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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What do you think underdeveloped Fe looks like? I'd say:

Immature:
--oriented toward people, but inaccurate regarding what is actually best for them or the group
--bossy

Unhealthy: This would be someone who perhaps ought to have developed this function well (dominant or auxiliary Fe), but is in some kind of crisis or has a lot of insecurities to work through. It could also be someone with tertiary Fe or inferior Fe who is "in the grip." I think that person will tend toward:

-- Projection, projection, projection, which is an inability to own one's own emotional experience and take responsibility for it. Instead, Fe reverses and says "You were supposed to act like x to make me feel y."
--Triangulation. This is pulling others into a conflict to get them to agree with you against someone else. It seeks to shape community judgment to affirm one's grievance.
 

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Immature, underdeveloped, unhealthy are all synonyms to me along with merely saying using Fe in an unwise manner.

This means that the motivation behind the use of Fe in that circumstance is imbalanced.

Examples:
Using shared values to manipulate after building rapport.
Using understanding of humor and jokes to ridicule someone socially.
Using conversation to distract or negate rather than build or bond or inform. Gaslighting as a great example.
 

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I'm not the healthiest Fe-dom, but for me my Fe use manifests itself differently. It just makes me insecure and too hesitant. It contributes to my social anxiety. I care too much about what others think. I am constantly checking to make sure I don't step on anyone's foot. I sometimes get overwhelmed with how others are feeling. I am *overly considerate* (for lack of a better term) of what others are thinking / feeling.

I mean I guess some of these things seem like healthy Fe things, but they're not healthy when they make you too scared to say a word and you're always trying not to bother anyone to the point where you never say / do what you want / need to.
 

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I'm not the healthiest Fe-dom, but for me my Fe use manifests itself differently. It just makes me insecure and too hesitant. It contributes to my social anxiety. I care too much about what others think. I am constantly checking to make sure I don't step on anyone's foot. I sometimes get overwhelmed with how others are feeling. I am *overly considerate* (for lack of a better term) of what others are thinking / feeling.

I mean I guess some of these things seem like healthy Fe things, but they're not healthy when they make you too scared to say a word and you're always trying not to bother anyone to the point where you never say / do what you want / need to.
I was thinking something similar to this, with negative Fe manifesting as those people who let harm come to them because they 'didn't want to be a bother' or 'make a fuss', and so ruin the external emotional environment (by bringing people down etc.).
 

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People who try so hard to make others happy that they end up unhappy and neglected themselves.

People who become too easily swayed by very charismatic people. Cult mindset, basically. (actually I think a great movie that represents this is The Wave. I mean, the movie was absolutely terrible, but it's a great example for this).

People who intentionally try to piss other people off for fun.*

Overly flirtatious people--people who intentionally lead others on for fun.*



*I think this is most heavily represented in tertiary Fe preferrers.
 

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I'm not the healthiest Fe-dom, but for me my Fe use manifests itself differently. It just makes me insecure and too hesitant. It contributes to my social anxiety. I care too much about what others think. I am constantly checking to make sure I don't step on anyone's foot. I sometimes get overwhelmed with how others are feeling. I am *overly considerate* (for lack of a better term) of what others are thinking / feeling.

I mean I guess some of these things seem like healthy Fe things, but they're not healthy when they make you too scared to say a word and you're always trying not to bother anyone to the point where you never say / do what you want / need to.
It's a bit of this for me,being too aware of what others want and too concerned with living up to it and too concerned with their opinions

But I also have some manipulative-ish things I do(but who doesn't,I always say every attempt at communication is a form of manipulation :p)

And I'm not sure if this is Fe and whether it's (necessarily) bad or not but I tend to feel responsible for the way others are,both negatively and positively,I feel like I should be influencing people with my presence and I feel bad if I think I influenced someone to do something good or become better at something and they don't realize it.


Btw @emberfly it's not just tertiary tbh :blushed:,although I can imagine it being common in tertiary Fe users
 

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(but who doesn't, I always say every attempt at communication is a form of manipulation :p)
I completely agree with you. Verbal and non-verbal communication is manipulative.
 

