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Discussion Starter #1
During my senior year, I went to technical school with someone who I have not spoken to or have had any classes with. One day when we were waiting for the bell to ring, I saw her looking over at me for a few seconds. I was sitting at a table with some people, she was standing with someone - we were probably about 8 feet away from each other. I felt like she noticed something in me; whether it be attraction, or I looked like someone she knew, or I was creepy, or whatever. I wasn't sure. I thought she was really pretty, though.

Then one day I found her Facebook. Turns out, we had some things in common (imagination, art, creativity, love for/taste in music, writing, MBTI) and she seemed to be a very bright, mature young woman - one that I could really get along with. Most importantly, I could sense a potential chemistry between us (she's goofy when she has fun, very much like I can be). Don't get me wrong, you can't know someone through social media. But you can often get an idea of what someone is like, the vibe and/or aura of a person. And I like her vibe. If how she broadcasts her personality is in line with her true personality/aura (which I think could be more likely with her because she seems like the introspective type), I would definitely be interested in her.

This was three years ago. Six months ago, I bumped into her account again for the first time since then. Her aura hasn't changed, it seems to have gotten stronger. She also has a Tumblr account where she answers anonymous questions very graciously.

Here's the thing: again, I've never spoken to this girl, but I just sense that if I was able to leave a positive first impression, we'd end up getting along very well with great chemistry. And of course, I'm trying to pursue her romantically; I could see something special between us as well. A strong connection. Of course, I don't know for sure, but I'm just trying to focus on the positive aspects of this potential.

Of course, there are some cons. I have pretty severe anxiety right now which has kept me isolated for the past three years, has prevented me from working, reduces me to social awkwardness, a non-natural state. However, I am close to the tail end of it, due to my ambition of attempting to eliminate it. When I'm not affected by anxiety, I let my natural state shine through - insightful, easy going, humorous and fun, all characteristics that I think she'll appreciate.

I just don't know how to talk to her in this instance. I'm in an awkward position. I'm not connected to her on Facebook, and the last time I've seen her was three years ago in the hallways of our school. The best way to reach out to her is unfortunately social media (Tumblr asks). I can't just outright tell her what I wrote above (in summary) and say I'm interested in meeting with her or the like, that would probably come off as sketchy. I feel like the best I've got is a message like this: "Hey, I bumped into your Facebook through a mutual friend once and I realized we seem to have a lot in common. (List mutual interests) I totally relate to what you wrote in your bio, I feel the same way! It's a blessing and a curse. I could go on but I think you'd understand. Anyway, you seem like a really bright person behind your years. As an old soul type, I sense you're a bit of one too. I guess it's kind of a bummer that we haven't ever got a chance to talk. I guess I just want to say that it's nice to know that there are people in this world I can strongly relate to." in hopes that she'll be intrigued. But I'm uncertain about the impact based on a message like that. I just don't think she'll notice me, or if I'm able to really get through to her on such a medium such as social media. Is there a way I can, in this situation? Or do our positions in life render any connection between us unlikely?

TL;DR: Went to school with a girl I have never spoken to, but saw her Facebook and realized we have a bit in common, and I sense a potential chemistry in us based on her aura. Three years later, I think I like her. However, I'm unsure on how I should reach out to her, or whether or not it's a plausible idea.
 

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I recommend that you start talking to her on social media, preferably Facebook as soon as possible. When you manage to get in touch with her introduce yourself as the guy she saw at the hall and explain to her that you would like to get to know her more some time. When you manage to talk to her regularly you can ask if she wants to go on video chat like Skype or something, quite a few things can happen from there. (e.g getting her phone number, planning a date etc.)

The hardest part for you would be getting over your anxiety but do try to put your anxiety aside and focus on why you are going to do this, you are going to get to know the girl better and you are going to get that girl. Another hard part is getting into regular contact with her but once you do, you'll know that you have succeeded.

