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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I hear from a majority of people about gender/sexual identity and their search to discover their sexual identity.

I have never felt this urge to identify myself. If I were to look at the whole of my sexuality, I would probably call it fluid. I have had attraction to mostly men, but the occasional woman or androgynous. I have times where I experience a period of asexuality. Other times were I experience demisexuality. And times where i experience heterosexuality and high sex drive. There doesn't seem to be a constant other than that I am absolutely monogamous, both emotionally and physically.

Do others also feel an indifference to determining their sexual identity? I've simply never felt any pull to have one.

If you strongly feel the pull to identify yourself, what do you think causes it?

If all society had absolute acceptance of all sexualities, would the urge to identify be as strong?
 

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QUEEN PEEN
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I hear from a majority of people about gender/sexual identity and their search to discover their sexual identity.

I have never felt this urge to identify myself. If I were to look at the whole of my sexuality, I would probably call it fluid. I have had attraction to mostly men, but the occasional woman or androgynous. I have times where I experience a period of asexuality. Other times were I experience demisexuality. And times where i experience heterosexuality and high sex drive. There doesn't seem to be a constant other than that I am absolutely monogamous, both emotionally and physically.

Do others also feel an indifference to determining their sexual identity? I've simply never felt any pull to have one.

If you strongly feel the pull to identify yourself, what do you think causes it?

If all society had absolute acceptance of all sexualities, would the urge to identify be as strong?
I just wanted to pin a term to it so that others can more easily understand that it's not quite as easy as straight, gay, lesbian, and bi. I'm a panromantic demisexual. I don't see gender at all... I see souls... hearts. I can be attracted to anyone. I also don't feel sexual attraction until I've gotten emotionally close to someone. I didn't so much want to identify it for myself (I already knew I was different) as I wanted a term that would help me bring awareness to other people. It's hard to date people that don't understand the way it works for me, and presenting them with my label can really help them understand where I'm coming from. It's a deal-breaker for some, and no big deal at all for others. In any case, my "label" makes it much easier for me in the dating world in many ways. I don't wish to be anything other than myself and I never have :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
@Ace Face

I understand your reasonings. Why is it hard to date someone if they don't know your identity? If you're monogamous, it doesn't really effect the other person, so what is the purpose of disclosure?
 

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QUEEN PEEN
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@Ace Face

I understand your reasonings. Why is it hard to date someone if they don't know your identity? If you're monogamous, it doesn't really effect the other person, so what is the purpose of disclosure?
It takes a long time for me to feel anything about anyone in a romantic way. No sex for an indefinite amount of time... yeah, that matters to other people.
 

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I honestly have no idea what my sexual identity is.

The closest I've come to describing it is heterosexual demisexuality. But I don't think it's definable.

I just know that sometimes I get horny enough to want to have sex / masturbate 3-5 times a day .... and sometimes I can't be aroused even if I'm getting a hand job. I have noticed that my peak sexual arousal is when I've achieved something - anything. Sometimes I need sex to distract me from my emotional problems --- but sometimes I can't even consider it. Obviously when things aren't going well with my SO, sex is the last thing on my mind - so that indicates that I need to be emotionally bonded. When I've had a deep, intimate conversation full of affirmation and validation, my horny meter peaks.

I believe I'm describing demisexuality here. But it's really unpredictable for me.

One thing is for sure. I don't have any kind of sexual arousal for any woman other than the woman I love. This may be a cultural thing for me because pre-marital sex is looked down upon in my culture. However, when I'm in love, I can look aside cultural rules regarding sex and still feel aroused - so not cultural either.

I just have to be in the perfect frame of mind to really appreciate sex myself.

But I don't need to be in any kind of special mood to give it in ways other than intercourse [Disclaimer: I've had different forms of sex, but I have yet to penetrate a woman because of various problems that I won't get into right now. One of them being demisexuality in my opinion.]
 

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I hear from a majority of people about gender/sexual identity and their search to discover their sexual identity.

I have never felt this urge to identify myself. If I were to look at the whole of my sexuality, I would probably call it fluid. I have had attraction to mostly men, but the occasional woman or androgynous. I have times where I experience a period of asexuality. Other times were I experience demisexuality. And times where i experience heterosexuality and high sex drive. There doesn't seem to be a constant other than that I am absolutely monogamous, both emotionally and physically.

Do others also feel an indifference to determining their sexual identity? I've simply never felt any pull to have one.

If you strongly feel the pull to identify yourself, what do you think causes it?

If all society had absolute acceptance of all sexualities, would the urge to identify be as strong?
I agree with all of this.

