Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 47 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For some reason and yes you might think this is stupid an I am foolish and highly unrealistic I sometimes tend to develop strong feelings for someone I saw on television or in a movie for example a few years ago I saw a movie with a girl who did everything I ever dreamt of doing and I guess I just saw myself in her and I would fantasize about how we were destined to be together and I would ramble in my thoughts how if she were not famous I woulda felt in my heart when I saw her that she was the one it was my motive and I didn't care about anything else I mean I was outta of it.

Share about similar situations or how you liked someone you knew deep down you could never get(or about your victories)all stories welcome
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
261 Posts
I think this is something that most INFPs have done at some point in their lives. I did this a couple times when I was younger, but I grew out of it, forced myself to face the fact that the person wasn't even a person -- he was a fictional character played by some actor who probably wouldn't be much like that person should I ever somehow meet him. Still, a lot of teenagers in general (not just INFPs, really) idealize a favorite TV or movie character.

I'll even admit there's one person out there who I totally have a geek crush on even though I've only ever "seen" him in video clips. I know it's nothing akin to anything real but it's harder to let go because it's just him I'm watching, not him reading lines or playing a character. I'll just say that I have an exaggerated fondness for him, but I don't let it infiltrate my thoughts of real romance.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,610 Posts
Hmm, I've never had this happen. I don't feel attracted to strangers (such as actors). I only feel attraction if someone's personality really interests me. I have experienced deep limerence before, though, including with a best friend I got romantically involved with -- it went terribly wrong. Maybe feeling deep attraction to famous people/strangers is more common in INFP's than INFJ's?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,610 Posts
Thanks for your thought-provoking input, but is this based on a sample size greater than one INFJ?
No, not at all! Just a random curiosity if this is something more common to INFP's since it's posted in the INFP forum as opposed to the NF forum:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,361 Posts
No, not at all! Just a random curiosity if this is something more common to INFP's since it's posted in the INFP forum as opposed to the NF forum:)
That's entirely legitimate. Ideas come from one or two pieces of data, and then get validated through more observation. So brainstorming based on personal experience is great. :)

I just lament that, because we're mostly Ns, the second part of the process rarely takes place on these forums. Someone says they once knew three INFJs who had red hair so therefore INFJs have a propensity to have red hair. That sort of thinking doesn't get questioned enough, although of course it's important to question it tactfully.

I just wanted to clarify where you were in that process. :)

And sorry if that comment seemed a little dense:p
Naah, not at all.


------



I decided to give up on a loving relationship and go for something casual.
Even this first sentence breaks my heart. Don't give up!

It ended up with two very confused people wanting two different things, because no matter what my heart is set for love.
Yeah, i'm very empathetic and sorry to hear it ended like this, but it's not a huge surprise. You can't make yourself want a superficial fling. At least you're honest with yourself.

It is probably time for a break.
Perhaps. Sometimes love comes when you're not looking for it. They say that's usually how it goes, but i don't know if i agree with them. That could be perception bias. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
331 Posts
Even this first sentence breaks my heart. Don't give up!
Oh, I gave up a few years ago, but decided it is worth believing in again.



Yeah, i'm very empathetic and sorry to hear it ended like this, but it's not a huge surprise. You can't make yourself want a superficial fling. At least you're honest with yourself.
Thank you! Exactly, a superficial fling takes so much effort and isn't worth it.



Perhaps. Sometimes love comes when you're not looking for it. They say that's usually how it goes, but i don't know if i agree with them. That could be perception bias. :)
I'm not sure, but few are seek the desperate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,842 Posts
Perhaps. Sometimes love comes when you're not looking for it. They say that's usually how it goes, but i don't know if i agree with them. That could be perception bias. :)
I contend that looking for love can be done in a non-desperate way. I also think like you: perhaps it's just perception bias. If you are not looking for it, but DO NOTHING about it, nothing will happen. I challenge anybody to disprove this. One must be at least passively active in "looking", or at least be receptive to the "signs." Things simply don't fall from the sky, as much as we would love it to happen that way. Most of the people that report that they found love "while not looking for it" report it because it's an unique situation. Whereas probably most relationships started with people LOOKING for love, but they just don't report it, because it's the usual way to find love: while looking. It's a beautiful principle for the younger people who are all too eager to be in a relationship. But honestly, IMO, YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO FIND LOVE, or at least be open to find love, because in order for a miracle to happen, we must be able to see it; in order to win the lottery, one must buy a ticket. Thus, I agree with the good intentions behind the statement "loves come when you are not looking for it", but kinda wholly disagree at the same time (men especially cannot afford too much passiveness, IMHO)-this common phrase could be worded much better (not disagreeing with you, mind you!)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
331 Posts
I contend that looking for love can be done in a non-desperate way. I also think like you: perhaps it's just perception bias. If you are not looking for it, but DO NOTHING about it, nothing will happen. I challenge anybody to disprove this. One must be at least passively active in "looking", or at least be receptive to the "signs." Things simply don't fall from the sky, as much as we would love it to happen that way. Most of the people that report that they found love "while not looking for it" report it because it's an unique situation. Whereas probably most relationships started with people LOOKING for love, but they just don't report it, because it's the usual way to find love: while looking. It's a beautiful principle for the younger people who are all too eager to be in a relationship. But honestly, IMO, YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO FIND LOVE, or at least be open to find love, because in order for a miracle to happen, we must be able to see it; in order to win the lottery, one must buy a ticket. Thus, I agree with the good intentions behind the statement "loves come when you are not looking for it", but kinda wholly disagree at the same time (men especially cannot afford too much passiveness, IMHO)-this common phrase could be worded much better (not disagreeing with you, mind you!)
I can see that. If you don't react when love finds you, it will fade away. Yes people who were looking for love may not admit to it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
355 Posts
i got over my last heartbreak by falling in total love with zooey deschanel (singer/actor). listened to all her music, watched all her movies, even watched as many interviews as i could find. i think it's an art to love something from far away as long as it doesn't get you downnnnnn.

