Personality Cafe banner

1 - 3 of 3 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
42 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello there! Thank you for clicking in and reading this. I've heard about enneagram long time ago, and have been deeply interested in it for about two years or so. However, I feel like I still know it so superficially and want to get a deeper , better understanding of this enigmatic diagram. The first, easiest step is getting to know myself, I am quite sure that my core type is Enneagram 4 , but still need some confirmation on gut and head fix. I'm delighted to meet you in this forum and looking forward to discuss several topics with you. So I decided to start a first step by posting here, believing it could make something solid , a point that sparked in my mind. So thank you kindly for joining in. I apologize for my bad English and grammar, if there is some point I made unclear, please do not be hesitate to ask me further on.


What age range are you in?
20-25

Any disorders or conditions we should know about?
Suspecting bipolar disorder , but haven't go to the doctor for a confirmation

Main Questions

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.

Life is about finding what is life; This is the first and foremost thing that comes to mind. I try to find the reason why we are born, why is there is life. I think the reason we are born, and bonded, there must be something behind it. I feel like I must find that underlying meaning of our existence. What drives me is I am searching for a deep connection with another soul , I want to probe in their mind and see something we have in common, and something that we don't; I crave to know how humans mind are structured (And secretly hopes that they will do the same. Secretly hopes that someone will understand me. Ah I feel so shameful writing this xD )

For a purpose in life, I once took a good questionaire made my Steve Pavlina on finding the purpose in your life. They suggest you write a sentence of the purpose in life until you find the one you cried to , this is mine
"My purpose in this life is to remind people that no one deserves to suffer, and everyone deserve a space to be happy, I'll wrap my arms around those who are in a great fear, and embrace them with love, reminding them that they do not deserve to be alone. And together , we will find what lies deep at the end of the universe"

2. What were you like as a kid?

I was very outgoing, hyperactive and talkative. Alert at all times, enthusiastic, playful , wants to be the leader of the gang but the other kids sees me as a weirdo. I have a hard time controlling my force and temper. But deeply I remember the feeling of not being understood , I feel like I've put on a mask to show. I like to pretend that I'm a happy-go-lucky, optimistic person (while actually I'm rather a pessimist) , I used a lot of humor to mask my sadness (and most people find it not funny xD ) a happy face with outgoing appearance is a thick wall I bulit against the people around me to hide what is inside.

I have a deep interest in fantasy stuffs and arts , I have lots of imaginary friends and they live in the kingdom , each have a unique story and I put my 'real' self in that world, I took part in the stories and the people inside that world as if I live in two worlds, fake self in front of the society, true self in this world. Strange thing my fantasy world is strangely scientific-based, It's not a world of rainbows and unicorns. It has a darker theme; A land of walking corpse with a disturbing traditions and rituals , some regions are peaceful while some are very dangerous. A lot of the stories expresses how ugly and trashy the society was. I love to imagine the strutures and how the system of these worlds works. (Note that I clearly know that my imagination is NOT real, I can diffrentiate what is real and what is not. But I'm just feel more comfortable living in that imaginary world) It might seem crazy but I had a house in that world, I had a (ex)boyfriend, friends , acquaintances , rivals , enemies and so on . We travel to several kingdoms and had done various quests. That is when I realized they became more than an imaginary friends , I've built a world against the real one without allowing anyone to get inside. (But secretly hoping that I will find someone who I can share these stories and this world with. ) I live in this 'second world' for about 9 years. Now I'm just not as imaginative as I once was, however, I still talk to them and spare them a visit sometimes.

I used to tell some of my real life friends about this, most of them said it's crazy and unhealthy , it seemed like I don't care about their opinions and stopped telling them and opening up to them since then. (The result was actually pathologic; Now I had a very hard time opening up to people. And it's hard to cope with society when you've been daydreamin' for half of your lifetime. )

Note that the 'happy mask' doesn't always work. Sometimes when I can't 'take it anymore' I go to school in silent mode. A talkative girl suddenly turned into a girl who spoke less than 10 sentences a day.

(My closest imaginary friend is 8w9 and my ex-imaginary bf is 9w1)

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?

I don't have a very healthy relationship with my parents.

4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?

Relationships(My sister ,and those one or two important friends you don't want to let go) are very important to me. With them it allows me to talk deeply about some topics I can't talk with most people (Not much people I've met like the heavy discussion of psychology, religions, etc.. ) , and let us contemplace and crytallize each opinion to gain a better understanding of the world and the people around us.

