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I mean right in the beginning of their relation, which one will have to jump out of their shell for anything to happen between them? I’m really curious on this question :p
 

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exploring space
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I have an INTJ ex and it was me who did it
it was over text and he replied "what the hell have you been drinking this morning" it was 6pm and I was 15
 

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Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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I personally think it would be easier for the INTJ to take the initiative. In the case of me and my INTP, our friends took the initiative and sort of pushed us together.

- They made us be partners when we played board games.
- They would purposefully arrange that we'd ride in the same car together.
- They would purposefully invite us both over at the same time.
- We "found out" we were together as boyfriend/girlfriend because our friends started calling us that.
 

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I personally think it would be easier for the INTJ to take the initiative. In the case of me and my INTP, our friends took the initiative and sort of pushed us together.

- They made us be partners when we played board games.
- They would purposefully arrange that we'd ride in the same car together.
- They would purposefully invite us both over at the same time.
- We "found out" we were together as boyfriend/girlfriend because our friends started calling us that.
that just sounds like you were both equally, completely, oblivious xD
my INTP was oblivious too until I did so many things he had to confront me
 

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Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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that just sounds like you were both equally, completely, oblivious xD
my INTP was oblivious too until I did so many things he had to confront me
lol I know! We weren't completely oblivious, though. @hornpipe2 had asked me on a date about 2-3 months before and then - lol, no kidding - he FORGOT the date. We didn't plan the time or anything, but he did ask me. I told one of my friends, an E/ISFP, who asked hornpipe2 later how the date went. hornpipe said, and I quote, "What Date?"

The E/ISFP got so giddy with hilarity over it, he started wanting to pursue me. Our friends diverted his interest by pushing me and hornpipe2 together (E/ISFP has a history of being a player and my friends wanted to protect me).

As to the obliviousness, though, I didn't want to initiate anything after the forgotten date because 1, I suspected perhaps he was gay and 2, I didn't want to embarrass myself.
 

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lol I know! We weren't completely oblivious, though. @hornpipe2 had asked me on a date about 2-3 months before and then - lol, no kidding - he FORGOT the date. We didn't plan the time or anything, but he did ask me. I told one of my friends, an E/ISFP, who asked hornpipe2 later how the date went. hornpipe said, and I quote, "What Date?"

The E/ISFP got so giddy with hilarity over it, he started wanting to pursue me. Our friends diverted his interest by pushing me and hornpipe2 together (E/ISFP has a history of being a player and my friends wanted to protect me).

As to the obliviousness, though, I didn't want to initiate anything after the forgotten date because 1, I suspected perhaps he was gay and 2, I didn't want to embarrass myself.
I audibly laughed when I read he forgot

soooo we have a score of 2-0 for INTJs so far xD
 

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It doesn't matter. Gender sterotypes might push the guy to feel pressured to do it, especially INFP, that Si might tell him "Real men initiate according to true tradition." INTJ might not know how to navigate the emotional realm of the situation INFP might notice that and take the reins there, but INFP might not know how to plan a date or meeting and INTJ might naturally take the reins there. You both might initiate based on your Te or Fi strengths since that's the major pull in this dynamic.

I say right in the beginning. Your Te might be more quick to initiate because that's your ability to communicate thoughts directly while that's the INFP weakness. If the INFP is in an environment where Ne or Fi have advantages than they might initiate quicker.

But as a J the INTJ might want a decision to be made and final so this might drive them to initiate for things to be done.

The INFP might hang back and run through all the different possibilities and leave themself open for multiple options so they might be less naturally inclined to initiate because there is alot to be unsure about.

So yea INTJ might end up initiating simply because they want resolution/finality/closure.

