----------Found this cool questionnaire (thanks @angelcat), hoping you Enneagram giants (like @katherine8, @tanstaafl28, @Swordsman of Mana, @Animal, @Dark Romantic, @Ben Vaserlan, @Krayfish, @Goosefish, @DOGSOUP, and the other forum Elders) can help me nail down my core and tritype once and for all. I am hoping to get a read on my instinctual variants as well, if that's possible. Alright, here we go:
1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
Honestly, I don?t have a specific answer to that. It is a vague sense of wanting to DO something. The ever present potential for fulfillment. Adversity that allows me to push back. The pursuit of passion, happiness and on a much higher level (though not consciously)... To just BE (in a spiritual sense as well). Also I look for interesting or unusual conversations, experiences, books/movies/TV shows, and people which will challenge and refine my thoughts, opinions and ideals so I can evolve into a better version of myself. I am constantly moving towards fun, intensity and authenticity in shaping the base of my identity, and how I relate to the world, how these experiences can stir up my creativity so I can blog/vlog about something awesome and unique. Or cover something that is pre - existing but with a whole new outlook on it.
2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
I want to do lots of things. Big and small. I want to check off the items on my bucket list, I want to do something that will usher in change in an impactful way on some level (be it micro or macro). I hope to be well - travelled, well - loved and well - read. I would like to seriously explore my musical talent and make something of it. I want to write at least one best - selling book. Ultimately, whatever I do has to be meaningful and impactful, and hopefully NOT boring. When I die (and I have imagined multiple scenarios), I want to have a few moments with my loved ones and look around at my sustainable legacy of joy, empowerment and knowledge, but take my last breaths by myself. Regret - free, and with a smile.
3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
Values: Honesty and loyalty, open-mindedness, optimism, autonomy of decision making, solution oriented thinking, friendship/camaraderie, the ability to look at the world with wonder (even if it is getting increasingly tougher to do so), being earnest, ethical and hard - working. I try to emulate these values in my own life, I am drawn to individuals who share these values and most importantly, fixing something as opposed to walking away which is something so many people of my generation do. We choose instant gratification instead of working on nurturing happiness sustainably. I suffer from this defect myself too, but I am trying to get better at it.
I hope to avoid any sort of work that is dull/mundane, that which does not resonate with me significantly or fulfill me creatively, or something that just benefits big corporations while trampling the little guy (but I am not exactly a bleeding heart idealist either). I shudder at the idea of becoming the person, all of whose worst fears have been realized (listed below). (No offence) but I would not want to be one of those house wifey types stuck at home, with little to do. Working remotely from home is fine, but having absolutely nothing to look forward to but the prospect of caretaking, serving family, and hostessing stirs an icy dread in my heart, and my gut. I don?t want to be a boring, shallow, negative person who has lost their spark in and for life.
4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
Fears: Failure, Loss of autonomy, being stuck in a rut, incompetency, losing my mind, losing control over my body, dying after an insignificant life full of mediocrity, being lost in a sea of faces, never living up to my full potential, being harmed/hurt, being exposed for stupidity/incompetency (hence many a time, even if I want to try out some activity? I don?t do it because of that stupid fear which could be tied to both fear of failure and not getting it right/ doing it well), being tied down in a traditional system (especially marriage) and losing my sense of autonomy, who I am etc. and may be to a certain extent, romantic relationships. They baffle me, it is like this safe which others have the keys to, and I don?t know where mine is, or how to find it, or how to operate it, or whether I even have the right key. On that note, interacting with the real world re: sensory and detail oriented matters (like actually misplacing keys.), being trapped in a job doing the SAME kind of work over and over again. Not necessarily fear, but I hate being at the mercy of someone else, being obligated to someone and forced to do things I don?t like/want to do/don?t resonate with me either on a logical level, emotional level or spiritual level.
5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
I want others to see me as fun, capable, cool, clever, fair, open - minded, intelligent, diligent, attractive, kind, helpful. I also want their respect and admiration even if it is people I don?t necessarily like. I see myself as a work in progress, mostly. Lots of potential yet to be actualized personally, and professionally. I see myself as a curious, fun loving, ever - questioning, moody, solipsistic, kind, friendly, open - minded, kinda obsessive (especially with my interests and certain people in my inner circle) individual with an intellectual bent of mind and a dark, twisted sense of humour.
