[Zebedee]

"People who cannot be swayed seem rigid and narrow-minded." This is a phrase that perhaps many of us (especially INFPs) can agree with. I've been thinking about it lately because I'm quite opposite. I want to be open to all the possibilities, I don't want anyone feeling left-out, I understand that what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another, I'll change if the situation calls for it, I want to be everything to every person--you see what I'm saying.

I'm starting to believe that being too open-minded comes with adverse effects (just as being extremely unyielding does). It appears rigidity shapes a person's personality to a great social extent. When I observe people talking about some popular or interesting individual (or anyone really worth talking about), they often focus on the staunch traits of this person. "He is so funny the way he always/never___." "I can't believe what he/she did! But that's so like him/her." "You mean you don't know about [person's name]?" So regardless of a good or bad opinion, characters seem more popular/recognizable if they are more static/consistent... do you think this is because it's human nature to try and label everything? They feel more in control of their life when they do? Makes people feel more at ease when someone is predictable?

This is why I believe people interact with me differently. They have a hard time placing a label on me. I feel like I'm always being approached cautiously and it's harder for people to be "buddy buddy" around me (though for some reason they'll reveal deep secrets that they wouldn't tell their buddies).

Anyway I'm kinda straddling two ideas here, but getting back to the other point, the rigid people get more respect--maybe not genuine respect, but they're given some kind of authority (think bosses) whether its deserved or not. I wonder if it's because firmness is translated into confidence, a quality that many desire, and since they feel inferior in this area they look up to those who appear to know what they're doing.

Needless to say it seems the rigid people, both good and bad, are most remembered. People like me on the other hand rarely come up in a conversation, even though I'm constantly in the background trying to please people the best way I can. Not that I need affirmation, but you know what? Maybe I do.

 

[FaveteLinguis]

Trying to please everyone is just a wasted effort. I'm not trying to discredit you, but I can't see the motive behind it unless you want to be on everybody's good side. Even then it's still a bit of a large task with minimal return. Not saying you shouldn't treat everybody with the respect they deserve, but perhaps it would be better to focus on the people you actually care for and want in your life regardless of others.

Anyways, I think human nature does have a tendency to label, organize, and characterize different people and ideas. One trait that's immediately recognizable seems to be much easier to remember than a shotgun blast of attributes scattered every which way. As well as why some people also come up in everyday conversation more for something they've done or some particular habit. Meanwhile your efforts are going everywhere to everyone in order to be recognized.

Being open minded about things is definately not a bad trait. Hell, it's a fantastic characteristic to have. Just make sure you don't tread on yourself too violently when you accomodate others. That just makes for a bad day for all involved. Want an easy way to be remembered? Try being more involved with just a few things and let your talent shine in that area. Make a bigger impact in a smaller area so to speak. This might help bring a little bit more routine and familiarity to people you want to remember you. And you just might get the recognition you want.

In the end, I don't think it is rigidity that makes people rememorable. Routine and familiarity for sure help quite a bit. Though I think making a profound impact is a much bigger way to imprint yourself in somebody's mind.

One last point.....those people who reveal deep secrets may not feel "buddy buddy" with you, from your perspective at least. However the fact they're comfortable sharing those aspects of their lives to you does show that they respect you in some fashion and implies a great deal of trust that you won't chuck them under the bus. That's something to be a little proud of at the very least.

P.S. Hubris is quite an ugly creature. Don't fall prey to it, otherwise you may wish you were back in the shadows again. Take it from me, it's a trip to hell you don't want. (Then again, disregard if it doesn't apply to you.)

 

[perfectcircle]

You are such a nine.
Also your avatar threw me for a total loop...

I think I prefer if people have an identity for me. I prefer that identity isn't too rigid and reduces me to only one trait or be something I find incorrect, but there are certain traits I have that stick out above others and I like it when people know these things about me. I desire to be known.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I can relate to this somewhat, yeah. I actually have very strong opinions. I know my own mind well, and I'm not easily swayed (although I will entertain an idea, give it a fair chance).I wouldn't say I'm a people pleaser at all. However, I am also very quiet, so people project onto me or don't know what to make of me. (Frankly, part of why I dress a bit quirky is to assert an identity, but without words. That way, I have more control of impressions I make & am less forgettable as a quiet person.)

I agree that when people cannot sum you up easily,then it makes them uneasy with you or you make no impression at all.

