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I'm just not that In to you: how to let an ESFJ down gently

1363 Views 6 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  palobell
A little while ago I befriended an ESFJ. He was a total sweetheart, and I enjoyed hanging out with him, but in getting to know him, I've realized that It would never work out romantically between us.

I've tried really hard not to lead him on. but I also do not want to drop him as a friend, he just barely moved into the state and doesn't have any other friends here.

He on the other hand, is already head over heels for me :frustrating:

How can I let him down easy, so that he understands, without hurting him?:crying:
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Be honest? That's all I've ever really wanted from someone. I had a guy that beat around the bush and wouldn't give me an answer where we stood... The fact that he beat around the bush was enough for me to realize that he wasn't that into me. I stayed friendly, but when it fizzled out I didn't bother fighting to keep the friendship.
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I have to agree.

People that can say no. I admire those and usually they become my best friends. Yes it hurts, but we'll thank you later.

People that beat around the bush and waste my time; I remember very clearly and cannot stand that.
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Yup. Being honest is the way to go.

I only really take a few minutes to cry if it was a good relationship, then I try to patch things if I want to be friends.
There is a pattern emerging isn't there :proud:

Definately be straight with him, let him know where he stands and what the future holds (aka...not alot for an actual relationship). You obviously think alot of him, so do him a favour and let him know so he can move on without constant wonder about how u feel and what the future may hold.

It is hard....but its harder to be on the receiving end of someone who's not honest with you. One of my main must have's in a guy is honesty, probably because Im ENFP and always exactly how it is (within reason, as often I don't actually know my own feelings very well....but its a journey isn't it...often a painful one).

Best of luck,
Pie x
OMG, just be honest with us. Make a decision and don't go back on it. The biggest heartbreak I've had in YEARS was with a guy who would say one thing about how he couldn't be sure and we should just be friends but then act the completely opposite way. Once you tell him you 'no' have to stick to it strictly or it will break him harder in the long run. Especially if he's half in love with you, it's going to be very hard if you say let's just be friends but act in anyway too attentive. If you stay friends, keep it limited, don't go out everytime he offers and if he asks why then reiterate to him why you're keeping limited contact. He's an E, so he should be encouraged to branch out and meet more people anyways after moving somewhere new, so hopefully this could be the push he needs.

Hope this helps.:cool:
This is really late, but its important to note also that ESFJs are really sensitive and may blame themselves for something thats more like "Im not judging you as a person, you're just not the right one for me".. they (I) can wallow thinking, there was something inadequate about me. So 'letting them down easy' means being honest about your reasons but really patting them on the back and letting them know you still think they are quality people.
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