer.. I don't think that will solve many problems.. I need to learn how to make lists of things to do and need consulting.. I also need consulting with communication and behaviors to help with my job and overall life.

The only form of medication I have been on has been for a short attention span. I got off it during puberty because it was messing me up bad so I know what you mean. Sometimes medicine gives you a feeling that there's something out there you can take for all your problems. I am just so overwhelmed that I have so many to fix.. I don't even know how to prioritize beyond making notes for things I should do. I'm not sure if I would actually do things if I wrote them down. I think I need a friend to push me through to my goals.. alone it seems hard.. but chances of someone like that for me are slim since not many people have my interests and it's hard to connect.

If anything, at least my adulthood years from 30-50 will still have some stuff for me to look forward to if I keep falling behind everyone.