This is my experience tho so if it doesn't apply don't think I'm some super assumptuous asshole that thinks he knows everything and how this dynamic plays out for every single INFP/INTJ because I don't and don't claim too, long disclaimer I know, and it gkeeps going, I want to apologize but feel like someone reading this si gonna say no need to apologize and take it as a record of INFPs always apologizing or something so I'm not sorry even though I have the urge to type "I'm sorry." and "lol" somewhere in here to signify that' I am joking, I will refrain from doing that so I don't appear like I am shrinking away from everything I have just said. This was a waste of words to type sorr...! no, I will not apologize! Ok, I'm done.
 

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Hello! Based on my real life experience, at least at the very beginning, it was the other who initiated the convo just to at least make me (infp) aware of their presence. I usually get my head on other things (school or work or daydreaming? Hehehe) so it helps a ton if the ppl interested make their presence known

If the infp likes you back (sometimes may take a while though) she'll do the rest.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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infp will. but its so sneaky, its bit hard for the intj to notice that.

in classical man-woman relationships the males seduce and the females choose.

in homosexual relationships usually the ying yand stuff is more complex.
 

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infp will. but its so sneaky, its bit hard for the intj to notice that.

in classical man-woman relationships the males seduce and the females choose.

in homosexual relationships usually the ying yand stuff is more complex.
Can it not be the other way around? Lol
 

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With my INTJ husband, we sort of noticed, circled around each other and flirted for a while. I ended up making most of the first moves. I sort of manipulated circumstances to be around him and get to know him. He seemed to return my interest but I just wasn't sure. We spent a lot of time together and when I finally got the courage to ask him out, he got real quiet and said that he had wanted to ask me out. It was just very sweet and innocent.

It was very nerve wracking, I really liked him but he was hard to read. I think he was hesitant to think that I liked him or was not reading my INFP signals, which I thought were crystal clear but can be really muddy and hard to read. It seemed that he wanted to be real sure before exposing his heart so he was doubting my signals until I asked him. He admitted that he thought very highly of me later on but wasn't sure he was reading the situation correctly.

Don't you dare use INFPs initiating things as an excuse to not initiate things. I don't think it matters who actually initiates it. Remember, it is equally intimidating and unknown for both people. I think that eventually, I just wanted to know where I stood and it seems like you do too. You can be the person who manipulates circumstances to be around her and get to know her better. I think you should because you are thinking about it and talking about it. Can you try to spend some more 1:1 time with her? Invite her somewhere specific or just arrange to go somewhere to hang out and talk.
 

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lol I know! We weren't completely oblivious, though. @hornpipe2 had asked me on a date about 2-3 months before and then - lol, no kidding - he FORGOT the date. We didn't plan the time or anything, but he did ask me. I told one of my friends, an E/ISFP, who asked hornpipe2 later how the date went. hornpipe said, and I quote, "What Date?"

The E/ISFP got so giddy with hilarity over it, he started wanting to pursue me. Our friends diverted his interest by pushing me and hornpipe2 together (E/ISFP has a history of being a player and my friends wanted to protect me).

As to the obliviousness, though, I didn't want to initiate anything after the forgotten date because 1, I suspected perhaps he was gay and 2, I didn't want to embarrass myself.
This is so completely adorable.
 

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I think he was hesitant to think that I liked him or was not reading my INFP signals, which I thought were crystal clear but can be really muddy and hard to read. It seemed that he wanted to be real sure before exposing his heart so he was doubting my signals until I asked him.
Nesta, would you be so kind and explain to INTJ folks to what kind of signals we should pay attention to? :kitteh:
 

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With my INTJ husband, we sort of noticed, circled around each other and flirted for a while. I ended up making most of the first moves. I sort of manipulated circumstances to be around him and get to know him. He seemed to return my interest but I just wasn't sure. We spent a lot of time together and when I finally got the courage to ask him out, he got real quiet and said that he had wanted to ask me out. It was just very sweet and innocent.

It was very nerve wracking, I really liked him but he was hard to read. I think he was hesitant to think that I liked him or was not reading my INFP signals, which I thought were crystal clear but can be really muddy and hard to read. It seemed that he wanted to be real sure before exposing his heart so he was doubting my signals until I asked him. He admitted that he thought very highly of me later on but wasn't sure he was reading the situation correctly.