when i was in 8th grade i started exchanging emails with some 17 year old i met in a chatroom. i lied and told her i was the same age and we basically became pen pals. imagine how i felt and what i had to do when she finally asked to meet up T_T
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
344 Posts
There was this guy in my 6th hour computer class last year. He was three years older than me, so it would have been illegal. XD

(I have already posted this once, but it counts as an impossible love story!)


The first day, I walked in and looked around, right before the bell rang. I was the only freshmen in the whole class. No one payed any attention to me, except one guy. He was smiling sweetly at me as I walked to a seat. I felt very exposed and awkward. When we were assigned our computers, I was hoping I would get a seat alone in the corner, but I'm sure the teacher could read my mind, and put me right next to him. Again, I felt exposed and awkward. The first day was suffocating, and it didnt help that I could seem him glance at me from time to time from the corner of my eye.
Then he started talking to me. My heart would race whenever I heard his voice. It was scary. At first, all I could do was nod and say short, quiet words. He would smile and call me adorable. I'm sure I looked like a ripe tomato. All year long, it went like this. He would ask me a few simple questions, and I would nod yes or no, sometimes showing me how to do an assignment. He would listen to his music player, and hand a head phone to me, telling me to put it in my ear. I would blush, but comply. He would ask me if I knew the song. He would do that all the time. Sometimes I did know what the song/band was, sometimes I didn't, But I was strangely happy either way. At one point, I was reading the online drivers manual, getting ready for my drivers test. When he looked over and noticed I was reading it, he smiled really big and put his hand on my shoulder. I almost died, My heart felt like it had just jumped out of me. He had asked me something, but I was too busy hyperventilating mentally, and said 'huh' by the time I realized he had asked a question.
He laughed and repeated himself, asking if I was ready for the test. I smiled a little and nodded. So he gave me a even bigger smile and proceed to test me. I could not look him in the eye, no matter how hard I tried. It was so frustrating. I passed and he cheered, getting all of the class to turn to us. I closed up and looked at the computer screen. I don't like when all of the attentions on me. Well, a little later, I heard him talking to his friend on the other side of him about his girlfriend. He said how wonderful she was, how pretty, nice, mature. I was happy to find out he had someone so great to love, I didn't understand why I felt so sad.
At the end of the year, he had me thinking about him everyday. I didn't know, and still dont know for sure why I was so nervous around him.

I can't call it love because I didn't know him outside of class.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Yea that's how I felt,I would look up every bit of information on that person to sort of get to know her and definatley had to keep an open and optimistic mind i guess I just needed something to hold onto. And how did the situation when she asked you to meet up lol :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
174 Posts
Yeah me too.

In my immediate enviroment I grew up feeling closer to the people on the television screen then the people in my real life I faced everyday.

That perfect leave it to beaver world that exists only just over the bend, across a bridge over trouble water, and somewhere over the rainbow...way up high. Believing that one day I really would fly, someday...someway...why oh why am I so strange?

I still sometimes catch myself thinking such a place really exists.
I know it does!:sad:

Untill then where you'll find me is somewhere up in a tree gazing at the horizon.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
@Happy thoughts your story touched me because I have had similar things happen to me an I kinda know how it feels.
I had recently moved to a new school and didn't know anybody there and was really quiet it was 5th period and our teacher was giving us assigned seats (hate them!I'd rather sit by myself at that time) in the back I saw this really pretty girl who reminded me of this girl I used to know and sure enough my teacher sat me next to her,I was like holy crap wat do I do lol as I took my seat she gave me this sweet smile and said hi wats ur name.from that point on we became like best friends and almost unseperatable we. Would always talk to each other go over to sit to each other be lab partners talk about our issues(she was dating) you name it but wat I dint get was that she was only like that that for that period we rarely talked outside of class and sadly our freindship started deteriorAting as the year went by.I developed a crush on her and I got her something for valentines day and stuff but I guess she never caught on or just simply didn't want to acknowledge it.by the end of the year I was really sad that she never caught on and that we didn't talk as much. she was a year older than me
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
137 Posts
For some reason and yes you might think this is stupid an I am foolish and highly unrealistic I sometimes tend to develop strong feelings for someone I saw on television or in a movie for example a few years ago I saw a movie with a girl who did everything I ever dreamt of doing and I guess I just saw myself in her and I would fantasize about how we were destined to be together and I would ramble in my thoughts how if she were not famous I woulda felt in my heart when I saw her that she was the one it was my motive and I didn't care about anything else I mean I was outta of it.
I read this part without breathing. Please use punctuation, or some one could die from a longer post of yours.

I'm in love with Nhu Quynh.
 
1 - 20 of 47 Posts
Top