If you really want something don't think you cannot get it because the truth is, if you work hard enough you can make your dreams come true, it will not be easy but if you persevere and work hard enough your hard work will pay off.

However:
There is a chance that she already has a boyfriend and even if she does don't let that discourage you, but if you find out that she's taking the relationship to the next level it will be best to move on.
If she tells you to leave her alone please leave her alone and move on, if you keep trying to contact her it counts as harassment and can be illegal... Please don't stalk or harass her, its against the law and I don't want to be responsible for that.


Anyway I wish you all the best, just do it! and good luck to you.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
If she tells you to leave her alone please leave her alone and move on, if you keep trying to contact her it counts as harassment and can be illegal... Please don't stalk or harass her, its against the law and I don't want to be responsible for that.
Do I come off as the type that could possibly react this way? I'm not sure of the exact reason why you would feel motivated to tell me this.

I recommend that you start talking to her on social media, preferably Facebook as soon as possible. When you manage to get in touch with her introduce yourself as the guy she saw at the hall and explain to her that you would like to get to know her more some time.
I doubt she remembers seeing me, but who knows. I don't know, I feel like that (the bolded) is too straightforward and could come off as creepy. What do you think of the message I was going for? Do you think that it's approach is not in sync with what I am trying to set up? I'll repost for convenience:

"Hey, I bumped into your Facebook through a mutual friend once and I realized we seem to have a lot in common. (List mutual interests) I totally relate to what you wrote in your bio, I feel the same way! It's a blessing and a curse. I could go on but I think you'd understand. Anyway, you seem like a really bright person behind your years. As an old soul type, I sense you're a bit of one too. I guess it's kind of a bummer that we haven't ever got a chance to talk. I guess I just want to say that it's nice to know that there are people in this world I can strongly relate to."
 

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Do I come off as the type that could possibly react this way? I'm not sure of the exact reason why you would feel motivated to tell me this.



I doubt she remembers seeing me, but who knows. I don't know, I feel like that (the bolded) is too straightforward and could come off as creepy. What do you think of the message I was going for? Do you think that it's approach is not in sync with what I am trying to set up? I'll repost for convenience:

"Hey, I bumped into your Facebook through a mutual friend once and I realized we seem to have a lot in common. (List mutual interests) I totally relate to what you wrote in your bio, I feel the same way! It's a blessing and a curse. I could go on but I think you'd understand. Anyway, you seem like a really bright person behind your years. As an old soul type, I sense you're a bit of one too. I guess it's kind of a bummer that we haven't ever got a chance to talk. I guess I just want to say that it's nice to know that there are people in this world I can strongly relate to."
I think that might come off a bit too strong or..uh, intimate for lack of a better word; for example saying you can strongly relate and describing qualities she has when you haven't even met. I think the beginning about finding her through a mutual friend is OK though. You might be better off actually bringing up one of your common interests and diving right in with that. It would be a looser and more natural interaction given you actually have something in common.

I'd also say if you have social anxiety, confidence isn't all about having expectations for how things will go and reaching them. Social situations are inherently unpredictable to some degree. Anxiety tends to come from too much uncertainty (for whatever your comfort level is) so it's better to go with what you know and be realistic. For example, you know that most likely you have some similar interests and possibly compatible personalities ("auras" as you said). What you don't know is where this will lead. So try to focus on the similarities rather than if you're gonna end up dating or whatever. You do seem fairly confident in having things in common so it'd be easier to build from there than try to inflate your confidence in something you're unsure of (the future).

I don't have social anxiety, but I'm a hardcore introvert and I've had panic disorder for many years, so this is just what I would do in your situation and based on what I know about anxiety in general. Take it with a grain of salt if it doesn't feel right to you though. There's not really one right way to do this type of thing.
 