6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
Best points: Having a wonderful day out with friends, discussing loads of interesting ideas/plots, some sort of in-depth discussions (it can even be something as simple as peeling away the layers from the latest Marvel movie with fellow Intuitive friends), when something has been niggling away at my brain for ages and I finally crack it, I feel supremely pleased and satisfied with myself.
Worst: Being blindsided and betrayed. When I fail (publicly). Being accused of something I did not do, or someone that I am not. Being isolated for too long can cause me to start spiralling into a dark place filled with self - doubt, envy, jealousy, bitterness, inaction and dredging up the past to be hard on myself.
7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
1. Anger: In my personal life I am quick to anger, but the flame douses itself equally quickly. I make biting sarcastic remarks or just completely cold shoulder the individual. However, few years earlier I used to be pretty hot - headed and very physical in my anger (probably from years of martial arts training), which had actual ill effects on my health. So, I learned to reign my temper in. Although, I did have sneakier ways of showing my anger too. Professionally: I take the high road (it is neither the time nor the place unless it is affecting morale or performance, plus I don?t want to be fired obviously), I get testy, stressed, annoyed and don?t show any anger, though apparently I become curt and rude in my interactions. When I read or watch something that ticks me off, I want to sink my teeth into it and thoroughly discuss it with someone (discussion gets heated only when I have to point out someone?s lack of rationality or disrespectful behaviour).
2. Shame: I mostly just run away and avoid the person or situation. If it is in a professional context where I cannot do so, I strive to get better and study everything I can/get various perspectives on the topic to prove myself better to the person in front of whom I was shamed.
3. Anxiety: Over thinking, panic attacks, unable to see the positives, feel like everything is lost and I am sinking. I check things a hundred times, start to get peppered by bullets of fear, doubts about my abilities. And when I am anxious about something, I sometimes avoid the responsibility altogether or put it off as long as I can by plunging into other things (typology, Tumblr etc.)
8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
Stress: I snap at people, get testy or sometimes entirely run away from such situations. Never mind that the stress is usually as a result of my failing to fix the problem when it was smaller and instead, ignore/avoid it for as long as possible in the belief that it will be taken care of, or that is not such a big deal.
Unexpected change: If it is a positive kind of change, even though I am a bit thrown off; I will welcome it BUT if it is an unpleasant change, it will take me a while (not too long though) to get adjusted to the new reality. But once that sets in, I handle things efficiently and adapt pretty quickly because I look at how this ties in to or affects the big picture and act accordingly.
Conflict: If it is not the time or place or a person/cause/idea I am not sufficiently passionate about, I won?t bother. I won?t back down from conflict if I decide to go into it though. Otherwise, I don?t wish to waste my time on it. However, picking my battles is a concept I only picked up over the past couple of years. Before that, I used to insert myself into any argument happening at home. In public, I was/am a lot quieter and never got into it unless there was an absolute need for me to do so, and there is nobody else better suited for the thing.
9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these?
I am not a fan of authority. I challenge authority in my own way by bending (or sometimes breaking) rules in a sneaky fashion, instead of going up against them directly. I don?t go hollering against authority loudly and openly (used to do that against parents when I was younger, and get into trouble because of smart - mouthing (them + teachers) even if I didn?t commit any wrongdoing). I respect authority if they have earned it, but if they stand in the way of what I want? I will do what it takes to get my way, usually by talking to them about it and convincing them; if that doesn?t work I will still do what I want but I will feel uncomfortable about having gone behind their back. But usually my personal interests/needs > mindless obedience/temporary discomfort which I can smooth over later as I can be quite persuasive and charming (using a blend of rationality + humour to sort of de- escalate the situation, instead of that suave smoothness) when I need to be.
Power: My relationship with power has changed over the years. I was never attracted to it, or even sought it per se but I have come to realise over the years that power/influence can be a pretty useful thing. However with great power comes great responsibility. There can be a great temptation to go off the rails, and abuse power so I am as wary of it as I find the notion of it sexy and hypnotic. Like the Devil dressed as a Genie.
10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity?
Humanity is like a pubescent teenager. Confused, unsure, in awe of their capabilities, experimenting, growing, doing stupid things and self - sabotaging their chances. In this day and age, it is becoming harder to not sink into cynicism about humanity?s chances BUT there are certain people and incidents which give me hope. Sometimes, I do think that things in my country have shot to hell in a handbasket, but I find it more worrying when something bigger impacts us on a global scale. I consider myself more of a citizen of the world, than of my country. I feel no sense of allegiance or belonging towards my country most of the time (even though legally, the paperwork speaks otherwise). The fact there is someone like me who has not completely lost hope, gives me hope that there are others who still have an eye out for change and who are still capable of Believing.