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Guys think I lead them on. I don't. I'm asexual and too busy with my schoolwork and competitive life to be into romance right now. Doesn't stop them from pretending like I flirted with them and played with their hearts. This is what happens when you're nice to people *head shake*
 
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Exclusionary, fake, overly caught up in social norms, and intolerant. Think Mean Girls.
On the other side of the coin, may be "too nice" and let people walk all over them. Or may be pushy and assume they know what's best for you. My grandmother (an ENFJ) is that way. Absolutely wonderful woman, one of the most genuinely compassionate people I've ever known and I wouldn't trade her as a grandparent for the world, but she will not take no for an answer if you turn down an offer of something.
Guys think I lead them on. I don't. I'm asexual and too busy with my schoolwork and competitive life to be into romance right now. Doesn't stop them from pretending like I flirted with them and played with their hearts. This is what happens when you're nice to people *head shake*
When I found out that Burger King was bringing back chicken fries, I immediately went there to get some and the lady working tat the window gave me my order and told me to have a nice day and I was just in awe that someone would be so nice as to personally hand me chicken fries. So naturally, I assumed she wanted some of this and I was just about to ask her for dinner when she closed the window on me. Can't believe it. She led me on and then literally shut me out. Last time I ever go to BK.
 

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Examples of unhealthy Fe
Being overly obsessed with what other think of you.
Not being yourself in order to please others.
Sheeplike behavior. Doing something because "everyone else is doing it".
Ugh, a relative of mine has these traits. She's an Fe dom. She will not go against someone else's opinions, she will do everything to please someone else and she also takes criticism very poorly, becoming passive-agressive towards who made it (if the person is close to her). However, if a stranger criticizes her I never saw her do that. It's weird. Unfortunately she tries desperately to please everybody, so people lose respect for her because she does not stand for her own opinions.
 

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I use it in a tertiary capacity, meaning it's already sort of two-bit, immature, and at times, unhealthy.

I can only confess to the following:

- Emotionally manipulative. And in my case, I lack the actual talent to be sinister and masterful, it's just impulsively affecting something to get a response out of someone else. Nothing more than that.

- Over-dramatic. In line with the above, plus a genuine need to express my feelings just takes it over the top. I'm probably annoying with it...people cringe. Or I do.

- Martyrish. And the martrydom is on display. See what you made me do??

- Smarmy. When I'm not having an outburst, I'm sure I look totally fake or something. But hey, it covers for my lack of actual social skills. And it comes from a genuine desire to want the other person to feel accepted, let's not overlook that.

I only use Fe in a very tertiary capacity, so it may be different than from an FJ. But I feel like the "desperately seeking approval", "pushing social conformity" thing is over-played here. At least, I can't see myself doing that. I think there are probably other things in the personality that dictate how much that plays a role, and Fe is only the vehicle through which it is expressed.
 

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My Fe is extremely unhealthy. Here are a whole bunch of things that are wrong with my Fe:
~Incredibly aware of what people are potentially thinking of me and putting too much stock in their imaginary opinions
~Pretentious and too concerned with social status; buying status symbols and putting too much effort into appearance/image
~Needy and demanding of others' time and attention.
~Overbearing and controlling
~Shy and awkward, because I'm too tuned into what could possibly offend or what opinion might be formed of me
~Will push others for an emotional reaction
~Will create drama for the sake of drama
 

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My Fe is extremely unhealthy. Here are a whole bunch of things that are wrong with my Fe:
~Incredibly aware of what people are potentially thinking of me and putting too much stock in their imaginary opinions
~Pretentious and too concerned with social status; buying status symbols and putting too much effort into appearance/image
~Needy and demanding of others' time and attention.
~Overbearing and controlling
~Shy and awkward, because I'm too tuned into what could possibly offend or what opinion might be formed of me
~Will push others for an emotional reaction
~Will create drama for the sake of drama
Perhaps have a cup of tea? X)
 

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I've had to deal with an extremely unhealthy ESFJ, and this is how the "dark side" of Fe manifested in him:
- He was emotionally manipulative; he even managed to fool me into thinking he was the victim when, well, other people were his victims
- He couldn't be convinced through reason. When he thought he was right on something, there was no way to make him admit his error, even if it was blatantly obvious; when pointed out, he used to get passive-aggressive
- He took everything as a personal offense. Even simple statements as "I don't like X". If he liked X, he was going to see it as an insult, as a you not liking him
- He had the victim complex
- Drama, drama, drama. Tons of drama
- He was kinda paranoid about what everyone thought of him, he though that people secretly hated him or were going to backstab him and stuff like that
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I will have to look up attachment styles and MBTI, but I tend to think that when we have a dominant or auxiliary function that expresses itself in a negative way, it's because of some insecurity within ourselves rather than type development. I know that for a long time I didn't see Fe in myself because it tended to manifest in some of the more anxious ways others have noted.
 
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