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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For context, I lost my job six months ago, after a year and a half at the company. While I was technically laid off, I believe in actuality I was fired. It was partly because of bad cultural fit and partly because of poor discipline on my part, with my sleep schedule and overall mental health becoming a firey wreck after months of working from home.

A few days ago, I got an offer for an objectively much better job, with better pay and benefits. I should be excited, but instead, I'm wondering if I'm doomed to repeat the same story over again, with a strong beginning and a dismal end. This time I'm also worried the end will come sooner because I think I've developed low-level depression and this is a much more serious, pantsuity position at a major financial corporation whereas my last job was at a tech startup where I showed up to work in grunge attire.

I don't know if I can hack it.

These are my two main issues with corporate jobs: 1. I'm bad at arriving to work on time, and 2. I'm not a good actor.

It's not that I'm bad at making it to appointments per se, but I hate getting up in the morning and I have no sense of urgency most of the time, so I naturally often arrive late. In my last job, which was my first real job, I was able to disguise it due to the flexible work hours, shitty public transit, and working from home during the pandemic. But the flexibility also exacerbated the problem and my sleep schedule got all wonky towards the end which contributed to me getting the boot.

My personality is naturally casual and frank, with little regard for hierarchy or politics. This is not always advantageous at work, for obvious reasons. It was even a detriment in my last startup job where they pretended to have a flat structure. I think I've learned my lesson and will try to be more cautious from now on, but I'm worried I won't be able to keep it up.

I think the biggest issue is definitely discipline. I have no problem working hard, but it's the schedule thing that gets to me. Until I find a way to support myself indepently, I have no choice but to stick to a 9-5 schedule. My plan is to eventually become self-employed so I can set my work hours, but that'll probably take at least another year and I don't know if that plan would even work.
 

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What are your career aspirations?

I used to look at my working life with bleakness, and I too had my own mental health concerns which were in consideration when appraising my future. Some people spend years and years of life with their wings folded, before realising they could've done something better with themselves. With a period of reflection, I understood the primary cause of my suffering, which was my lifestyle; unbefitting for my goals and hurtful to my body, and my diet; which made me feel bad most of day, especially when I was working, and working on my personal goals. This was step one, understanding what was affecting my behaviour enough, that was giving me a sense of despair. Then I had to make the personal changes to my lifestyle.

The above may be more of a side note relating to your case, but now, I don't see my working life as bleak and mundane, but now as more of an opportunity. I'm privileged to be able to study full-time towards something that's right up my alley, that's in alignment with my personal goals. You see, there's no longer a superior fear attached, but more, how will I do it... And if it doesn't work for me even as I try to adjust, because I know more about myself and my values, so be it, and I'll find something else. So maybe, it is time for some soulful reflection? Just a suggestion.
 

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I think you will make it. Partly because you already understand few things what are holding you back, and how simple a solution they are to fix.

Thinking about the end and it all being doomed could just be the low key depression at play, but either way, what does it matter? I mean, even if it ends poorly in a year, you still got the experience/interactions/knowledge/pay/resume update/whatever other benefit + you don't even seem to want to do that sort of thing long term. Just take it for what it is, until you're better able to plan out what your real goals are.

Albeit, one of the downsides I could see is getting bad references, but at the core, you don't really seem to care/respect the reasons behind it so what does it even matter from a you living life to your ideals pov. Sure, maybe that also plays into upholding your own reputation/integrity, and your own perspective of yourself, but if it were really the case, that should just be added motivation to drive you to continue being what you see of yourself in your mind's eye.

You could also think about it from another pov like, if for whatever reasons you don't decide to take this offer, what else would you do? So... your taking the job is quite inevitable. Eff it, make the improvements you already know need doing, however slowly, and just ride it out till you find your place there or another where you'd be better suited. I mean the past can be a good indicator/predictor of what the future holds, but there's so many examples - anecdotal or other - out there where it wasn't.

I think in your case, maybe what you ultimately decide to do day to day comes down to restructuring the idea behind it in your brain as to the whys. You need an actual reason/meaning in order to follow through with the adjustments, and they need to be something deeper than the superficial aspects of the material gain; because you're probably already well off enough where those aren't really a major 'concern' for your immediate survival.
 

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I went through similar things, and eventually turned to self-employment. It was great.

Although others doing the same work insisted that a resume was necessary, I didn't have one, and I did fine. There are other ways to market your services and impress potential clients.

I also refused to talk to clients on the phone.

Good luck!
 