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I don't know about what you said in bold, mentioning how you saw her in the hallway might seem a little to weird for some. My best advice would be to say along the lines of." Hey I never had the chance but I wanted to talk to you about (name one of her interests), I thought you were interested in that and wanted to know what you really thought about it. I tend to find not a lot of people are interested in (name one of her interests) as much as you are so."

I hope that helps. Now I am no smooth talker or ladies man, so honestly I really don't have good knowledge in this area. I thought that was the best response to give to you without it seeming a little too awkward. Trust me, I have just a hard of time on this as you.

But I give you best of luck. @fr1cti0n
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Okay, so this is my message I am planning on sending her. If someone could let me know if there's anything I can improve, or if there's anything that sounds downright creepy (fuck that word) or sketchy, please point it out. Sorry, I just really don't want to screw this up, this could be a great opportunity.

Hello. Firstly, your blog is very cool and definitely does have a dreamy feel to it.
I even reblogged one of your posts because of how neat my interpretation of it was.

Secondly, I hope this isn't too out of left field, but here goes: about three years ago, we went to the same technical school, but never had any classes together. One day in the lobby, I noticed you were looking at me for a few seconds. Not staring, but I seemed to catch your eye. And this caught my eye as well. Then a couple months later, I was on Facebook, and I noticed a familiar face popping up on my "people you may know" list. Out of curiosity I clicked on it, and it was you. I instantly noticed you called yourself an ENFP, and that struck a chord because at the time I had an interest in Jungian Typology/MBTI. This led me to become curious of what you 'liked' on Facebook. I found that we had similar taste in music. It's rare to find Opeth and Porcupine Tree fans, and Tool and Radiohead are two of my favorite bands. I also identify with interests in art and writing.

Reading your bio on this blog hits home for me hard. I can identify with having a creative imagination. I don't think I really believe in the real world. I think that everything we have created is subjective, and life is partly a matter of creating our own worlds. Being trapped in a 9 to 5 ratrace is one of my worst nightmares. You put what I've been doing with my life into words! Transmundania.

At the very least, it's nice to know that there are people in this world that I can relate to, and have similar ways of thinking. It's kind of a bummer that we never got the chance to talk. Despite our positioning in life, I guess it isn't too late to be able to change that. That would be a nice idea. Considering the fact that we have at least a couple of things in common, I think we could have many cool conversations! Up for it?
 

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ok... grins... first of all good job on posting. that shows you have great potential for your life to grow etc...

first thing i would say after reading your title and seeing the length of the post only, is stop

you dont have interest in the girl, if you did, you'd have talked to her and let it grow naturally

if you arent letting it grow naturally, and you are all worried and stuff and talking about "potential" then that shows you don't have any idea what you need or are ready for. truth is you gotta lotta stuff to figure out in life, and so you have no idea if it has potential or not. shes just a broad you are attracted to and feel your heart for. thats it. tell her. but dont be soft about it

"hey, when im around you my heart makes weird movements, i think it likes you or something. its weird i know. can you tell me how to make it stop? i end up thinking about you more than i want, and i have important things to do, i dont need to be worrying about some hot girl"

nods and pats back

otherwise u just friend zone yourself and u always worry. screw worrying about a woman. save that for the wedding day aisle walk. did i spell that right?

(just my .02 internet opinion cents of course)
 

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your message is amazing for a friend. you can go that route too. but potential as a friend is how you need to think about it. unless.... you two connect spiritually and esoterically...

but at some point you'd still have to grab her and kiss her.

i like to put my hand slowly behind her head... and slowly move in after making eye contact. they usually like that enough and its never not worked. and im not going to kiss some broad without making sure its okay first lololol...

ok i need to sleep.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
your message is amazing for a friend. you can go that route too. but potential as a friend is how you need to think about it. unless.... you two connect spiritually and esoterically...

but at some point you'd still have to grab her and kiss her.

i like to put my hand slowly behind her head... and slowly move in after making eye contact. they usually like that enough and its never not worked. and im not going to kiss some broad without making sure its okay first lololol...

ok i need to sleep.
She would be creeped out with a straightforward message like that. I'm trying to build a friendly connection with this girl, before I take it to the next level. It also helps to note this does not seem like the average young woman (which is another reason why I like her)
 

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I have been in your situation but I solved the issue by seeing the girl IRL. There is two things I think of while reading your topic.

