[tkdprincessxoxo]

im an 15 year old INFP girl thats in love with a 17 year old ENTJ boy.
we dated for about 2 and a half months and he loved me just as much but he eventually jsut fell out of love with me.
im ashamed of some parts of the physical parts of the relationship.
i still go over to his house all the time becuase i am very close with his INFJ mom and sister.
his mom told me that she had a vision where i was back with him really happy in the future and that it would last. but for now... it just hurts really bad...
any advice on how to treat him or help myself at all? he thinks of me as a friend, thats all..

 

[angelictroublemaker]

lovely, are you sure the ENTJ forum was the right place to come to - I love them to bits but emotion and empathy aren't exactly strong points! :happy:

you have to just let things be and wait and hope...nothing you say or do will change things. he has to work it out for himself, and cos that's via congnitive processes rather than gut -heart feelings, it takes time (or he might just not). Also, he'll only ever realise he's made a mistake if/when he feels the lack of you, so don't hang around. (by which I don't mean put yourself out there romantically, in a consumerist approach to love)

I had something similar (altho I'm a bit older than you) but then he dropped things to pursue his career ambitions. it's shitty, though hardly out of character for an ENTJ. what I am doing is putting all my energies into climbing and finding a job [in the day] and dreaming of him [in the night]. Doing anything to try and change the situation would do no good, since his focus is elsewhere.

We just have to hope and have faith that things will work out for the best. Never in our timing, and not always what we envision, but it always does, honest. In the past, going and putting all my emotional energy into achieving something (exams or climbing harder and harder routes) has always helped the pain to recede until eventually (when i realised the guys weren't good enough for me) it just slipped away.

with my entj, it doesn't feel the same, in that it was "special" and I totally felt like we were mind mates and soul mates and everthing else, so maybe it won't slip away. all the same, focussing your attention on developing yourself somehow- rather than the other person - is what I've found to be the best way...hopefully your entj and my entj will see "heart-sense" someday, but even if not, we will be better people from having learnt and developped through the pain...

These are just my thoughts - feel free to disagree, but this is what I think based on my own experiences (and INFP and INFJs can't be all that different, can they?)

Sending you lots of warmth and empathy, my dear!!!

 

[Siggy]

a bit OT here, but is his house the place you plan on going if/ when you move out?
2 1/2 months? short time, it could be that he was only in the relationship for the physical aspect of it.

Try to treat him like you would treat any other male friend. yea I know ,a tall order. In the meantime for yourself, writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal may help. Its a way of getting things out . Drawing or painting will also do the trick.

 

[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

im an 15 year old INFP girl thats in love with a 17 year old ENTJ boy.
we dated for about 2 and a half months and he loved me just as much but he eventually jsut fell out of love with me.
im ashamed of some parts of the physical parts of the relationship.
i still go over to his house all the time becuase i am very close with his INFJ mom and sister.
his mom told me that she had a vision where i was back with him really happy in the future and that it would last. but for now... it just hurts really bad...
any advice on how to treat him or help myself at all? he thinks of me as a friend, thats all..

1)Visions, prophecies, and the like, do not exist. Don't use that as a means of validation that you will get back together.

2)You are quite young, I suggest finding someone else of interest or focusing on your studies or hobbies.

3)If seeing the person and his family still brings you a feeling of nostalgia or as you said, it "hurts really bad", I suggest you dont see them anymore and use your time to get your mind off of him and move on.

Either way, I wish you luck.

 

[tkdprincessxoxo]

lovely, are you sure the ENTJ forum was the right place to come to - I love them to bits but emotion and empathy aren't exactly strong points! :happy:

you have to just let things be and wait and hope...nothing you say or do will change things. he has to work it out for himself, and cos that's via congnitive processes rather than gut -heart feelings, it takes time (or he might just not). Also, he'll only ever realise he's made a mistake if/when he feels the lack of you, so don't hang around. (by which I don't mean put yourself out there romantically, in a consumerist approach to love)

I had something similar (altho I'm a bit older than you) but then he dropped things to pursue his career ambitions. it's shitty, though hardly out of character for an ENTJ. what I am doing is putting all my energies into climbing and finding a job [in the day] and dreaming of him [in the night]. Doing anything to try and change the situation would do no good, since his focus is elsewhere.