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I am also bad at acting and do things at my own pace. I'm lucky to find a job where the culture is laid back, flexible, and has minimal corporate politics. It's important to find a job that you enjoy and pay well. I'm a software engineer, and I save around 70-80% of my income, and by saving I mean invested in conservative stock ETFs and bonds. After 14 years of working in different companies, I have saved/invested enough where I don't have to work if I don't want to. Actually, I could have retired 5 years ago, so 9-10 years of work is all it takes to retire if you save 70-80%. Work has become much easier knowing that I don't need a job, so I enjoy it even more.

I've worked at the same company for the last 5-6 years. I own a core component of the company's flagship software, so it would be very hard to replace me. This gives me more negotiating power to do things my way, like working more flexibly. As long as my work is completed on time, there's no complaint from management. Sometimes I work 2-4 hours a day when I'm ahead of schedule, sometimes late in the evening if I have nothing else to do. My seniority at the company makes my work life much easier. There's no stigma to taking PTOs (paid time offs) so I would take my 23 days of PTOs per year at random days usually announced the day prior.

The caveat is that I'm single with no kid, so there's no pressure for me to support a family. I'm also very minimalistic, hence the 70-80% savings rate. I'm not even trying to save, it's just that I don't want material possessions which gives me more flexibility to move at a moment's notice.
 

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For context, I lost my job six months ago, after a year and a half at the company. While I was technically laid off, I believe in actuality I was fired. It was partly because of bad cultural fit and partly because of poor discipline on my part, with my sleep schedule and overall mental health becoming a firey wreck after months of working from home.

A few days ago, I got an offer for an objectively much better job, with better pay and benefits. I should be excited, but instead, I'm wondering if I'm doomed to repeat the same story over again, with a strong beginning and a dismal end. This time I'm also worried the end will come sooner because I think I've developed low-level depression and this is a much more serious, pantsuity position at a major financial corporation whereas my last job was at a tech startup where I showed up to work in grunge attire.

I don't know if I can hack it.

These are my two main issues with corporate jobs: 1. I'm bad at arriving to work on time, and 2. I'm not a good actor.

It's not that I'm bad at making it to appointments per se, but I hate getting up in the morning and I have no sense of urgency most of the time, so I naturally often arrive late. In my last job, which was my first real job, I was able to disguise it due to the flexible work hours, shitty public transit, and working from home during the pandemic. But the flexibility also exacerbated the problem and my sleep schedule got all wonky towards the end which contributed to me getting the boot.

My personality is naturally casual and frank, with little regard for hierarchy or politics. This is not always advantageous at work, for obvious reasons. It was even a detriment in my last startup job where they pretended to have a flat structure. I think I've learned my lesson and will try to be more cautious from now on, but I'm worried I won't be able to keep it up.

I think the biggest issue is definitely discipline. I have no problem working hard, but it's the schedule thing that gets to me. Until I find a way to support myself indepently, I have no choice but to stick to a 9-5 schedule. My plan is to eventually become self-employed so I can set my work hours, but that'll probably take at least another year and I don't know if that plan would even work.
You know what I did? I started getting up about 90 minutes earlier. I love to take it slow in the mornings. I can eat breakfast, drink my coffee, watch TV, surf on my phone, do a little exercise, take care of any chores, and still have plenty of time to get showered, dressed, and out the door. I love having that extra time, so I just incorporated it into my day. I know it sounds difficult at first, especially if you're not a morning person, but I love not feeling rushed in the morning. It is so worth it to me. I have alarms set on my phone to keep me on track. : wakeup, shower, get out the door. That sort of thing. You just have to commit to it. It will make your life so much easier. When I feel rushed, the chances are greater I'm going to forget something important I need for my day.

You really don't have to be a good actor. You just have to smile, be polite, and go about your business. Just be friendly. Carefully choose your level of involvement. That's all. Don't complicate things. You're there to work. Whatever else happens, that's extra.
 

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aturally casual and frank, with little regard for hierarchy or politics. This is not always advantageous at work, for obvious reasons. It was even a detriment in my last startup job where they pretended to have a flat stru
For context, I lost my job six months ago, after a year and a half at the company. While I was technically laid off, I believe in actuality I was fired. It was partly because of bad cultural fit and partly because of poor discipline on my part, with my sleep schedule and overall mental health becoming a firey wreck after months of working from home.