Also, my appearance of entertaining ideas & generally being more of a listener than a talker can make me seem like I don't have a strong personality or identity, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Those close to me, who actually know me, see me as having a very distinct identity. My mom says stuff like, "Orange always knows exactly what she thinks about everything."

I've had mini identity crises where I felt like I had no identity that was of any significance, like I was just blank & dull. However, I realized that I was just having trouble externalizing who I was. I felt a sense of repression because I didn't feel like my natural self was good enough or conducive to what is considered "likeable". Since I can't do the "faking it" thing even if I wanted to, I was just sort of....without distinction (and that in itself is one of the worst things I could be, to me), or that's how I felt anyway. I always learn later I am more memorable to others than I feel I am....

There's some lame movie (can't remember the name) where a character tells a very "repressed" character to not be afraid to "wave her freak flag". That just to came to me in thinking about how there is some vulnerablity involved in opening up that inner world to people, which for the introvert is their identity.

Right now, I can already tell that you (the OP) are a curious, philosophical type of person (how's that for a label ). I think that's memorable, but maybe that doesn't show as much IRL as online? I know in my case, that is true. I'm not as open with my thoughts & ideas in person, which leaves me looking a bit blank to many people (and probably boring and/or forgettable).

 

[ElephantinePigiferous]

well i can feel where you are coming from.i've been there,still am maybe. and it doesn't do you any good.
you are right.people respect you when you hold your ground.sure it will piss some people off,those who don't agree with you. but you will also attract the crowd that agree with you. it exhumes confidence.
now on to the part of being 'remembered'. heres the thing.people don't value(or remember) things that they know they won't lose very easily. like a loved one,for example your mother,you know you can treat her whichever way you want but she will always love you(holds true in most cases).sometimes you might not pay attention to what she says and she might get mad but you know she will come back to you..simply put,people take you for granted.

we are constantly aware of things/people that/who might harm us and also remember people we know we might lose easily.but they know your nature.they know you're too good to harm anyone.and they know you will always be there for them.this also explain the fact why people share secrets with you.they know you won't use it against them.you are no threat to them.people are always aware of things that might harm them and you are not such a thing.

im sorry,but in this world,you have to be a little selfish.

it may sound like im asking you to change but im not.im just pointing out how the world works,at least how it seems to me.

 

[Zebedee]

im sorry,but in this world,you have to be a little selfish.

You're right. I understand this. I've heard it before in so many ways "If you're not a little meddlesome people will step all over you."

It gets me to think about Jesus (if you've read the Gospels). Nowadays he's often given an image of "meek and mild." He gave up his time to help people, to teach them, feed them, heal them. But he was no supernatural softie. Yes, there are many instances of his long-suffering, but that doesn't make up 50% of his overall character. If you realize the risks he took to communicate what he stood for, it's amazing he didn't get killed sooner. He openly talked down to the wealthy elite, he put the 'spiritual' elite in their place, he offended crowds of people by turning their traditions and beliefs upside-down. He literally was 'the lion and the lamb' as they say.

Yeah, I'm not sure how relevant that was but I was just thinking about it as I typed. Maybe I thought there was more honor in being completely agreeable with people (to their face at least).

I just suddenly got this image of myself as those characters in movies considered "weaklings" that don't do anything wrong but get beat up for it anyway.

 

[ElephantinePigiferous]

You're right. I understand this. I've heard it before in so many ways "If you're not a little meddlesome people will step all over you."

It gets me to think about Jesus (if you've read the Gospels). Nowadays he's often given an image of "meek and mild." He gave up his time to help people, to teach them, feed them, heal them. But he was no supernatural softie. Yes, there are many instances of his long-suffering, but that doesn't make up 50% of his overall character. If you realize the risks he took to communicate what he stood for, it's amazing he didn't get killed sooner. He openly talked down to the wealthy elite, he put the 'spiritual' elite in their place, he offended crowds of people by turning their traditions and beliefs upside-down. He literally was 'the lion and the lamb' as they say.

Yeah, I'm not sure how relevant that was but I was just thinking about it as I typed. Maybe I thought there was more honor in being completely agreeable with people (to their face at least).

I just suddenly got this image of myself as those characters in movies considered "weaklings" that don't do anything wrong but get beat up for it anyway.

well i haven't read much of the gospel but what you wrote above,yes,thats how it works.thats how you earn 'respect'.

if you keep agreeing with what others say,it will make you seem baseless.like you can't make up your mind on which side to pick. and that is a sign of instability. people respect the ones who have 'figured' it all out. honestly,everyone is confused about things but who freaking wants to agree to that?