And I also think fluidity applies to gender as well but that's another discussion.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
It takes a long time for me to feel anything about anyone in a romantic way. No sex for an indefinite amount of time... yeah, that matters to other people.
gotcha. So the dealbreaker you referred to was that you can't promise sex within time frame and possibly not at all.
 

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QUEEN PEEN
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gotcha. So the dealbreaker you referred to was that you can't promise sex within time frame and possibly not at all.
Exactly. Also, being able to identify (or closely identify) with a term can help a person feel less... alone. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that works this way. I like to keep in touch with others who know what I'm going through when other people refuse to give me a chance because of how I'm wired. I mean, I'd rather know right up front whether or not someone can handle it which is the main reason I bring it up. After you get so many "turn-downs" though, you can easily get discouraged. I like having the ability to network with other people who have been through the same things. I have a feeling that I'm rambling or not making sense... I'm a bit impaired at the moment. I don't think I made a single spelling error though. What's weird is that I'm actually typing faster right now... like seriously, WTF? xD You'd think I would be typing more slowly, lol.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ace Face:2291373 said:
i have a feeling that I'm rambling or not making sense... I'm a bit impaired at the moment. I don't think I made a single spelling error though. What's weird is that I'm actually typing faster right now... like seriously, WTF? xD You'd think I would be typing more slowly, lol.
Impaired how? Are you having sex right now??? If so I'm impressed. :tongue:
 
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Identifying sexually in my opinion limits you. I like anything I am attracted to. Male or female.
 

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MOTM June 2011
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I used to bother labeling it when I was younger because it seemed to be "important" information on some social networking sites. Now that I acknowledge that it doesn't mean shit, I just identify as fluid and leave it at that. I could explain it to people but I don't really have to. It's none of their business.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I've never discussed my sexuality with my husband outside of my sexual relationship with him
 

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I'm attracted to any range of gender.... but I'm not really attracted to many people on a deeper level. People can be aesthetically attractive to me but once I get past aesthetic attraction and there isn't anything else appealing about that person to me they once again become just another pretty face. Then again, I don't really flirt with people consciously in the first place. I loathe when people try to set me up and ask me what my type is. I don't have a *type* ... I have preferences..... but someone meeting a shallow quota doesn't do it for me, and in fact the thought that someone thinks they can matchmake based on shallow requirements is really unnerving. Even more frustrating is when people ask me "You're not attracted to most guys? Are you a lesbian?! THATZ HAWT. I'LL SET U UP WIT MY LESBIAN FRIEND" LOL. It is simply not that fucking simple.....gosh.
 

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@Khys
I think that much (but not all of it) has to do with a sort of "counter gender roles" movement society is going through, but at the same time, it's still viewing things in terms of roles, just that it's rebelling against them
@Ace Face
thank you, your post explained some things I was confused about
 

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“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” —Audre Lorde

I've had too many people try to put limits on me, hold me to standards I won't live up to, enforce behaviors on me that I am not comfortable with, deny the existence of my sexual identity, and tell me to my face that I cannot experience my own sexuality the way I do to not aggressively assert my identity.
 

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I think people waste too much time trying to figure out which specific sexual term describes them. I'm straight. What else is there to say?
 

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fire breathing dragon
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Im a heterosexual demisexual. Because i have not had a lot of relationships, and because they aren't easy for me to get into, I can't quite say how high or low my sex drive is. I only like men, but I can masturbate to lesbian porn. I think that the reason people label sexuality, is because it is easier to understand. I mean, some of them are important. Its kind of important to know if a guy I like is homosexual or heterosexual or else, I'd be wasting my time. Ultimately though, I think its about learning something about yourself and understanding how you are and not basing it off of other people. For years, I thought something was wrong with me because I don't love like others do, and I dont feel attraction like others do, but when I studied sexuality and found there was a term for it, I was relieved. But it still is hard. We all know that there is a certain "way" everyone is supposed to be. There is still a social standard set that everyone is supposed to meet. People that dont subscribe to it are marginalized and pegged as odd.

Its like there isn't enough room for everybody so a handful of socially acceptable behaviors are cherry picked and then shoved down the throats of "everyone else" whether you like it or not. And yes, Im guilty of not "accepting" other types of sexuality too. I've dismissed bisexuality in the past as a joke, especially for men. I don't know why but I did. Im not proud of it. Through research I've learned that it does it exist and a bunch of other stuff in between. Even if I don't get it.

Im not going to say I am indifferent to my sexuality. Im not. Like MBTI, enneagram etc, learning more about it has given me more info on who I am and what I need out of life in order to be happy. What I am indifferent to, are the constraints that are socially constructed to limit the possiblilities of who people are allowed to be.
 
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