A few days ago, I got an offer for an objectively much better job, with better pay and benefits. I should be excited, but instead, I'm wondering if I'm doomed to repeat the same story over again, with a strong beginning and a dismal end. This time I'm also worried the end will come sooner because I think I've developed low-level depression and this is a much more serious, pantsuity position at a major financial corporation whereas my last job was at a tech startup where I showed up to work in grunge attire.

I don't know if I can hack it.

These are my two main issues with corporate jobs: 1. I'm bad at arriving to work on time, and 2. I'm not a good actor.

It's not that I'm bad at making it to appointments per se, but I hate getting up in the morning and I have no sense of urgency most of the time, so I naturally often arrive late. In my last job, which was my first real job, I was able to disguise it due to the flexible work hours, shitty public transit, and working from home during the pandemic. But the flexibility also exacerbated the problem and my sleep schedule got all wonky towards the end which contributed to me getting the boot.

My personality is naturally casual and frank, with little regard for hierarchy or politics. This is not always advantageous at work, for obvious reasons. It was even a detriment in my last startup job where they pretended to have a flat structure. I think I've learned my lesson and will try to be more cautious from now on, but I'm worried I won't be able to keep it up.

I think the biggest issue is definitely discipline. I have no problem working hard, but it's the schedule thing that gets to me. Until I find a way to support myself indepently, I have no choice but to stick to a 9-5 schedule. My plan is to eventually become self-employed so I can set my work hours, but that'll probably take at least another year and I don't know if that plan would even work.
Either find a job that suits your personality or change ur personality to suit the job.

I changed my personality to suit every job I've gotten coz I didn't have the privilege of having a lot of options to pick from but now it's become a habit so I no longer have a problem with my current job that I've held for 8 years after several promotions.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
What are your career aspirations?
I'm in the data analytics field. As an entry-level data analyst, there are a lot of directions I could take. If I'm being honest, I only picked the field for practical reasons, not because I enjoy it. If I could, I'd rather f off and write stories and explore various creative pursuits. Since that's not financially viable at the moment, the plan is to go steady for a few years with a data analyst job, save money, and study data visualization in my free time. Phase 2 would be self-employment as a data visualization designer. I would be able to set my own hours and hopefully enjoy the work more. Phase 3 would be retirement and finally focusing on my creative hobbies. But knowing myself, I'll probably change my mind at some point.

I used to look at my working life with bleakness, and I too had my own mental health concerns which were in consideration when appraising my future. Some people spend years and years of life with their wings folded, before realising they could've done something better with themselves. With a period of reflection, I understood the primary cause of my suffering, which was my lifestyle; unbefitting for my goals and hurtful to my body, and my diet; which made me feel bad most of day, especially when I was working, and working on my personal goals. This was step one, understanding what was affecting my behaviour enough, that was giving me a sense of despair. Then I had to make the personal changes to my lifestyle.

The above may be more of a side note relating to your case, but now, I don't see my working life as bleak and mundane, but now as more of an opportunity. I'm privileged to be able to study full-time towards something that's right up my alley, that's in alignment with my personal goals. You see, there's no longer a superior fear attached, but more, how will I do it... And if it doesn't work for me even as I try to adjust, because I know more about myself and my values, so be it, and I'll find something else. So maybe, it is time for some soulful reflection? Just a suggestion.
I do think I'm being a bit of a baby about the whole thing. How hard can it be to change my sleep schedule? Well... I have my doubts after a lifetime of being wildly irresponsible with sleep, but I'm still going to make an effort. And I shouldn't forget I have a Plan.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thinking about the end and it all being doomed could just be the low key depression at play, but either way, what does it matter? I mean, even if it ends poorly in a year, you still got the experience/interactions/knowledge/pay/resume update/whatever other benefit + you don't even seem to want to do that sort of thing long term. Just take it for what it is, until you're better able to plan out what your real goals are.

Albeit, one of the downsides I could see is getting bad references, but at the core, you don't really seem to care/respect the reasons behind it so what does it even matter from a you living life to your ideals pov. Sure, maybe that also plays into upholding your own reputation/integrity, and your own perspective of yourself, but if it were really the case, that should just be added motivation to drive you to continue being what you see of yourself in your mind's eye.

You could also think about it from another pov like, if for whatever reasons you don't decide to take this offer, what else would you do? So... your taking the job is quite inevitable. Eff it, make the improvements you already know need doing, however slowly, and just ride it out till you find your place there or another where you'd be better suited. I mean the past can be a good indicator/predictor of what the future holds, but there's so many examples - anecdotal or other - out there where it wasn't.