On life: As a believer in the tenets of Hinduism, I believe that being born as a human being is an extremely fortunate thing. However, it is as fortunate as it is unfortunate, because human beings experience a huge spectrum of complex, often negative emotions. We are the only species to have a superior reasoning cortex, we are able to articulate our joys and sorrows, we are able to work towards cutting all materialistic/Earthly bonds and move towards spiritual evolution. In our laziness and shifting more towards automation, we are losing sight of our magnificence. The purpose of this life that has been given to us. We are arguably the greatest creation because of how intelligent and dynamic we are, yet it saddens/angers/amuses me when I see people sinking into a sinkhole of their own doing. We are capable of great things, but when I say great.. I don?t mean just like launching rockets, it can even be in the little things. A small act of understanding or kindness that has a ripple effect on someone?s life. Like encouraging someone not to give up.
11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.
I don?t know how to answer this without basically laying out my whole life story here, but I will give it a whirl. There have been loads of events that shook up my life, and shaped my identity but I think the ones which stand out the most are two things. I suffered from seizures for a good decade or so during my earlier years. I had been an outgoing, happy go lucky extrovert and this + puberty transformed me into a withdrawn, socially introverted person. I became extremely selective of friendships because kids can often be unknowingly cruel about this sort of thing. I am a very friendly person, but to this day, I have an edge of reserve when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I share things freely and openly, and am up for any kind of activity but I don?t ?get real? or show much depth around most people. I was (and am) competitive, loved attending public speaking/singing competitions as well as debates. But during a particular public speaking event, I had an episode where my mind went blank, and I went stiff as a cardboard. I lost because it was a 3 minute extempore event. Regaining my cool after a minute and a half took tremendous effort, I felt terribly confused, scared and humiliated. Wondered if others had noticed. (they didn?t, they thought I froze up from stage fear) Due to the societal stigma, having a bad doctor and my own incompetence in handling this situation, it created a huge impact on my life in every way possible. I was no longer the sparky, fun, chill person I was. But at the same time, I didn?t magically transform into a super cautious, health oriented person ( I still used to be pretty reckless, forget to take meds etc.). It affected my grades and love life. In relationships, I always used to feel like my health was a secret shame I had to carry and it was unfair to impose my company on someone else, lest they have to carry that burden. I used to often wonder ?Why me? What?s wrong with me?? especially while praying. I used to seek answers, read up extensively to understand the root cause so I could maybe find a solution and was dismayed when I found nothing which really clicked into place. It also affected the kind of activities I used to be into, because given my choice I would have wanted to go for all kinds of thrilling rides and do all the fun things which makes up for the average college experience. But because of this, I set restrictions (some of which were perhaps excessive) and now that I am out of it, I feel like I try to overcompensate for all the lost years, especially where having fun is concerned.
As far as my own handling of it, I treated it as a secret shame, something that made me less than and I genuinely believed that perhaps I wasn?t destined for a *happy ending* if you will. I definitely didn?t believe that I deserved to suffer because of some karmic BS which my parents believed. My biggest shame is I allowed it to become a setback, instead of pushing myself to go up against it and emerge victorious. But there was a huge lacunae in knowledge, understanding and little empathy which is why I think my greatest fear is losing my mind, but also it made me a stronger individual, gave me a unique perspective on life and forming my own identity. It erased some of my horrid tert Fe ish behaviour and made me kinder, more receptive and responsive towards others in suffering. I try to stay informed, and am less judgy now than earlier. I am also less snobbish/haughty now as I realize that we have all had and continue to have our own journey, affected by factors which may sometimes not be entirely in our power to change, but we sure can control how we react to it, and rise above it.
12. Comment on your relationship with trust.
My relationship with trust is fluid. It keeps changing. I used to be very open and trusting earlier but due to various life experiences, I have become wary and double check what people say. I used to think that I was a fairly wary individual, but people around me (family, friends) tell me I need to be less open and trusting, that I need to think of long term consequences more. I see other people in my life who are 6s or 6 fixed, and they seem so much more cautious, less open and trusting than me. At the same time, it is very easy for me to jump from trusting someone to questioning everything about them based on a single clue, which pings off my intuition. On the whole, I think I am more of a believer than I?d like to be.