Don't you dare use INFPs initiating things as an excuse to not initiate things. I don't think it matters who actually initiates it. Remember, it is equally intimidating and unknown for both people. I think that eventually, I just wanted to know where I stood and it seems like you do too. You can be the person who manipulates circumstances to be around her and get to know her better. I think you should because you are thinking about it and talking about it. Can you try to spend some more 1:1 time with her? Invite her somewhere specific or just arrange to go somewhere to hang out and talk.

@Nesta u explained everything perfectly!

There is an alchemy between these two types of personalities and I wonder what is the dynamics of the relationship?

Your husband, sees the differences between u and himself as qualities in you ?
 

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Nesta, would you be so kind and explain to INTJ folks to what kind of signals we should pay attention to? :kitteh:
OK, that was like a million years ago. We were young and in high school so none of it will sound very sophisticated or smooth.
I think they were more like situations that I set up than signals. I think the biggest thing was I was trying to spend time with him. I think he was trying to not read them as attraction because he just wanted to be sure. I don't know if he would have ever been sure enough to act on them at that time. We were really young and he had confidence but it might not have been a relationship kind of confidence. You might see them as obvious reading them here but happening IRL, you may have doubted them as well. Also, we did not know anything about MBTI at the time.

Move 1: One night I hung out with some people who were mutual friends who were closer to him than me. I casually asked what about INTJ? They said he never hung out with them outside of school and I was trying to be all casual and suggested we go and get him to hang out. We went to his house and he was in the middle of dying his hair purple. He quickly washed the dye out of his hair and came along with us. He was tall. I just made up the rule on the spot that the tallest person got the front seat so he could ride shotgun. Much later on, he admitted that he really did not like the other people at all. I admitted that I had made up the front seat rule.

Move 2: I set up a beach bonfire so we could hang out.

Move 3: I called him and asked him to see a movie. We did.

Move 4: In hindsight, this is probably where he started to make moves. We were talking about concerts and he was talking about one that was coming up. I sassily told him that my boots should be at that concert. A few days later he shows up with tickets. He also got his drivers license specifically so he could drive us to L.A.

Move 5: I asked him out.

This was all interspaced with hanging out, getting to know each other and thinking we liked each other but worrying that we were reading the situation wrong. It looks quicker typed out than it really happened. I guess some of the biggest signals I sent out was that I wanted to be around him. I think I watered it down by trying to play it casual and have other people there so it didn't totally look like I was stalking him. I also wanted to protect my heart if he didn't like me like I liked him.
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@aware.7

I don't totally want to derail this thread with my life story. I have semi written about the dynamics between myself and my husband in these threads previously if you are interested. I can answer more specific questions that you might have as well in those threads because they more pertain to what you are asking. The first was written when we were fighting a great deal and the other one more recently.

http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/966897-who-did-you-end-up-marrying.html#post32925402

http://personalitycafe.com/infp-forum-idealists/1052721-infp-intj-relationships.html
 

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^I echo @Nesta
The "usual" give away from INFPs is if we try to spend time with the person, sometimes even up to the extent of clearing up our schedule or canceling other appointments just to spend time with the person.

The problem with that is, it does not always necessarily mean "romantically" interested. For example, if i really really want to be a friend of yours, i could do the same. It means you are someone very special to me (because i don't usually do it even for my other friends, only when i deem you are worthy of my attention and time).

:)
 

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Hehe, thanks @Nesta and @Kenkao for the explanation!
So "quality time" is your go-to strategy. I'm not sure if you are familiar with 5 love languages (imho this also makes sense friendship-wise), but I'm curious what is your order of priority regarding other things, such as "acts of service", "words of affirmation", "receiving gifts" and "physical touch".
 

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I have always made the first move - regardless of her type (and I have dated most types).

In theory, I am not averse to being hit on. I tend not to be very visible until I make my move though.
 
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