I think in your case, maybe what you ultimately decide to do day to day comes down to restructuring the idea behind it in your brain as to the whys. You need an actual reason/meaning in order to follow through with the adjustments, and they need to be something deeper than the superficial aspects of the material gain; because you're probably already well off enough where those aren't really a major 'concern' for your immediate survival.
You're right, it is partly the mood and in the end, it doesn't even maaaaatterrrrr~

It's funny because I usually have no problem making changes that need to be made but I have such hangups about certain things including my sleep schedule. It could be I'm just overly stubborn about it or perhaps I'm actually right and I shouldn't be messing with my biological rhythm. It's something I've never seriously tested because I always lose motivation to keep trying. Maybe I could use this experience as an experiment. Start a sleeping log and everything, and see how long I can stick to an early-rise routine.

As for the acting stuff, it's something I expect I'll slowly evolve on over time, albeit the key word is slowly. Whether the management accepts my slow rate of change or not, that's not something I can control, and I can't force myself to be something I'm not.

As I've said in another post, I do have a plan to escape the corporate world at some point. So I'm not motivated to change as a way of making permanent life changes; it's more about surviving in a temporary situation until I can afford to move on. I do need a better "why" for the adjustments. I'll think about it some more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I went through similar things, and eventually turned to self-employment. It was great.

Although others doing the same work insisted that a resume was necessary, I didn't have one, and I did fine. There are other ways to market your services and impress potential clients.

I also refused to talk to clients on the phone.

Good luck!
Self-employment seems to be the way to go, although it takes more balls than I have at the moment. I aim to grow a bigger pair.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I am also bad at acting and do things at my own pace. I'm lucky to find a job where the culture is laid back, flexible, and has minimal corporate politics. It's important to find a job that you enjoy and pay well. I'm a software engineer, and I save around 70-80% of my income, and by saving I mean invested in conservative stock ETFs and bonds. After 14 years of working in different companies, I have saved/invested enough where I don't have to work if I don't want to. Actually, I could have retired 5 years ago, so 9-10 years of work is all it takes to retire if you save 70-80%. Work has become much easier knowing that I don't need a job, so I enjoy it even more.

I've worked at the same company for the last 5-6 years. I own a core component of the company's flagship software, so it would be very hard to replace me. This gives me more negotiating power to do things my way, like working more flexibly. As long as my work is completed on time, there's no complaint from management. Sometimes I work 2-4 hours a day when I'm ahead of schedule, sometimes late in the evening if I have nothing else to do. My seniority at the company makes my work life much easier. There's no stigma to taking PTOs (paid time offs) so I would take my 23 days of PTOs per year at random days usually announced the day prior.

The caveat is that I'm single with no kid, so there's no pressure for me to support a family. I'm also very minimalistic, hence the 70-80% savings rate. I'm not even trying to save, it's just that I don't want material possessions which gives me more flexibility to move at a moment's notice.
I think software engineer is the best job atm for people who are inclined to such work. The software dev at my last company had the most freedom in terms of when he came into work and when he left. He definitely had more leverage due to how important and specialized his work was. I don't think that line of work is for me, just because of how my mind works. I expect I'll deal with some level of replaceability + low bargaining power for some years down the road until I become experienced and specialized enough. But it's nice to know that you can have some flexibility if you take care to make yourself inexpendable.

I also try to save and invest a good chunk of my income, although it was more like 20-30% while I was working. Still more than most of my peers but I'm definitely not a minimalist.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
You know what I did? I started getting up about 90 minutes earlier. I love to take it slow in the mornings. I can eat breakfast, drink my coffee, watch TV, surf on my phone, do a little exercise, take care of any chores, and still have plenty of time to get showered, dressed, and out the door. I love having that extra time, so I just incorporated it into my day. I know it sounds difficult at first, especially if you're not a morning person, but I love not feeling rushed in the morning. It is so worth it to me. I have alarms set on my phone to keep me on track. : wakeup, shower, get out the door. That sort of thing. You just have to commit to it. It will make your life so much easier. When I feel rushed, the chances are greater I'm going to forget something important I need for my day.

You really don't have to be a good actor. You just have to smile, be polite, and go about your business. Just be friendly. Carefully choose your level of involvement. That's all. Don't complicate things. You're there to work. Whatever else happens, that's extra.
That's actually great idea. If I get an hour before work starts, I'll feel grumpy and pressured, but if I get up way earlier, the morning is my beech. The only downside is that I'll probably have to sleep quite a bit earlier, which may or may not be difficult depending on who I'm living with (atm, my parents, who go to bed around 1-2 AM). Hopefully I'll get my own place eventually and not have to worry about it.