As a kid I've always avoid crying at school, I see it as a mental weakness. Yeah, I avoid being seen as 'weak' , avoid being seen as 'inferior' , avoid being seen like a 'prey' (Deeply I feel like I'm on a bottom of the food chain, and I'm mad about it) That turns me into a pretty competitive person, I try to master the thing I'm passionate about , I gave it all I've got to climb the ladder to be superior so it compensate with a strong sense of inferiority embedded in my heart. Another part of me avoid being 'seen' ;Part of me wants to express myself the way I am ; part of me just don't want to be remembered.

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?

Yes, and that had made be feared of 'being angry' for about fifteen years
When I was a very little kid, I was very emotionally volatile and physically violent. When I got angry I screamed madly and destroys everything. Even as a kid, they said I have a tremendous strength , comparing to the other girls at the same age. And that made my parents had a hard time stopping my anger.

However, they have some 'tricks' that stopped my trantrum for life. When I got angry, they shoot a camera at me. I felt so shameful, and still had a deep , burning anger inside. The other reason I hate being angry is that when I was younger, most times I got angry , tears are going to come out (And I've always thought no one will ever see me crying in public) ; It looked weak and pathetic and I really really hate it; I cannot assert myself , I cannot be strong with that kind of face.

But currently I am able to partly get over it, I'm very happy that my anger is now mostly in control. By looking in this past I learn to be more assertive in life and it's a life I'm quite happy about.

6. a.) How do you see yourself?

I see myself as an intense, over-reacting , emotionally expressive person with a lot of mood swings going on in one day and each emotions are definitely strong and I'm so whiny about it xD . But deeply I feel like a defective being being born on earth , extremely self-absorbed, selfish and somewhat emotionally sadistic(and emotionally masochistic at the same time). Logical , shows a high confidence on the outside, with oh-so low confidence on the inside. Self-reliant and complex with 'I have my own ways' attitude. I seek an information in depth, for deep understanding of the world and a person by probing into some specific person. I relate strongly with the quote "The deepness cannot be measured if the measurement is not deep enough"

b.) How do you want others to see you?

Strong, enigmatic , captivating, firm, independant, self-reliant, attractive person. Street smart who knows how to survive in tough situations. An innovative person with a complex mind and heart with unique, vivid imagination.

c.) What do you dislike the most in other people?

I don't like the people who is not direct. I like people who stands up for themselves and express their needs, I see them as a honest person. I loathe backstabbers. (But actually, I feel betrayed too easily.) immature people , and people who you cannot talk reasons with. I prefer 'bitter truth tellers' rather than 'sweet lie singers'.

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.

A>B>C

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?

To that imaginary world I mentioned in the questionaire no 2. The catalyst seemed to be the mundane tasks , pain and sadness. It's how I escape from reality. But sometimes random ideas just sprung out. I gain a lot of story plots from just a single walk on a different route to my school.

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?

( Not sure what this question means )

10. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion:

a.) anger


Basically anger is a mass of sadness that is brave enough to be spitted out. Because for me, the residual sadness unexpressed can result in a life long vengeful feeling/ hatred against the source of that anger. Now I try not to keep the grudges inside since it's killing me, I'd rather expressed it (but not in a childish manner). At my best, I express my anger in a calm look, describing how I feel and why I feel that. I'm happy I can vent my anger out more and still not ruining the friendship. But I don't really feel anger often.

b.) shame

I've been thinking about the root causes of the events in my life; And shamefully , it's based on shame. I always feel shameful but I try to ignore it , because if I think about it, it makes me sad , and I don't want anyone to see the sadness behind a confident and happy face. I feel like I'm full of flaws; for example I've always wanted to sing on a stage but I think I look ugly and my voice is just awful. I just feel like I'm not good enough to deserve that

c.) anxiety

I've experienced anxiety a lot, mostly during the worktime. I have a constant fear that things might have gone wrong. And a lot of people seemed to have noticed my anxiety. Yes I appeared to be very high-strung when I was younger.

11. Describe how you respond to the following:

a.) stress
I try to find the root cause of that stress and find the way to relieve it. If my stress is irrational , I will try to rationalize it .I don't deal with stress by adding something possitive , but makes plan B, plan C , and so on, just in case to survive the situation.

b.) negative unexpected change
Some times I already thought about the worst outcome of situations, so those change doesn't affect me that much. But if it's extremely unexpected and life-threathening , I will search for knowledge and find a way to fix / solve the situation in time.

c.) conflict
I am too lazy to deal with conflict, if it doesn't bother me I tend to go with the flow. But I would stand up for myself and my friends and express my opinion if I disagree with something to some level.

12. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?

The leader (unless there's a domineering person who wants to be in control instead I would give the position to them.)
When I was a kid I oh-so wanted to be put in a leader position. As I grew older, I was voted to be the leader several times. They said I am smart, innovative, and have a potential to lead (And I was like 'WHAT?!?!') But I quite enjoy being the leader, I love seeing things in big picture and hates collecting details. Being a leader allows you to manage people ,talk to them , understand them , motivate them, and unleash their full potential. And I just don't like details.

b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?

I will not try to put my power on others. (But If I get unconscious and unaware of my behavior , I might) Because people generally hated being controlled (At least it's what I think) I would try to seek the potential in each individual (if it's not a very large group project) and put them in the position where they can do their best , where they are happiest. I'd treat them with respect, because without the people under my power, the job cannot be done. Everybody is important and I'll make sure they know that.

c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?

Not really , If they're not extremely awful at management. I'm just too lazy to debate or rebel against them anyways.

But in intimate relationships, yes , definitely , extremely , utterly. It kinda became the cold war of dominating others. And I noticed it's the bad part in me.

13. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?

I can see the good things in them even the society says they're 'bad'. I believe that we all have an underlying reasons in the way we acted. And I wish to know why. I don't label people as good or bad. And I can see people's potential, I kinda know what they're good at and I could make them reveal something particular about themself.

14. Comment on your relationship with trust.

(Not sure what this question really means)

15. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?

As for religions. My ID card says I'm a bhuddist, but I also believe in god. I'm a bhuddist that trust in god. I love connecting the dots; If you see the theories in each religions, you'll see that they share something in common. And sometimes two diffrent theories can both be true, it depends on an individual's perception and how they express it.

For politics, I'm not interested in that topic.

But of corse, religious beliefs and the country tradition plays an important role in my personality. Not the most important one, but it's a major factor to be considered determining one's personality.

To illustrate; Our tradition taught us to go with the flow, taught us to 'chill out and just relax, everything's gonna be find , why so serious?' And I've noticed that in my country, there are a lot of people with a particular type.

-----
That's it! Thank you very much for reading and I would love to hear your opinion!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
817 Posts
I agree on 4 for the core type:

I see myself as an intense, over-reacting , emotionally expressive person with a lot of mood swings going on in one day and each emotions are definitely strong and I'm so whiny about it xD . But deeply I feel like a defective being being born on earth , extremely self-absorbed, selfish and somewhat emotionally sadistic(and emotionally masochistic at the same time).
I gave it all I've got to climb the ladder to be superior so it compensate with a strong sense of inferiority embedded in my heart. Another part of me avoid being 'seen' ;Part of me wants to express myself the way I am ; part of me just don't want to be remembered.
Gut fix seems 9 to me pretty handily. Not sure about head-fix but it seems to be low-priority for you. In terms of instinctual subtype, you seem Social dominant, maybe So/Sx. You speak very often about "others" and "people" as a whole, and this feels really Social:

They suggest you write a sentence of the purpose in life until you find the one you cried to , this is mine
"My purpose in this life is to remind people that no one deserves to suffer, and everyone deserve a space to be happy, I'll wrap my arms around those who are in a great fear, and embrace them with love, reminding them that they do not deserve to be alone. And together , we will find what lies deep at the end of the universe"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
42 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
I agree on 4 for the core type:

Gut fix seems 9 to me pretty handily. Not sure about head-fix but it seems to be low-priority for you. In terms of instinctual subtype, you seem Social dominant, maybe So/Sx. You speak very often about "others" and "people" as a whole, and this feels really Social:
Wow, thanks for you opinion!

It's new to be because in front of people's eyes , a lot people used to describe me as a 7w6; Cheerful, hyperactive, assertive, optimistic , always planning or thinking something in the head , and has a slight hint of fear and anxiety show and kinda looks high-strung. (And I was thinking 'WHAT WHY DO YOU THINK I AM OPTIMISTIC IT'S A MASK TO HIDE WHAT I FEEL DEEP INSIDE' ) For head fix; I'm torn between type 5 and 7. And I'm never sure about my gut fix (My 8w7 close friend says I definitely have 8 in my fix; 9w8 close friend says I'm indubitably correlates with 9; Another 4w5 close friend says I have a 1 fix. And I was like 'Arrrrgh , WHY?' )

But still, I really aprreciate your analysis!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Stellafera
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Top