13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself.
Likes: Cheerfulness, (backhanded) optimism, strong imagination, ability to think deeply, thoughtfulness, perseverance, work ethic, creativity, being able to adapt swiftly, identifying various layers of hidden symbolism in everyday objects, books, movies, TV shows and people?s behaviour, trans contextual thinking, stubborn but not inflexible, being a solution oriented individual. That I can entertain people by being funny or through storytelling. My loyalty to people I care about (selective and fluid though). Kindness. Good leadership qualities (I?d never take it, but if I have to? then I do a good job of getting work done, and keeping the team morale up.) Assertiveness.
Dislikes: Failing to recognize the magnitude of something and act immediately, emotional exhibitionism especially in front of an audience (but it is all done very subtly), self - critical behaviour, mood swings, can be a bit too obsessed with quality and perfection (timing suffers), lack of self - awareness which leads to second guessing, fickle mindedness, brooding/wallowing, indecision, overthinking, reckless and impulsive behaviour, my spending habits, my succumbing to insecurities, not great at maintaining friendships even though pretty decent at making friends. Tend to rationalize away a lot of things I should take responsibility for. My Peter Pan syndrome. Inability to stick to one plan and go through with it, being easily distracted. My inability to properly articulate anger, high road is nice but it is frustrating. Idealism can be annoying at times too.
14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?
I think I see in them, their potential for greatness even before they can see it. Or perhaps will themselves to see and acknowledge it. I am also able to see people disconnected from their feelings, beliefs and just see them as the idea that they espouse, I am able to distill their layers, into the essence of their identity and what they represent.
15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you?
Insult response: Usually tend to brush it off with an eye-roll or ?whatever?; or vent about it/joke about it with friends. Rarely take it up unless they openly confront me, or invite that sort of response. If I know it is not true, I don?t care. But if there is the slightest shred of doubt, then it will cause me to pause and see if there is any truth to what they are saying.
Compliment response: I thank them, and throw a reciprocal compliment at them. I feel good about obviously. I might say a bit more about whatever they complimented me on (did they compliment my hair? I might tell them I switched to a new hair product). At the same time, ?Why are you complimenting me/ what do you want from me?? does pop into my head pretty quickly especially if I don?t believe the compliment to be true, or if I don?t like/trust the person.
16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why?
I am thankful for how kind Life has been with me, in terms of providing me second chances or certain opportunities available to me because of who I am. I am thankful to my folks and friends who put up with me, love and support me even though I can be an impulsive, self - centred, inconsiderate, snooty, dickish individual at times.
I wish I could have greater clarity about the purpose of my life and existence, what will give me great happiness and fulfillment professionally. I wish I had better follow through and stronger will power, especially when it comes to curbing my temptations and...sigh, exercise. I wish I could move away to a new, different place and have a reset button on life.
P.S. This has been super wordy, if you made it till the end... Thanks, and you deserve a cookie
So... What do you guys think?
This is great work!
Thank you you very much for your appreciation of my work. Because of people like you that have been willing to share your deeper, more internal processes, I have learned great deal about the inner workings of the 27 Tritypes. The best way to confirm your Tritype is in a session. One thing I have learned over the years is that there are many factors that constitute and indicate one's potential type and Tritype. I have found that it requires deeper inquiry that we can usually do alone. The super ego has a vested interest in being or not being a particular type. Without deeper inquiry that is done in a way that gets around the super ego, it is guess work even if it is highly educated guess work.
The type and Tritype interventions will not work until you have the accurate lead type and Tritype...along with your lead instinctual type and stacking. Unfortunately, writing about your potential type and tritype is not in the free flow of real time so has several limitations. Remember that we have cultivated thoughts and beliefs over time. We need to get at what has been true most of your life, most of the time...no who you could be, should be or have become.
Real time inquiry based on what is said in the moment with immediate inquiry and response is the only way to get around the super ego to reveal the actual defenses that are operating at the core. There are many lookalikes. Each type has its own style of getting to the heart of the matter and what is the lead type.
Your talk style, timing, flow of responses, the nature and content of your responses, as well as your expressions and body language when you respond yields the most accurate information... So I am unable to do it here. I wish you the best on your journey of discovery.