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INTJ female here in desperate need of how to get over a crush for a male ESTJ.

To provide you with some backgroud of how I got into this unfortunate situation - I was working away, minding my own business and this ESTJ male decided to make and hold eye contact with me and it all went down hill from there. How is it possible for someone to feel so much chemistry and sexual tension and for it to be one-sided? Surely that is not possible - it just does not make sense!

I have not approached him or told him my feelings about him, but we work very closely together and I have given him my attention and even started conversations with him about things OTHER than work - this is HUGE and I feel like its a big sign that I like him.

The relationship will never work but the chemisty and sexual tension is so stong it is driving me crazy. I need to cut out the distractions so I can get back to work.

Give me all your tips on how I can get get over this crush PLEASE and I will forever be in your debt.
 

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Oh, I actually am friendly with an ESTJ man.

I don't know all the theory, but hit the humor hard, sincerity hard, knowledge hard, and above all take it easy and slow.

That's all I got, and that's just from man-friend perspective.

What's with all the defeatism? If you two have chemistry, just go. But do it like I said! :smile:
 

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Why doesn't this site have both a minimum post & 'thank' requirement before anyone is allowed to start a thread?




​<<<<<------------take it frum a koon!
 
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Limit interaction, focus on other things in life to be obesssive about - a new hobby, perhaps. Tbh, the only thing that has gotten me over a crush is telling them and then finding out they’re not interested. If it were a bad position to tell them, then I’d employ the techniques I mentioned at first. If you think of the person, purposefully think of something else. Retrain your mind. Otherwise..yeah you just sit with it til you’re over it.
 

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Maybe I could tell you all the ways a relationship with ESTJ can go sideways. I've been with one for 7 years, so I can tell you all the horror stories that would probably crush your crush immediately. Jokes, aside, I feel you. There is something about INTJ+ESTX chemistry-wise that works like some sort of black magic, at least for me anyway.
Being you I'd either cut off all contact if possible - or just bang him. Sometimes there is no other way to get over a crush than embracing it and having fun watching the dumpsterfire.
 

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INTJ female here in desperate need of how to get over a crush for a male ESTJ.

To provide you with some backgroud of how I got into this unfortunate situation - I was working away, minding my own business and this ESTJ male decided to make and hold eye contact with me and it all went down hill from there. How is it possible for someone to feel so much chemistry and sexual tension and for it to be one-sided? Surely that is not possible - it just does not make sense!

I have not approached him or told him my feelings about him, but we work very closely together and I have given him my attention and even started conversations with him about things OTHER than work - this is HUGE and I feel like its a big sign that I like him.

The relationship will never work but the chemisty and sexual tension is so stong it is driving me crazy. I need to cut out the distractions so I can get back to work.

Give me all your tips on how I can get get over this crush PLEASE and I will forever be in your debt.
That happened to me too. Some ESTJ dude was walking by and made really long eye contact with me. Only difference is I felt really uncomfortable and promptly accelerated my pace in an attempt to leave the building before the next minute came to pass.

Just recognize that it is a thing that is happening and you can't do anything about it, chose what you want the outcome to be (it sounds like you don't want a relationship), and then prioritize things that will get you those results. If you don't want a relationship then stop trying to build one.
 

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One-sided sexual attraction is entirely possible. Just ask them people that are in love with bridges, goats and dolls and shit.

That dude doesn't know you like him. We understand that initiating conversation and showing unnecessary attention is a big deal, but for outsiders that's just everyday business lol

Are you sure you wanna give before before the game has begun?? If so, get busy and stay busy.
 
You may even need to jack off before work or find a fwb cuz it sounds like you got a bad itch.
 

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I’m curious why you say the relationship will never work @Girl333

Is he...married?

And yeah. Nothing hotter than a Te dom. It’s the confidence factor I think. ENTJs are better though. But that’s my biased opinion.

I don't know why Girl333 thinks a relationship would never work but as a person who's had a crush on an ESTJ I can say I support the opinion a INTJ-ESTJ relationship seems super difficult to me.

I found "my" ESTJ really cute and his dominance quite enticing, but his lack of thinking attitude towards life, inability to discuss using logical arguments, and following rules unconditionally makes me think I would hate being with him. Also for me that's an "affair material" but not "relationship material".

How to get over an ESTJ crush? Don't. Come up with a plan how to conquer him and realize it :) Then you will get over him the moment he starts talking rubbish and being shallow.
 

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Why are you saying the relationship would never work? Why are you even thinking about a long term relationship at all? Just enjoy his company and see what happens.

Sent from my VTR-L09 using Tapatalk
 

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@Girl333 Start talking to him about abstract subjects (which he will most likely enjoy getting into) or even better yet, start talking about serious concrete subjects that rely heavily on abstract strings, and I'm sure your infatuation will quickly turn to frustration and then your rational side should be able to do the rest.
 

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I feel in love with an INTJ, once.

*whimpers*

Sorry OP, I don't know if this contribution helps you. If you have a bad feeling about it, then there must be a reason for it, but I still would recommend trying if both of you want to take it somewhere. What's the worst that could happen? If you just want somebody to fuck, then go for it either way, but make it clear to him that it's just a fwb deal.
 

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Well, if you can't figure it by now, maybe you should just stop trying.

Why don't you just whip out a tit?

That's as valid as an "advice" given above.

Or, here's a thought, why don't you just try having a conversation, like everybody else who ever existed?

Or see how much meat he's packing and if it's equine enough for you.

Not complicated. At all.
 

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Give me all your tips on how I can get get over this crush PLEASE and I will forever be in your debt.
crushes often tell me what i'm hoping for or feeling starved of. it's like wish-fulfillment needs something to tie itself to. and then boom, some stranger walks by and flips the right switch and its on.

i like to look at my crushes just to get a sort of snapshot of where i am myself, psychologically. for instance, it was a big deal when i realised at a certain age i had stopped fantasizing about being empathized with and begun fantasizing instead about being taken seriously and respected for the main person i am.

once i figured that out, it got a lot easier for me to dissociate the crush from the person and make it all about meeeeee. idk, maybe i'm a bit narcissistic that way but i do have to admit that most of the time when i have a crush, i'm who those daydreams are really about. they're like this excuse for me imagine another person looking at me and seeing something quite wonderful. so really they're an odd form of self-validation. or a form of daydream about being validated by someone else.

tl;dr: when i'm in love with someone, i think about them. when all i have is a crush, i tend to daydream about them and all the wonderful feelings and thoughts they 'would' have about me. idk if that helps. but ime a crush is usually about stuff that's real in some way, so it's pretty hard to kill them by trying to fight them.
 

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I don't think I understand. If the relationship no longer makes sense, what is the point of being stuck on it? Could you elaborate on why you think you might be stuck? For me, if a relationship no longer makes sense to be in (he doesn't like me back, we have different visions for our future, etc...) that's what it takes for me to get over it.

It just occured to me that this person might be especially interesting. As someone who likes to observe and gather information, I can see how one might get stuck gathering information about an object of affection. If this is the case, I'd suggest finding a substitute subject to gather information about.

Edit to add: I'm terribly confused and sleep deprived. I think I missed this topic by a mile. Gonig to take a break from PerC until I sleep again.
 
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