I know it comes normally to a lot of people, but for me, at least at this point in my life, it does take acting because I am quite often grumpy and indisposed to smiling or politeness.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Either find a job that suits your personality or change ur personality to suit the job.

I changed my personality to suit every job I've gotten coz I didn't have the privilege of having a lot of options to pick from but now it's become a habit so I no longer have a problem with my current job that I've held for 8 years after several promotions.
Which job made you an ENTJ?

I'm joking.
 

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That's actually great idea. If I get an hour before work starts, I'll feel grumpy and pressured, but if I get up way earlier, the morning is my beech. The only downside is that I'll probably have to sleep quite a bit earlier, which may or may not be difficult depending on who I'm living with (atm, my parents, who go to bed around 1-2 AM). Hopefully I'll get my own place eventually and not have to worry about it.

I know it comes normally to a lot of people, but for me, at least at this point in my life, it does take acting because I am quite often grumpy and indisposed to smiling or politeness.
I work second shift (3-Midnight). I go to bed around 1 AM and I get back up around 9:30 AM. I have all sorts of time to get stuff done ( I have been working from home for about 14 months).

When I eventually go back to driving into work, I won't have to make all that many adjustments to my routine.
 
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You're right, it is partly the mood and in the end, it doesn't even maaaaatterrrrr~
is linkin pahk? ur soo weird lol. ( ̄ー ̄;

It's funny because I usually have no problem making changes that need to be made but I have such hangups about certain things including my sleep schedule. It could be I'm just overly stubborn about it or perhaps I'm actually right and I shouldn't be messing with my biological rhythm. It's something I've never seriously tested because I always lose motivation to keep trying. Maybe I could use this experience as an experiment. Start a sleeping log and everything, and see how long I can stick to an early-rise routine.
If you figure out something that helps, do share pls. I have almost the exact same problems, as well as with maintaining a consistent - proper - sleep schedule that centers around work; yet, I'm like crazily consistent at being punctually late. It's gotten better somewhat because I've been asked to be more tardy multiple times, and I don't want employer to think that I have no respect for them at all. I read something a whiles back about being perpetually late, and how it gives the impression that you yourself believe your own time to be more important/valuable than others' - which I guess is true in my case, even if that's not what I'm thinking about while I'm doing it... or is it??

Are you a night owl by any chance? I think people with that sort of tendency just normally don't react well to set hours, esp 9-5.

As I've said in another post, I do have a plan to escape the corporate world at some point. So I'm not motivated to change as a way of making permanent life changes; it's more about surviving in a temporary situation until I can afford to move on. I do need a better "why" for the adjustments. I'll think about it some more.
That's kind of a perfect motivation. Wanting and having the means and ability to move on/be a completely independent entity. Or maybe even the 'proving' that one is capable of being it is the real drive.
 

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A friend has the same problem with waking up so she uses two alarms. One near her bed and the other, louder one, set further away and later. This gives her the psychological comfort of being able to hit a ten minute snooze on the first one but forces her to get out of bed for the annoying second one.
 

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A friend has the same problem with waking up so she uses two alarms. One near her bed and the other, louder one, set further away and later. This gives her the psychological comfort of being able to hit a ten minute snooze on the first one but forces her to get out of bed for the annoying second one.
Ive always been terrible with alarm clocks. just hit snooze or shut them off and go back to sleep. but i got this one clock that starts out quietly and progressively gets louder. It really wakes me up really well and you dont get that jarring alarm all of sudden. highly recommend
 

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Maybe this is not the thing you should do in your life. The fact that you were kicked out of the office because you weren't doing enough for keeping the job might mean that you don' really like what you are doing.; MAybe you should try yourself in other domains. For example, you can easily get an education in a year on firerecruitmentaustralia.com.au and become a firefighter. It is a well-paid job, but the main disadvantage is that you risk your life, but at least you will save hundreds of lives.
 

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I'm in finance, and happy being part of that world. I think there are ways you can fit in without becoming a total robot, but we'll have to get into specifics then.

My main question is, what vibe did you get from your boss and coworkers during the interviews?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Needless update nobody asked for:

I'm 6 months in - still working at the company. Rather overworked and not exactly happy, but due to the nature of the job and how intensive the training is, I doubt I'll get myself fired anytime soon. Working from home for now, which means I don't have to don a pantsuit and can get away with rolling out of bed at 9:30 (or slightly before the daily morning meeting). There is also very little social interaction, which has its upsides and downsides.
 
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