We just have to hope and have faith that things will work out for the best. Never in our timing, and not always what we envision, but it always does, honest. In the past, going and putting all my emotional energy into achieving something (exams or climbing harder and harder routes) has always helped the pain to recede until eventually (when i realised the guys weren't good enough for me) it just slipped away.

with my entj, it doesn't feel the same, in that it was "special" and I totally felt like we were mind mates and soul mates and everthing else, so maybe it won't slip away. all the same, focussing your attention on developing yourself somehow- rather than the other person - is what I've found to be the best way...hopefully your entj and my entj will see "heart-sense" someday, but even if not, we will be better people from having learnt and developped through the pain...

These are just my thoughts - feel free to disagree, but this is what I think based on my own experiences (and INFP and INFJs can't be all that different, can they?)

Sending you lots of warmth and empathy, my dear!!!

the only difference ive noticed between INFP's and INFJ's that INFP's are so emotional and take things personally. we are also very sweett.. the INFJ's are more darker, i was once told by an INFJ that i am a sweeter version of herself... J's dont take things as personally as the P's do i am pree sure haha but we are sister personality ty[es and have a special spot in my heart

as for the guy... i am treating him like i would treat most of my guy friends. is it normal for him to not really want to talk that much or not really want to hang out?

 

[Black Rabbit]

After my relationships I would always "cut the cord" sort-of-speak. Cold turkey, no contact for a good period of time. It was just obvious to me that continual contact would make getting over that person more difficult and vice versa. If he's anything like me, then he's avoiding you to spare your feelings.

I do recommend separation on your end too. Going to his house frequently doesn't help settle your emotions and his mom doesn't seem to be helping the situation either. In my opinion, distance is key to letting yourself get over the breakup

I agree with RhoAlphaNuAlpha, disregard her vision. My ex's mom had/possibly has been praying for over two years that we'd get back together. There's a greater possibility I'd grow an extra toe than get together with her.

 

[tkdprincessxoxo]

well i dont go over to his house to see him at all... his mom and sister arent just good friends, they are my mentors. they have helped me so much to become the person that i am. if it werent for them i would be giving in to my depression once again. i am so strong since they have helped me.. so i dont think it would be a good thing to stop seeing them

i dont usually see him when i am over there though. when i do, just act like friends, just talk a little bit, have a few laughs and thats all haha.

 

[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

well i dont go over to his house to see him at all... his mom and sister arent just good friends, they are my mentors. they have helped me so much to become the person that i am. if it werent for them i would be giving in to my depression once again. i am so strong since they have helped me.. so i dont think it would be a good thing to stop seeing them

i dont usually see him when i am over there though. when i do, just act like friends, just talk a little bit, have a few laughs and thats all haha.

No offence, I dont know the mother, but I cannot imagine a women who tells an ex girlfriend of her sons that sees prophetic visions/dreams of them getting back together to be a good mentor.

Not to mention the fact that encouraging you to linger around there and isn't supporting you move on from her son...not a good role model in my opinion.

 

[dude10000]

This thread is so weird...

 

[tkdprincessxoxo]

yahh this is sorta a strange one... haha!! but idk how to say this its just kinda weird, i really loook up to her becuase she is like the mother that i dont have to me. she jujst has never been wrong about her visions before....

im putting my faith in God to make everthing work out.i just need some advice on how to handle the situation atm.....

 

[crare]

Iiii pretty much ignored my ENTJ and had fun with other friends doing my own thing. He would see me having fun and want to come back. It was soo annoying!!! He was very bad at up keep of the relationship... and we're still working things out. But at least I think he's come to terms with the fact that when I'm not there, he misses me a lot :laughing: and needs to commit instead of being all over the place.

 

[Siggy]

Ok this is what we've got.

A 17 year old dates a 15 year old with close encounters probably of the sexual kind. He tells her that he loves her and dumps her before the next tide rolls in. The 15 year old is crushed.

The guys mom sees visions some of which have come true and tells the 15 year old that she and the guy are going to get back together.

The Mom has provided the 15 year old support and is a mentor.

Something is not right here. It appears as if the mom is taking advantage of the 15 year olds vulnerability. I'm apprehensive about the type of mentoring which is going on. And the guy, again I suspect that he was only in the relationship for the physical aspect of it, again taking advantage of the girls vulnerability.