First of all you are probably filling up the blanks about her and idealising and that's ok but keep this in mind. I also felt a strong connection by seeing a girl around a few times but never talking and I read her profile on some social media and tumblr. I do agree that it says a lot about people interests but there are so many possibilities on how that person can actually be. In my case my intuition was good ( I do have some things in common with that girl) but some of my conclusion were wrong because of idealisation.

Personally I feel your message are a bit too long. I feel more intrigued with someone messaging me something shorter but dropping some interesting things. For example you could go into the interests aspect of it, I don't think it's necessary to tell now that you feel a connection or can relate on other levels because it feels a bit intimate to me, I would wait for that but it's up to you.
 

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Do it. Send the message. What do you have to lose? It's not uncommon in this day and age to run across people on social media. If you want to buffer it more, say "This might sound weird but..." or "I've never sent someone a message like this before but..." and do it.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I have been in your situation but I solved the issue by seeing the girl IRL. There is two things I think of while reading your topic.

First of all you are probably filling up the blanks about her and idealising and that's ok but keep this in mind. I also felt a strong connection by seeing a girl around a few times but never talking and I read her profile on some social media and tumblr. I do agree that it says a lot about people interests but there are so many possibilities on how that person can actually be. In my case my intuition was good ( I do have some things in common with that girl) but some of my conclusion were wrong because of idealisation.

Personally I feel your message are a bit too long. I feel more intrigued with someone messaging me something shorter but dropping some interesting things. For example you could go into the interests aspect of it, I don't think it's necessary to tell now that you feel a connection or can relate on other levels because it feels a bit intimate to me, I would wait for that but it's up to you.
What do you think I should take out? I feel like everything I have in my message flows together pretty well, and if I take some stuff out, it will sound really garbled and I'll come across as uninteresting. At the same time, I don't want to alienate this girl.

Do it. Send the message. What do you have to lose? It's not uncommon in this day and age to run across people on social media. If you want to buffer it more, say "This might sound weird but..." or "I've never sent someone a message like this before but..." and do it.
You don't think it's too long?
 

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She would be creeped out with a straightforward message like that. I'm trying to build a friendly connection with this girl, before I take it to the next level. It also helps to note this does not seem like the average young woman (which is another reason why I like her)
ok when you mentioned potential with her, you meant as a friend then? just confused
 

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What do you think I should take out? I feel like everything I have in my message flows together pretty well, and if I take some stuff out, it will sound really garbled and I'll come across as uninteresting. At the same time, I don't want to alienate this girl.



You don't think it's too long?
Your message isn't bad as such, i just think it could be two messages, so you can also build some interest. It's nice to keep some infos before telling everything :) so if I was you I would post like this

Hello. Firstly, your blog is very cool and definitely does have a dreamy feel to it.
I even reblogged one of your posts because of how neat my interpretation of it was.

Secondly, I hope this isn't too out of left field, but here goes: about three years ago, we went to the same technical school, but never had any classes together. One day in the lobby, I noticed you were looking at me for a few seconds. Not staring, but I seemed to catch your eye. And this caught my eye as well.(I would remove that... seems to specific and maybe creepish... ) Then a couple months later, I was on Facebook, and I noticed a familiar face popping up on my "people you may know" list. Out of curiosity I clicked on it, and it was you. I instantly noticed you called yourself an ENFP, and that struck a chord because at the time I had an interest in Jungian Typology/MBTI. This led me to become curious of what you 'liked' on Facebook (same here too much info) . I found that we had similar taste in music. It's rare to find Opeth and Porcupine Tree fans, and Tool and Radiohead are two of my favorite bands. I also identify with interests in art and writing.
you can bring this later, on in another message, basically keep one interest if possible, one that really struck you and start from there, to me it looks to much like you "stalked her" and that's ok because I am sure we all do, but being so upfront about it in a first message might send the wrong signal)

Reading your bio on this blog hits home for me hard. I can identify with having a creative imagination. I don't think I really believe in the real world. I think that everything we have created is subjective, and life is partly a matter of creating our own worlds. Being trapped in a 9 to 5 ratrace is one of my worst nightmares. You put what I've been doing with my life into words! Transmundania.

