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I'm new to the boards, I'm sorry my English is not very good as it's not my native language.
Anyway, I've only found the Myers Briggs's theory yesterday at night but I've already spent more than eight hours -well, the whole night since I'm on holidays and I'm used to sleep during the day- doing free tests and reading texts about the differents personalities. All tests put me in the INFP category, which I much relate to, but I still have my doubts. I feel like I'm certainly an xNxP, but I'm not that sure I could be an I, or if I'm a true F.

Well, I'm Rosa and I'm seventeen.
I study visual arts at a specific highschool, and while I've always been attracted to the world of the arts, I am a bit insecure if I will suceed, since I've always wanted to be a pioneer, which I believe anyone can by being faithful to their true identity. The problem is that I'm unsure about what I truly am, what's my meaning, what's the truth behind everything. All my doubts lead to a lot of procratination, and I think my worst flaw is my fear of failure. Still, I'm a high achiever, I've always had very good grades. Something else? Hum..my room is the messier I've ever seen, I've had and still strugle a bit with anorexia and other eating disorders, I'm very anxious and have suicidal thoughs when I feel hopeless and think my life doesn't make any sense.

I don't know if I'm extroverted or introverted, since I've characteristics of both, and I test like 40-60. I love crowds, mostly in festivals of music-where I'm almost never the quiet one, I go to the mosh, I dance like crazy, I sing,I growl, I crow surf, etc.- , I like adventure and risk, but I also feel the need to refill my energies alone. Actually I spend a lot of time alone, some of my 'alone-pleasures' are walking, shopping, listenning to music, internet, being outside trying to discorver the world, the city and the nature, I love love love to read, write, paiting, and drawing but sometimes the fear of failure takes place and I get too anxious to do something. I can go weeks without talking to my friends. I talk and laugh a lot, I'm not the quiet person, but I almost do not talk about my inner self. When the conversations turn more deep -which I love and seek- I usually take the role of the listenner, besides when I'm drunk or in few ocasions I feel the need to, but feel very much ridiculous about my feelings. But in my head I have all the deep and cheesy conversation I fail to have in reality, I have a parallel world in my mind where I'm much more open to the people I know, everything is perfect and movie-like. Also I do find it a lot easier to talk about myself with people I've met in the moment. I feel more free, and I guess I fake a lot of confidence which helps me.I also have tendency to lie to everyone. In few words, I'm a really private person, I dislike conflit, I like to spend time alone, but at the same time I just love interact with people. How can I know where I fit mostly?

About the T/F question, I'm a person very much ruled by my feelings but still I think a lot. I crave logic, I love maths, I try to rationalize and analyze everything I do, to find patterns on everything. I learn a lot by theory. But I tend to take my decions based on my feelings, I'm driven by my emotions and I'm hurt easly. Well I still don't know what really decide the T/F thing so I would like you to get me know.

In global five descriptions, I've tested most times RLUEI and once RLUAI, in the Enneagram Personality Theory I think I am a 4w3.
Sorry about the big text, can someone help me?
tia, rosa.
 
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