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Okay, I'm trying to figure out how to add Enneagram to my calling card, and holy crap is this stuff complicated. All of my personality profiles usually line up neatly, but enneagram breaks the pattern and makes me wonder if I'm doing it all wrong. I am absolutely certain I'm both an ENFP and a type 4 (type 4 is what I am in my heart and yes I know I'm not presenting like one - even my very best friend insists I'm a 7, but trust me on this). I suspect I'm a 4w5 (idk man that description fits me better than w3 but I'm not bitter and crusty and whatever??) and am pretty certain I'm so/sx/sp. But then I get confused. Like, does being an ENFP 4w5-7w6-9w1 even make sense?! But am I actually a 9w8? A 1w9? a 1w2? A wTF?

I feel a deep connection with type 1 because one of my three great drives is being a good person, finding what is true and good, and saving the world. I feel most alive when I'm full of righteous indignation and ready to set the world on fire! I'm a social justice activist! I lecture people when they make -ist/-phobic jokes! BUT BUT BUT I AM ALSO A CREATURE OF CHAOS. So half of the type 1 description makes me gag. Rules? Order? Productivity? WOW NO. NO WAY. My Orderliness score has never risen higher than 10%. I'm barely functional, guys. Being a trickster, a complete scatterbrain, and a person who hates authority, yearns for disorder and freedom and rebellion, and is terrified of any kind of restraint makes type 1 sound like it could never fit me. BUT I LOVE TYPE ONE BECAUSE I WANT TO BE SUPERMAN. WHICH ENNEAGRAM TYPE IS SUPERMAN?? Is it 9w1 because I will totally be 9w1 if it means I'm a superhero. But most of my best friends are 9w1 and like .... nowhere near as intense as me. I'm very intense. I spend half of my life reading about politics and social issues and arguing with people about them and stuff and all of my opinions are as polarized as they can get and not flexible at all. Because I am going to save the world.

Oh, yeah, and I've also been an incredibly unhealthy Four for most of my life. I've only managed to drag myself up into average in the last few months. What kind of effect could that have? I don't think I am/was a Four only because I was incredibly depressed and suicidal and self-loathing, because reading about type four is still like "YES YES THAT IS ME INSIDE MY HEART IN MY FEELINGS THAT IS MY LIFE GPOY" but what if I was just depressed? Am I something that disintegrates into 4? because I didn't disintegrate into 2. And as I'm getting better I'm seeing deep, powerful personal conviction and self-confidence, decisiveness and leadership skills. And I love those. Oh yeah and this site's enneagram test tells me I'm a 2w1-7w8-9w8 which is wrong.

UGH THERE ARE TOO MANY PARTS, THIS IS TOO COMPLICATED. Help me, PersonalityCafe! I have everything else figured out - just not this! What am I if all I want in life is to know who I truly am inside and to live and act with complete authenticity, to be free and to set everyone else free too, and to save the world?? or maybe I just wanted an excuse to type giant walls of incoherent and confusing text about myself~~~~~ pretty sure it's that one tbh.

EDIT: omg there's a questionnaire, OF COURSE. except now I'm bored and don't want to fill it out. D: bbl??
 
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