At the very least, it's nice to know that there are people in this world that I can relate to, and have similar ways of thinking. It's kind of a bummer that we never got the chance to talk. Despite our positioning in life, I guess it isn't too late to be able to change that. That would be a nice idea. Considering the fact that we have at least a couple of things in common, I think we could have many cool conversations! Up for it?
too personal too quickly I think .... wait a bit to write this to her.

I hope this help you :) but you are the only one that knows her so follow your instinct. I wish you good luck
 

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Your message isn't bad as such, i just think it could be two messages, so you can also build some interest. It's nice to keep some infos before telling everything :) so if I was you I would post like this

Hello. Firstly, your blog is very cool and definitely does have a dreamy feel to it.
I even reblogged one of your posts because of how neat my interpretation of it was.

Secondly, I hope this isn't too out of left field, but here goes: about three years ago, we went to the same technical school, but never had any classes together. One day in the lobby, I noticed you were looking at me for a few seconds. Not staring, but I seemed to catch your eye. And this caught my eye as well.(I would remove that... seems to specific and maybe creepish... ) Then a couple months later, I was on Facebook, and I noticed a familiar face popping up on my "people you may know" list. Out of curiosity I clicked on it, and it was you. I instantly noticed you called yourself an ENFP, and that struck a chord because at the time I had an interest in Jungian Typology/MBTI. This led me to become curious of what you 'liked' on Facebook (same here too much info) . I found that we had similar taste in music. It's rare to find Opeth and Porcupine Tree fans, and Tool and Radiohead are two of my favorite bands. I also identify with interests in art and writing.
you can bring this later, on in another message, basically keep one interest if possible, one that really struck you and start from there, to me it looks to much like you "stalked her" and that's ok because I am sure we all do, but being so upfront about it in a first message might send the wrong signal)

Reading your bio on this blog hits home for me hard. I can identify with having a creative imagination. I don't think I really believe in the real world. I think that everything we have created is subjective, and life is partly a matter of creating our own worlds. Being trapped in a 9 to 5 ratrace is one of my worst nightmares. You put what I've been doing with my life into words! Transmundania.

At the very least, it's nice to know that there are people in this world that I can relate to, and have similar ways of thinking. It's kind of a bummer that we never got the chance to talk. Despite our positioning in life, I guess it isn't too late to be able to change that. That would be a nice idea. Considering the fact that we have at least a couple of things in common, I think we could have many cool conversations! Up for it?
too personal too quickly I think .... wait a bit to write this to her.

I hope this help you :) but you are the only one that knows her so follow your instinct. I wish you good luck
I'm a little confused, the bolded is what you would take out, right?
 

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No. Potential girlfriend/partner.
Yeah. This is what will happen. You'll out with her for lunch. One of a couple opportunities might present themselves if you go that route.

A) Test you by bringing up another guy and measure your insecurity (which is how you measure up). And remember, being aggressive here or showing off cocky might actually be a sign of insecurity, and if you are cocky, she will throw another test at you to see if it is false or true confidence.

B) She will inspect you closely, ask you questions about you. This is what you are hoping for, so you can talk about your passions and hope it inspires her. Let me ask you this, have you succeeded in life enough to show proof of work and stake? If not, do you have the calm easy confidence of someone who is making steady progress and loving the journey (more about point A here).

Good luck.
 
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