Just my thoughts.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

im an 15 year old INFP girl thats in love with a 17 year old ENTJ boy.
we dated for about 2 and a half months and he loved me just as much but he eventually jsut fell out of love with me.
im ashamed of some parts of the physical parts of the relationship.
i still go over to his house all the time becuase i am very close with his INFJ mom and sister.
his mom told me that she had a vision where i was back with him really happy in the future and that it would last. but for now... it just hurts really bad...
any advice on how to treat him or help myself at all? he thinks of me as a friend, thats all..

Dear, once and ENTJ decides that you are no longer relationship material there really isn't anything that can change that. ENTJ's are long range thinkers and planners. If he dumped you chances are that he doesn't see you fitting in or working in the picture of the future that he is planning. :shocked:

 

[Roman]

The subject of this thread doesn't interest me... but my inner INTP is coming out. SO MANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS HERE! *Cringes* :tongue:

 

[vel]

Something is not right here. It appears as if the mom is taking advantage of the 15 year olds vulnerability. I'm apprehensive about the type of mentoring which is going on. And the guy, again I suspect that he was only in the relationship for the physical aspect of it, again taking advantage of the girls vulnerability.

Appears his mom is one of those less evolved INFJs. You just don't tell a 15 y.o. girl that just got dumped by your son after a relationships that involved some semi-sexual things that you had a vision of them two together. That's not good mentoring when you try to influence a child with your personal hallucinations, however much his mom herself might believe in them. She might have done it to make the break-up less painful for her, not out of manipulative or evil intent, but it is bound to make things much more confusing to the poor girl.

Princess, try to apply your own independent thinking to whatever comes out of this family's interaction with you is all I can advise.

 

[tkdprincessxoxo]

thank you all for the advice. ive chosen to go independently actually, reading a book called i kissed dating goodbye, by joshua harris, id really recommened it to christians!

the whole scoop is that he said it would just be a break to start out, but i know that he's lost all feelings for me. at least we are still friends though.

as for his mother.. well imagine me writing out a whole paragraph to defend her and her visions and all.

 

[tkdprincessxoxo]

oh, hehe, sorry for the grammatical errors i dont really work on my grammar unless im in school!

 

[Roman]

oh, hehe, sorry for the grammatical errors i dont really work on my grammar unless im in school!

It's okay. Don't mind me... Lol.

 

[TeeKwug]

I've fallen for an ENTJ before and felt similar heart break when she suddenly decided she was done with me. When prompted to reveal why she was done, she simply said "I just stopped liking you. No reason". I was dumbfounded by this bluntly short explaination. She then distanced herself from me for half a year before we eventually spoke again and were friends. I came to conclude that this was for the best. Even though to this day i still have a little love for her, we simply do not have chemistry. She said there wasnt a reason but I'd assert that the reason was that we didnt satisfy eachother emotionally or intellectually. My advice to you is to meet new people. Or even better, wait untill you are older and people mature more. Maturity as far as the MBTI is concerned is equivalent to coming more in touch with the inferior functions. For example, ENTJs develop the feeling function better. That's the theory anyways. I bid you luck in your future endeavors.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

I've fallen for an ENTJ before and felt similar heart break when she suddenly decided she was done with me. When prompted to reveal why she was done, she simply said "I just stopped liking you. No reason". I was dumbfounded by this bluntly short explaination. She then distanced herself from me for half a year before we eventually spoke again and were friends. I came to conclude that this was for the best. Even though to this day i still have a little love for her, we simply do not have chemistry. She said there wasnt a reason but I'd assert that the reason was that we didnt satisfy eachother emotionally or intellectually. My advice to you is to meet new people. Or even better, wait untill you are older and people mature more. Maturity as far as the MBTI is concerned is equivalent to coming more in touch with the inferior functions. For example, ENTJs develop the feeling function better. That's the theory anyways. I bid you luck in your future endeavors.

I agree, your only 15!!! You're to young to be in love! Go, meet people and do fun stuff! I'm only 21 and I wish that I had done that so GO NUTS. But, the good kind of nuts. Not the nutty nuts with padded walls kind of nuts!!